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babymk

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  1. babymk

    8 year anniversary

    By babymk,

    I've been M.I.A. for 3 years and a lot has happened. I graduated from graduate school this summer and now have a master's degree. Kyle and I have been dating for 4 years now. He is currently finishing up his last year in graduate school as well in Boston. So we're currently long distance. The last time I was on here I wrote about me getting an unfill. Well I went 3 years with an unrestricted band. Needless to say I gained my weight back and I'm currently at 319lbs. I'm really disappointed in myself considering I was only in the 100s for 1 year before I ballooned back up into the 200s and now 300s again. I was at my highest weight in May of this year (2015) at a whomping 348lbs. A lot of that was stress eating and drinking every weekend.
    update: I'm now 317. I seem to be losing weight very quickly now that I have a fill. I'm excited to start losing weight again!
  2. babymk

    summer skin

    By babymk,

    So I started working out for the past few days and it feels GREAT! If great stands for agonizing pain! Gah! I'm so out of shape but you know what I pushed through it. I didn't quit. Yeah sure I would take a little longer breaks then intended to catch my breath but I finished! Kyle says I look so much better because my skin is glowing and my face is thinning out once again. Jeri is doing this with me as well, since we live together and I only feel we've enabled each others bad eating habits so why not enable good eating habits. Our fridge and pantry is stocked with produce, fruits, non-dairy milk substitutes, organic, vegan, gluten free, wheat free products! Which is what we prefer to eat but we just got lazy and ate out all the time, choosing fatty comfort foods and the pounds just creeped on. She's put on 40lbs and so did I! HAHA Anyway I'm happy I have support from her and I'm not doing it alone. I've been making Kyle some delicious meals and he prefers to eat this way too. He says when he eats fast food or fatty foods his body aches and he doesn't feel good at all. Well yeah fast food is not FOOD. I haven't been to a fast food place in 3 weeks now or maybe longer and I don't miss it at all.
    Well here's a collage of me making weird faces! Good day!
    xo M

  3. babymk

    waterbirds

    By babymk,

    hello! got my own place with my bestie jeri! we spent approximately 4 days looking at over a bajillion zillion areas and found some great places. found a beautiful condo 1300 sqft at a wonderful price in a safe quiet location in central vegas. i wanted to move out asap because my mother was being really shady about the whole moving out/ apartment looking thing. so she says her and fred are going to move to hawaii but i honestly believe its a bunch of bs. she said they were moving back in with fred's parents to save money before they moved in june to hawaii but i saw another lease signed for a different apartment complex..one bedroom one bath..surprise surprise huh...NOT. RUDE. but i don't care i'm a big girl. i am 25 years old i can handle my own business and i should. so i'm really not mad at my mom at all but i just think it's shady the way she handled it. she should have just told me directly and upfront. "hey malinie me and fred want/need our own space and i think it's best for you to find your own place. i will help you in anyway possible (financially if needed)." i mean is that so hard to say? jeez all i want is communication! if everybody could just communicate and say what they needed to say life would be so much better/easier. especially with relationships..
    speaking of relationships i think i have a boyfriend. i'm not sure because he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend but we do everything boyfriend and girlfriends do. we talk everyday we go on dates we hang out every weekend. i know his dreams his hopes his reality. he's a good guy. really good guy. going to go to med school be a doctor. so smart. has two degrees. 27. cute. and when we kiss my heart stops for a second. but i don't know he might be too busy for me in the future. not saying i'm needy. i'm not. but i mean a girl wants romance needs a little attention right?... his name is kyle. kyle.. who knows maybe he's sleeping with other girls. i shouldn't care. should i? no. blah. until he asks i should continue to date other guys. it's only logical.
    speaking of attention..kinda bummed about nico. he like went back to nyc and disappeared. he's probably super busy with his whole modeling career. of course a simply beautiful man probably has tons of women throwing themselves at him. well i refuse to be one of them! but gosh is he such a beautiful man... he's still in college though..accounting major. i think he wants to be a broker on wall street. he probably will be. he's so smart too. (SIGHhhh)
    i need to start exercising again. i sorta stopped only because "life" got in the way. i mean i had to find my own place and i'm actually in the process of starting a career. like a legit career. no more "jobs." plus i've been so busy with packing and unpacking and decorating and undecorating lol. being an adult is hardwork. ha.
    i'm alone tonight. jeri is with her boyfriend for the night at his place. i'm thinking of tearing my computer desk apart and painting it white to match the decor of my room. i've become really interested in decorating lately. just painted a trophy case i thrifted white and put all my books in it. it's so cute.

