CookieJ

Allison, stay strong...yesterday I went downstairs and fired up my stereo and did 15 minutes on the elliptical. Thought it was going to kill me the first five minutes but pushed through and did 15. Heart was going like a sledgehammer when I finished, but I was proud. In fact. watching the premiere of The Biggest Loser last night I was feeling better about myself than any other time I'd watched that show. I can already tell a bit of difference in the lack of 'bloat' that I feel, and that is wonderful for me. Only two full days and the motivation is already starting to come back. I'm enjoying my smoothies and my pureed soups and if I want a sugar fix a jawbreaker goes into my mouth!! Again, I know this is not a permanan solution, it's a motivational tool. But also, the BAND is only a tool, so this is my way of relearning what this tool can do for me. No where to go but up! Cookie

You're correct in that there is a much larger issue, and at age 47 I'm still trying to learn and figure out exactly what that issue is. I know it's emotional, I know at least some of it has to do with some domestic violence/abuse that I suffered in my life. I also know that I eat and smoke my anger or frustration rather than show anger or frustration. I also think that recognizing what this could be is half the battle. I'm thinking seriously of finding a therapist to finally help me work through some of this. In the meantime, I want my SELF back. This liquid diet is only my starting gate. I'm a visual person, I need to SEE results and FEEL results to get motivated. A 3 week liquid restart will do several things for me. It will help detox my body of all the crappola that I've put into it recently, it will help me see exactly how much restriction I have and hopefully get some of it back, and it will teach me the bandster lifestyle once again. It will also help me drop probably 10-15 lbs quickly which will show in my clothes, and help me stay motivated. Yesterday I ate more fruits, veggies, fiber and legumes in one day than I had for the previous week combined. I clocked out from work and went downstairs to my new Exercise Room(I work from home!) turned on the TV and DVD player and USED that room for the first time by doing 15 minutes on that Bosu ball...that's all I could do, heart was racing and legs felt like jelly, but it was the first time I'd worked up a sweat in a long time, and I felt great about myself last night for the first time in a long time. So this liquid diet isn't a solution, it's a tool just like my band. I know how to lose weight and I know how to keep it off. Knowing has never been the issue, motivation and determination have been. In February I'll look better, feel better, and I'll finally hop on the scale and see what more I need to do. Then I'll be able to bring solids back into my life and do it the Bandster Way. I want the spark back, and this is a really good way for me to do it. It's not for everyone but for me it's the best way! Cookie

Good luck Amy! You'll do just fine...please post as soon as you can, you'll be in our thoughts! See you on the other side! Cookie

