it's october! and that means haunted houses and carnivals!!! and HALLOWEEN! i'm so EXCITED! we're going to have so much fun this year!! but they do limit the number of people that can go through haunted houses together...eeshh and i'm a baby because i get scared easily.

i can't stop shopping! all i've been doing is buying new clothes! i love it! but i know i still have lots of weight to lose so i shouldn't go spending money on clothes i know i won't be wearing in a few months from now..hehee

anyway i'm only off 1lb from where i wanted to be at the beginning of this month. so i'm pleased with that. i decided to ban any and all food considered a "snack" or "junk". you know like chips, baked goods (cookies, brownies, muffins etc.), pizza, pizza bagel bites!...you know that stuff if it has no nutritional value i'm not going to eat it.

you know what i really hate...when i'm eating something and it goes down really easy so i start eating more of it. i have to mentally stop myself from eating the entire thing. i noticed chips are really easy for me to eat that's why i can sit there and eat a whole bag before i realize omg i've eaten the whole bag! it's not like bad chips or anything. it's like tortilla chips for salsa, but i know those aren't the most nutritional thing available.

i'm trying to get super healthy like taking vitamins, supplements, and protein. working out, drinking lots of water, not eating fast food/JUNK.

jake makes the best cream cheese dip ever with fresh herbs and veggies that i go gah-gah for but i think that is the exact reason my weight loss is hindering. i keep eating stuff i know does not benefit my weight loss. i eat mexican "fast food" like chipotle or this one place we love going but i know they make everything with LARD. then we go to in&out or eat frozen yogurt every weekend. I think during the week we're all really good with eating healthy food but when we get together on the weekends we kind of just let loose. i guess it's ok to do that but for me eating anything "bad" will have the weight back on in no time. when i was 15 i had gotten down to a really low weight while exercising and dieting. then summer came around and i started hanging out with all my friends. they were all skinny so they would eat everything and anything. we would stop in food courts and eat pizza, soda, maybe fries and icecream all the time. we went to theme parks, fairs, carnivals, and eat all that junk food they offered...funnel cakes, cotton candy, caramel apples, fried ANYTHING. of course they never gained any weight, but within 3 months i gained back like 25lbs by then end of the summer then it went downhill from there.

but good news i'm 35lbs away from being exactly where i was at 15 during my lowest weight ever. i look better now because i'm taller so the weight is evenly distributed.. well as "evenly" as it could get ha.

i realized that "old habits die hard"..but i don't want it to end up killing me plus i hate losing so i'm going to get real serious. get rid of my demons so to speak. according to my calculations if i started off right from day one i would have lost an extra 40lbs by now. so i'm behind 40lbs which really irritates me but whatever i can't dwell on the past. i can only change the now. so here i go!