I was very groggy. I was aware that the surgery was over. I should have been feeling sadness and grief or maybe even relief, but instead felt shy and embarrassed. As I walked the hall, I would pass him and look away. I was definitely not fully awake and my mind seemed to be swimming through muck. But even through the muck, I was picking up a recent memory of myself saying something and his verbal response. I remembered thinking how unusual it was to feel embarrassed and shy. I’ve not felt