    i'll post more pics of my room and the place updated soon when we get furniture lol
    i dyed my hair blonde. gnite xo malinie

  4. babymk

    all i wanted was you

    By babymk,

    i've been having really REALLY bad sleeping and food habits lately. I've been waking up really late and staying up till morning. Then I've been eating hecka fast food. yesterday i didn't sleep till 9in the morning so i went to mcdonalds and got a breakfast meal complete with an extra sausage burrito. i haven't eaten mcdonalds in like over a year when i decided i was cutting fast food from my diet. i feel like crap. i don't know why i'm sabotaging myself. maybe because i feel stuck because i've been at the same weight for months and months...granted i haven't been doing much to continue losing the weight but i should know better that this isn't magic. i can't just expect to have a diet of candy, donuts and fast food and honestly expect to continue losing weight. AHHHH GET REAL MAL!
    so that miami guy texted me today. wow. i'm just going to be polite. maybe he's deciding whether or not he's going to follow my rules. if he does then great.
    i think me and gio are hitting the breaking point. all we ever do is fight. he always finds something to fight with me about and i usually say something like this "not fighting with you ttyl" or "I don't want to fight ttyl." he's always mad at me for something or another. if its not this its that. I just really can't do it anymore. he's always threatens to leave me and i'm so over it. at this point i'm like LEAVE THEN! at this point i could care less if he stays or not. because i'm not staying anymore. i'm not taking his crap anymore. my eyes are opening to the person he is. it really sucks because i love him so much. but now i know he will never love me as much as i love him. he doesn't know how to love. not me anyways...its kind of really pathetic because all i ever wanted was him. all i ever wanted was to be his friend. to be there for him and to love him. i would give him the moon if he asked for it..but i guess its just not enough for him
    moving on...
  5. babymk
    -been staying at the same weight for the past couple months...
    -decided to become a vegetarian so i would be forced to incorporate more veggies and fruits into my diet
    -cousin's wedding was a blast. fit into my size ten dress! i'm still "bigger" then all the cousins well because they're like 5'1 and weigh 100lbs...but i was really confident so it didn't matter. i saw some pictures being snapped on peoples digital cameras and i didn't look humongous compared to my other family members so i think that's an achievement! it sucks to be that one "bigger" family member...because usually if you're fat then some or all of your family is fat but not mine..i was the "special one"..and i got crap for it my whole life from my family. family dinners, parties, weddings..all my aunts would just be on my case about my weight..but not anymore! they were like oh you're so beautiful!
    -anyway the bet made between gio and i still stands and i have 3 months to lose 30lbs! or i am out 150 dollars!
    -oh i went to san francisco to visit jeri and i sat on the airplane seat very comfortably! the seatbelt had extra length to it when last year there was no room left for extra. i desperately needed an extender but i didn't dare tell the flight attendants so i just stuffed myself in and didn't breathe. but this year i didn't spill over into the next seat or touch the person sitting next to me at all! and the food tray sat very comfortably above my lap not on my lap..AMAZING! do you know how happy i was that entire flight!?!
    -i have to post pictures from the wedding and san francisco and just around the town!
    -i haven't really been working out..maybe that's why i've been severely plateuing..
    -we moved into a new side of town. closer to work. no need for gas pretty much hah. i like the new place better. my room is probably 50% bigger and lots more closet room ;]
    -i wear an xs at old navy now. yip!
    -i'm going to get to 150 by my birthday! 24 years old and finally how a 24 old should look!
  6. babymk
    -i haven't eaten in two days. I've completely lost my appetite.
    -i hate gio because he hurts me to no end.
    -he told me he never thinks i'm going to ever get to 150lbs..i was so pissed when he said that i wanted to jump across the table and strangle him. he of all people know how difficult this is for me and sitting there belittling me is not going to help me with anything!
    -I told him first of all i've already lost 135lbs so 45lbs is NOTHING! then he goes it's easy to lose 100 or so lbs when you weigh 300+ but to lose 50+ lbs is harder now that i'm at a lower weight. I thought about it and he's right but i know i can still do it. he was like well prove me wrong. and i told him i live to prove people wrong, especially people like him...
    -i don't want to see him for a very long time. maybe until i get to 150lbs. and then i can be like BOOYA IN YOUR FACE YOU STUPID JERK!
    *i changed my ticker thing to goal weight of 150lbs just for now. but my main goal weight is 120lbs that's not going to change unless 130 looks good then well you know i'm staying there. but i don't want to weigh more than 130lbs, i know that. i don't want to say oh i'm 5'5 and i weigh 150lbs or 140lbs...well you know..
    -... i decided to do the body fat calculator
    http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/h...t-2774-143.html
    August 6, 2008
    You have 33.8% body fat.
    You have 86.5 Pounds of fat and 169.5 Pounds of lean (muscle, bone, body water).
    December 21, 2008
    You have 30.2% body fat.
    You have 66.4 Pounds of fat and 153.6 Pounds of lean (muscle, bone, body water).
    May 8, 2009
    You have 29.6% body fat.
    You have 57.7 Pounds of fat and 137.3 Pounds of lean (muscle, bone, body water).-
    good website for protein intake
    http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/maia25.htm
    you're supposed to put in your lean body pounds. So I'm supposed to consume about 49g of protein a day. i havent really been taking protein, i've kind of been doing whatever. i guess that's why i didn't lose any weight last month. anyway i'm going to take care of that now.
    -i've realized something..my bestfriends really do love and care about me..it's probably really frustrating to deal with me when they know I'm trying to lose weight and they're watching me stuff a burrito, cheeseburger, pizza, gelato, etc down my face...gio has no patience whatsoever so when he says stuff it really cuts like a knife. i guess like with what jeri did last year...but i mean do they really have to be so rude about it????!..i mean it's a bad habit that i've been trying to break. i've been overweight my whole life and it's going to take time to change...it hasn't even been 2 years since i got the surgery yet and i think i'm doing a pretty good job losing and keeping the weight off. but i guess they know i can do better...ugh it sucks realizing you're in the wrong...but i have to do the right thing.
  7. babymk

