i know this is dumb and i'm probably feeling sorry for myself but sometimes i see skinny pretty girls and i'm just like why couldn't i just have been like that??...why did i have to be the "fat girl"???..i look at them and just think to myself their life is probably so perfect because they're skinny and pretty and have lots of friends and don't have to worry about looking "fat" in an outfit. they can go shopping without thinking "is it going to fit" or whatever...maybe i'm just jealous because this guy i have a crush on has a girl bestfriend and she's skinny and pretty and i'm just like i look nothing like her he would never like me... i start comparing myself to other girls and i always feel like i'm not good enough. i always get passed by because i'm the fat girl. its kind of taken an a toll of my self esteem when it comes to love. i'm confident everywhere else in life except that and that's like one of the most important things...

i know i've lost so much weight since getting the band but i feel like it's not enough..i just want to be at my goal weight already. i'm starting to lose hope/faith...i don't know what it is and i don't know why i'm feeling this way..i know i've been doing so well and i'm so happy that i've come so far...maybe i feel like I'm not doing enough...yeah i feel guilty because if i just started doing everything right from the beginning i would have lost much more weight than where i am now. but i can't think of it that way. i hate when i start seeing the "glass half empty". ok back to being more optimistic...according to my calculations if i keep going the way i'm going i will hit one of my mini goal weights by my birthday at the end of the year. so i'm really looking forward to that! i know i can do it! also if i continue on i'm pretty sure i will reach my goal weight by summer of next year i just have to stay dedicated and move forward, keeping my head high! oh yeah and stop comparing myself to other people..and maybe not have crushes on guys who don't like me....