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AngieB

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  1. AngieB

    I am so blessed!

    By AngieB,

    Hey all! Black Friday we all loaded up in the car and went shopping at Nebraska Furniture Mart. I asked Santa for a laptop and Santa.....aka my loving husband bought me one! I got a lovely Toshiba laptop with a huge screen and 10 key on the keyboard. Very cool. Has a web camera right in the monitor too! Yes! I am so happy. You can bet I will be making some more You Tube videos! Yes! It was affordable too!
    It won't be my laptop alone, I will share it with everyone in my family. Jim has loaded a bunch of software on it and Daniel has already watched Nick Jr on it. Lil D was having a bit of a time with the laptop until he figured out it has things on it for him too. He was a jealous toddler. Anytime he was off playing, I would grab it and surf, play and enjoy the new gift. As soon as he realized I had it on, he made a bee line to me to stop that nonsense! LOL
    Having a laptop will make it so much easier for me to connect with the projects I want to do and get other things done as well. I am so blessed to be in love and have a husband who is so loving and supportive!
    I have made a decison. I am going to go to once a week weigh in's. I have been weighing myself twice a day most days. Once in the morning and once at night. Seems a bit much, right.... So I will weigh myself on Wed for the board here. I think that will help me put things into better perspective. I will say I felt the urge to weigh myself tonight. I have stayed in surrender mode. I am in this for the long haul and need to adjust my actions a bit. We will see how it goes. CHALLENGE! Anyone who would like to join me, please message me or comment. I could really use a support buddy.
  2. AngieB

    What I am up too....