    OFFICIAL

    By babymk,

    i am now out of the 200's!!!! i have been in the 200's for half of my life probably since i was 12 or 13! i cannot believe it! i am so happy!!!!!! yessssssssssssssssssssssss i know it's still 199 but i'm in the 100's now! i can honestly say no i'm not 200lbs or over that ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
    :D :D :D
  8. babymk

    it's different this time

    By babymk,

    so my co-worker asked me if i was losing weight and i said yes i am, then he goes how much and i say 102...you should have seen his face when i said that. he had a look of shock and awe. it was soo funny. like he just got punched in the face or something hahahaa. then he goes wow so how much more do you have to lose and i said ehh 100 and he was like what really and i was like yeah. then he goes well keep it up you're looking really good
    so ever since me and gio had our talk i've just kind of been really more open and honest with myself. like a lot more comfortable being in my own skin. for the longest time i was in denial. of how much i weighed and my overall health..so this is kind of weird but i am so terrified of eating anything thats remotely not healthy. i know if i eat something not good for me i will gain weight and i just don't want to go back. also i am at a weight where i was in my mid teens when i was dieting and such. i'm approximately 23lbs away from where i was ever at my lowest during my teen years and where i actually remember trying to maintain my weight. i am even more terrified that i won't be able to surpass that number. that maybe that will be my minimum limit that i can go...i can't ever remember being any smaller than that not even as an 12 year old... i've just always been big and to not know any different makes me feel so defeated. i mean what if thats it?? what if thats the smallest i will ever be and i will never get to be a normal healthy weight person??? but i know i'm not supposed to be carrying around an extra 98lbs around my body so that fact alone makes me push on. but i can't help but think that negative thought. hmm but i just thought of something..when i was a teenager i was dieting. i wasn't forever changing my eating habits. i mean i didn't even know what eating habits were! but now i'm finally learning so it's going to be different this time. it's going to happen SUMMER 2009 HERE I COME!!!! wooooooooooooo :lol: :lol:
  9. babymk

    AHHHHHHHHHHH

    By babymk,

    AHHHHHHHHHHH OMGZ OMGZzzzz I lost 2 more lbs this morning so i'm officially out of that weight category that i have never been out ever when i was dieting around 17 years old!!!! i'm sooooooooooo happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
    i told my mom that i want to be the ideal weight for my height which is 130lbs. i asked her if she thinks that's unrealistic?? she said no so i'm going for it! yippeeeeeee
  10. babymk

