Chelley

I have not been on the board in some time. I look at how many people who have viewed my posts and I can't help but to wonder in the beginning how many people made the decision to have lapband surgery based on my testimony... and how many of hundreds of thousands of dollars Dr. Ortiz has made, while I sit in financial ruin because of the surgery and fills ... and am still fat! I'd rather be broke and skinny! I have been a failure at this surgery. I can say that now. I am completely, totally defeated. I've tried to follow the plan repeatedly only to be told when I couldn't loose weight that it is basically MY FAILURE. I just want you all to know that this surgery doesn't work for some people. I'm one of them, yet according to the staff at the OCC I must be doing something wrong because the surgery is not a failure ... therefore it is my failure. 15 months post op and I'm sitting at 207 lbs. from my surgery day weight of 215 lbs. I've tried dieting (the best I could with band restriction to avoid barfing .. there are just some foods I'll never be able to eat again), I've tried walking - at one point was up to 3 miles per day ... and gained muscle weight ... how depressing. I find when I do nothing... eat a few bites here and there ... that I maintain. And please, DON"T suggest another fill!!! Per fluro I'm tight enough and I'm sick of shelling out $350 for fluro. Has anyone from the OCC called? No. Has Dr. Ortiz followed up with any e-mails after my pleas to him to see how my progress has been? No. I feel very much alone and at fault when I read the book, followed the plan and am still obese. In all, I've been out of pocket about $15,000 on the surgery, travel, and fills. Buyer beware. This surgery isn't for everyone. My hope is crushed. I'm in debt. I'm still fat .... and I'm angry .... mostly at myself for putting my body, health, and life in this position.

Lori - I am healthy. I see my endocrinologist regularly for checkups because I will always have diabetes. My blood sugars are under control because my caloric intake is scant. I don't understand why my body is holding on to weight in certain areas. My arms and legs have thinned out to nothing but my belly will be the last to go. All my lab results have been within normal limits. The lady I spoke of in my previous posting was much like me and tried hard to make her band work. She followed the rules of eating and exercised daily. I just really think there are people out there for whom this works and others for whom it does not. My weight is comming off much more slowly than I ever anticipated and I have serious doubts I will ever reach my goal weight. However, I am pleased with the fact my caloric intake is such that the insulin my body produces is sufficient without having to take four injections daily. Even when I was on insulin I had poor diabetic control due to the severe insulin resistance of my body cells. For others, the weight slides off without effort and they are rewarded by the scale going down weekly and clothes sizes diminishing. Not everyone has this success story and I think it is valid to mention there are those of us who struggle with the band. The decision to be banded should not be taken lightly and I think one should truly exhaust diet and exercise means before they consider the band. For me the band was not a magic wand. I appreciate your offer for additional consults with the doctor but based upon past consultations the recommendation is to fly to California and travel to TJ for aftercare in Mexico which simply is not a financial option for me. This surgery and the subsequent trip I made for my first fill in Mexico has exhausted my credit line. I put everything I had financially, emotionally, and physically into this last ditch effort at weight loss. I just don't have anything left to invest. Chelley

We all slime and PB .. that is just part of band life. Excessive forceful vomitting is different and can cause harm to your band. When you have a slimming/PB episode go back to liquids for the remainer of the day to allow some of the swelling from irritation to dissipate. The irriation will cause your band to feel tighter and you'll just contiue the PB'ing. This is the way in which the band works to modify your old behaviors/habits. Chelley

Bobby - I'd suggest you look at lapbandtalk.com for answers to your questions. You will find a lot of topics posted by people all across the USA who have used various surgeons. The band isn't the answer to a prayer nor is it a magic wand. Some people have great success with the band while others struggle. I never considered failure with the band a possiblility, but I'm not a poster child success story either. Do careful research and explore your relationship with food. Do you use food to self medicate? If so, how are you going to handle your emotions once food isn't something you can turn to for comfort? Have you really explored the traditional weight loss methods or are you looking for a quick fix? These are all valid and very important questions to ask. Not to mention the financial aspect ... can you comfortably afford the surgery and all the aftercare associated with the surgery? Chelley

Sry that I haven't been on the forum in a while. Been busy. Weight is still fluctuating from 202 - 207 on any given day. Recently I received a personal e-mail from a bandster I looked to for support and encouragement that stated she is so frustrated with the band, the lack of aftercare support from the OCC, and the poor progress she's made that she is going to have her band removed. I don't understand why this band works for some people and it just doesn't for others. I can understand her frustration not wanting to live her life in this yo-yo cycle of not being tight enough to loose weight but able to eat enough that you vomit. I've done better since my last fill, but the weight is not slidding off like I'd hoped. I see the success of my sister and a co-worker, but that success seems to be outside my reach. It's been six months since I was banded and I've lost the same 10 lbs and gained it back over and over and over. I don't think I can go any tighter with the band and be safe as I've very tight now. I honestly think for me it is going to take diet and exercise and had I possessed the willpower to do those things I wouldn't have needed surgery. I'd just like to caution all the newbies out there who are thinking about this sugery to consider the financial, emotional, and physical toll this surgery has on one and to make the best informed decision they can. Had I known six months out I'd still be over 200 lbs and struggling daily with food choices I might not have made the decision to do this to my body. I'm tickled for those who watch the weight melt away without any effort, but it is rather apparent I'm not one of them and it seems there are several of us out there who are sharing the same struggles.

