babymk

going to my first thxgiving eve dinner...i am hungry but i know to watch myself. worked too hard need to work harder if i want to be goal weight by summer. i totally forgot but when i was in the mall the other day a model agent came up to me and wanted me to model for them she exchanged info with me. i only remembered because they called me. i don't think i want to do it. i don't know why probably because i don't feel confident enough for that type of exposure. just wanted to say that I appreciate getting older and "wiser." Wiser means you slowly stop doing stupid sh** you know everyone will talk behind your back about. Half joking about that; wiser means growing from your mistakes by being patient & forgiving, guess it sets you up to be a good mommy/daddy. Or a good person in general. with that said & it being thxgiving eve, I'm thankful for getting older&wiser +my family&friends who got me here xo

why do i have 2 blogs? and how do you change the dates on some of these blogs they are out of order..anyway it took all my strength to not weigh myself this morning. I just want to see if I lost some more weight because i'm feeling EXCELLENT! but i know i need to just wait it out till sunday at my normal weigh in time and then i will feel even better about my success! i just hate not knowing and waiting and waiting and waiting hahaha i re-read some of my old blogs and couldn't believe the journey i've been on. the things that people said to me to try to ruin my success and the things i've done to ruin my own success. it really is like a vicious cycle i've been looking at old photos of myself and i'm just shocked like shocked..terrible..i never want to go back there ever! makes me even more determined then before. think gio is using his little sister's phone to talk to me pretending it's his sister when its really him. yeah up to his old tricks again, too bad i fall for it each time..eh..

my mom asked me how i lost 9lbs in a week and i told her you really want to know the secret?????? she was like yeah please tell me! i said you really really want to know???! she said yes yes please!..!!..??..!!! then i said veggies and fruits and lean protein. eat 2 servings of veggies and a fruit. she said everyday? i said before EVERY MEAL then she made a face and was like ugh. i was like well that's the secret mom its up to you if you want to lose weight or remain a chub chub. i explained to her the science of weight loss. having a diet based on veggies and fruits is the ultimate fast weight loss catalyst. Fruits and veggies take the body longer to digest thus making you feel full longer and are packed with fiber. it takes more calories to burn those foods then the calorie you take in from eating them. so in conclusion it's what they call the "negative calorie effect." i told her you have to eat them raw don't cook or juice them and she made that face once again. she said gosh it just involves so much chewing...then i made the face anyway i hope i can get back down to 185 quickly. i know i can do it. the other night me and jeri went out to eat and she wanted pho but i knew i shouldn't eat that because it's going to add extra lbs that would deter me from my weekly goal which would leave me frustrated. so instead i went with a light small appetizer it was the perfect choice. i'm really happy with the choices in food i've been making lately. i know the right choices but i always go against my better judgment, self sabotage but that's over going to follow my better judgment from now on.

started back to eating healthy again. high protein, veggies, fruits, whole grains, and definitely no white carbs or processed food! of course most importantly no TEQUILA, whiskey, gin, rum, or vodka! i only went clubbing with gio and he still hasn't contacted me. i think it might really be over..i mean i did tell him to get out of my life and gave him his belongings in a bag..ugh i can't think like that. his mom thinks this is like any of our other fights and it will blow over i mean he was mad at his mom and didn't talk to her for 2 weeks but he hasn't done that to me for almost a year now. he makes up with me within a few days but it's been over a week and thanksgiving is coming up..it would be terrible if we weren't together on the holidays well anyway i lost 8lbs since last sunday! anddddd my sister had a beautiful baby girl a few days ago on November 18. Very busy week! Harry Potter came out and i've seen it twice already! i pretty much carried a bag of veggies and fruits with me at all times. i also hauled around a gallon of water and would mix my protein in hospital jugs they gave to my sister for her ice chips lol! i had to take care of my 5 year old niece while my sister was recovering in the hospital from her c-section and her dad works at night. wow let me tell you i definitely will WAIT to have kids. Maybe i'm selfish and hate being tied down but i'm not worrying about kids husband boyfriends family for at least another 5 or 6 years maybe 10 eeek idk.. i don't hate fred. that was just my frustration talking. he's good to my mother and she's happy so that's all that matters. i can't believe i fell off the bandwagon of this whole lap band weight loss obese thing...i went all the way to mexico paid all this money and went through all these trials and triumphs only to forget what i was doing..i am doing this for me, for my health for my future and this past year i've treated it like i forgot the reason. i weighed over 330lbs lost over 100+lbs like close to a person well actually i did lose a person and yes thats a great success but i still have some to go before i can finally say i'm good. if i don't continue on the right path i'm going to be back up to 330 in no time..which is pretty much my ultimate nightmare. i used to have nightmares of binge eating and being morbidly obese. now i'm having nightmares of not finding the right outfit probably subconsciously thinking to myself you can't find the right outfit or you're wearing something ugly because you can't fit into anything nice...terrible..well i can see again! i'm going back towards the light! here's to another week! i just have to take it day by day. choose the right foods choose the foods i know are going to make me beautiful!