    By AngieB,

    Hello everyone. I have recently stumbled on a great weightloss community on you tube. It is pretty cool. I like being able to see everyone. People really lay it on the line there, and I enjoy the truth being spoke. One of my favorite channels is "ProofWLSWorks." That channel has a new youtuber for each day of the week. Each week they have a topic they all share on. The speakers have all had weightloss surgery of one type of another, so you can see the topic from different perspectives. Makes it cool and has that human connection.
    My youtuber id is "faith8412", feel free to add me if you have an account on You Tube as I would enjoy your friendship.
    I had a great Thanksgiving. I didn't over eat and felt on track. Then the very next day, I felt like I ate all day long. I am not going to beat myself up over it, but I will say this.....I am better off this year than I have been anyother year before! So, I have gratitude for that as well.
    I'd say I am on the weightloss journey of my lifetime. I am not uber obsessed with the process in the way of I am taking it in stride. I am living with the band, and that to me means enjoying myself along the way. For me personally, I don't want to be so focused on loosing weight that I loose my life to it.
    I am happy and life is goooood!
    I hope each and everyone of you had a great holiday and was able to celebrate in the way you choose to!
    Many good wishes this holiday season!
  4. AngieB
    Self esteem – Feels so good! Looking better….oh, wait…..a compliment! I am at the 40 lbs lost mark. (happy dance) A co-worker said she could see I was loosing weight. YES! Love it! That makes 4 people I work with who have noticed a change! Thank heavens, I was starting to wonder if people were blind!! It is amazing how you can loose weight and no one will comment. It feels good to see and feel the changes I have with my own body, and yet when someone else notices it it’s like icing on top of the cake!
    Speaking of cake….I made one this weekend. It boggles my mind that I am able to eat cake. (&*%^$#@) Now, on the other hand I was listening to an outside source tell me how I shouldn’t cut bread out of my diet all together. How bad it is to eliminate certain foods from my diet. (You know people who are up in your business and telling you what to do concerning your diet; that are not bandsters.) So I listened.
    What the heck was I thinking?! I bought some appetizer whole wheat bread to try. The bread is sliced at ¼ inch or so, pretty darn thin. I toasted it and put some tuna and egg on it. First bite “seemed” to go down, I chew the dickens out of it, and so I took my second bite; again chewing like crazy. Uhtt oh as my toddler would say….I felt what I thought was a soft stop. Immediately I stop eating and think to myself, I won’t be able to eat more of my sandwich if it doesn’t pass. THEN my mouth started to water. Crap’o’la! I made my way to the kitchen and well you know the rest. Bread is a no go for me know. Cake….cake I can do….you got to be kidding me!
    I’ve thought long and hard about this next fill. Right now I can eat ½ cup to 1 cup of food depending on what it is and the time of day. Some times I can eat over 1 cup. In the mornings I notice my serving size is more ½ cup ish if the food is solid or not a slider food, such as greek yogurt. If I eat yogurt I can eat the full cup. From what I’ve read, the ideal portion size is ¼ cup. Good Lord Have Mercy! It’s such a small amount of food. I purchased some ½ cup containers this weekend and they look so small. Each fill I get better and better restriction, adjust to smaller portions and get further away from my need to eat larger portions of food. This is a good thing! I’ve decided to push the fill. I am going to the next size down pouch/stoma.
    I’ve watched a shit ton of you tube videos and the people who are skinny and at goal seem to have a common portion size. SMALL! So I am working toward that. I have my doubts about doing this, but I figure if it does not work for me and unfill is a phone call away. I am focused on being positive and pushing out the negative. Now, if my weight loss had not stalled out, I would be happy to stay right where I am. Wish me a good fill and think happy thoughts for me ya’ll! Here we go! Let’s get thin together!
  5. AngieB
    NVS! I went shopping this weekend. (Toddler free) I went to good ol’ Walmart. I was on a mission to find a new bra. One that would offer support and the all so important comfort! My current bra size was 44 DD. I walked out with a 42 D! I am so happy about that.
    I’ve had set backs with my food intake that I am aware of and I am working on. I want to feel good about the foods I am putting into my body. Changing my food habits is a work in progress. Adding junk food is not something I want to do; going back to focusing on proteins. The fruits and veggies I have increased into the diet have given me gas. I am hoping my system will adjust.
    The scale has gone back up reflecting my poor food choices, and I want to get that to turn
    back around. I am a work in progress. I feel great, and successful. The Angie make over is in progress. The excitement is there I can build on the good choices and feel better and better!
    I am working on getting back out of the 240 range. I have a check up this week on Friday. It will be good to check in and stay in touch. One thing I have heard, read, and listened to people say is stay connected. The people who stay connected loose more weight.
    Oh, and on a side note. If you have a pedometer or want to buy a pedometer, please feel free to join me on Walkertracker.com. My user name is AngieB. If you sign up, message me so we can be comrades. I’ve created a group; I believe I named it “Let’s Get Moving.” I would love to add you to the group.
    For me, wearing a pedometer has put my activity in the front of my mind, which helps me to get up and MOVE!! I’ve really enjoyed it so far. The computer set my goal to 6000 steps a day. I will evaluate my goal at the end of the month and adjust to challenge myself. I set at a desk most of the day so getting my steps in I have to be creative. I do get moving even at the office. I go to the printer for each print job instead of letting them pile up. I take the long way back to my office, do the stairs many more times a day than I would before. Those are simple ways I can improve my activity! Oh, I’ve also added a walk into my lunch time and I dance and get moving with my son every night. (He loves this!)
    I did my Thanksgiving shopping over the weekend. I have a few items to pick up, but for the most part the bulk of the shopping is taken care of! Looking forward to the holiday, as I have so much to be thankful for!
    I hope you are well, thanks for reading my blog! ((HUGS))
  6. AngieB
    Drinking water – big ol’ drinks! Questions…
    Okay so I had something unexpected happen this morning. I took a big-o-drink of water. More like three consecutive drinks. Swallow, swallow, swallow….you get what I am saying. I actually felt the water being held up. Like not super drastic, but I felt it in my stoma and throat. I felt a mild alert over the situation. Um, never had that happen before! Wow! Until this happened this morning I have been able to chug-a-lug my water at a good rate, any time of day. I know, some don’t understand why people like me drink so fast, but we are all different. I am a fish! Ha! Just kidding but I have a habit of drinking a couple of swallows each drink. Not all the time now as I am working on slowing down….but I am a drinker.
    I have been reading on this board for a while now, so there have been many subjects covered. Which I love, by the way, because it feels good to have working knowledge of the band, even if it is not my own working knowledge. : ) So, thank you all for sharing your band experiences! You are appreciated! That being said, I’ve thought it is strange when people talk about having a hard time getting there liquids in. Sipping through out the day….sucking on ice cubes, ect. I’ve read many posts about not being able to tolerate food in the mornings. Even some posts about not being able to eat anything solid until evening.
    That being said, I know our bands are fickle. Each person can have there band affected differently. Some talk about weather, flying, stress, their monthly visitor, a bad PB episode, drinking cold liquids, and much more, and how it can affect the bands tightness. What I would really like to know is how tight you prefer to keep your bands’? Do you keep your band snug enough to feel water back up if you drink a big ol’ drink? Are you a sipper? Can you eat in the mornings, or afternoons? Do you have to wait on your band to loosen up before a meal? Can you put into words what band restriction means to you?
    I am curious on what the “norm” is and if is varies a great deal from person to person. I am working on getting to my sweet spot or being in the green zone. For me, I can enjoy breakfast everyday. Depending on the food, I can eat a cup to ¾ cup of food at a meal. I focus mainly on protein and often feel like I leave out veggies and fruits almost completely. I seem to have better success when I eat steamed veggies vs. fresh veggies using broccoli and carrots as a good example of this. My band tolerates muffins and cake well, wish came as a surprise to me. We had treats at work and I tried these yummies and had no issues. I have no idea if I can eat bread, because I have cut it completely out of my diet. I no longer eat a sandwich or anything like that. I stick to the guts, the insides of a sandwich. Protein, protein, protein…
    I am planning on posting this in the forum as well as a blog entry. Please reply and share how you like your band, and what works best for you. Last monthish there were some great posts about a few gals feeling there bands were too tight. I know from your posts that being to tight does not equal weight loss or a safe way to keep your band. So all experience is valuable! I am scheduled for an up coming fill in December and I have been on and off the fence about it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and if you don’t feel comfortable posting, please PM me. You guys are the best!
  7. AngieB

    A New All Time Low!