    o.m.G

    By babymk,

    my mom just measured my height right now and i'm 5'6!!!!!! i don't believe it! when did i grow?! well i guess the last time i did measure my height i was like 18 and i just assumed i was the same height now because i thought you stop growing when you reach a certain age..well i'm happy!!!! i always wanted to be 5'7 but 5'6 is still great! hmm i am 22 now so maybe i have stopped growing?.. well wow! for the longest time i thought i was still 5'4 1/2!! yayaya now i'm 5'6 yayaya! it must be true because my friend/coworker was like "i'm 5'5" and i was like me too sorta..but when we stood side by side i was just a lil bit taller than her so I thought she probably doesn't know how tall she really is...but it was me the whole entire time!!! plus that friend of mine in sf was always taller than me because she was 5'6 when we were 18 and i was 5'4 1/2 but i did notice in our pictures together we were shoulder to shoulder. I DID GROW!!! anyway i'm excited! the wedding is today and i have the day off! friday, no work...equals YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
    here i'll post a picture of us together...that's in sf 2 weeks ago.
    umm i guess you can't just individually post pics..
  11. babymk
    anyway so i got to hang out with gio's other bestgf, Diana, this sunday. Surprise surprise I really like her. She's really quiet and calm. She's not rude or stuck up at all. And she gave me lots of insight on gio and why he's absolutely insane! hahaaaaa! she told me that they used to fight like all the time but now she's learned to just "yes him to death". those were her exact words too! hahaaaa what a funny sweet girl no wonder why he likes her. which makes me think why does he like me? i think i'm the exact opposite! when you first meet me i'm loud, "rude", and give off the impression that I am just so "it"...I really don't mean to, it just kinda happens....if that makes any sense. but then when you really get to know me i'm really quiet and calm, unbelievably humble and just really down to earth. I like simple, but lots of people think i'm high maintenance. i really am not. I can walk out of the house without an ounce of makeup on and my hair in a ponytail and be every bit comfortable. i'm happy with everything given to me and i really do appreciate everything i have.
    mario and jake aren't best friends anymore. they are so stupid. now jake is texting me. i mean me and jake are cool but ever since he was like "i don't like gio and i don't like you being his friend so i'm not going to be as close to you anymore" i was like "jake you are dumb goodbye". and look who is crying to me now?! and now that mario doesn't have jake he's like texting and talking to me all the time...and of course gio is like physically/emotionally dependent on me because he never leaves my side it's like now i have three boys pulling me in each direction! well...i'm so glad that gio does have diana because she talks some sense into him. i don't think i'm that good for gio because i feed his ego and i do pamper him but that's just how i am...I love my friends so I'm going to be sweet to them but when i'm mean i'm really mean so i guess it kind of throws them off...
    i really hope mario comes out of this "i don't want to be jake's friend anymore" phase. but for some weird reason i don't think he's going to change his mind. jeri wants to move to LA next year with me and mario. i told her gio is going to want to come as well. she then said "he is not allowed to live with me"....hahahaaaaaaaaaaa oh wow.....mario was trying to be nice to gio but he can't stand him. and jeri can't stand him as well and she only met him once or twice. but gio likes mario and jeri....well i mean because they are my bestfriends. but that sucks that my bestfriends don't like my other bestfriend. i was thinking, why is it that i seem to be the one stuck in the middle?? i was telling Diana that it was the hardest thing ever to be neutral when it comes to gio and anybody else...its like if gio doesn't like that person i'm automatically supposed to hate that person as well when i'm actually really cool with that person..mario on the otherhand really doesn't mind who i talk to even if he is "enemies" with them. and well its really easy for me and jeri to remain bestfriends because she lives 600 miles away and we don't associate with any old classmates or friends to tear us apart.
    oh yeah all day today i ate sweets and carbs...i was just so tired and i wanted comfort food. last night mario gio and i went to the gym to workout but i wasn't in workout clothes. i had flats on so i just used the elliptical machine and sitting bike thing. gio made the resistance on my bike go to max and i couldn't do it so it kept restarting...i told him to stop because he's stupid but he wouldn't. so he turned it down but made me keep pushing forward. ha that's why i love him. he pushes me i appreciate that. then he made me and mario do stretches and mario kept laughing so i kept laughing. then gio got upset and he made me get into a stretching position then he applied pressure on me which of course hurt like crazy!!! he did it on purpose anyway tomorrow is a new day and no more carbs or sweets for me for a while.
    anyway i'm exhausted and i'm going to sleep for 12 hours. gio is going to be over at 2pm but im not going to open the door for him because he told me he was going to tase me tomorrow with that stupid taser he bought after we watched that movie "last house on the left" because he really believes he's going to get abducted by three psycho killers...i told him i was going to drive his pretty red sport car off a cliff if he even thinks about it.
  12. babymk

