I am feeling strong emotions. Some admittedly are unhealthy. I really want to lash out and say cutting remarks. So far, I have remained silent. By keeping silent, it fuels my anger inside. What do I turn to? Food. Gosh I wish I could snap my fingers and be the picture of health. Not feel all twisted inside when things from the past surface. I get really tired of this darn onion and its layers. For example, when my mother, who by the way I love dearly, brings up Kenny and his wife, I wa
The number on the scale was 243.6 this morning! The liquid phase did jump start my weight loss. I am noticing that this fill has really made an impact.
Adjusting to the fill - Yesterday was a difficult day for eating. I had a non breaded filet of fish for lunch with some salad. Ended up PBing, I was able to continue eating with out incident. For supper, my husband wanted Chinese. My son and I shared, and we ordered 1 pt of combination low main and an egg roll. It was not the best choic
This is a subject of a more serious nature. It has to do with my emotions, or lack of emotion on a subject. My mother’s best friend Edna has stage 4 lung cancer, and is going to be passing on. I feel numb, with out emotion at all toward this subject. Growing up, our family was very close to theirs. She was like a second mom to me. Having little or no emotion causes me to feel bad and closed off from her.
My dear mom is very upset, and is having difficulty dealing with the change in life
I had canceled my fill apt and made it into a vitamin level check instead. Which I had second thoughts about doing the very day I called. Ugh! My band opened up wide and said ahhhh. So, I decided to call, and see if I could make another fill apt. Turns out they put me right back on the roster again. Worked out beautifully. I did have a fill appointment yesterday. We did not do lab work. I feel like he gave me an aggressive fill. I was thinking they would top me off, like .1 cc or maybe
Okay, so I canceled my fill apt yesterday morning. YESTERDAY!!! I swear, it was like my band opened up! Give me a break! Ugh! Here I was thinking I've reached a decent level of restriction, and the day I cancel it's like I can eat more and not feel full. Is this a joke!?
Alright, now that I have that out of my system, I will say, I am looking forward to my apt tomorrow. I canceled my fill and decided to make an apt with a nurse to get my vitamin levels checked, weigh in, and basically to
So I was reading on LBT and came across a thread about doing your own fill/unfill in a pinch/EMERGENCY. It was actually a poll with discussion. I voted, and then took the time to read through the posts. I have to admit it was interesting banter.
I am a DIY kind’a gal in most circumstance. I have done some limited reading on the topic and have discussed this subject with my family. My husband thinks it is CRAZY as does my mother. My father and I have a slightly different perspective.
I bought a new scale. It is a Weight Watchers scale. I have to say, it is nicer than my older one. When I stepped on it, I was nervous it would tell me I was heavier than the old scale. NOPE - LIGHTER! It read 246.6! Whoop! That number made me happy, considering last week I ate sweets EVERYDAY at work. Talk about a bad week for weight loss. Yikes!
I am officially down 32.3 lbs! Yay me! I am relieved, and excited about the numbers going down. For a while, I was getting down hearted
Well, as you may have read, I have been struggling to “Get a Grip” on the sweets. One indulgence and …. Off the deep end I dive! It’s like I have no self control over my impulses all over again. I can intend on making good choices, and then I see a tray of cookies and ADD takes over. My thoughts go to ….ooooo cookies. Yum, yum, yum, yum….ahh crud! Opps, I did it again. (play Brittney Spears song here.)
So, since I have not been able to curb my impulses, I really need to try something
Okay, so after a week of sweets, well really a few weeks of sweets, I was amazed to see myself this morning!
I woke up, and as I walked past the full length mirror in the hallway and thought...."Looking Good Angie!" This week I have laid off the OCD weighing of myself. It's been TOM and employee appriciation at work. Yikes....shivers with fear. At the beginning of TOM, I had stepped on the scale and BAM! 2.5 lbs out of no where! I was bummed, so I decided to let this week work itself out
Well this week has been a real challenge......it's "employee appriciation week" at work and WOW! Muffins, Cookies, Klondic Bars, Sandwiches, ect ect....Food Food Food Food. Plus I am having a visitor, so that makes me want sweets. Horrible time of the month to have will power! UGH!
I pretty much feel like this....
I don't need much along the lines of temptation when it come to food......give me a break....I dive in head first.....
I set up a fill appointment last week for Sept 25th. When I called, I got the impression she was suprised that I was calling so soon.....again. (I felt that way the last time I called for an apt.) I've had a fill every month for the last well soon to be 4 months. Which has it's ups and downs. June, July, August, and this next apt! Ugh!
Last week I was on the fence about the fill. Weavering a bit. Is this fill good, do I need to work the band more....?? Turns out, I do need a fill. TOM
I took a nice brisk walk today with my son. He was in the stroller, I was the walker. It felt so good to get back out and moving again. My injury, me falling down a flight of stairs in the middle of the night.....just call me Grace, has kept me on the sidelines. That has been hard. I've been swimming a few times 4-5 but can't seem to remember not to kick while swimming. My ankle is still swollen. Thank heavens the bruises have finally gone away. My poor leg. Anyway, the walk felt good.