    By AngieB,

    I new from the moment I woke up this morning, I felt skinny! So I made my way to the bathroom and BAM! 237.7! Ta-Da! It feels good to see the decrease in size and number! I feel better, can move easier, breath deeper, and eat less! I feel like a success!
    Last night, I was eating supper and I must have taken a "few" bites to many. Something didn't feel right, and I knew I was in for it when I started to get the spits. I was up walking around, and had to make my way to the sink. (I am a sink slimer, PBer that is my first place of choice, second to the trash.) Sure enough, some nasty sounding burps and weird spit, not slime. What da ya know, I got to see my supper twice!? Ewwh! I was embarrased too. My husband was standing in the kitchen with me and HEARD the entire episode. It was so gross. Yet another band lesson, I thought I felt tight when I started eating, and I even thought to myself, how weird it was that I felt tight in the evening. Here's my valuable lesson, I should listen to what my body is telling me, even it it is not usual.
    As I creep up in the level of restriction I experience new things. This is the fill that I am noticing a significant change in my band during my period. Note to self, be careful.
    This morning my husband was looking at my new all time low on the scale with me. (I say all new low, and I mean this time around....lol) We were talking about what I have been doing to make the scale move. I added a comment with the lovely sarcasim floating out of my mouth, "It helps to PB up supper!" Not funny, but true. That sparked a further conversation into why that is NOT good for me or the band. Skinny at any cost is not where I want to be.
    I am not a fan of PB'ing and don't hope to become friends with her anytime soon. She and I well we simply dissagree. I'd like it very much if we could visit less and admire each other from a far.
  8. AngieB
    I scheduled another fill apt for December. I have really been on the fence.
    Do I need a fill….? Up until now I haven't had this hard of a time making up my mind.
    What the biggest sticking point is the amount of food/portion wise and being MENTALLY satisfied with a smaller and smaller portion of food. For example, yesterday I ate around the band. I had gyro meat for lunch with sauce. I had around 1/3 of the meat when I felt satisfied. So, I stopped, but mentally I was not satisfied. I ended up getting the leftovers out of the fridge and grazed on them.... Normally when I plan my meals I don't have this issue. They are measured out and when the food is gone, I am done.....harder when your food is not gone......Ugh!
    When I review my portion sizes with the nurse, it still gets to me when the “goal” is to be eating ¼ cup of food at a meal. I still eat for many reasons other than for nourishment, so I am working on wrapping my mind around less and less food. It’s a process right?
    Other news: I had blood work done and all my vitamin levels are good. I am going to work on LIVING LIFE! Not going to think about am I getting in enough fiber, calcium, iron, fruits, veggies, and protein. Going to go with it for a while and see what happens. I don’t like tracking numbers or calories anyway.
    Oh, and on a side note, up till now I have had very few "episodes" and no stuck oh my goodness heart attack chest pains.....getting another fill means these will be more of a possibility....SCARY! I’ve read posts about the pain and fear from how it feels. Sounds terrible.
    Those are my ramblings for today.
    Peace and Joy!
  9. AngieB

    Walker Tracker Challenge!

    By AngieB,

    Walker Tracker Challenge.
    I joined a walker tracker challenge. For the most part, I needed to get some accountability for myself; To push myself to do something. I’d joined a gym, and it seemed to cause my husband some stress and unhappiness. I was very surprised by his reaction, and I realize it is not the healthiest of reactions to have to your spouse wanting to do something positive. That being said, *clears throat* I am not the picture of healthy living myself. I have PLENTY of “issues” and he gets no judgment from me. I stopped going swimming. It was hard to go anyway. Although it felt good, it took me away from my family and provided me with some much needed “me time.” It also left me feeling guilty. I am just not use to doing healthy things for myself plain and simple.
    That being said, it left a void. So, I bought a pedometer and joined some fellow bandsters in a Walker Tracker program. (Walkertracker.com) When I signed up the computer set a goal for me. I’m set to get 6000 steps in a day. Yesterday I walked 4816. It is a challenge to do, as I set behind a computer for my job.
    When Daniel and I got home yesterday, we went for a stroller ride. He was not in his normal mood of loving it, so we cut the walk short. (Which took no skin off my nose, as I was breaking a good sweat and feeling the lack of endurance kicking my rear.) Progress not perfection….right?!
    Today, I have made a point of getting up to walk around more. When I go to the printer, I take the long way and do some stairs for the health of it! Proudly I can say I will get my steps in today! Woo! So here is to getting off my rear and getting it in gear. I needed this, as I have not been feeling the bug to exercise.
    The pedometer I purchased is an Omron HJ-15. It saves the last 7 days steps and resets itself at midnight each night. I didn’t have to program it and the battery is replaceable in this model.
  10. AngieB

    Hair Molting

    By AngieB,

    Hair Molting
    For the past few months, I have REALLY noticed an increase in hair molting. It is has been bothersome to the point of me using google. From all I have read, it seems that it is not uncommon to molt after surgery, sever trauma, child birth, after reaching the age of 30, crash diets, lack of protein, and a few others that I can’t think of right now. The information I found to be the most fitting and helpful was under Telogen. So, if you have noticing you are loosing hair. Google Telogen and read about it.
    I for all intents and purposes I don’t look like I have lost a noticeable amount of hair. To the people around me, including my husband, it is unnoticeable. That is a positive. When I began to really pay attention to my hair loss was when I noticed more molting while I was washing my hair. The noticeable build up in my hair brush, and how many times I have to wrap a pony tail holder around my hair. I use to be able to wrap it twice around my hair and be go-to-go. Now if I wrap it twice, the pony slips out.
    I have been taking Neocell for a while; I’d say a good 2 months. The recommended dose for Neocell is 6 a day. I take 3. I’ve noticed a change in my skin, hair, and nails. My ankle has also benefited from taking Neocell. It aches a bit less, still pretty swollen, but the pain has decreased.
    Fill
    This is the first month since being banded that I did not go for a fill. It took a lot longer than I thought it would for me to feel restriction. Each fill I had I would feel restriction for the first week maybe going into week two and then, my body would adjust and the restriction would slip away. This fill has settled in as well. I am not at my “sweet spot or green zone” per say, but I do have some restriction, so I am content. Right now, my mind set is to see if I can go a few months with out a fill. Really I’d like to make it through the holidays as I am now. What will help me determine when I go in for a fill is a slow down on weight loss. Right now, I am in the lower 240’s and I’d like to see a gradual decrease.
    Cloths and Inches
    I am noticing my cloths are fitting better, baggier, or some are plain to big now. I have cleaned out some cloths from my closet and that feels great! I have a girl friend who is a very happy recipient so that make me feel even better!
    When I start to feel bad or down on myself about my weight loss the fastest way to get myself to snap out of it and back into gratitude is to remember how difficult weight loss was on my own. That always seems to bring me back to reality and lighten my mood.
    I appreciate your readership and thank you for your comments. You guys are awesome!
  11. AngieB

    Next....

