Okay, I'm not sure if anyone will read this, and I guess it doesn't matter too much, I just want to keep track of how I'm feeling. If you do read this, and have any advice, I am all too willing to hear it! I had surgery on Friday, April 15th. I am finally at home, after a slow paced return, and I think I'm feeling okay. On Saturday, I had a complete breakdown, thinking I had made this HUGE mistake. I had prepared myself with all the facts, but I think I didn't prepare myself mentally. Perhaps this is why, in the States, insurance requires extensive counseling? I'm still having some pain around the incision sites, and hiccups are pure torture! I have finally come out of my "fog", which I attributed to my brain starving for vitamins and nutrients. Pill vites make me sick, but I can handle chewies, except not right now. I can chew them until almost completely dissolved and it still causes an immense pressure. But I started with coffee on Monday, and it gives me some energy that I've been lacking. Today I will start with Slim fasts, and I've been on drinkable yogurt since Monday as well. The thing I hate about "diets" is that I'm consumed by them. I spend soooo much time every day thinking about what will work with the diet, what I will eat for the next few days, making lists, re-reading restrictions, etc.... This should be okay, because at least I'm prepared, but all it does is make me think about food every waking hour. Aaahhhhhhhh! so annoying! Anyhow, I've been sleeping nine-ten hours each night, and only waking up in the morning becuase of tightness in my chest. I guess this is restriction? Sleeping is uncomfortable, I'm constantly moving to relieve the pain from the abdomen incisions. And I finally weighed in this morning, at the same weight I was Friday morning! BUt I refuse to be discouraged. I made this choice, I don't want to regret it, so every day I am just trying to embrace it a little more. I haven't cried since Sunday, which is amazing. I never expected to be that emotional- but my fiancee is all to supportive. He believes diet and exercise, and wasn't great at first, but I'm stubborn, and he knows it. Plus, I promised to start planning a wedding for next yar (we've been engaged for 5 1/2 years), and promised to start trying for a baby when I was close to my goal weight. So he's getting something positive from this, besides a healthier me, and he's been really good this past month. So he's helping me embrace this too.

MAJOR REGRETS THAT I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT:

CARBONATION (FAVORITE DRINK IS REDBULL AND CORONA)

CHUGGING WATER (I LOVE WATER!!!!!) SIPPING IS SO UNSATISFYING

I WILL NEVER BE HOT DOG EATING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD = )

EATING SOUP- WHICH I AM NOT A FAN OF

FOOD & LIQUID TOGETHER- NO MORE WINE WITH DINNER, ONLY AFTER OR BEFORE, WHICH MEANS NO WINE & CHEESE TASTING!

I suppose these are all small sacrifices for a healthier me, but it's still hard to think about right now. As this journey continues, I hope my perspective changes!

Keeping my eye on the prize....