the gym is FANTASTIC!!!!!! i'm really sore but i weighed myself this morning and i lost 2 more lbs!!! amazing! i knew this weight has been dying to just come off. all it took was some action on my part. i'm happy i took the initiative. i want to work out like all the time! i was there for 3 hours. one hour of cardio and then an hour and a half on random machines working out my arms, torso, and legs. then i did the dry sauna! i love the sauna! great workout! i can't wait to do it again tonight!

giovanni kept calling me last night while i was at the gym. when i finally called him back he was hanging out with this guy he's "interested" in. so i'm like why are you calling me when you're basically on a date weirdo? but whatever. so it's 4 in the morning and he's calling me while i'm already in bed. he's like oh you're sleeping and i'm like um yeah so we get off the phone. 5 minutes later he's knocking on my window like a crazy! he's all like i'm hungry lets go eat. i'm like um i'm sleeping and eating this late is not good for my weight loss process! RUDE! but i get dressed anyway because i told him i'll just watch him eat. so we're driving for like 2 minutes then he goes nevermind i shouldn't eat this late so we turn back around. i'm really annoyed at this point. i get out of my car and he's like oh wait wait..i'm like go away...and he gets in his car and leaves as i'm walking back to my room. So now he calls me to wake me up in the afternoon and he's like you're still sleeping and i'm thinking to myself what is wrong with this kid?! he harrasses me at 4 in the morning before i go to bed then harasses me at noon before i even start my day! ha whatever it's obvious he crazy loves me what a sweet boy, needy and cocky, but i know he means well and he really does have the biggest heart ever. my gio panda

anyway i can't believe it! i'm almost out of the 200s where i have been cursed in for half of my life! when i was 11 i already weighed 190lbs...i know this because i kept a diary when i was younger. it was october 1997 and i wrote "i'm 11 years old and i weigh 190lbs half of what i'm supposed to weigh". yes, i was very perceptive child. sometimes kids don't realize anything is wrong with them but i kind of always knew something wasn't right about me. well not necessarily wrong but not "normal". i mean i thought i looked pretty normal but maybe i wasn't...

well i can't believe i'm actually really getting there! I'm actually going to be a normal healthy person! no more if you only lose the weight you could be this or that or you would be so much better blah blah. i'm so sick of hearing those comments. i personally feel like those are backwards encouragement. like a putdown. basically it is because it's like oh you're so smart but now if you could lose the weight you would be so much better..i mean it takes away from the fact that i am smart like that's not good enough because i'm fat. well in due time i'm going to be the best and nobody will ever say anything like that to me again.

i'm going to eat now and watch "giant" the other james dean movie! (i already watched east of eden) after watching rebel without a cause i kind of want a red track jacket because james dean makes it look sooooo cool lol