    By AngieB,

    Next! I am wearing a pair of my “next size down jeans.” I am happy to say, that they fit well, and my hubby even said….”they look a little too big!” Oh how I love him!

    I had tried these jeans on last month and…..they fit, but were not flattering. So, I continued wearing my size 22’s. I am not one to wear something simply because I can pull it up over my hips. Nope, I am more about breathing and comfort. Let’s face it, when you are larger, to tight simply means less comfort and more panty lines. I am happy to announce that these jeans fit! Now, if only my regular jeans in this size would fit! These have stretch! The others are regular Levi jeans. The fit, but are to snug for my taste. I’ll give them a few more weeks or a month.
    It’s amazing to me, that I wore these jeans till I was 8 months pregnant. Having a baby sure has changed this woman’s body! Ugh! I have a huge belly and I didn’t do a thing to help my body snap back after I gave birth.

    Let’s see, what is new that I can share. I have been down with a sinus infection. This has been a bit of a learning curve for me as far as the band is considered. Having an over abundance of mucus has taught me a few things. The mucus can gunk up your band and cause a more severe PB episode.
    Let me talk about this for a moment. Up till now, my personal PB’s have been best described as, I lean over, bending at the hips, open my mouth and let a glob of slime and food particles slide out. Yes, if you are a visual person and are picturing this – it is as nasty as it sounds. When I had my more severe PB, it felt like I was throwing up or vomiting. My stomach rolled 3 times, and with each roll a bit of food and spit returned. A more seasoned bandster taught me that unless you vomit, or have stomach acid come up, it is still a PB. WOW!
    Some practical practices I can implement to help myself in a time of great mucus or post sinus drip. The obvious, take medication to help the mucus. Drink warm or hot fluids before a meal to break down the slime built up on my band. Eat even slower and listen more closely to my body for signs of stress. If mucus is filling up my stoma, stick to liquids or softer foods. No sense in causing more harm then good.
    I am on an antibiotic and the sinus pressure has decreased. I am still full of it, and feel icky, but hope that the next few days will improve.
    That is it for me, my update and over share for today. Hee hee. I hope you are all well and thank you for your comments and private messages.
    Have a successful day and I hope to be seeing less of you in the future!
  12. AngieB
    Changes, oh how I love to see the changes.
    I am one of “those” fatties that got this way by not having the stop button. You know the type of person who could purchase a pumpkin pie for desert and by the next day the pie would be half gone. Not to mention, that I was the only person eating the pie! Yes, sad to admit it but it is true. I was the person who would buy little Debbie’s snack cakes. Hide a few boxes in my closet and put the rest in the cupboard. Eat one whole box the same day I got it, the one in my closet of course. Yes, my friends. I could do that. The entire box, by my self!!! I had no stop button, or a full signal. I would shamefully sneak the box in the trash. I would over eat in secret to avoid the looks, comments, and disgust from the ones I love.
    I am please to report that my husband bought a pumpkin pie and a pecan pie on Sunday. We froze the pecan, otherwise it would go bad. My son and I have shared the 2 pumpkin pie slices; one slice on Sunday and the other on Monday. Two slices gone – not half of the pie. Two small slices mind you. Not the normal slice of pie you would get at a restaurant. Bandster style slices. Thank you Jesus for this band! I tell you what, it is giving me balance and an awareness that I have been missing.
    Proudly I proclaim that more than ¾ of the pie is still waiting to be consumed! This is the change I am happy to see! I no longer purchase “extra” Little Debbie snack cakes to hide and binge on. Matter of fact I don’t even touch my husbands snacks. I buy them for his lunches and now they are safe! I love feeling the success of the band!
    When I eat now, sometimes there is a discomfort. A discomfort in my head as well as my stoma. Let me give you an example so you can see what I mean. For instance, last night I made some mean tacos. I fixed a hard-shell for myself. I broke up the hard shell put some cheese, turkey burger, ff refried beans, green chili’s, low fat sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes on it. Loaded! I look at my plate, and the taco fills up most of the plate. I use a salad plate or a side plate now as a regular plate. Now I know darn good and well that it is more than a cup of food. I sat down thinking, I am going to try and eat this, at least as much as I can. What the heck Angie!? That is not the attitude for success!
    I begin eating, oh it tastes so good! Before the taco is ½ gone, I feel satisfied. I think to myself….”oh this tastes so good, I wish I could eat more.” I take another bite…..and just one more…and you guessed it – it was one to many. Ugh! WHY!? So now I have gone 2 steps past the satisfied, and am now in the two bites to many stage. I end up having the last bite return. Yuck. Even thought I know the signs I force the issue. Head discomfort and stoma discomfort. Ugh! See what I am talking about. Adjusting mentally is still a work in progress. I do good, I don’t do so good!
  13. AngieB