    wicked games

    By babymk,

    I've been working out everyday for the past 2 weeks. I've been eating healthier and I stay under a calorie goal thanks to "my fitness plan" that I'm constantly on. But the scale hasn't been budging! I feel like all my hard work isn't paying off and I just want to eat any sort of junk food I can get my fingers on! I mean I feel healthier, faster, and stronger. I feel like my stamina has sky rocketed. Several weeks ago I would climb a flight of stairs and get a bit short winded but now I can climb several flights of stairs and not feel short of breath at all. I'm just confused to as why that scale won't budge... I suppose I have to really start looking at the foods I eat and whether or not I can substitute or eliminate. I do really like dairy products and maybe that's the culprit? Everything else I eat is pure proteins, grains, and lots of vegetables. Sigh. Well I guess I'll figure it out soon enough.
    On another note I can't decide when I should go back to TJ to get my fill. Dr. So said the longer the better so everything could heal. I figure I had it too tight for almost a year so maybe 5 more weeks wouldn't hurt to have myself unfilled plus I'm not going on binge eating crazes or anything. I realized I'm just never going to be one of those people that can eat whatever they feel like and not gain weight. Instead I am one of those people that just look at food and gain 10lbs!
  13. babymk

    moon river

    By babymk,

    I would like to point out that I am so happy for everyone who has reached their weight loss goal and have kept it off which really says a great deal about a person. The determination and strength to stick with a lifestyle change and maintain is something so wonderful. I'm in a somber sort of mood because I can't say I'm one of the "greats," as I see them. I feel just completely stuck in the middle and technically I am. It feels almost as if I'm starting from square one. I still have around 100lbs to lose. I try not to think of it in "weight" terms but rather how healthy I feel, but I guess I'm not feeling too healthy as of late. I really don't like feeling sorry for myself so to speak, so I avoid wallowing in self-defeat. I guess all I can do is just move forward and not think about my past mistakes.
  14. babymk

    new slang

    By babymk,

    I'm obsessed with this yummy, vegan, and easy dessert "milkshake" recipe I've come across.
    2/3 cup of almond milk (any flavor)
    1 tsp of almond butter
    1 frozen banana
    1 scoop protein raw vegan powder (optional. You can use non-vegan protein powder too)
    Blend all ingredients until rich smooth consistency. Enjoy!
    This treat makes me so full, I consider it a meal replacement! It's so healthy for you too! It has about 239 calories per serving (without protein powder) but it can have less calories depending on the type of almond milk you use. There are unsweetened varieties of almond milk on the market that would bring this recipe down to 210 calories or so. The only sugar would be from the banana itself but that doesn't bother me too much considering it's a natural sugar from a fruit your body knows how to absorb unlike crap food full of fake sweeteners and "sugars."
    I'm not a vegan, but I do enjoy lots of vegan and vegetarian meals!
    xo Malinie
  15. babymk
    Got back from TJ on Monday. Jeri and I took the greyhound bus down there and that was quite an experience. It was cheap and in this recession I'm all for it! HAHA
    I got an unfill and I forgot the Dr's name but he was really nice and helped explain a lot to me about the reason for my weight gain and how to get back on track with the help of my band. My band was too tight so I am completely unfilled right now. The doctor put me on a liquid diet immediately but unfortunately I ate solids for 2 days because I just got so excited that I could eat without feeling pain or throwing up. But I've been on a liquid diet for 2 days now and I feel great, just been utilizing my blender lol.
    Kind of crazy that because my band was too tight i actually gained weight. So with that said the lap band is a tool it's not a miracle weight loss pill or a "short cut." Whenever I told anybody that I have a lapband they always assume i didn't have to work to lose weight and made it seem as if I "cheated" to lose weight. The ignorance out there never fails to amuse me. So I know I have to continue to work towards my goal weight and not get "lazy" because I've lost 20/30lbs here and there.
  16. babymk

    I'm back!