It's kind of embarrassing to explain, but on the other hand who would understand better than this group! I thought that when I got my band that my problems with weight were finally behind me. I read as much as I could about it and knew it was only a tool, but I also thought that it would be such a strong tool that I couldn't possibly work against it. Yeah, that ain't exactly true. I am a boredom eater and an emotional eater. If I am bored or emotional I will find a way to eat. If I eat six bites and I'm full but there is still food in front of me that I want tto eat, a few swallows of water or iced tea will generally make room for more. If everyone else is eating donuts or birthday cake at the potluck and I can't because fresh bread won't go down, I will generally find the desk with the Hershey Kisses in a bowl. Chocolate sails right through the band like it's greased. I lost 50 lbs in less than 6 months. Since I'm just under 5'2" that's quite a bit of weight. I went from size 14 jeans to size 6. I looked and felt amazing. I remember I had a tradeshow/party for my job about six months after my surgery in Las Vegas. I have always been very, very introverted due to my size. At that huge party in this monster hotel ballroom someone put on Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean", and about six of my female coworkers pulled me up into a Dancing Chain going through the crowd trying to get the rest of the group to start dancing to get the party started. I remember I actually almost started to cry. I had never, ever had the confidence to wear the outfit I was wearing, dancing my a$$ off and smiling so hard my face hurt. I remember saying to myself "Never forget this moment or the way you feel right now". The problem is, I forgot it. I got comfortable. I was getting compliments from coworkers, friends and family left and right. I thought I looked and felt so good that that extra portion wouldn't hurt me, or that I didn't need to exercise as much. Frankly, I got cocky. After I gained back to size 10 jeans it was like I forgot I even had the band. Drinking wwith meals and excessive snacking had me in it's grip once again. I forgot how to exercise, totally spaced when it came to waiting an hour after meals to drink, and ate ice cream and chocolate so easily that I never missed the fresh bread or the donuts that I could no longer eat. A few months ago, I was watching The Biggest Loser with tears in my eyes because my favorite guy Danny was actually doing it; changing his life. I realized that I was watching The Biggest Loser with a huge bag of Hot Tamales candies in front of me that I'd bought in the bulk section of my local Winco. Eat a few, wash 'em down with water...cheer for Danny and wish I had someone like Bob or Jillian in my life, then eat a few more and wash them down. The realization of what I'd done to myself once again broke me out into a cold sweat. I resolved to take my band seriously again, and remind myself once again exactly how valuable this tool is. The good news is that NOW I know exactly what it can and can't do for me. It is not a Magic Band like I thought it would be. I will always love food, I will probably always want to turn to food when I'm stressed or bored, but I want to find a way to do it correctly. I know I've stretched out my pouch, but at this point that's OK with me. I know I can still make this work. Sorry for the ramble, but sometimes it helps to actually put it down. I honestly hope that if someone else is in the same situation, know that you have a second chance. Cookie

Even though I was banded over four years ago, today is my new 'start date'. I lost 50 lbs with the band and gained quite a bit of it back, and I'm sick of it. This board gave me the advice to go back to liquids for 3 weeks and jump start my weight loss and motivation and today is my day! I have no idea what my weight is, I don't want to know. Numbers will only freak me out at this point. My VitaMix blender will help me make smoothies for breakfast and lunch. Breakfast was strawberry, mango, apple, carrot and spinach. Lunch will be a variation of fruit but still contain a carrot and a handful of spinach. I HATE veggies, but the VitaMix has enabled me to finally put them into my diet by masking them as fruit-flavored! Dinner will be a pureed soup. I have low-sodium canned soups that I love with plenty of fiber, and I puree in my VitaMix. My hubby is totally on board and is looking forward to making his 'famous' chili and steaming the stinky cabbage and essentially eating all of the stuff that I can't stand for the next month. I will probably weigh myself in early February and hopefully that number won't scare me as much as this current one would. Allison is right there with me as far as I know! She chimed in on my first 'help me get back on track' thread and we've decided to do this together. It's going to be hard to not chew anything for the next month, but I'm determined to do this. I need to feel and see the weight loss. On the upside, I won $1800 at a casino two weeks ago, so my two big purchases were a Bosu Ball for my Exercise room complete with 4 workout DVD's (www.hsn.com) and a 32" flat screen TV to watch them on! This new tool is nestled between my Life Fitness Elliptical Trainer and my Schwinn AirDyne exercise bike. As soon as I get home from work I plan on changing into my workout clothes, and doing 10 minutes on the elliptical and 10 minutes on the Bosu. I frankly have not worked out in years, so I don't want to overdo it. 10 minutes on each for a few days and I'll work my way up. Baby steps!! Anyway, just wanted to put it out there that I'm restarting my Bandster Lifestyle four years after being banded. Might be a little late to the party but at least I'm showing up. Wish me luck! Cookie

