Jump to content

AngieB

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,356

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    27

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by AngieB

  1. AngieB
    I got on the Labor Day bus of food this past weekend and have not gotten off. It's time to get on the bandwagon again.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/bandwagon1.jpg]
    I feel all alone on the sugar bus. I made a choice to eat what everyone else was having over the holiday, now I am in a bad way. I am stuck on the bus. I want to be on the Bandwagon again, but I am not follow the RULES long enough to get back there. I want to be where you are. I want to be back on the BANDWAGON again.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/rules--1.jpg]
    When I follow the RULES I feel good. I want to feel good again. I want to follow the rules. When I feel good, the momentum builds and I get super charged. It's easy to do the next right thing. Please Angie - jump off the bus! (A little self talk here.)
    I have to go log my food. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Ugh I don't want to be honest. I know that honesty is the anitidote to my diseased way of thinking. I must be honest.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/honesty.jpg]
    Boy isn't that the truth!
  2. AngieB
    Yes indeed, disbelief is a funny thing. It's hard to believe that I let myself grow to the size I did. Disbelief....

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/disb.jpg]
    I think after a while, I looked in the mirror and ceased to really "see" myself. Don't get me wrong, there have been days where I caught an awakening glimps of me. Like the day I was setting on my bed and looked up. In the hall way we have a large mirror. I caught a good long look of a side view of me. The "thickness" was shocking. It startled me and caught me off guard.
    Really, I am not sure where I lost myself. When I stopped seeing myself and got the glazed over look. I have to believe I did it out of self preservation. To make my size and eating okay, I blocked the very sight of me out.

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/denial.jpg]
    Denial is not bliss. It is painful, unhealthy, and deadly.

    I am now seeing, looking and aware.
    The scale reads 250 once more. Oh glorious 250! I am happy to see you. I'll be even happier to move past you in my quest to be healthy again.
    Honestly....being honest with myself feels good.
    I love me and thank heavens for the OCC, Dr.'s and this forum.
    I am thankful to have the ability to have this surgery.
    Here is to our health! Cheers! (with H2O)
  3. AngieB

    Labor Day with Family

    By AngieB,

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/laborday-1.jpg] The time spent with my folks was good. They got in late Friday, Lil D stayed up to welcome them. He was so cute. When Grandpa and Grammy pulled up, we made out way outside to greet them. Daniel had been waiting by the door or window, anticipating....waiting. As soon as we stepped out the door he was waving and saying "Hi Hi."
    Grammy was so excited to see him, her excitement I think overwhelmed him. He for a brief moment was a tad bit shy. That lasted for a whole 5 seconds. Seeing the 3 of them together was such a joy. For the next two days, the three of them were like peas in a pod. They laughed, play, wrestled, snuggled, hugged, kissed, shopped, finger painted, and carried on like best friends.
    I think I got a hug or two, but for the most part Jim and I ceased to exist to the boy who had his grandparents in town. So fun! I am blessed to have great parents. My greatest joy is knowing my son will have the grandparents others only dream of.
    Grandpa Dean and Grammy made a special stool for Daniel. It has his name on it and a picture of him and a monkey as well. The stool was a immediate hit! He sat on it, stood on it, carried it. The stool became his. If you touched the stool, he was coming to retrieve it from you. It after all was his very own stool!
    I did well with my sneaking food under stress. For that I am proud of myself. I enjoyed myself over the weekend and did ent up gaining a 1.5 lbs back. It doesn't feel the greatest, but I am not beating myself up about it either. I ate what ever I wanted and believe me, we had some yummy food.
    Bought some desserts from the farmers market and enjoyed those. I suppose that is where the 1.5 lbs found me from!
    It was hard to see them go back home. Daniel knew they were leaving and kept hugging them and giving them kisses. It was sweet and sad all in the same to see such a emotional display. When they left Daniel sobbed. Which in turn made them get tears in there eyes. Good byes are hard.
    Since it was nap time, I took him upstairs after they left and he was soothed. It was a few minutes later and I heard him crying. So, I went up and stroked his hair, offered him some comfort and read him a book to usher him into dream land. When he woke he was happy and went about his buisness, playing and having the fun a 21 month old has.
    Mom and I had one moment that I regret. She and I are so much alike, at times we don't mix well. I snapped at her and we had a brief word exchange. That stunk, but at least it was brief. I later said my regrets for my behavior. So I cleaned up my side of the street as best I could. It's to bad I couldn't have held my tounge.
    Back to the bandster lifestyle now. Focusing on loosing weight and enjoying life.
  4. AngieB
    So, I am coming closer to saying bye-bye to the 250's! ( I love my scale so much, but in the next breath I hate that scale. )
    I love it because I am a scale whore! Yes, I embrase my whorishness! Who cares. I get, "don't weigh yourself everyday" comments from people, but for me, I weigh. Everyday! Not only do I weigh in the moring, I weigh in the evening as well. Why!? Because it keeps me on track! I have programed my body through the years I have abused the ol' girl to pack on the pounds lightning fast. It's scary really. I digress....back to goals...