Happy Friday! Today is September 11th, 2009 and I want to take a moment to remember and honor those who past, lost, became a hero, in the terror attack on the USA. I will not forget....
When I listen to people speak of their experiences it moves me so much. I get emotional. I will not forget that day. Eight years later, I feel it. The sights I witnessed will be burned into my memory.
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Today
I got on the Labor Day bus of food this past weekend and have not gotten off. It's time to get on the bandwagon again.
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I feel all alone on the sugar bus. I made a choice to eat what everyone else was having over the holiday, now I am in a bad way. I am stuck on the bus. I want to be on the Bandwagon again, but I am not follow the RULES long enough to get back there. I want to be where you are.
Yes indeed, disbelief is a funny thing. It's hard to believe that I let myself grow to the size I did. Disbelief....
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I think after a while, I looked in the mirror and ceased to really "see" myself. Don't get me wrong, there have been days where I caught an awakening glimps of me. Like the day I was setting on my bed and looked up. In the hall way we have a large mirror. I caught a good long look of a
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The time spent with my folks was good. They got in late Friday, Lil D stayed up to welcome them. He was so cute. When Grandpa and Grammy pulled up, we made out way outside to greet them. Daniel had been waiting by the door or window, anticipating....waiting. As soon as we stepped out the door he was waving and saying "Hi Hi."
Grammy was so excited to see him, her excitement I think overwhelmed him. He for a brief mome
So I wasn't thinking I was going to drop anymore weight. (especially since the night eater in me struck again last night)
I was pleasantly suprised when I saw 250! Yay! I have been really being conscious about haw many grams of protein I am eating. The bandster diet is one I am still working on. I've had some constipation, or hard poop. So I like to have oatmeal in the mornings. Seems hard to get the protein in and have any room left for fruits or veggies.
The other night I made a skil
I am wearing my wedding ring today! Woo hoo! I have not worn it since the middle of my pregnancy. It feels sooo good. I took a picture of my hand with the ring on and sent it to my husband.
It is a tight fit, but it is on and will come back off, so I am wearing it with pride! (I have the lapband, and the OCC to thank for this!)
I got on the scale this moring.....251! Coming closer and closer to my next set of goals!
Sure does make it easier to stay on track when you begin to feel t
So, I am coming closer to saying bye-bye to the 250's! ( I love my scale so much, but in the next breath I hate that scale. )
I love it because I am a scale whore! Yes, I embrase my whorishness! Who cares. I get, "don't weigh yourself everyday" comments from people, but for me, I weigh. Everyday! Not only do I weigh in the moring, I weigh in the evening as well. Why!? Because it keeps me on track! I have programed my body through the years I have abused the ol' girl to pack on the pounds
I got on the scale this morning and I am down to the 252 mark again! Sweet! I love the fact that I have structure during the week that brings on the sweet success!
I am looking forward to my parents coming to town this weekend! Yay family time! I am hoping they can see the difference in me. When you are big, sometimes it takes a while for people to notice the weight loss.
Haven't stashed any food. Still have lingering thoughts about it. Ahh the in's and out's of being addicted to fo
Holly Crap! I went on a eat-a-thon this weekend. I had touched 252.2 and then food hit the fan and I ate all day Sat and Sun like I had nothing to stop me. WOW!
I am not going to beat myself up over it, I am moving on. The scale was back at 254.4 this morning.
Weekends are harder for me because they are less structured. During the week I feel great......I do great.....
Oh, my parents are coming up over labor day. I am already having urges to hid food, so if I need to eat I can eat i
Well the cake I baked on Sunday is about ready for the trash, and there is 1/2 a cake left! Woot! I haven't had to throw away cake for well, I can't even remember how long.
Sweet success!
I love the changes the band has made in my life this far!
I tired on a pair of jeans today, they have been calling to me from my closet. Size 20! I am nearly there! They are 5 lbs away from looking fabulous! My tummy did a small spare tire. I don't want to look stuffed into my jeans when I set down, so back in the closet they went!
Spend some time looking in my closet. I have 2 pairs of size 26's. One brand new never worn, jean capri's, and the other slacks worn after I had my son to go to a wedding. They will find a good home I am sure. Righ
I am pleased to share my newest reality. A little while ago, I made a pan of brownies. We were having company and the brownies where for desert. I had to toss out the last few brownies because they were old!!! Yes, that is right....old. Before the band, nothing got old at our house.....nothing.
Over the weekend I made a chocolate cake. I am pleased to say that my husband has eaten more of the cake than I have. Yes! Now, that is another change. Let me confess and share that pre-band, I
So, last night I had my first beer. I am 4 months out since surgery. My paperwork said to wait 6 months......I waiting 4. Enjoyed it and drank it fairly slow. Didn't have any issues.
Naughty naughty!
