yesssss 1pound lost today!!! and all it took was me to eat a plate of 7layer bean dip and chips, cup of noodles, 2 cups of juice, dark chocolate...see basically nothing but junk and i lost weight?!!! and i only ate all that food because i was at work. i think i emotional eat at work because i hate HATE it there...i'm just over it and i don't want to be there anymore. but i'm too comfortable to quit and get another job because i have "seniority" and i'm not going to find another job that pays that much for doing nothing..well i mean i work but its just so tedious and same old same old that i think i'm just bored, real bored.

anyway last night i was dancing for like 2 hours straight. so maybe that's why i finally broke through the plateau. Jake looked at me and said "you have lost so much weight since the last time i saw you it's disgusting!" hahaaaaa and i was like you saw me a week ago jake and he was like well yeah but still you lost so much weight..you know people tell you how much you lose and how good you look and i appreciate it but there's still something in the back of my mind that says its not enough yet. i'm not there yet..it's like yes thank you for the compliment but you're just like i still have so much to lose...i mean yeah i can fit into "normal" clothes now and my measurements are real good but i just want that scale to match. i want it to say that i am just right for my height and weight. i want it to tell me i'm normal. ugh is that weird or sick?? i mean if i had a 24 inch waist and the scale said 150 would i think i'm still fat???? i hope not. i hope i don't have some kind of weird body/mind delusion. no i don't. i know what's healthy. and my measurements are still high so i kind of said whichever comes first..the goal weight or goal measurements. if the goal measurements don't match up with the goal weight then that probably means i need to cut something off like excess fat or skin. i'm noticing my thighs are not tightening up. well i haven't really been working on them so maybe i should but still if i have to cut off that flabby skin fat I WILL. :lol:

so lately gio is constantly commenting on when, what, and how much i eat. it's so infuriating but i know he's doing it to make me aware of what i'm eating. i know what i'm eating but sometimes i just want a bostom creme filled dunkin donut! he's like "i thought you were on a diet! i thought you wanted to lose weight!???!!!!" and i'm just like "i'm not on a diet! it's FOREVER! and people sometimes occasionally eat donuts OKAY!!!!!?!!!!!" but then of course he looked at me disapprovingly, mumbled whatever, and walked away from me. needless to say i didn't get the donut. the other day we were at chipotle and all i wanted was the chips with salsa so he got me that and i ate the entire thing. then i ate some frozen yogurt with a bunch of toppings. so gio goes "omg i can't believe you ate all of that..and that was your third meal of the day already too" and it was only like 3 in the afternoon.and i was like uhhhh ..i felt gross. remember when i was pissed at jeri last summer because she kept making comments like that..well i mean she was right. i was eating way too much and now i'm eating wayy too much again. i really need to watch myself because everytime i'm around friends i eat whatever they eat but the thing is they don't have weight problems so they can eat whatever they want. especially gio..he eats so much and the worst food ever but he's so skinny. when we go out to eat we split the item with each other which is really good. then he makes sure i get the smallest size for whatever is i'm eating. but i think he feels bad because he brought me donuts this morning and i was like i don't want those donuts, i wanted that donut, that night, right at that moment. so obviously the "temptation", "moment" was gone and i don't want it anymore.

anyway i'm going to get the fill this week for sure.

oh yeah my cousin is getting married in september and i'm one of the bridesmaid anyway everybody ordered dresses from jcrew and they didn't have the dress i wanted or in my size so i ended up getting some random dress in a size 10 which was the only one available. so now i have 7 months to fit into a size 10 dress. measurements are M/10 37½-30-40 which are exactly my goal measurements. well actually i would prefer to be S/6 35½-28-38, but i guess we'll see. i told my cousin that i'm still losing weight so i don't know how i'm going to look in september. so i figure getting the size 10 dress was the most logical thing to do. i know i can fit into that dress by september no doubt as long as i stop eating chipotle chips and frozen yogurt right?!!

here's a link to the dress that i'm wearing.

http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WomenBrows...42358/78055.jsp