i've been eating cookies, chips, chocolate, basically any type of sweets for the past several days. i can't eat real food. everytime i try to eat a regular meal the food will get stuck. i'm kind of annoyed with myself. i feel like i've gained a bajillion pounds once again and i probably won't make my goal for my birthday/new year. the boys want to take me to disneyland for my birthday but nothing has been discussed or finalized as of yet maybe we'll talk tonight about it. giovanni has been too "busy" to hang out with me..i asked him yesterday why he was ignoring me and he said he was just busy...yeah ok having wayyy too much fun with his real friends i suppose because i'm not a "real friend" to him or whatever...whatever i am so sick of him seriously. he knows how i feel about him and that i care about him yet he treats me like i'm second rate or rather invisible...gosh i so want to just delete him from my life so i can just forget about him and he wouldn't have to pretend to like me or care about me since he's doing a good job at making me feel insignificant already. so even with that going on i'm not that terribly upset. i guess because i have mario and i love him. i realize i take him for granted..this is really mean to say but i get bored/tired of people. i wish i could meet new people and have different friends, but i know that's stupid. because everytime i feel like that and something happens where that person leaves me all i ever do is think about them. so i'm never ever going to take mario for granted ever again. we broke up before and though we were separated from each other i never stopped thinking about him. then i found out that he never stopped thinking about me too. his friends well "our" childhood friends told me one night that mario always told them he missed me. isn't that sweet?? i didn't think he cared once that we weren't friends anymore i mean he was the one that ended it. but anyway he means the world to me, i should probably tell him that tonight but he'll probably just think i'm being a weird silly little girl again. oh well i'll tell him anyways