I have a different attitude on sweets. I love hard candy. Not sugarless candy, it's full of sorbitol that bloats me something awful. But regular hard candy. My favorite are jawbreakers, like Atomic Fireballs. There is max 20-30 calories in a hard candy. I have them in my purse, my desk drawer, and even my car. When I'm stressed or feeling like I need a sugar fix, I pop a jawbreaker in my mouth. It usually lasts 10-15 minutes, totally satisfies my craving, and I haven't blown my day. If I eat an additional 150 calories per day as candy, I don't feel bad. When the going gets tough I'd rather have 150 fat free calories that satisfy me than succumb to an 800 calorie Snickers. In regards to the cycle, I learned a long time ago that there is a huge difference between a slip and a fall. Eating something you shouldn't, or even eating an entire DAY of things that you shouldn't doesn't mean you've fallen and you can't get up. You slipped. We all slip. Heck, half of the time I'm walking my life on banana peels. The fact that you realize you slipped is enough to make it a slip. Get up, dust off your tookus, and get on with your day. The only thing that will turn that slip into a fall is waking up tomorrow and saying "Well, yesterday was a pooper so I might as well blow the whole week....". Cookie

My band is a fickle little creature. I can eat pasta with any form of sauce with no problem... however one bite of macaroni and cheese will stick like a hair clog. I can eat most potatoes, but french fries are a big no. I can not eat any form of fresh bread or cake. No bread, muffins, cake, donuts, hamburger or hot dog buns. I can eat my homemade chewy cornbread (Thank Heaven, for if I couldn't, life would not be worth living) if I take small bites and chew thoroughly, but that's it. I can eat a grilled sandwich if the bread is really crunchy grilled, but if it's the slightest bit soggy, no way Jose. It took a long time for me to get over not being able to sit down to a PB & J sandwich, or a Turkey and Swiss made from the Thanksgiving leftovers. No problems with any meats as long as I chew well. In fact, I'm a carnivore. My main snack is beef jerky and my favorite meal is Baby Back Ribs. No problem with either one of those! If only ice cream stuck...I'd probably be at my goal weight. *sigh* Cookie

I've always been a huge water drinker so it's no trouble for me, but maybe you're trying to do too much at once? You're saying 16oz of milk or OJ, and to me that sounds like a daunting task for someone who's not really into liquids. What about doing one cup at a time? I have an insulated stainless water bottle on my desk that I fill with ice cubes and filtered water. I sip on it all afternoon. When it's empty I go refill it. If I knew that I had to drink it all at once it might spook me, but a little at a time adds up! Cookie

I totally understand. This might be an odd way to look at it, but I feel a bit differently about the sick and tired. In my pre-banded days, I was sick and tired of my weight, sick and tired of feeling awful, and sick and tired of NOT seeing a way out. After my band, I know that I'm sick and tired of not being able to eat a piece of holiday eggnog bread, but I also know that for the first time in my life there's a reason that I can't eat it BESIDES the fact that it's 'bad for me'. I guess I feel like I've always had those same feelings during the holidays of "I wish things were easier for me" but at least now I know that I have a way to make them easier for me than they are for other people who have those same feelings. Does this make any sense at all? Because we have abused food in the past any time of year that glorifies eating is going to be a pain in the patoot for us. All we can do is feel blessed that we have a way to deal with that in January besides the mostly ill-fated 'New Year's Resolution'!! Cookie

You are not alone... I did this myself once or twice. It's not only the mental addiction to food, it's the physical as well! We don't drink our food, we chew it! To feel total satisfaction I think we need to chew, taste, swallow. You feel like you're cheating yourself if you don't. What got me through it was finding the most satisfying liquids I could find. I agree on the beef or chicken broth. Once I got to thicker liquids I would puree bean soups or potato soups in my smoothie blender, adding a bit more water or broth until they were very thin. Make your liquids as tasty as you can and you won't be as tempted to chew and spit it out. In some ways, you're only making yourself seem more deprived if you chew and spit. If you find tasty and satisfying liquids, then you're making the most of the liquids! Good luck!