    This is great! 241.8

    By AngieB,

    I am beside myself this morning. Let me tell you, when I stepped on the scale, it had gone down a tinny bit more 241.8. This is amazing to me! I am assuming the fill I had is really doing its job?! Seems like I am dropping weight pretty fast, more so than I thought I would. Not that I am complaining, it is surprising to me. The foods I am eating are the same as before. In the beginning my weight loss was S-L-O-W or non existent. I was pro-active about getting fills. Each month, I went in and had a fill.
    I read a post that spoke on the importance of being at the right restriction. I took it to heart and did what it said to do which was keep going until you have restriction. DON’T GIVE UP! I have a tool in my stomach, but it doesn’t do me a bit of good if it is not in working order. I am pleased to report my tool is in working order!
    It was an expensive process, and I am blessed I was able to keep on going in like I did. Not to mention, my husband was supportive during this time as well. The process of getting to the right level of restriction has been a difficult one. With each fill, I would feel hopeful. After the period of liquids ended, I would feel restriction only to have it slip away in a week or two. The rollercoaster of feeling a level of restriction, YES!….to oh…where did the restriction go. Ugh! Call for another apt. The cycle starts all over again. I had 4 fills in 4 months. Between appointments 3-4 I had lost 8 lbs! Woot!
    It’s paying off now. I feel great! I am able to eat 3 meals a day. The scale is moving. Eureka! I’d like to NOT have another fill till next year. With the holidays’ coming up, I feel primed and ready. It will be a different year, one of less focus on feasting, and more of a focus on living. My plate size will be different, and I will not be overeating like years past.
    I will take this opportunity to say again how grateful I am to have this band. It limits me and sets guidelines for me to follow. I not have structure when it comes to food! Hurray!
  14. AngieB
    Well the scale said 242.5. That my folks is the lowest number I've seen in 2 years. I am pretty sure I will be out of the 240's soon. Maybe next week.....lets hope. I could use a change of scenery. Come on 230's. I know before to long, I will be cleaning out my closet. My 22's are pretty big. Can not wait to give them to someone who needs them! What a great feeling!
    My husband took our son out today. It feels great to have some alone time. I don't get me time very often. I love my family but I would like some space every once in a while. It would be great if once a month, I could get some time for myself. Guess that is the price we pay for living far away from family. No matter what there is ups and downs to life. I love my husband so much. He is so good to me! The past few hours have been so peaceful! Looking forward to them coming home!
    I meet with my therapist tomorrow, and I am hoping to hit a hair cut place on the way home. Gonna do a home dye job on my hair tonight.
  15. AngieB
    I am feeling strong emotions. Some admittedly are unhealthy. I really want to lash out and say cutting remarks. So far, I have remained silent. By keeping silent, it fuels my anger inside. What do I turn to? Food. Gosh I wish I could snap my fingers and be the picture of health. Not feel all twisted inside when things from the past surface. I get really tired of this darn onion and its layers. For example, when my mother, who by the way I love dearly, brings up Kenny and his wife, I want to make a remark like this: Oh…Kenny, the man who use to have me stroke his penis….. Now that doesn’t do anyone a bit of good. By doing my best to take the high road during this time, I am putting myself through more emotional toil.
    To add to my stress, I have my cat, which is urinating on my carpet. This is not acceptable. I have run the gamut with solutions. Moving the cat box to where he is peeing, spraying the cat deterrent on the area where he has urinated, as well as keeping the cat box super duper clean. When he gets mad, he does his deal. Cleo is very special to me, and I love HIM so much. My son loves him and the cat loves my son. It kills me to think of surrendering him, or having him put down. He is so affectionate and I’ve had him for 8 years. Nothing is wrong with him, other than his has a strong personality. This is putting a strain on me, and my husband. God bless my husband, he know how much I love Cleo and has been very supportive. Jim has even helped clean the cat box, and has been great about steam cleaning the carpet. He is being supportive and letting me come to terms with this. When I think I can have him put to sleep, something happens and I change my mind. Like I see how well Daniel and he get along. It makes me sad. I don’t know what to do.
    Me being me, I feel this stress and I want to eat. If food is not the problem, than eating is NOT the answer. When I turn to food, I feel bad for eating. Then I step on the scale and feel worse for gaining weight. Insanity is repeating the same behavior expecting a different result. I want to stop the insanity!
    Last night, I asked Jim to feed him and Lil D. I went up and lay in bed. Had some solace time. Amazing what an hour of me time will do. I laid there and let myself feel, just be. It felt good not to pay attention to myself and not have to push myself or have any responsibilities’. Then my hubby and son came up, we watched a cartoon with Lil D and put him to bed. We turned in early, I was emotionally tired.
    My two days of eating racked up 1.5 lbs of extra weight. Not to bad, not that great either. I don’t want to give Kenny power over me. When I eat to feed my feelings I am directing energy and power in a misguided direction. Today, I am empowering myself. I am going to eat healthy and take care of myself. I can feel emotional pain and not have to eat. Today, I am making a change for the good! Thank goodness for this band! I am so grateful to have it.
  16. AngieB
    The number on the scale was 243.6 this morning! The liquid phase did jump start my weight loss. I am noticing that this fill has really made an impact.
    Adjusting to the fill - Yesterday was a difficult day for eating. I had a non breaded filet of fish for lunch with some salad. Ended up PBing, I was able to continue eating with out incident. For supper, my husband wanted Chinese. My son and I shared, and we ordered 1 pt of combination low main and an egg roll. It was not the best choice. I got stuck right away. I did not eat the outer shell of the egg roll, just the insides. I ended up PBing and did not attempt to continue eating. I thought it best to have a protein shake instead. Thank goodness I had an egg and yogurt for breakfast that went down well. Gesh!
    Today, I brought a yogurt for breakfast and a black bean patty for lunch. My plan of action is to chew my food better. Just when you think you are chewing really well, you find out there is still room for improvement. This is the hardest adjustment I’ve had with getting a fill and being able to eat. That being said, I believe this is my sweet spot. If anything, I may find I am a smidgen to tight. Since this is my first week after the fill I am still feeling my way through it.
    Lately there has been some chatter on the lapbandforum.com that speaks volumes about being too tight and staying to tight. I would rather learn my lesson from others than learn it first hand. It would be sad to not be able to eat healthy, and have to have an unfill; due to irritation and swelling. I know how much having good restriction has helped me and thinking about no restriction to give my stoma and stomach time to heal…..not a pleasant thought.
    I am very pleased with the number the scale shows. In fact, I seem to be loosing very rapidly. I’d rather be slow and steady than fast and furious.
  17. AngieB
