I can empathize with you on the fill talk. What I have learned about myself and fills is my stomach seems to be more sensitive. I aggressively went for my fills in the beginning. So if you look at my siggy, you can see how many fills and how much saline. Everyone is so different. All my fills were done under floro and I watched each of them with high hopes. The last 2 or my 5 fills I would say were by far the most aggressive of the whole. I am at a good level of restriction now. Last month, I had thought of going in for a "tweak" and have sense decided against it and converted my fill apt to a nurse visit. My weight has been stable this month. I am okay with that as I know that once I begin working out again and my life responds to the wonderful warmer weather I will come alive again and move more.
It is so easy to second guess ourselves, but bottom line is it is a process we have to go through to get to the restriction we want. What I found was the last, 5th fill got me to where I had desired to be.....only to find out the destination was not as I hoped it would be. Kind'a like the grass is greener on the other side of the fence type senerio. So I am chilling now and loving life. Not eating the best as I am a sugar addict and am currently practicing that addiction hard core. The one good thing is before my weight would have sky rocketed. Now, I maintain.
Oh crap, let me reel myself back in here...I have a tendency to go off on a tangent.....what I wanted to convey in this reply was when I went in for the last fill. I got drilled pretty hard by the staff. Where I go for fills we fill out a questionnaire....one that stops short of your shoe size and your drivers license number. You give them a shit ton of information...the PA and nurses assistant both really drilled me, which left me with the impression they didn't believe a word I was giving them, both treated me like I couldn't know what I was talking about and that I was exagerating my portions ect....okay so under floro she did the barium check and BAM!!! The liquid zoomed right through. Yes mama! The gal said to me, "OH! I see what you are saying now, you are wide open." I took that as her sincerest apology for how I was left to feel. If you get my meaning. We are all so different. The fill I got that day was a real fill - boy oh boy. Took me a hard minute to adjust to the new reality. So I got my restriction that didn't fade, plus a wee bit more than I bargined for. So even with the best fill science everyone is still different and has to go through the process to get the glorious land of restriction.
Now, why do I ramble on so, in hopes that what I say will matter to someone and hit home. IF not you then someone else who reads this.
You all will get there on fills. What I am coming to see clearly for my own journey is at this point a fill would only put me depending to heavily on the lovely band that is my ally. I don't want to abuse. I need to work out the kinks in my emotions and eating behaviors and preferences before I go tighten the zip tie.
Ah yet another layer on the proverbial onion....peel away...