I've honestly never heard of that fill technique either! I've never had a fill with flouro, it was just .5 to 1.0 cc's each fill till we found my sweet spot. I always drank a little half bottle of water after the fill while we chatted a bit, just to make sure everything went through just fine, but I was never told to 'say when'. As for the port, maybe mine is different, but is a flouro really needed to find it? Mine is a clearly-felt half dome of smooth plastic no more than 3/8" under my skin! Every fill I've had is lay back, alcohol swab, feel with two fingers for 3.6 seconds, poke and fill, then up to drink my water! I've mentioned that she could at least buy me dinner first! Cookie

Allison, I hear you... Ice Cream is my drug of choice. When most people fill a cup I fill a Jethro Bowl. My only way around that lately has been Ice Cream Bars. They're full fat still, but at least it's portion control!! In my opinion, that was a step in the right direction. Now I will buy the nonfat variety so at least I can still have my treat, but it won't do as much damage. Allison, it's also amazing to me that you're a therapist. I used to run a weight loss center!! Sometimes we're better at helping others than we are at helping ourselves. I know exactly what to do, but sometimes it's hard turning the mirror around and facing our own issues. Personally, I had a very devastating domestic violence situation nearly 14 years ago that almost killed me physically and emotionally. I deal with the guilt and the scars from that situation to this day, and I know it is a major reason why I eat for comfort and security. I also know that knowing is half the battle. I've seriously thought of therapy to deal with this issue, but honestly have never taken that step. I might consider it now. The best thing for me to do right now is stay off the scale. I have no idea how much I've gained, and frankly I don't want to know. I think right now numbers will only depress me, even though I've made the decision to restart this journey. I will do what I need to do and get back on track, and maybe in February or March after my liquid restart and a few months of Good Girl under my belt I might get back on the scale. At this point it's all about motivation and numbers have a way of undermining that motivation whether we want it to or not. I will lose 50 lbs by my birthday in July. Nothing like a great big cake with 48 candles on it to depress a woman, and I want to feel good on that particular day. I think with the support and motivation on this board as well as from my husband, I can do it. Thanks again to everyone for the virtual hug, as well as the virtual kick in the butt. Cookie

Allison, I appreciate you posting on this thread...it will just inspire and motivate the both of us. I'll admit I've gone through a lot of guilt in the past few years. I know people who can't afford the surgery or whose insurance won't pay for it, and they want it and need it more than anything in the world but can't get it. Here I am. $17,000 surgery that I only had to pay $1000 for. I've had this 'gift' in my body for five years and I don't even appreciate it. What in the world is wrong with me?? I begged and pleaded for this surgery. I barely skooched through with the BMI requirement that the insurance company had, but I made it. Wanted it, needed it, played by all the rules, did very well, and then blammo. Realized that it wasn't the magic wand that I thought it would be. Realized that I would have to make some sacrifices too, and when I realized that I was going to struggle, I basically took my toys and went home. I know I have done some physical damage. Not in slippage, I think I have stretched my pouch. As of last night I started NOT drinking with my meals, I waited an hour to drink anything, and this morning I had my coffee and THEN had some breakfast instead of both together as normal. I was able to eat a piece of string cheese and a full cup of granola without drinking anything, and I think that's more than I should have been able to eat. Oh well, it's still restriction and I'm going to work with it!! Stretched pouch is better than no pouch, and I think a lot of it is psychological anyway. When I start playing by the rules it will make a huge difference. Last night at dinner I told my husband what you all suggested, which was going back to the beginning and going on liquids for 3 weeks. I thought he would say I didn't need to do that, but he was all for it! He agreed that I needed to see good and quick results to keep the motivation going, and suggested that right on January 1st I go for it. My wonderful husband said he'd work on his own dinners, I told him that I'd make some soups, chili, meatloaf, whatever and freeze it for him beforehand, and he was fine with that too. He also agreed that we need to get some usage out of our new exercise room, and that he'll help. Don't laugh, but our exercise room is something that I decorated myself. When we made this room I wanted it to be someplace fun. I found posters and photos that I put in frames of famous people exercising. I have Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton, Lucy and Ethel on exercise bikes, Victoria Principal (Remember The Body Principal???), Olivia Newton John getting Physical, even Miss Piggy in leg warmers. There is a 6 foot cardboard stand up of Rocky in the corner. I want to walk in and FEEL motivated. You all have helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think that Allison is going to start the journey again with me. What do you think Sister, you up for it!? Cookie