    [img=http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee56/angieboyd/lapband%20pictures/diet_lady.jpg]
    I am sooo close! 3 lbs away from leaving the 250's in the rear view mirror! I could just squeel with joy! Cha Cha Cha! Picture me doing the happy dance.
    The second goal when I hit 248.9 I will be at the 30 lbs lost mark! How great is that?!
    I am loving being a looser!
    P.S. the reason I hate my scale is it tends to vary a lb depending on what part of the floor it is on. Grrr. So not only am I a scale whore, I can be found moving the scale to different places on the floor. Yes, I am sure I look silly, but whatever. I use the heaviest weight each time. Example this morning, I saw a glimer of 251, but the heavest weight was 252 so 252 is what I go with. Ahh that darn scale, I do love her! LOL
  5. AngieB

    Back to 252!

    By AngieB,

    I got on the scale this morning and I am down to the 252 mark again! Sweet! I love the fact that I have structure during the week that brings on the sweet success!
    I am looking forward to my parents coming to town this weekend! Yay family time! I am hoping they can see the difference in me. When you are big, sometimes it takes a while for people to notice the weight loss.
    Haven't stashed any food. Still have lingering thoughts about it. Ahh the in's and out's of being addicted to food. I am a work in progress!
  6. AngieB

    Piggin Out Weekend...

    By AngieB,

    Holly Crap! I went on a eat-a-thon this weekend. I had touched 252.2 and then food hit the fan and I ate all day Sat and Sun like I had nothing to stop me. WOW!
    I am not going to beat myself up over it, I am moving on. The scale was back at 254.4 this morning.
    Weekends are harder for me because they are less structured. During the week I feel great......I do great.....
    Oh, my parents are coming up over labor day. I am already having urges to hid food, so if I need to eat I can eat in secret. I LOVE my momma dearly, but she does stress me out. She has always been critical of me and this is a big issue. So far I have not hid food. I am hoping to make some progress on this "issue."
    Let's hope I can work hard on current bahaviors to make a difference!
  7. AngieB
    Well the cake I baked on Sunday is about ready for the trash, and there is 1/2 a cake left! Woot! I haven't had to throw away cake for well, I can't even remember how long.
    Sweet success!
    I love the changes the band has made in my life this far!
  8. AngieB
    I tired on a pair of jeans today, they have been calling to me from my closet. Size 20! I am nearly there! They are 5 lbs away from looking fabulous! My tummy did a small spare tire. I don't want to look stuffed into my jeans when I set down, so back in the closet they went!
    Spend some time looking in my closet. I have 2 pairs of size 26's. One brand new never worn, jean capri's, and the other slacks worn after I had my son to go to a wedding. They will find a good home I am sure. Right now I am in a size 22. Glorous 22 I will not miss you! I am ready to go back to my 20's with the knowlege I have now!
    Life is good! I am becoming healthier and happier with myself. Thank goodness for the lapband.
    I attempted to eat last night. I love that after 1-3 bites I am done! I get the soft stop that says....take another bit and you will be up for a while in discomfort.
  9. AngieB
    I am pleased to share my newest reality. A little while ago, I made a pan of brownies. We were having company and the brownies where for desert. I had to toss out the last few brownies because they were old!!! Yes, that is right....old. Before the band, nothing got old at our house.....nothing.
    Over the weekend I made a chocolate cake. I am pleased to say that my husband has eaten more of the cake than I have. Yes! Now, that is another change. Let me confess and share that pre-band, I would have eaten most of the cake. (not to forget to mention, that it would have taken me a 2-3 day time frame to do it in.) Yep, I was that person, the one who was a cake hog. Get your fill now, cuz it will be gone before you go for your second piece of cake. I am so grateful to not have that horrible feeling anymore. YES! I love these victories!
    Now, when we have the handy dandy Hamburger Helper. We have left overs! Yes, that is right, left overs. I love it!
    I am tickled pink.
  11. AngieB
    So I had my 3rd fill and drum roll please......I have restriction. It has been almost 2 weeks and I am happy to report the level may have dropped a bit, but shazam! RESTRICTION!!!
    I am eating less!
    I am either not eating at night or eating very little!
    The scale is moving! I am so happy and hope this fill will last for a little while. *crosses fingers*
    I have lost 25 glorious pounds! Woo woo!
    It is hard to not have restriction, to have to wait a month between fills.
    Joined 24 hr fitness. Went for the 1st time last night. Didn't check the schedule and they had water arobics class. So I got in the hot tub, and the steam room. Went home early. I was bummed but oh well. Not ready for the class yet. My ankle is pretty sore from last night. Bums me out, but hey.....at least I have started.
    Jim is supportive of my membership, but I can tell he doesn't really like me going. For a few reasons. hmmm
    One thing I love is the "me" time. I LOVE being a wife and a mother, but I want to have some left for me too. I do notice I feel guilty for going, but I think that will pass. I know this is a good thing. I need it.
  12. AngieB

