AngieB

B - coffee with ff cream and benefiber 3/4 of a banana 1/3 of a slice of NY cheese cake L - shrimp and cocktail sauce D - TBD VW 30 oz <BR><BR>handfull of darn chocolate kisses.....

*This is an email reply from me to a friend. We are talking fills. I have edited out the more personal information.* I am pretty happy with my fill level. My portions are now down to a smaller portion. One that I am letting myself adjust too. In the mornings, like today, I am eating 3/4 of a banana. For lunch I am having shrimp with cocktail sauce. I am going to see how many # I can eat. Right now I stay satisfied longer. To be honest, I could skip breakfast and pry not miss it, but I don't want to get in that type of habit. My goal is to eat smaller portions of regular food. That way when I go on maintenance.......in the future, I am set to eat like a skinny person. If that makes sense. It's tempting to "abuse" this tool and really abuse my body in the process. I really am focusing on being a healthier person. I am not pushing myself to get to goal by a certain date. I am living with this lifestyle. I do have goals. I'd have to say they are moderate. Like I want to see onderland in 2010. So that means for the year, I need to loose 35 lbs. min. That goal is totally obtainable. Since I have some good weight to loose yet, my first real solid # I am shooting for as far as a happy healthy weight is going to be in the 160-170 range. Right now I am thinking realistic. I would love to be 140-150 range but, I am really not close to seeing that goal, so I am keeping it more real for right now. I am noticing more with this fill that hunger is less and less of an issue. Holla! I really feel good about that. As far as PB's go, I've had less this time than any other fill. I am stoked over that. It tells me I am a better listener to my body! Thank heavens. The hardest part for me is feeling mentally satisfied with the amounts of food I can take in at a time. For instance, on the way back home, I bought a rice crispy treat. Peanut butter flavor with a layer of chocolate frosting. (yummy) It didn't take much to get me to feeling satisfied. I continued to piece meal on it till it was finished. End result, I PB'd cuz I couldn't put it away. : ( So, this is what I am finding out about myself. If I portion food out in smaller portions I am good to go. If I get something in a "regular size" portion, I struggle with the amounts. Even to the point of nibbling on the take out/ doggie bag portion after my meal. It bothers me to be wasteful, and in my family growing up, we had to clean our plates or set at the table till be were finished. I think that mentality has a lot to do with my OCD habits now dealing with what I just described. Anyway, so that tells me right there that I need to give myself time to adjust to my new portions. At Christmas dinner, it was so good and satisfying. At the same time I left feeling deprived. It was that I had a small sample of everything, but I was unable to "really enjoy" a good portion of anything. That was hard for me. I am striving for eating for nutrition, but more often than not I am eating for satisfaction. Anyway, that is where I am at with this fill. If you feel you are ready for the next phase of fill, girl go get you some! I am telling you, the people I see who have made goal eat a lot less and use it to there advantage. Each fill is an adjustment. If you don't allow yourself to make good healthy steps to get there, you are short changing yourself in the future. What I am saying in more laymans terms is if you don't eat the right foods and begin eating slider foods. That is where I personally think a bandster goes wrong. For instance, I buy Chef Boyardee for my son in those little cups for meals in a pinch. The days when he is starving and I have not even begun to cook supper....you know....anyway.......IMHO those are sliders. No issue eating a cup of that cuz it slides right through with the sauce. For me, I want to eat the same type foods all the way through to goal. That way I am hoping maintenance will be doing exactly what I am already doing so there will be no adjustments. I live it. If you are ready for a fill do it. It will help you in the weight loss battle. I was told to not mess around with fills in the very beginning. Which you can see I have not, hence fill #5. I have really listened to my body and went on what it was telling me. Despite the fact I felt like every time I called for an apt I got a vibe of you are coming in already.....yes! Yes I am! I am in control of my body, fills, and results. The Dr. I see says don't compare yourself to others success of fill level because everyone is different. A sweet spot for you may be something else for everyone else. In doing what I was told, I went through being eagle eyed about coming in so much. But hey, I was doing what was right for me. Now I am good, happy and content with my fill. It took me 5 fills! That is not your average that is for sure!