i am so miserable i keep on gaining weight and i go like on week diets but of course i get off when the weekend comes around and i drink up a storm and just go crazy. this is terrible! i can't help it i just want to have fun and drink then i get really hungry and eat late at night then go to sleep. of course i'm still with gio...but right now we're not talking same thing blah blah he'll be calling me in a few days though i already know this. well i hope he does..he was really mad this time and i went sorta crazy because i was really emotional. eh whatever if he never called me again it wouldn't be the end of the world it would probably be better for me because he's such a distraction and i told him that which probably really hurt his feelings..so anyway i gained like 30lbs within a year..it's the drinking. clubbing drinking then eating repeat repeat this is TERRIBLE!!! i don't work out or anything so its like duh you're going to get fat again HELLO! ugh. my mom is now married to fred and i realize i don't like him that much because he's lazy and a shit talker. he was talking mess about me like i hate that. if you have something to say about me just say it to my face and going around talking to my sister and cousin about how horrible i am. well guess what i don't like you either! anyway i think i shall lock myself up and try to lose this 30lbs that i gained in one year..urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so happy i don't know why. i became a vegan just for the next two months or so. so far i lost 6lb so its working. did i mention mario is now living in macon georgia and he's a newscaster! amazing! so proud of him! me and giovanni are not on speaking terms. i forgive him all the time. every crappy thing he does i turn the other cheek and just forgive him. i tried to ignore it, forget it, move on, blah blah but he kept on doing the same crap over and over again! i just had it! so i gave him a box of all his stuff and threw the necklace he gave me in his face and that was that. he didn't say anything to me for a week and i was like yessss finally! but now he's been calling and texting me. ugh. my life has been so good without him. all he ever did was make me cry and feel like i wasn't good enough. his mom and sister talk to me all the time and tell me they love me and miss me and i love them but i can't take gio anymore. he needs to grow up. he's 21 and he acts like a baby. he doesn't take responsibilities for his actions and never apologizes. i can't deal with it anymore. i put my life on hold for him. i was always there for him, always willing to do anything to prove to him that i truly loved him. but it wasn't enough never enough..i used to beat myself up for failing. i felt like he deserved to treat me bad because i wasn't good enough. i wasn't nice or polite enough. i wasn't wearing the right clothes or didn't do my hair the right style. i know i know so stupid so pathetic...ugh i know this..but its like i had something to prove and he would manipulate me into thinking i was not good enough when i knew i was better than good i was the best, i am the best. if i wasn't he would never even bother with me. he knew i was the best. he still knows im the best, hence the reason why he still keeps calling/texting. but now i just don't care anymore. i let the phone go to voicemail and simply ignore all the texts. i have nothing, absolutely nothing to prove to him anymore. he needs to prove to me! but i could care less if he tries or not. i've never felt so completely indifferent towards somebody. i probably care more about whether or not there is milk in those crackers..hahahaahaha sorry it may seem i'm so insensitive or ruthless but trust me i've cried him rivers and oceans just so numb about him now. anyway mom and fred are not getting married in hawaii, his parents can't get the time off ah boo! i'm transferring schools to continue my education, can't wait to start a new life!

my mom is getting married in august. i'm so happy for her! fred is perfect for her. all they do is laugh and have fun together. i love seeing them together. my mom is so happy. so it looks like i must lose this weight in 6 months to fit into yet another bridesmaid dress. she wants to get married in hawaii in August! so summertime on a beach. i need to get with it seriously. no more slacking off or i'm going to start tomorrow crap. it starts NOW! i've been on vacation mode or something, eating whatever i want not exercising just lounging around eating watching movies going out drinking and partying it up with friends...its caught up to me. blah.

yippeee we just arrived! i am very VERY happy! waiting in line for space mountain w/mom! mouse ears! Best birthday ever!

been up since 9am! i think i'm starting to have a normal schedule again lol. some pics from today Luis and I Kilani, Claudia, Me, and Luis My favorite cutie pie! me and gio are good again. he's acting like a friend. he's coming to disneyland with me new york was cancelled because dian's grandparents came down to vegas instead. me and gio always have fun when we're out doing something active together. that's why i like him because he's always up for anything, he's never scared. anyway i must take a nap. i've been xmas shopping all week! i'm dying! my mom wants me to do her xmas shopping too! ahhh! been soooo busy! but never been happier!