    By babymk,

    Hello everyone! It's been a long time and I have lots to say and get off my chest. So be warned lol
    I'm going back to the OCC to get an unfill on May 14th. For the past year my band has become very uncomfortable. Coughing in the middle of the night because of food being stuck in my throat, developing pneumonia. I've been to the doctors and so sick with fevers because of my very bad eating habits. My band has become uncomfortably tight, my esophagus is inflamed, and some days its even hard to drink water it's been so wretchedly miserable.
    On a personal note though Kyle is my boyfriend and has been for a year now. So needless to say the "happy couple" pounds piled on! I started taking birth control and my hormones were completely out of whack. I've gained 40lbs because of it and I'm not saying my eating habits were terrific by any means because they weren't. I went drinking every weekend and devoured fatty meals after the club then went home and slept. Giving my body no time to digest or work off those calories. I am definitely NOT surprised I've gained weight. While Kyle is 6 foot tall weighing in at 163lbs. He can eat anything he wants and not gain one pound! I started developing his mentality, completely forgetting that I have a weight problem. I just always wanted to be "normal" and not have to worry about things I ate and for a moment there thats exactly what i did. Unfortunately for me I probably should have stopped after the first 20lbs creeped on -____-
    But guess what I am back to blogging and being healthy. I cut fast food out of my diet for 2 weeks now and have stopped eating processed foods. I'm sticking with lots of organic and whole foods. I have lost about 10lbs since. When I was on the birth control I would try to lose weight but the weight wouldn't come off. I was eating way less calories and exercising for an hour of vigorous aerobic. I would lose nothing. I knew the culprit was the birth control so I stopped taking them, but after i stopped taking the pills I still didn't change my eating habits so I remained at the same weight. Finally I have changed my eating habits and the weight seems to be melting off.
    I've been eating 6 small meals a day totaling to about 1350 calories. I also utilize protein shakes as meal replacements if I don't have time to eat a meal. I drink lots of green tea and I may start to workout again just something for 30 minutes a day just to boost my metabolism even more. I really do enjoy eating healthy and organic. It always makes me feel better and that's the feeling I need to remember when temptation taunts. I'll be blogging a lot more since this is what helps me stay on track. There is an app on my iphone called, "my fitness pal," that I just absolutely don't know how I lived without! It has a bar code scanner so you scan your food and it gives you all the nutritional information for that product. So you can list it to your food diary and total up the calories you eat! How fast, easy, and amazing is that! This has helped me significantly in portion control since that's one of my biggest problems.
    Until next time,
    xo M
  17. babymk

    doing excellent

    By babymk,

    hi everybody just an update i'm still working out but not necessarily eating right.. i know...i just got an attack of the "sweet tooth" but i'm not gaining so that's good news. anyway i'm moving out on my own and lots of changes coming soon! can't wait! i'm in the process of dating and it is difficult. i feel like someone is going to get hurt. i don't want to hurt any of their feelings. they're all good guys. eh idk we'll see where this goes.
    oh i have to tell everybody about groupon. it's a website that offers half off deals for awesome things like dining out, hair cuts, clothes, EVERYTHING! it's amazing. i've gotten great deals and i feel like i'm ripping them off. it's free no charges or anything like that even if you don't buy you can just browse around. really great money save app. oh yeah i have it on my phone so i can lurk all the great offers lol! anyway here's the link. sign up! http://www.groupon.com/r/uu9002325
    oh me and jeri found a great apartment for a decent amount of money and it's 1300 sq ft with 2 bedrooms and 2 full baths. i don't think i've shared a bedroom or bathroom with anybody since my little sister and that was almost a decade ago so why start now right?! lol
    really excited to get my independent single woman life on!
    xo malinie
  19. babymk

    appeal

    By babymk,

    hello! i'm feeling excellent! been on a super healthy working out going strong kind of high! i don't see myself stopping anytime soon. got into huge fight with gio but i'm done with him. he wants to go this time and guess what i'm not stopping him. nope not this time. there's no way this kid is going to bring me down this year. gave him 2 years of my life and he ruined every chance he got. my family hates him my friends hate him and he pretty much hates himself. not going to be his savior anymore, not going to be his crutch not going to be his punching bag. i deserve better and i FINALLY realize that. so happy i've gained my confidence back. you know the only reason i started drinking was because of him then i started drinking by myself because i didn't understand why he was so mean to me and all i did was love and care about him. i finally realized it's him not me with the problem! i'm done feeling guilt or sadness. he can go ruin and torture someone else. sick bastard can't believe i put up with his crap. well anyway that's the last time i talk about him.
    life is going to be real good from now on been working out for almost 2 weeks 6/7x a day, eating healthy getting plenty of rest no stress. i've pretty much cut out any bs especially people. if anybody gives me a hard time i just tell it like it is and move on or away from the person/situation and i don't look back. i don't have time nor do they deserve my time.
    planning a trip this summer with jeri to georgia to visit mario then road trip up to nyc to visit nico can't wait for the summer. this is MY year for sure i already know this. nothing is going to stop me from being one sexy little kitten in a gold bikini because i'm number one lol
    xo malinie
  20. babymk