    I had canceled my fill apt and made it into a vitamin level check instead. Which I had second thoughts about doing the very day I called. Ugh! My band opened up wide and said ahhhh. So, I decided to call, and see if I could make another fill apt. Turns out they put me right back on the roster again. Worked out beautifully. I did have a fill appointment yesterday. We did not do lab work. I feel like he gave me an aggressive fill. I was thinking they would top me off, like .1 cc or maybe .2. As my fills have been smaller this whole process. I had told them I was near my sweet spot, that this would be an adjustment. Ended up getting .4 cc's. I watched on the screen like I normally do. This time the liquid flowed threw alright, just slower than I have seen before.
    The room as packed too. Both case managers, who are RN's, Emily the PA, and the newest Dr. to come on board the staff was there. Plus like 3-4 other people. It was ineresting and crazy. Normally there is not as many people in the room. When Doc G looked at my band, he spoke words out loud that are haunting me a bit today. I am trying not to worry about it. He noted that my band was positioned at 1:00 ish or noon. He said normally the band sets at a 2 o'clock position. Dr G said my pouch was not dialated, and my band was not slipped. I am a weirdo, my words not his. He said it must have scarred in that way. Hmmm will I be more apt for a slip? I sure hope not! He said it's my anatomy, a little different that is all. For some reason, it makes me nervous. I understand that I can not "focus" on that. I am hoping my head and my emotions will get on the same page, and I can let it go. I may give the office a call and ask to see the initial picture they took of my band. Was it always at the 12-1 position.....
    I digress.....anyway, I was talking to them about the crazy topic of doing your own unfills. I've always watched the process, but this time, I was paying close attention. I have to revise my previous statement on my blog. I don't feel it would be as simple as I had once thought. Especially not doing it on yourself! Ugh. I have the small low profile port, so it would be even harder to hit with the needle. I asked them, if I had an emergency situation, if I would be able to call and get someone to walk the medical professional through the unfill process. (situation being I was out of the area and no one was familiar with the band.) They assured me they would be able to help. Not to mention asking for a Chemo Nurse would do the trick too. Anyway, just thought I would tell you about my change of heart. So although I know I have what it takes to do it, I cant forsee me being in a situation such as me doing my own unfill.
    Now as for my fill. I think I will be on liquids for an extra day. I feel tight. My whole eating world is about to change I think with this fill. I hope I don't find it to be to tight. I notice that this morning to drink, it feels different than before. Ah, yet another learning curve. I hope I adjust as well as I have the past 3 fills. Today I have had a shake, coffee, some water, and a blended up pot-pie. No crust, just the gravy, veggies, and chicken. It did just great. No issues.
    Well, that's what is in my head for today. I am really hoping I have a good enough fill level at this point to sail me through the holidays. Gosh, I wouldn't want to get a fill going into Thanksgiving or Christmas.
    Oh....one more thing....I lost 8 lbs in a month! I am very pleased to report that tid-bit. Not to slow or to fast, just right. Given all my eating blunders, it's very nice to see a healthy result. Woo-Hoo!
  18. AngieB
    Okay, so I canceled my fill apt yesterday morning. YESTERDAY!!! I swear, it was like my band opened up! Give me a break! Ugh! Here I was thinking I've reached a decent level of restriction, and the day I cancel it's like I can eat more and not feel full. Is this a joke!?
    Alright, now that I have that out of my system, I will say, I am looking forward to my apt tomorrow. I canceled my fill and decided to make an apt with a nurse to get my vitamin levels checked, weigh in, and basically touch base. This beginning process takes a toll on my spirit. Up down up down. I am beginning to feel like I am on a yo-yo-coaster. Over all, I think the hardest part for me was the reality of I am a slow looser. That restriction does matter with me. Glad I am not the only one out there like me. I am down 32 glorious lbs and that is great! I love that I have lost my baby weight. Took me getting the band to do it! Now onto the "other weight." I am pretty happy I am in the 240's!!!
    On the subject of fills: The good news is I have a good amount of saline in my band. I am setting at 1.6 cc's, so that gives me some restriction. I may not be at my "sweet spot" but I know I am dang close! Maybe I will reschedule for October to give myself some time to see what is going on with my body/band. Time seems to be pretty critical for me at this stage, as I mentioned above my feeling of being on a yo-yo-coaster. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow. That is why I think it is good to give it some time to shake out. I'd love to feel some balance!
  19. AngieB
    I bought a new scale. It is a Weight Watchers scale. I have to say, it is nicer than my older one. When I stepped on it, I was nervous it would tell me I was heavier than the old scale. NOPE - LIGHTER! It read 246.6! Whoop! That number made me happy, considering last week I ate sweets EVERYDAY at work. Talk about a bad week for weight loss. Yikes!
    I am officially down 32.3 lbs! Yay me! I am relieved, and excited about the numbers going down. For a while, I was getting down hearted. It can be difficult not to compare myself to others. I knew as soon as I got a decent level of fill built up in my band, the numbers would start to change. Waiting is the hardest part.
    The relief on my husbands face is nice to see. I think he was worried when the weight didn’t start to shed right away. I am happy, he is happy, we are happy! I mentioned to him this morning, I am nearing the weight I was at when I began my pregnancy in April 2007. I was 240 when I stepped on the scale at the Dr.’s office. We had just returned from out honeymoon. I think I gained 5 lbs on the cruise. Ugh!
    Each new mark is great to see. Before long, I will need to clean out my closet. That will be exciting! What is great is I have plenty of cloths to fit into! I saved my cloths, so I won’t be shopping for a while. I have cloths all the way down to size 14.
    Currently I am a size 20/22 depending on the pant. I can’t wait to wear some of my tops again. They are nice and waiting for me. My boobs are getting smaller! I realize I am going to have to buy a few bras in the next month or so.
    Let’s talk fills….shall we. I have an apt for a fill this week. Still trying to decide if I need it, am I restricted enough?? During my TOM I noticed I tighten up. It was great! The amount of food I was comfortable eating decreased. The weight is coming off…..maybe I should wait on the fill. This week I am going to evaluate my eating, and weight loss. Right now, as it stands, I think I should cancel the apt for Friday. My hubby and I talked about it, and we decided to wait and see how this week goes. Will I loosen back up? That is the big question? Realistically, as long as I am loosing 1 lb a week, we are good to go.
    Goals: along with my 10 lb goals, I am hoping to loose another 15 lbs by December. I believe that is do-able. I am hesitant to set the goal higher, due to my slow beginnings.
    Can I take a moment to say, I love this band. Goal + Current weight loss = over 45 lbs! I love it. I am not unhappy with the weight loss, and feel happy to be loosing it slowly. My hope is to not have extra skin. It wouldn’t hurt my feeling one bit to avoid a tummy tuck.
    I am noticing a difference in my skin and hair. I have been taking a vitamin E gel capsule, calcium, and NeoCell, along with take a multi vitamin, liquid. Today, I ordered some children’s’ liquid iron. I’ve noticed I am bruising more & I figure adding some iron in every now and again would be wise. Seems like a lot of supplements’. I joke they are my breakfast or snacks.
  20. AngieB

