OK.

I'm starting to notice a pattern of 3 weeks good weight loss and then a 4th week, gain or maintain. Weeks 7 and 8, I had good weight loss, but for week 9, I’ve only maintained the same weight as last week. That's definitely better than gaining, for sure, but it's the bleh's that came along with it that I’m not feeling great about.

Although I am the same weight this week as last week, my stomach is noticeably distended and it was flat last week. All this week I have been having abdominal cramping and for two days it was to the point that if I even leaned over a little bit it felt painful. Also, I upped my metamucil from 3 caps to 6 caps a day since Monday. It worked nicely the first day, Monday, and then after that I had to take milk o mag again with it. I think I’m going to look for an alternative to metamucil. I just don't feel like it's very productive and I really don't want to swallow 6 extra pills for the sheer joy of it because there is no joy in it.

This week was really challenging for multiple reasons. My caloric intake has been between 1050 - 1160, right around there, but on Saturday night I felt really sick: shaky, dizzy, weak, nauseous, really nasty. It came out of nowhere and I felt like I needed something substantial to eat to prop me up so when I got home, having already taken in my calories for the day (1,026 calories) I took in another 404 for a whopping total of 1,430. I felt sick about that, not physically, but mentally. It helped the shakes, etc., but just having eaten that much for the whole day was psychologically debilitating. I only did this Saturday and have been super cautious to be on myself all week, but that felt really sloppy and out of control and I am just so cautious of those nasty feelings: sloppy, out of control. They are from another life I simply want nothing to do with.

Also, I’m 8 days late on my period and I’m sure that is contributing to this staying at the same weight. Those abdominal cramps at first felt kind of like it might be coming on, but then again no. They hurt a h3ll of a lot more than the menstrual cramps I'm accustomed to and felt different. More severe and lower, more lower abdominally.

Well. With all that being said I should be thankful I didn't gain! Jeez. Here's to hoping I have a much more PRODUCTIVE week 10 in every single way. By the way if any you reading this have any suggestions for what to do for constipation I would be much obliged. *sigh*