    december

    By babymk,

    had a really good birthday totally partied hard that night and pretty much the whole month of december. i must confess something but i was heading down a dangerous path of least resistance to alcohol and pills. i mean nothing too serious or that i couldn't easily "control". i was stressed and really annoyed with everything including my weight couldnt understand how i gained 30lbs back and couldn't just lose it. so in the process i lost everything you know like control of pretty much anything and everything then i met nicollo..my knight in shining armor ha well he wouldn't ever describe himself in the light that i just did. he's humble yet not so can't really describe it. it's like someone knows they're beautiful but doesn't want the world to know..that's pretty much him. anyway i think i want to fall in love with him actually i probably have..the tragic part is he lives in new york city..yeah my luck..find the perfect guy and he lives across the country such is my life. like lose weight only to gain 30lbs back and have no self control/motivation to get rid of it...
    but i'm feeling something like a burning a fire or passion inside of me that literally is inching up towards my throat and chocking me alive. i think this is what i've been waiting for this motivation this NEED to DO SOMETHING. anyway here's to the new year
    edit: just saw somebody's status update and they said they're getting a tummy tuck and other stuff and i just got really jealous..wish i could just hop on over and get a tummy tuck . on another note i think i will be changing my goal weight actually i'm going to stop looking at scale weight and focus more on inches. when i get to that exact measurement i want then that's where i will deem myself successful.
  21. babymk

    tonight i'm loving you

    By babymk,

    my mom asked me how i lost 9lbs in a week and i told her you really want to know the secret?????? she was like yeah please tell me! i said you really really want to know???! she said yes yes please!..!!..??..!!! then i said veggies and fruits and lean protein. eat 2 servings of veggies and a fruit. she said everyday? i said before EVERY MEAL then she made a face and was like ugh. i was like well that's the secret mom its up to you if you want to lose weight or remain a chub chub. i explained to her the science of weight loss. having a diet based on veggies and fruits is the ultimate fast weight loss catalyst. Fruits and veggies take the body longer to digest thus making you feel full longer and are packed with fiber. it takes more calories to burn those foods then the calorie you take in from eating them. so in conclusion it's what they call the "negative calorie effect." i told her you have to eat them raw don't cook or juice them and she made that face once again. she said gosh it just involves so much chewing...then i made the face
    anyway i hope i can get back down to 185 quickly. i know i can do it. the other night me and jeri went out to eat and she wanted pho but i knew i shouldn't eat that because it's going to add extra lbs that would deter me from my weekly goal which would leave me frustrated. so instead i went with a light small appetizer it was the perfect choice. i'm really happy with the choices in food i've been making lately. i know the right choices but i always go against my better judgment, self sabotage but that's over going to follow my better judgment from now on.
  22. babymk

    why would i ever

    By babymk,

    started back to eating healthy again. high protein, veggies, fruits, whole grains, and definitely no white carbs or processed food! of course most importantly no TEQUILA, whiskey, gin, rum, or vodka! i only went clubbing with gio and he still hasn't contacted me. i think it might really be over..i mean i did tell him to get out of my life and gave him his belongings in a bag..ugh i can't think like that. his mom thinks this is like any of our other fights and it will blow over i mean he was mad at his mom and didn't talk to her for 2 weeks but he hasn't done that to me for almost a year now. he makes up with me within a few days but it's been over a week and thanksgiving is coming up..it would be terrible if we weren't together on the holidays
    well anyway i lost 8lbs since last sunday! anddddd my sister had a beautiful baby girl a few days ago on November 18. Very busy week! Harry Potter came out and i've seen it twice already! i pretty much carried a bag of veggies and fruits with me at all times. i also hauled around a gallon of water and would mix my protein in hospital jugs they gave to my sister for her ice chips lol! i had to take care of my 5 year old niece while my sister was recovering in the hospital from her c-section and her dad works at night. wow let me tell you i definitely will WAIT to have kids. Maybe i'm selfish and hate being tied down but i'm not worrying about kids husband boyfriends family for at least another 5 or 6 years maybe 10 eeek idk..
    i don't hate fred. that was just my frustration talking. he's good to my mother and she's happy so that's all that matters.
    i can't believe i fell off the bandwagon of this whole lap band weight loss obese thing...i went all the way to mexico paid all this money and went through all these trials and triumphs only to forget what i was doing..i am doing this for me, for my health for my future and this past year i've treated it like i forgot the reason. i weighed over 330lbs lost over 100+lbs like close to a person well actually i did lose a person and yes thats a great success but i still have some to go before i can finally say i'm good. if i don't continue on the right path i'm going to be back up to 330 in no time..which is pretty much my ultimate nightmare. i used to have nightmares of binge eating and being morbidly obese. now i'm having nightmares of not finding the right outfit probably subconsciously thinking to myself you can't find the right outfit or you're wearing something ugly because you can't fit into anything nice...terrible..well i can see again! i'm going back towards the light! here's to another week! i just have to take it day by day. choose the right foods choose the foods i know are going to make me beautiful!
  23. babymk