    Carb cycling oh my!

    By AngieB,

    So I have dropped off the face of the earth or so it seems. The rules at work have changed a bit and that is where I was doing some reading. Ya know over lunch or on a break. Sure do miss everyone. Staying caught up is harder now, seems I skim more now than ever. At least I read your posts.
    I have been carb cycling bug time. Seems junk has come in to my diet and boy it sure shows on the scale. I am holding the same on the scale. Or doing the 2 step. Garin 2 loose 2 gain 2 loose 2. Oh well, I am so grateful I have the band, as I am sure I would be heading onwards and upwards. That is not what I want for sure. So I have been working on my food choices.
    Activity has been severly limited. Fell down the stairs in the middle of the night and twisted my ankle really good I am afraid. Oh boy. It's been over a week now and I have a lot of bruising and swelling. The older I get the harder I fall. I watch my kiddo take diggers and boy let me tell ya he is better at it then me.
    My sons daycare transition has been a bit of an adjustment. Seems I have a biter on my hands. Daniel has been suspended 3 times!!!! They have a biting policy. 4 in one week and you are out for 24hrs!!! So needless to say I have taken some vacation time. He is getting better but it is a challenge for him.
    I am going in for another fill on Aug 14th, which is this Friday. I am hoping this is the adjustment I need to hit my sweet spot. This will be my 3rd fill!
  13. AngieB
    Since it is not in me to change anyone other than myself, I am setting off on yet another journey. I am hoping to transform myself into an even more beautiful person. I am beautiful, and need some refining work done. A little plastic surgery if you will to fix a spot or three!
    My co-worker, who I have been allowing to drain the life force out of me, shared some great news with me today. She is staying here and will not be moving. Our relationship is one that has caused me some pain and discord. I have taught her how to treat me, and well, the way I am treated is not very nice. So now the work begins. I will have to teach her all over, how I want to be treated. This relationship will be evolving….it may cease to exist. Really I don’t know. One thing I do know is this, “I want better relationships for myself.”
    I had intended to ride out the storm. The storm meaning, until she moved. Now that she is staying, I will have to fall back on plan B. Plan cop out was plan A. I was going to continue our relationship as it was until she was gone. Since she is staying, that won’t do. The work begins today!
    I want to feel good, be treated with kindness and have some self respect. So, now when I feel the signs that I know all to well, I have the God given ability to do something about it. I can change how I react. How empowering is that! I love it. It is painful for me. For a long time, I have cared so much, that it causes me to hurt. It’s time for me to love myself enough to lay some healthy boundaries; Ones that will protect me, as well as others in my life.
    I am worth it! I love myself, and I can do this! I deserve to feel good, have quality people who care about me in my life. I do not have to make myself available ALL the time for people.
    Oh, and by the way. After my conversation with Jill this morning, I wanted to eat. Yep, my old stand by. The way I stuff, comfort, torture, make okay, treat myself. Gosh I am glad I can have such a good friend in food. *sarcam* Boundaries would be good to have with the worst poison in my life. Food! I will be working on me old friend. (Seems that relationship is not working for me either.)
    I am feeling better all ready! I am thinking my way to a new way of acting. I am investing my time and energy into me. Into a better, healthier, skinner me! I am going to be hot again! I can see it already!
  14. AngieB