i'm going to disneyland for my birthday!!!!!!!! yayayayayayayayayayayayay :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: so i've become obsessed with cooking. all i do is think of recipes then research ways to make them healthier. then i sit there and calculate calories, protein, carbs, etc. i prefer to bake. so i make lots of casseroles. the other day i made green bean casserole. yesterday i made beef and macaroni casserole. today i might make a tuna casserole of some sorts. jeri just texted me and told me she just ate a tuna melt so that gave me an idea to make tuna casserole. so probably all day today i will be obsessing about tuna. i've been watching the biggest loser season 8, the latest one. by the way tracey is awful, she's so messed up. if i was on that show and she did something to me i probably would have tackled her while screaming insults. j/k most likely not, i probably would've just cried. yeah i'm a big baby oh well. anyway its crazy how hard they make them workout. jillian and bob mean business! if they were in my face like that i would definitely be crying every episode. probably everytime you saw me on camera haha! but anyway the show motivates me to keep on exercising. plus it gives me good tips on weight loss. i talked to gio today. he texted me and i decided to respond back. i havent said anything to him in like 5 days. yeah i was ignoring him but i just didn't want to hear his mouth. i'm contemplating whether or not to buy him christmas gifts. he surely does not deserve anything from me. he's going to ny w/diana again between dec 20-27. yeah i know right have fun with that. i want to be in miami. 80F degree weather all week with the sun. the glorious sun in the sky! warm breezes and clear blues skies! ugh vegas barely hitting 50F degree days and always below 40F degree nights. and rain! i tried to wash my windows and the water froze onto the window...i hate the cold. plus i think i miss eddie too.

today i went to the mall and i passed the foodcourt. i saw hotdog on a stick and the big picture of a cheese on a stick..i wanted one so bad. today was really really cold and all i wanted to do was indulge in any and all types of comfort food especially anything fried and cheesy! then there was the cinnabon station and omygoodness i was DYING. i walked away. i decided this week that i was going to get back on track with my weight loss so i figured no more giving into my indulgences or hasty hunger picks. i spent all this money on healthy groceries just the other day so i was like i have food at home so i'm just going to walk away now. and i did! wow it was so hard to actually tell myself no and just walk away. i've become so used to just getting what i want and instant gratification that i forgot duh I had to work at losing 150lbs. I didn't just get there by saying yes to cheese on a stick everyday right?! but this last 50lbs is killing me! it's like everybody is like oh you look so good already and i'm like oh i look fine i guess maybe i can slack off a little but that is where i went wrong! no i cannot slack off! i have to make it to my goal not someone's else. and i can't be so hard on myself either. because the last lbs are usually the hardest to get rid of because your body is used to your "tricks". anyway here's to losing weight during the holidays! and i'm going to avoid the food court from now on

This is me and Luis doing our first acoustic collaboration! it's really really early and we just got back from clubbing. so we have a couple of drinks in our system and we're really tired. my voice is cracking and going off tune but whatev. i like it. we'll do better in the future i promise well gnite! <3 Mal http://www.youtube.com/user/princessmkx#p/u/0/Tor1LTgJ73k

thank you

i've been having really REALLY bad sleeping and food habits lately. I've been waking up really late and staying up till morning. Then I've been eating hecka fast food. yesterday i didn't sleep till 9in the morning so i went to mcdonalds and got a breakfast meal complete with an extra sausage burrito. i haven't eaten mcdonalds in like over a year when i decided i was cutting fast food from my diet. i feel like crap. i don't know why i'm sabotaging myself. maybe because i feel stuck because i've been at the same weight for months and months...granted i haven't been doing much to continue losing the weight but i should know better that this isn't magic. i can't just expect to have a diet of candy, donuts and fast food and honestly expect to continue losing weight. AHHHH GET REAL MAL! so that miami guy texted me today. wow. i'm just going to be polite. maybe he's deciding whether or not he's going to follow my rules. if he does then great. i think me and gio are hitting the breaking point. all we ever do is fight. he always finds something to fight with me about and i usually say something like this "not fighting with you ttyl" or "I don't want to fight ttyl." he's always mad at me for something or another. if its not this its that. I just really can't do it anymore. he's always threatens to leave me and i'm so over it. at this point i'm like LEAVE THEN! at this point i could care less if he stays or not. because i'm not staying anymore. i'm not taking his crap anymore. my eyes are opening to the person he is. it really sucks because i love him so much. but now i know he will never love me as much as i love him. he doesn't know how to love. not me anyways...its kind of really pathetic because all i ever wanted was him. all i ever wanted was to be his friend. to be there for him and to love him. i would give him the moon if he asked for it..but i guess its just not enough for him moving on...

are you for real? because if you are that's kind of really annoying. i mean who comes on a lapbandforum and tells someone that. you should make a post and tell us all to join "overeaters anonymous" then..