Hey there. So you are unhappy with your decision on being banded...? or are unhappy with the buyers remorse with tapping so many funds? I am curious as to what make you unhappy with your choice. Do you feel like you didn't know all the facts about the band and are finding out more info after the fact. Like you made a hasty choice? From my own personal experience it was waiting for restriction that was hard to deal with. I really didn't have restrcition that stayed until after my 4th fill. Stayed I mean more than 2 weeks of restriction before it faded. Ugh, for me that was hard.

I am 234.2 this week. I am happy with that given the holidays and my big jump 2 weeks ago. Hope everyone is hanging in there! I am back from my travels and am feeling good! Traveling was a ruff one this year so it is nice to be back to normal again!

Confidence is a good thing! One of the top qualities I think are important in a surgeon. Doc Ortiz and Martinez have a good confidence about them.

My insurance would not cover WLS so I paid out of my own pocket to have it. I am very little help when it comes to insurance. My insurance will not cover the fills either, but I can use money on my flex spending card to cover the expense of my fills. This year I have had 5 fills next year I only estimated I would need 3. I hope that will be the case! Good luck in finding what you are needing!

Carrie - I am the same way with fresh carrots or broccoli - I swear I must look like I am disecting a frog when I prepair my food to eat. I cut my pieces up so tiny and still have issues sometimes. Now, if the carrots are not cooked I just don't do them. I can eat apples but they make my pouch kinda hurt a bit after I have eaten one. I think it is because they are hard for me to chew them up really good before I swallow.... I have issues with any kind of waffles. If the bread is doughy I can't eat it. Other than that I can eat nearly anything. I had fried shrimp coming back on our trip and was fine. I also like the poppers and can eat a few of those with the fried breaded crust on them. I think more than anything the breading fills me up and takes away room for the good foods.

Coffee with ff cream and benefiber bag of protein chips protein shot vw 20 oz 20 oz flavored water black bean burger hand full of hersey kisses.....

So, I have hit on my holiday trip.....haven't shared everything cuz it is a bunch of negative stuff.....and believe me i could go on and on and on, just ask Carrie! lol! Sorry Carrie - but thanks for reading my woes! (not sure you read this blog but if you do...thanks for listening!) I woke up last night and tries to night eat. Yes, that is right. I have been dealing with a whole lot of unpleasant "stuff" and want to stuff my face to cope. Thank you band! I can rarely night eat anymore. Matter of fact, I have for the most part been freed of my obsession to eat at night. Which is one of the MANY gifts this band has given me. Uttt oh... I feel a mini rant coming on. LOL You know how people say " the band is JUST a too?l" Well to me, it is not "just a tool" for me this band is much more than that. I want to give credit where credit is due. For me, this band has broken the bonds that have held me tight for years. It has given me freedom to the slavery of food and has provided me with so very much. I can walk away from foods that I was unable to before. Heck the very fact that if I taste something and it doesn't hit the spot, I can put the food down and try something else or not eat it period is nothing short of amazing! Before I guess you could have called me a goat. I would have eaten foods that didn't taste great. Food that were sub par were fine with me. Hmmm well that has surely changed. For me this band is a tool. Not "just" a tool. It is my main tool. It is the heavy lifter for me. It has set limits to the limitless, boundries to the boundless. To me the band is so much more than a tool. Yes, I have changed a lot. Yes I have to work hard....but the band does to. It job is to teach me all over again how to eat. Now that is a tough job if you ask me. I am/was one hard cookie! Now, where was I. LOL I woke up this morning and my band was so tight I got choked up while swallowing a pill. Oh my goodness! I ended up spitting up in the sink. Water! Tighter than tight! I am wondering where my restriction was the ENTIRE vacation!?? (scratches head) I had not one issue eating anything and had to limit my own intake as far as being full was concerned. I stopped myself before I felt full most of the time because I never got the feeling of being satisfied on the normal amount of food. Weird how this band works. I am not complaining here! Don't get that vibe... I just am amazed at how fickle this band can be! At anyrate rant over....so yeah.... Glad to be back. Loving the normal around me!

I believe they mean well.....but it sure does nothing for the feel good sensors! Ugh! I plan on taking the cloths back.