    It's official.

    By AngieB,

    I am in the dumps. I can see the positive changes and the good that has happened since being banded. Honestly, I am down and out. Guess what!? That is not a good place to be. I feel like I am a failure and that I am all alone in the banded world. Boo hoo, I know, cry me a river...
    This is my blog and I am telling it how it is.
  15. AngieB
    I had my first fill yesterday. (June 1, 2009) I arrived early so I could check in to the access center. I had to chuckle because the TV in the access center was set to the Jerry Springer show. Now honey that is some drama! LOL Pay my $50.00 and go upstairs to meet my new Dr. Almost as soon as I checked in Michelle came out to take me back to pay the $1000.00 fee. Within 2 minutes I was in a room meeting with Dr. McBride. She is very nice and a fellow bandster. She has had her band for 6 years. Cool!
    As expected Dr. McBride did an upper GI, and took pictures of my band to "make sure it was placed correctly." Everything was great. (I had no doubt that it would be, thanks O.C.C. Dr.'s and staff.) She also inflated my band to make sure it was okay, and then pulled the fluid out. I was glad she did this because I will in theory get better fills. All the air would have been sucked out. Then she put in 1.5 cc's of saline, and slowly backed it out until the barium was not getting held up. To my surprise I only needed .7 cc's to start me off. She had the table tilted upward while taking out the fluid. It is pretty neat to see the barium flow too. With the table tilted upward, you get a better fill because you are in a better “normal” position. You eat up right so it would make sense that your fills be tested in the upright position.
    I am officially off and running! She did advise to have liquids for 2 days, then soft foods, lastly on to solids. Dr. Mc also told me there was not need to rush back to soft or solids. As long as liquids are satisfying me, I could stay on liquids as long as I would like. Better weight loss this way. We will have to see how it is going!
    The staff at the University Medical Center is very nice, pleasant and helpful. I hope this will work for me. I have some very poor eating habits. Oh, and another thing, she was surprised I did not have any diseases, high blood pressure, shortness of breath, cholesterol, ect. Most people who have this procedure in the states have these issues. I am happy to say I do not, and that is another big reason as to why I am doing this life style change. I don't want any health issues and my family has several in there history.
    The entire apt and drive to and from took 1.5 hours. Not to shabby. The next time will be faster, as I will not be meeting with the Dr first.
  16. AngieB
    I’ve slowed down on my blog. Here is the latest. I am so happy to have this lap band. Really, I am so happy. My hope for a skinny future is on my mind, and I am working toward a goal. Eating healthier and having portion control is huge for me. Really I thought this in between time would be harder for me, not saying it is not hard. To my surprise I have not stuffed my face uncontrollably or done anything crazy. This fact makes me feel good. I am drinking 60 oz or water a day or more and that is amazing!
    The food choices I am making are better and that is a success!
    I have wanted some junk food. Like this morning, I am driving on my way to work and thought, hmmm should I stop for a donut. I did not. I drove right by and had my grilled chicken for breakfast. Yay me! Head hunger is another subject. I have been noticing more my compulsion to eat, even when I am not hungry. Asking myself a few questions has helped like, Are you hungry? Is your stomach growling? I do find myself feeling in a mild panic when my stomach feels hunger. How funny is that? Like hunger is going to hurt me….The mild panic I mention is better described as the urgency to eat. Typing this truth makes me want to laugh at myself for being so silly. I really am a foodie and this will be a struggle for me. I am ready to take the bull by the horns so to speak and do the battle to teach myself all over again.
    Not really sure how to put my thoughts on the next topic on the page. I’ll do the best I can. I am trying hard not to feel disappointed in my progress. Focusing on the journey as it is and accepting that I have not had a huge success in weight loss. One of my friends has had wonderful success! He has lost 50 lbs! I am thrilled for him, and can only imagine how great that must feel! Me, I have been at a stand still. Without realizing it, I had preconceived expectations that I would loose some pounds on the liquid diet phase. So you can imagine my disappointment when I did not loose much at all. I am setting at 17-20 lbs lost. This includes the 15 lbs I lost for pre-op. Even thought I have the head knowledge that this time is for healing, and the amount of weight I have lost is GREAT! I can not help but feel like – How could I have not done better!? No matter how much I know the weight lost is fantastic, I want to do better.
