Today was rough..

My coworker/friend is 5'5 and weighs 122lbs. She is trying to gain weight. I joke with her and say oh you're only 3lbs away from being perfect. So she constantly eats and she sits right next to me. I used to eat with her and she would always share her food with me. But now since I'm on a diet it's torture to be near her. She offered me her dumplings and I had to turn them down. She then had lasagna while I ate a salad. My salad was delicious, but did I ever mention my favorite food is Italian food. Italian anything! Pasta, pizza, lasagna, gelato! I just love it. So after she eats half of it she goes omg I am so full. Then she shows me her stomach and how she has to unbutton her jeans because her stomach got so full. Did I mention WHAT STOMACH?! She's 122lbs so she has no fat whatsoever on her body and she kept trying to push out her stomach to make me think she was fat when she obviously has nothing there! ANNOYING.

Then my other coworker who is rail thin as well bought me a caramel frappuccino with whipped cream on the top! I freaked out because i was like OMG i can't eat this! Then of course she was like why not?? I told her I was on a diet and she was like since when?! I was like for a week now. I haven't eaten any processed foods. I didn't ask her to buy me that, so I was really surprised when she gave it to me and said it was for me. A week ago I would have gladly accepted. Of course I declined but I thanked her for her generosity. It really was a nice gesture.

What I really want to speak about is a comment another co-worker said. He was talking to the 5'5 122lb coworker and she was telling him about diets. Then he goes "you're trying to lose weight?!..That's soooo easy!" But then she said no gain. Anyway when I heard his comment about saying it was sooo easy to lose weight I wanted to get up and kick him in the face. He is a fool. So this guy is probably 5'7/8 and weighs close to 350 at least. So how is it that he is going to say it's easy to lose weight when it seems he's doing the exact opposite. He would probably say that he doesn't want to lose weight because he's "healthy"...and the funny thing is he told me once that even though he's big, he's healthy...HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAA! 5'7 350 is NOT healthy, no matter how much he wants to lie to himself it's never going to be true. I can't even hold a decent conversation with him because he's just that ignorant. Some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes me laugh to myself because he thinks he sounds so smart but all he's doing is proving how much of an imbecile he is. What is really funny is this one day i was talking to him about flying to SF and he told me he flew virgin. I was like oh that's what I'm going to be flying. Then I asked him if it was nice and if the seats were good? He tells me "the best, especially for people our size".... I couldn't believe he was comparing me to him! Then I thought about it and was like am I really that big???? Then I thought omg I am... So that was another turning point for me.

Oh yeah my 5'5 122lb coworker/friend kind of made fun of my "diet". She laughs and goes what another two weeks again? I can't help but acknowledge my past actions completely warrant the lack of support amongst my friends/acquaintances. So for that reason I'm not too upset by their behavior. Exception: that stupid friend of mine in SF She hasn't contacted me for 2/3 days now which is fine with me. I really have nothing to say to her. I'm not mad or upset about what happened anymore. But I suppose she feels it best to leave me alone which is probably a good thing because anything out of her mouth would probably be stupid anyway.

So lately when I read magazines I see recipe ads and cut them out. I look at the ingredients for the recipe and try to figure out what I could substitute to make that dish healthy/lowfat. I go through days of wanting a certain food. This week all i wanted was granola and honey. Now this week all I want is salad with creamy low fat dressing. I know my Italian attack is going to happen and I'm going to want to indulge. So I need to find healthy recipes that I can make, that are super easy and require minimal prep time. I'm a really busy girl so that's why fast food was so convenient. I wouldn't have time to pack a lunch, but now i kind of just throw everything into a huge tote bag. So I really have no excuses. I just don't want to get bored with my health food selection. I've stayed the same weight for two days now and I'm really annoyed. It really does wane my confidence and makes me want to throw the towel in but I know it's just a little rut that I will get through if I keep at it. I won't let them win.