    shut it down

    By babymk,

    i am so miserable i keep on gaining weight and i go like on week diets but of course i get off when the weekend comes around and i drink up a storm and just go crazy. this is terrible! i can't help it i just want to have fun and drink then i get really hungry and eat late at night then go to sleep. of course i'm still with gio...but right now we're not talking same thing blah blah he'll be calling me in a few days though i already know this. well i hope he does..he was really mad this time and i went sorta crazy because i was really emotional. eh whatever if he never called me again it wouldn't be the end of the world it would probably be better for me because he's such a distraction and i told him that which probably really hurt his feelings..so anyway i gained like 30lbs within a year..it's the drinking. clubbing drinking then eating repeat repeat this is TERRIBLE!!! i don't work out or anything so its like duh you're going to get fat again HELLO! ugh.
    my mom is now married to fred and i realize i don't like him that much because he's lazy and a shit talker. he was talking mess about me like i hate that. if you have something to say about me just say it to my face and going around talking to my sister and cousin about how horrible i am. well guess what i don't like you either!
    anyway i think i shall lock myself up and try to lose this 30lbs that i gained in one year..urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  24. babymk

    oh darling..

    By babymk,

    i'm so happy i don't know why. i became a vegan just for the next two months or so. so far i lost 6lb so its working. did i mention mario is now living in macon georgia and he's a newscaster! amazing! so proud of him! me and giovanni are not on speaking terms. i forgive him all the time. every crappy thing he does i turn the other cheek and just forgive him. i tried to ignore it, forget it, move on, blah blah but he kept on doing the same crap over and over again! i just had it! so i gave him a box of all his stuff and threw the necklace he gave me in his face and that was that. he didn't say anything to me for a week and i was like yessss finally! but now he's been calling and texting me. ugh. my life has been so good without him. all he ever did was make me cry and feel like i wasn't good enough. his mom and sister talk to me all the time and tell me they love me and miss me and i love them but i can't take gio anymore. he needs to grow up. he's 21 and he acts like a baby. he doesn't take responsibilities for his actions and never apologizes. i can't deal with it anymore. i put my life on hold for him. i was always there for him, always willing to do anything to prove to him that i truly loved him. but it wasn't enough never enough..i used to beat myself up for failing. i felt like he deserved to treat me bad because i wasn't good enough. i wasn't nice or polite enough. i wasn't wearing the right clothes or didn't do my hair the right style. i know i know so stupid so pathetic...ugh i know this..but its like i had something to prove and he would manipulate me into thinking i was not good enough when i knew i was better than good i was the best, i am the best. if i wasn't he would never even bother with me. he knew i was the best. he still knows im the best, hence the reason why he still keeps calling/texting. but now i just don't care anymore. i let the phone go to voicemail and simply ignore all the texts. i have nothing, absolutely nothing to prove to him anymore. he needs to prove to me! but i could care less if he tries or not. i've never felt so completely indifferent towards somebody. i probably care more about whether or not there is milk in those crackers..hahahaahaha sorry it may seem i'm so insensitive or ruthless but trust me i've cried him rivers and oceans just so numb about him now. anyway mom and fred are not getting married in hawaii, his parents can't get the time off ah boo! i'm transferring schools to continue my education, can't wait to start a new life!
  25. babymk

    oh now the blog works!

    By babymk,

    my mom is getting married in august. i'm so happy for her! fred is perfect for her. all they do is laugh and have fun together. i love seeing them together. my mom is so happy. so it looks like i must lose this weight in 6 months to fit into yet another bridesmaid dress. she wants to get married in hawaii in August! so summertime on a beach. i need to get with it seriously. no more slacking off or i'm going to start tomorrow crap. it starts NOW! i've been on vacation mode or something, eating whatever i want not exercising just lounging around eating watching movies going out drinking and partying it up with friends...its caught up to me. blah.
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