    One step at a time, one day at a time.
    My activity has increased! I am walking over my lunch break and have been out in the yard working too! I love spring and it feels great. I am planning on putting up my son’s pool today! Yay for water fun!
  17. AngieB
    I have been banded! Need I say anything more?
    This is the greatest gift. It could be considereda life time of gifts! The gift that keeps on giving! I got it!
    I am on the final phase of my post-op diet! Thank goodness!
    I am staying steady at the weight I had my surgery. I may vary a lbs/kg or two, but not much.
    HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
  18. AngieB
    Let's talk about poop. Being the mom of a baby or toddler has brought a new subject to my conversation. Poop!
    The first phase of the liquid diet I noticed my bowel movements to be "loose." Then I would go a day inbetween movement. Which felt stange. I have been a once a day pooper for a long while, sometimes twice. I know TMI but I have found lots of bandsters are superised at the lack of poo. I was! The first good poo came the second week of the liquid diet. I was pleasantly suprised! Oh! The poo has returned! Even told my husband! Yay! I pooed! Like he was thrilled to hear that news....poor man! Hey, he married me! LOL
    I know I am pooping a lot less. I would be better to take my benefiber but I don't it slips my mind.
  19. AngieB
    Well in 7 more days I will be finished with my post op diet. I am counting down. I am doing "pretty good" but not scoring 100%. I've had my cheat moments.
    Here is a list of my cheats.
    1 slice of banana (this caused mild chest pain and major spit) 4 days after surgery (dumb a$$)
    1/2 cup of mash potatoes
    3 sticks of string cheese (at different times)
    3 bites of a cookie
    1/2 cup of tuna helper (that I did not finish)
    1 bite of bread
    1 slice of hot dog (I chewed and spit)
    graham cracker
    10 animal crackers (at different times)
    I know it's bad, but I did what I did, and i want to document it. I wish I were that person who could do what I am told. Follow diets to a tee and feel the success of accomplishement. Although I have cheated a lot, I feel like I have done a good job. I have fallen short, but I have done my best. Sometimes my best is not great. I still feel proud.
    I started off mentally prepairing myself for the journey ahead. I was pumped and ready! Then HEAD HUNGER strolled in and kicked my butte!
    If you are a cheater like me, do your best. Do the very best you can. Each of us takes a risk when we cheat. The risk of our bands not healing right or solidly. The risk of a band slip down the road. Stretching out our poutch. We are aware of our dumb risks, but do it anyway. DO YOUR VERY BEST! I have done what I could. I don't feel like I have stretched my pouch. GOD knows I have not eaten enough food to stretch it out. (even though above list is even longer than I wanted to admit! Ugh!)
    This world takes all kinds to make it go round, I play my role. So scoff if you will, I can take it, for I have accepted myself and have broad shoulders! If you read this and feel a sense of relief because you too have fall short of the mark. I say again DO THE VERY BEST YOU CAN!
    One more week!
    25 more days until my 1st fill!
  20. AngieB
    Here is a list of items I packed for the trip.
    Liquid Tylenol
    Gas-X strips / Beano drops
    Unisom sleep melts (I have trouble sleeping)
    Neosporin plus pain relief
    Heating Pad
    Thermal care (for the flight home)
    Benefiber powder
    Stool softener
    BlackBerry and charger.
    Book to read.
    Cashiers Check
    Paperwork/Health survey.
    Green Tea to go ( I am taking a few of each kind.)
    Crystal Light plus protein to go
    Special K Protien water to go.
    Wyler's Instant boullion Chicken "granules"
    (Very handy to have, I would order a pot of hot water and viola!)
    Cloths (comfortable)
    Nightgown
    Swim suit
    Make-up / Toiletries
    Walking shoes / socks
    Flip flops
    Light jacket
    1$ and $5 for tipping
    Passport
    I did not use the following items from the list.
    Neosporin plus pain relief
    Thermal care (for the flight home) DID NOT BUY TO TAKE WITH ME.
    Benefiber powder
    Stool softener
    Book to read.
    Swim suit - we didn't have time.
    Light jacket - I forgot at home, it was cool but not to bad.
    I hope this helps you with your planning! I stayed at the Marriott and they did provide boyd wash, shampoo, conditioner. I still brought my own. I packed light, yes this is light! I had plenty of room for the items I brought home that I bought shopping! Fun!
  21. AngieB

