I have been too excited/nervous/scared to sleep and have been getting everything ready for tomorrow. I'm not sure what this means but I think I'm more scared about the liquid phase than the surgery. Probably just means that I love food far too much. Someone here mentioned their "love affair with food". That sums it up for me. Now I need to start a love affair with my health and the life being thinner will bring me. There are so many things I don't do because of my weight and I'm sick of it.

I posted earlier I'm having a problem with one of my sisters. I'm so disappointed in her. Every stressful time she bails on the family and uses it as a time to wield her disappointment of past perceived wrongs. And boy does she perceive so many things as wrong. One time I had to hear her scream at me because when someone offered me fish they caught I didn't say, "Can I have some for my sister also?" Did it matter to her that he gave me two dozen and I already figured I'd give her half? Nope, she just kept on screaming at me at how selfish I am. And here she is playing "Ignore" to let me know she doesn't want me to have surgery. Well, I'm done with that. I'm going to tell her that I won't put up with that anymore. It may be goodbye until she grows up and learns to control herself.

She doesn't want me to have this surgery because she thinks I'm doing it for my husband. Well, I'm not. He's not the one using a walker some mornings, icing their back and taking tons of Advil each day. He's not the one facing health related problems because of weight. He's not the one avoiding social situations, fearing the camera, and being terrified someone will post a group picture on the internet and put my name on it, because of their weight. That's all me. I'm doing it for me.

But what if I was doing it for my husband. What if I wanted to bless him with a more attractive body? He's my husband for crying out loud. Unlike her I've never seen my marriage as a "me versus them" thing. Even in the tough times. I do hope my husband gets enjoyment out of a thinner me. Why not? In fact, I'm sure he will. But first and foremost I will get the most enjoyment of all and I have a better chance at good health.

Now on to a thinner me.

Blessings.