Hey Carrie - Umm so would this be a bad time to ask how the Insanity series went over......muaahhh haaa haaa....really you have to laugh when the going gets tough otherwise you will end up like me with a gianormous bowl of ice cream and peanut butter in your face! It is hard to find balance and feel good about everything. I think one of the most important things I can say is that you are doing amazing! You are amazing, and I believe you will find a way to feel better or at peace with this struggle. It is hard when we are going it alone, but when you house is a healthy house that adds a certain element of pressure to the mix. Even if we take a moment to step back and breath it is still all around us. Carrie the counting and focusing on the details has got you this far! Which is so amazing. Finding something you love to do is vital for exercise! If PX90 is not that then do something else. Maybe hubby can humor you and do what you want as a compromise to the tough stuff. I personally like yoga and swimming. Walking is very theraputic for me when I do it too. I USE to use hand weights and really work it at times in the walk. It is also amazing how much you process in your head when you are out there. I know you are in this for the long haul and have the goals set. Now it's changing up the stratagy to make it work/flow right. You can do it. HUGS! Angie

Well we are on our way back to the home we miss and love. I am looking forward to seeing our cats and sleeping in my very own bed!!! Nothing feels as good as a sleep number. I am spoiled. Plus we have been sleeping on a queen or double and have had an extra lump in our bed. The lump is named Daniel. He is completely off his normal routine and was a bit freaked out by all the travel and change of environment. He wanted no part of sleeping in his bed at grammy's house. So we had a "family" bed. I am really looking forward to a good rest. I have been pretty stressed today. I've wanted to eat and my hubby has been very dissaproving. Hey, man...cut me some slack. I had a piece of fudge and he looked at my like I was breaking the rules. Dude, back off! LOL I am gonna eat another piece if you keep given me that look. Just kidding....kinda. Shit man. So we are 1/2 way home and relaxing in the hotel room. I had a hard time getting a strong enough signal for Wi-Fi and it was if I had run out of crack or something. My dear hubby was like dang honey, it's gonna be okay. Ha! Yeah that's when you know you are acting like a cat stuck up in a tree. Ahhhh get me to the people who understand me. Okay speaking of the people who understand me. Get this. The only person who said ANYTHING to me about loosing any weight was my mom. She said, I was standing in the hall way and she moved past me. Um, so was that a compliment.....uhh thanks, I think. She got me 3X cloths for Christmas. Um...I am not wearing 3X. Remember mom, you went to Mexico with me when I had WEIGHTLOSS SURGERY!? Oh well.Other than that, my brother asked me can you eat that? So, you can't drink when you eat. Yep, that is what kind of feed back I got. I was so disssaaapppoooiinnntteeeeddd. Are you serious!? That is it.....not hey you are looking better even???? Gosh, good thing I did this for me. Guess I thought that loosing 45 lbs would make a difference. Darn near 50 lbs difference and not one nice compliment. Okay I am done sniveling about that. I am going to spend vacation the next time doing things I want for our family. Rant over....

Kristi - ((HUGS)) I am sorry to hear of your grandmothers passing. My thoughts will be with you and I wish you safe travels.

Old habbits die hard. I stopped drinking a long time ago. Maybe 10 years ago....and every time I get together with my family, they offer me a drink. This was the first year that it didn't happen. Funny! Only took them 10 years....LOL Now if I want a beer I drink a near beer. At anyrate, our loved ones can be butt faces but in time they will get it. Right now it's like pouring salt into a fresh wound, but that will change too. Soon you will feel like you have the upper hand over food and you will feel so empowered. It is a very cool feeling. Know that changes are soon to come for you and you will feel the victory and success that goes along with those changes. Not only will you be healthier, you will look at food in a different light. I know I've said this many times, but it has been said many times to myself. Those who stayed plugged in have better success. I come on this board daily for the most part. On vactation, I may skip some days, or if I get sick.. Most of the time I am pretty plugged in. I want to be successful! My hubby is very supportive and all my buddies here are too. I feel very blessed to have such a great inspiration dwelling place to turn to. I love this board, its members and the support I have been blessed with here! ((HUGS))