    Getting a Grip!

    By AngieB,

    Well, as you may have read, I have been struggling to “Get a Grip” on the sweets. One indulgence and …. Off the deep end I dive! It’s like I have no self control over my impulses all over again. I can intend on making good choices, and then I see a tray of cookies and ADD takes over. My thoughts go to ….ooooo cookies. Yum, yum, yum, yum….ahh crud! Opps, I did it again. (play Brittney Spears song here.)

    So, since I have not been able to curb my impulses, I really need to try something different. I am going to add a snack in my diet. Today, I had my coffee, followed by my supplements. I guess that is considered breakfast. Lame, I know, but it is what it is. My mid morning snack was greek yogurt. We are having hoagie sandwiches for lunch. I am going to eat the meat and veggies, leaving the bread. Mid afternoon snack, will be pudding. Dinner is a TBD.
    I think I am not eating enough during the day, which makes me more likely to binge at any chance I get. My new theory is, if I am satisfied, I won’t dive off the deep end. So, I am going to see if this will help me to get off the sugar/carb kick and back on an even keel again. What I wonder is, how will adding snacks effect my water consumption…..? Trial and error right….?
    Some sweet success to share:
    I am in my size 20 jeans.
    I’ve seen the 240’s again on the scale! 249.6 To be exact!
    There are bagels in the conference room, and I have managed to stay away from.
    I did have a moment of weakness that was rescued by a meeting being held in that room. This saved me from getting stuck, and a possible PB episode. The “moment” also made me pause and evaluate, why I went for the bagel in the first place. Which lead me to my yummo greek yogurt, that has 15 gm of protein! Yay for the good choice!
    I’ve been taking NeoCell all week. Half the recommended dose, so 3 capsules not 6. My skin is beginning to look better. I have also noticed a difference in my hair. It feels softer and looks healthier. (My hair is still falling out, not at an alarming rate, but a noticeable one. Right now, I am slightly bothered by it. I am getting 60 gm of protein a day, sometimes more.)
    Today is Friday! Yay!
  21. AngieB
    Okay, so after a week of sweets, well really a few weeks of sweets, I was amazed to see myself this morning!
    I woke up, and as I walked past the full length mirror in the hallway and thought...."Looking Good Angie!" This week I have laid off the OCD weighing of myself. It's been TOM and employee appriciation at work. Yikes....shivers with fear. At the beginning of TOM, I had stepped on the scale and BAM! 2.5 lbs out of no where! I was bummed, so I decided to let this week work itself out with out without my frienemy the scale reminding me of some extra lug to lug around.
    Well, I decided to check out the scale. I seen the 240's! Yay! I weighed in at 249.6! Whoop Whoop! I am hoping to hold on to the 240's! I am soo close to my next goal. 248.9 will mark my 30 lbs down goal met. Super excited! That folks is less than a pound to go!

