KristaH

Well, seems these days I'm just Debbie Downer.... Been trying for roughly 2 weeks now to get somewhere with the financing. I am beyond tired of getting my hopes up everytime I go somewhere hoping they will help me. This whole process is nothing but depressing. I am simply just not as strong as everyone else on here, that can wait 2 years while saving the whole time. How come everything has to be so damn difficult in my life? As if being overweight and unhealthy isn't enough, I also have to live with the fact that I will never get anything the easy way. I will never be lucky and never have an answered prayer. At this point...my life will literally be an uphill battle. SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING LET DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, as we were in there signing for the loan, even the consultants were on my side, regarding not getting it now and waiting. So needless to say...I'm at ground zero again. And payday was last friday...did we save anything...no! I knew it would end up like this. I really do appriciate your advice, but I think this is just it.

So, tomorrow we are supposed to go and sign for the loan that we did get approved for. The one that only covers half of the procedure. And the plan was that, we were going to set that in savings and continue to save for the other half with our own money. My question is, is it even worth it to get this loan, when all the while that we're trying to save up the remaining part of the money, I will be making payments already on a loan that isn't being used. And in fact, will most likey not even be able to save money because all extra money will be going to the loan payment. So in all reality, it doesn't make sense. So really, I've just answered my own question... I'm back at square one.

I wish there was an easier way to do this...everyday is a different mix of emotions. It's so nerve-racking. One day is an 'UP' day...then the next I'm 'DOWN' in the dumps. Today is a downer day. I'm in such a BLAH mood. Applyed at another loan agency yesterday...didn't hear back from them LAME! I just feel like I'm wasting my time...like what if I used all the money and got a personal trainer and ate right. But then I remember, that if I actually went through all that and lost the weight, that, the day the trainer was done, I'd eat a whole buffet and gain all the weight back, so I snap myself back into knowing that I need the band. And the vicious cycle starts again... I just need to learn how to play Blackjack...then I could head to the casinos and win it big! Haha...yea....right Ok, Sry for being such a Negative Nancy...I'm going to bed. Maybe I will wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow!

Thanks SO much everyone! I get so discouraged throughout the day, wondering how I'm going to get through this, and as soon as I log on here, I feel totally different. You all REALLY perk me up and keep me motivated!

I understand what your saying. My husband keeps telling me that if after the surgery, I start to lose too much that he'll make me go "unfill" lol. Of course, I'd LOVE to look like the girl on the cover of Sports Illustrated...but that'll never happen...it's not my body type. But yea..I think we're all somewhat influenced/driven to look like the super models and actresses we see.

Well from the kind and encouraging words of fellow members..I pursued the financing even further and got APPROVED, but only for half. So I have gotten back on the road to happiness, I just think it's going to be a slightly longer trip than originally expected. So at this point...I will be saving and scrounging for every cent until I have the remaining half plus airfare. In fact, tomorrow morning, bright and early I will be having a yard sale. At this point I would literally sell my bedroom set and sleep on an air mattress for a year. (though I doubt my husband would go for it) So now that October is not in sight for surgery...my goal is December...I really want 2011 to be a different year for me. More and better opportunites and a happier, healthier me. Okay...I thank everyone for their kind words and thoughtful prayers. Maybe this dream can become reality..just not getting my hopes up too soon...I learned that lesson the first time. I'm taking it nice and easy this time.

Thanks Ladies...so much! I just dont know where to turn right now...I feel like we've exhausted every opportunity out there. I'm going to try and keep going but I feel like we're just hurting our credit even more by flling out sooo many applications. I just wish I could find the 1 person/company that'll understand me. If you have any miracle ideas, PLEASE don't hesitate to let me know...

Didn't get approved for financing. I don't think I've been this sick to my stomach before. I am so lost! I have been acting as though everything was going to work out. Started my pre-op dieting, packed my bags, was ready to start my new life. I am just devastated. I don't even know what to do now... Maybe I will lose weight from all these tears I have been crying. No one around me understands why I'm so upset or why this meant so much. I literally hate my life and where its headed, this was the answer to everything. And now its over.

So today is the day that I find out if my financing comes through... I've been planning until now that everything has already worked out, but the truth is, is that it all comes down to this little decision. I hate having my happiness in someone elses hands. All I can do at this point is pray that everything works out, that they'll say we got approved and I can continue on this amzing journey! Every step to this point has seemed to be a difficult one and I'm just praying that by tomorrow morning, I can walk a little easier knowing that all my ducks are in line. ....hopefully!

Thank you SO much for your encouraging words! and it is SOOO true that unless you've struggled with weight, you don't understand. I guess thats sort of the position I'm in. I've made the decision for myself, but feel like I'm still trying to convince other people, because they just don't understand. But what matters to me, is that I'm doing this for myself. I want a happier, healthier future. And great idea to start jotting questions down now...I will definately start doing that! I will keep ya updated! Thanks Again!

Hmmm, never had a BLOG before...this should be neat, a not-so-private journal... Well, I am going to be faxing in my paperwork today, I guess that makes this WLS idea a little more real. I still haven't come to terms that I'm actually doing this. It's still so far-fetched to me that I will actually be flying into San Diego, California, be driven into Mexico and have surgery in 3 weeks. Seems like I have SO many questions to be answered, but everytime I get a chance to ask the question, I go blank. Am I crazy for wanting this so bad? I literally giggled for 10 minutes when I got the email back for which date was mine. My husband was actually getting a little frustrated because I couldn't stop giggling to tell him what was going on. I was giddy, like a little kid that knew a big secret and was supposed to hide it from everyone. I was snickering, crying and laughing all at the same time. I dont think I can be anymore excited about this! My nervousness is something entirely different though. I scared because I'm going at this alone. I really have no one around me to talk about it with, besides my husband, who, without a doubt is behind me 110%, but I just feel like my only focus right now is on this surgery. Every conversation, every topic, everyday. I've done everything I can to calm myself and convince myself, that I've made a good decision, with a reputable doctor. But it's so hard to fully grasp that, when your only idea of your doctor is what you've watched on YouTube or read on forums. Hopefully I am ready for this. Hopefully I will learn to have willpower and be stronger than the food sitting in front of me. Thats my goal, to overpower the food for once instead of it winning the battle over me.