Day 1 of pre-op reduction phase started with some general anxiety about what I should eat. I spent $280 on the Nutrisystem package but haven't touched it until today. After some argumentation in my head over pizza or a breakfast bar, the bar won. Before eating, I stepped on the scale and saw 242 staring back. I've never been this heavy in my life, so breakfast bar.

I imagine that most weight strugglers wake up like this, bodies aching for calories before we even open our eyes. The first bit of food that comes to mind is full of fat and eater's remorse. It takes energy to make good choices, something I already lack greatly. Skinnies think that everything is will power. In their minds, it's a simple concept. For those of us who know better, it is more like a bloody war full of casualties and collateral damage. War is never easy or simple.

I keep telling myself that I only have to hold out until I can get my surgery. A few weeks at best of clean eating and exercise. After that, my obsession with food will be mostly averted. Surgery isn't what makes people lose their weight. It is simply a tool that forces a strictly nutritious diet. Weight loss is 80% food choices. It also acts as a form of aversion therapy, disassociating the act of overreacting from pleasure to pain.

Diet & exercise alone cannot combat years of compulsive overeating and emotional/stress eating. There must be a medical and psychological component involved to control these issues. Obesity is a disease, and the medical community must accept this as truth if they're going to have a hand at saving lives.