i am heartbroken right now. I feel like love is not real. not just love between lovers or husband/wife but love in general...between friends, siblings, HUMANITY. i feel like everybody is fake and only cares about themselves. there is no loyalty, no heart, no love. i am so sick of it. i want to run away. i want to run far far away. i've realized i'm always going to be second best. i'm never number one. i'm the back up girl. i'm the one that everybody uses when their real number is busy or gone. i am so mad at myself the most because i let them do it. i let them get away with it each and every time! i obviously don't respect myself if i let people treat me that way. maybe i'm being dramatic...but i don't think i am. i think i'm finally seeing the real truth. i want to disown everybody. i want to never talk to them again. then that will make them realize who i am and whether i mean anything to them. i just don't feel like i mean anything to these people in my life. but thats kind of a lie. i know if i was to disappear and never speak to these people they would definitely freak out. they would try their hardest to get back to me to find me but i feel like why do i have to leave you for you to realize how much i mean to you? why couldn't you treat me like that before i left?..because when i'm gone i'm done, it's too late. i feel like if someone is going to treat a relationship with me like trash then i will be the first to throw it ALL away. this is all types of relationship, but specifically friendship. i'm pretty much like if you cannot show your love to me, i don't want you in my life, just leave me alone. i want everyone thats not real out of my life. i want them gone. i am done.

also i'm really peeved about work because i'm on my last final due to attendance. ugh. how annoying. so i could possibly get fired because i'm late one minute from logging in?! RIDICULOUS. i just want to scream about the whole thing! other than that i watched as someone ate an entire plate of food that was stacked at least 4 inches high.