    I am in bandland!

    By AngieB,

    Surgery went well. I decided to stay at the Marriott instead of the clinic. A bit more comfortable. I am feeling very good, so far very limited pain. I have been walking and drinking. Think I will lay down an take a little nap.
    I have the the 10cm 4 cc band from Inamed. I was very happy when I met with Dr. Miranda. When I stepped on the scale to be weighed in , I was 265 on the money! That is what my goal was. Yippee! So I lost 5% of my body weight as asked.
    I am so happy my mom decided to go with me. I think her helping to get up and walking early on made a world of difference.
  22. AngieB

    I leave tomorrow!

    By AngieB,

    I leave tomorrow bright and early for Tijuana, MX! I am excited, and for the most part ready. I do have a few details to tie up. My nerves have settled. It helped me to get my bag packed. That put me at ease, knowing I will not be in a rush to finalize any details. First thing this morning I printed my boarding pass.
    Yesterday I spent some time reading peoples negative experiences with the band. Worst cases! It was interesting, and I'll I can do is pray that those stories do not become my own personal experience. It did open my eyes more to what could happen, and what people went through. I am steping out in faith that I have made a good decision for myself and family. At anyrate, I am the person who reads stuff like that a few days before being banded! LOL I would not recommend it to the faint of heart.
    My friend who had her surgery on Monday is doing great! No need to take pain medication and has been out and about on Tuesday, shopping and what not. I am so glad she has had a positive experience!
    Now I await my own turn. I pray that this will be the experience I hope it to be!
  23. AngieB

    Verbal vomit!