    I am so happy! Yay!
    I gave myself a gift today. It is a lovely softer than soft robe made of micro chenille. It's an extra large. I tried it on this morning. It doesn't quite fit right. To small, but it gives me something to make another goal out of. I love this robe, and it is a great way to celebrate my weight loss. My son loves it to, so I am guarenteed to get snuggles! Double win!
    NOT REWARDING MYSELF WITH FOOD! YAY!
  22. AngieB
    Well this week has been a real challenge......it's "employee appriciation week" at work and WOW! Muffins, Cookies, Klondic Bars, Sandwiches, ect ect....Food Food Food Food. Plus I am having a visitor, so that makes me want sweets. Horrible time of the month to have will power! UGH!
    I pretty much feel like this....

    I don't need much along the lines of temptation when it come to food......give me a break....I dive in head first.....
  23. AngieB

    Made a good decision!

    By AngieB,

    I set up a fill appointment last week for Sept 25th. When I called, I got the impression she was suprised that I was calling so soon.....again. (I felt that way the last time I called for an apt.) I've had a fill every month for the last well soon to be 4 months. Which has it's ups and downs. June, July, August, and this next apt! Ugh!
    Last week I was on the fence about the fill. Weavering a bit. Is this fill good, do I need to work the band more....?? Turns out, I do need a fill. TOM danced in Saturday eve....by Sept 25th I will be normal, and ready for the fill. (Many of us tighten up during that time.)
    Right after each of my fills, I found it difficult if not plain impossible to night eat.... This is so awesome! I love it when there is no way in heck I can eat at night. This is exactly what I am paying for, "forced behavior modification." I learn good and fast....two thumbs up. I want restriction to work for me, and I want to do my part and feed my body fuel, not crap, and not overloading it. The two go hand in hand. We work for each other.
    When go in for a fill, I will ask for the saline to be taken out so I can have an acurrate account of what is in the band. Then the new fill can be added on top of that. I am going to ask Emily to tilt the table upward to more of an upright postion before I drink the barium as well. So far, I have 1.6 cc's after 3 fills. I'd like to hit my sweet spot with this fill, as I have paid $1,200 for the fill portion of this journey. I'd like to have some restriction that sticks! Yes sir'ee!

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/fillerup.jpg]
    On another note.....
    It's employee appreciation week at work. My lovely boss brought me a muffin in. So, I tested my band and restriction. I was able to eat the entire muffin. Yep, need a fill. In my eyes, I should have at most been able to eat a bite maybe 3. Not the entire muffin and feel no "full button or oh! I need to stop." Some may say I need to work the band, and yes, I see and know that to be true, but on the other hand.....I need to have some restriction!
    So fill it is.
  24. AngieB
    I took a nice brisk walk today with my son. He was in the stroller, I was the walker. It felt so good to get back out and moving again. My injury, me falling down a flight of stairs in the middle of the night.....just call me Grace, has kept me on the sidelines. That has been hard. I've been swimming a few times 4-5 but can't seem to remember not to kick while swimming. My ankle is still swollen. Thank heavens the bruises have finally gone away. My poor leg. Anyway, the walk felt good. I have to limit my activity because it get pretty sore and swollen if I don't. I completely understand why people say they would rather break a ankle/leg then sprain it. The injury takes so long to heal and get back to normal.
    I am a bit bummed, as you know I am a scale whore....when I got on the scale this morning. I was 250 even steven. I REALLY thought I would see 249. Guess my period got in the way of that. Nice, Aunt Flo arrived in the middle of the night. Which was a bit of a suprise given the fact that I have had VERY LITTLE bleeding since I got my IUD. I can't complain. I vurtually have no period each month so hey, one every so often. I can deal with.
    My food log has been hurting me. Holy Cow man!

    Let me pause and say, I am so grateful for this band. My eating has changed so much, and for that I am grateful. Still I strive to be better, to hit a lower number on the scale. That won't happen if I continue my LABOR DAY celebration. I tell ya, when I get off track, I really get off track. Plus, I have been diligent about posting EVERYTHING I AM EATING ON THE FOOD LOG.

    I will say, it feels awful let good in a strange sort of way. I am laying it all out. The only person I hurt by not telling the truth is ME. Not anyone else. ME! So, maybe it will help others who struggle like I do.....one can hope. Just as long as I get HELP, that is what matters to me right now. Honesty is the best policy. Even if it leaves you feeling dysfunctional. Oh boy do I even feel that way when it come to FOOD.
    Well better go before my son makes the litter box his new sand box! Later!
  25. AngieB
    I got on the Labor Day bus of food this past weekend and have not gotten off. It's time to get on the bandwagon again.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/bandwagon1.jpg]
    I feel all alone on the sugar bus. I made a choice to eat what everyone else was having over the holiday, now I am in a bad way. I am stuck on the bus. I want to be on the Bandwagon again, but I am not follow the RULES long enough to get back there. I want to be where you are. I want to be back on the BANDWAGON again.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/rules--1.jpg]
    When I follow the RULES I feel good. I want to feel good again. I want to follow the rules. When I feel good, the momentum builds and I get super charged. It's easy to do the next right thing. Please Angie - jump off the bus! (A little self talk here.)
    I have to go log my food. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Ugh I don't want to be honest. I know that honesty is the anitidote to my diseased way of thinking. I must be honest.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/honesty.jpg]
    Boy isn't that the truth!
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