donnadd3

Hi folks. My band date is also the 17th of May. I'm 45 years old and finally taking charge. My mom and I are flying into San Diego Wednesday (the 16th) afternoon. You know, I just want to say that when I finally made the decision to do this after debating it on & off for 2 years, I was really excited. Felt empowered and all that. Then a few days after I booked the surgery I was walking down the aisle of my local grocer's and I think I could almost have cried. I was thinking "Wow, I'm not going to be able to eat everything I want to eat anymore." Then there's the part that is jumping up and down and saying "Wow, I'm got going to be able to eat everything I want to eat anymore." I have trouble with binge eating. I can eat and eat and eat. I joke that my stomach can stretch to the size of a beach ball. Not too funny, I know, but I'd rather laugh than cry. I don't like pain and discomfort so I hope just the possibility of slipping/erosion/ pbing and all the negative stuff that can happen will deter me from breaking the rules. I'm sure I'll test my limits at some point. Part of me is so excited to finally take control of my eating and then there's the part of me, I guess the part that wants to stay fat, that's kind of spooked. Anybody else have the feeling that there's somebody in your body that is afraid to change and not be "the fat one" any more? I'm so identified with that. Maybe I'm just schizo. I know with a head knowledge that it will feel WONDERFUL to not be heavy, but I wonder where the conflict is coming from. Anyone have a clue?