    By AngieB,

    So, I am a pretty open person. Shortly after my decision to have the lab-band I decided to share with my close family and friends what I was doing. I knew that it would open myself up to comments, questions, and all that fun stuff that goes along with mentioning 1. surgery in a back alley butcher shop.... a.k.a. Mexico. 2. having weight loss surgery. God forbid I get off my large butt, excersise, and eat right like the rest of the normal skinny world. That being said, let's not forget to mention the people who I have told know me, it's like they suddenly forget you (me) don't make rash decisions, and that this is a well thought out and planned event. It's like all the sudden FEAR takes over rational thought, and you have become an idiot in their eyes.
    After fielding many questions, and sharing what I have learned with them. Each of them came back from the "fear" place and checked out the procedure for themselves. All of them have been pretty supportive, and have been great about keeping the critical comments to themselves if they have any. Thank goodness! What I want most of all is support and understanding. I feel like I have gotten it and am so gratful for that. I told them all I want positive vibes, not negative ones. I am not planning on dieing, I am doing this so I can live a better, healier life with my family and friends.
    Everyone seem to be dealing with this in their own way. I have a dear friend of mine that I work with, she starts the day coming in and huging me. She understands the mental prep that I have been doing to be in a good place. I love her for that.
    Interesting to me how everyone is making their peace with me. Almost like saying their goodbyes, like I am not coming back. Or maybe that is my own fear creeping in and that is how I take it? My Aunt Doris did pass after having GB surgery. She had no intention of dieing, but faced those odds head on. Last night as I looked into my sons eyes, I couldn't help but hope I was coming back. I am not ready to leave him, my husband, family or friends. I am not ready to leave my life. I hope that the Good Lord above doesn't have me penciled in his book of arrivals, because I am not ready. I want to be here for my family. I think of Lil D growing up with out me and I want to cry.
    Please, please, let me come back safe and sound. Everyones emails and hugs, last words have struck a cord with me. I am doing this to extend my life, to be healthy and gain some ground on a battle I have been loosing. I am so glad I have this place to write all these thoughts out in. It's easier on my mind and gives me a pressure release. When I started to write today I felt anxious. Now I feel better. Whether it made sense or not to anyone is not the point. It had to come out, and for that I am happy. Postive thoughts.
    From moment to moment I have a range of emotions. This is a good thing! This is a great way to change myself and I am so happy about it!
    On a complete side note, I am thinking of my friend Sandra. She is in Tijuana today. Sandra is a bit nervous and has jitters of her own. I have been praying for her and I'm looking forward to her call, hopefully today if she is up for it. Good luck Sandra! Yay for you! Soon you will be banded!
  24. AngieB
    I feel nervous, tense, or a general unease. I leave at the later part of the week to be banded. I had planed to pack my bag today in preparation for my trip at the end of the week. It's like I have a block. So I decided to come here and type out my feelings.
    A short trip, I believe will do me some good. To get away and have some time with no one to care for other than myself. That sounds terrible I bet. I love my son dearly, and the thought of not being around to kiss and tuck him in makes me sad in and of itself. On the other hand, he has been teething. You see at our house, we teeth in sets of four. He has been fussy, and rightly so. It has been grading on my nerves. Sometimes I feel so tense, and uptight I have to take a moment to relax and un-grit my teeth.
    This is a trip about me, for me. Secondary for my family, and for that I will be grateful that I am getting a chance to do this. It is hard to leave my family behind. I am sure I will be fine once I set out on the trip.
    Another thing that has been weighing on my mind....I had a reading with a clairvoyant some time ago. I was interested in my career, that was the purpose for the call. She had asked me if I had been having any stomach issues. I told her I had not. Later in our conversation I mentioned my interest in getting the Lap-Band. To sum up that conversation, she basicly said it was not a good idea. That there are to many side effects. She then went on to say, that some of us are meant to be bigger. I tried to embrace those words, but they didn't seem to settle right with me. I think she was picking up on my research of the Lap-Band when she asked if I had trouble with my stomach. At anyrate, in these last days I have reflected back on our conversation. Lately, on the forum, there has been a few people who have had there bands slip or had complications. I think that is dancing around in my head.
    Last minute jitters I guess, although I do believe the band will help me in my struggle with weight. I am ready and confident that this will indeed be a great choice. I really wanted to write down my thoughts or reservations if you will. Leaving my family the hardest.
    I am planning on embrassing this trip and relishing the mommy free time and the lack of daily responsibility. It is a mini vacation and a re-birth if you will. I am looking forward to it! Now I must go pack as I feel a bit better just putting my feelings out there!
  25. AngieB

    One week away!

    By AngieB,

    Well, I am down to 7 days. But who is counting right?! ME of coarse! I am counting! Yes indeedy!
    I am happy that I am making some friends who are getting banded and have already been banded. It's the best of both worlds. I get real life experience and get to chatter about what is on our busy little minds. Yesterday I got a good email message from Montana. She was talking about real life band expirences. Which is so awesome. I can't really wrap my head around all the changes that will be coming my way, but I am sure doing my best to educate myself on the "new way of life."
    Work is busy as I am preparing for my "vacation." I love that GOD is keeping me busy right up until I leave. Otherwise I would be dying with anticipation! Good Lord! Sometimes I feel the urge to tell an extra someone about my up coming trip. It fades soon after. I feel like I have told my "core" people.
    Although I can't help but feel a twinge of guilt when I speak to my cousins. My Aunt Doris passed away this past December after having WLS. So terribly sad, and I know most of the family will not understand right away how I could possibly have WLS after we lost her. I don't want to seem like I am not sensitive. That is not the case, however I do not feel like living in fear. Nor do I see our situations as being similar. That is not to say that we do not have a common bond. We all have a common bond, each and everyone of us who undergoes WLS. I can pray that when they do find out that they understand and will forgive me for going through with my plans. Honestly I hope a few will follow suit.
×
×
  • Create New...