Partial restriction is ................. just ............. miserable. For any of you VG banders who can eat more than a few spoonfuls of food per meal, get another fill. After 6 months of sufferring and loosing the same darn 20 pounds a few times over, thinking I'd ruinned my band, and beating myself up for another failure .... I found all I needed was another fill. I currently have 6.2cc in my VG band and suprise, suprise ... the barfing daily stopped because I now have the level of restriction that screams STOP before I barf. Pain is an excellent behavior modification tool. Chelley

Marc - The sweet spot is the level of fill that provides you with optimal restriction to loose weight easily with the band. There is no magic number - everyone is different. Sometimes it comes down to 0.5cc or less additional restriction or unfill. I have a VG band and am currently at 6.2cc of restriction. This is good for me. My sister is at 1.8cc of fill and has lost 70lbs. Chelley

I can understand how you are feeling. My sister, mother and I were banded in April 2006 and my sister to date has lost 70lbs to my 20lbs. We can wear a lot of the same clothes now and in some things she is actually able to wear a smaller size than I can. Luckily for me my sister has been very supportive. She feels that she was lucky to have hit her sweet spot with her restriction on our first fill. These last 6 months have been very trying for me, but not once have I not been thrilled for my sister's success. I was very disappointed in my progress but she was always there telling me not to give up that I just needed to get my fill right and I'd be successful too. Four fills and I finally have restriction to the level I can loose weight with this band. My sister and I are not in a competition, instead we love and support each other and try to be considerate of each other's feelings. We celebrate the victories and we cry our losses together as sisters should. I thank God every day for my beautiful sister and how much she means to me. Without her success as a guide, I may have given up and wallowed in self blame and feelings of failure. Talk to your sister, forgive one another, and give each other the support that only sisters know to give one another. Chelley

Once you've had time to heal after surgery, you and your son might consider getting a flu shot to help protect you through the flu season. Also talk to your local doctor about having some nausea medication on hand as was suggested in some earlier posts. The most popular is phenergan and it is really wonderful if you have a pharmasist who can compound it for you in rub-on form. Heaving with the band hurts and can cause slippage. Accidentally swallowing gum shouldn't be a big problem as your body temperature and stomach acid should dissolve it. I've heard both pro and cons for chewing gum regarding gas issues on this forum, but I chew gum frequently as it satisfies my need to chew something.

Becki - Thanks for the condolences and the tip about putting a list on the fridge. I love to crochet so I always have a ball of yarn beside my living room chair. Crochet relaxes me and allows my mind to drift as I work away the tension in the yarn. Sometimes it helps and other times I just want to eat and stomp through the kitchen like a mad bull. Flipping channels on TV doesn't help that much tho as I've noticed the majority of commercials are food related. As you said, there is always laundry to do! I've become of fan of Sudoko and other puzzles. A lot of times water alone is satisfying (don't say a word Lori Becky ). Reading of course is an old standby. Nothing seems as satisfying right now as a Dr. Pepper with a cheeseburger..... other than stepping on those scales and seeing the pounds disappear.

The post op transition phase is full of emotional pillfalls. From my own experience, I placed all the emphasis on having the surgery. I thought having surgery in Mexico was the hard part and it would be a downhill coast from there. For those of you who have read my posts, you know that was the easy part. The transition time after surgery is the hard part. I felt like I was forcing my body into the life style change I could not make emotionally, mentally, and physically on my own. I felt so empowered after surgery and was so hopeful as the pounds started to melt away without any effort. Then as I graduated from the post op liquid diet to solid foods I began to see the weight loss flutuate then turn into weight gain. I held on telling myself that I could get a fill in just a few short weeks. I held on to that first fill date like an answer to a prayer. That first fill was like a spit in the ocean, so was the second. I know you guys saw me go from a woman full of hope to a woman filled with disappointment. On the thrird fill I had enough restriction just to be miserable. Six months post op I found myself back at the weight I was on surgery day. I'd failed ... again. When I got finished feeling sorry for myself, I got mad. In my anger I decided that this had to work and I was going to make it work so I started dieting and exercising again............. without success. I felt like I had some how been singled out as one of the unlucky for whom this banding process would be failure. Yet, I could see the success of others as I've explained before and that is when I realized I wasn't no where near the restriction it takes to loose weight with the band. Since getting my fourth fill, I can say the pounds are melting off effortlessly. I can't eat more than spoonfuls. The emotional and mental adjustment to not being able to comfort myself with food is hard. My grandfather passed away Nov. 1st and we had the funeral yesterday. It is at these most stressful times that I want to eat, but I can't. After a few bites, to push the band immediately causes the intense "i just swallowed a softball" feeling in your chest. So through intense pain, you learn not to eat more than a few spoons of food per meal. The behavior modification of pain is very efficient. How many of you burned your hand on a hot stove as a child? Did you keep putting your hand on the stove after that??? I'm discovering I never let myself have negative feelings. I'd always soothe them away with food. Overeating for me was as good as a warm hug from Mom when I was a child and had fallen down and hurt myself. It is scary letting myself feel sad, lonesome, anxious, or angry. But I'm learning that these feelings pass if I let them play themselves out and that I don't have to smother them away with food. By no means do I have 39 years of eating habits corrected, but it is finally a start.

Woohoo 204.5 today. I'm loving it!

Nita- I've had numerous problems with Rene and have made my complaints known to Mrs. Ortiz. Our fill experience in TJ was full of bumbling mistakes. We too were told we would be met at Terminal 2 and waited nearly 1 hour before someone picked us up and we were sweating it because Rene did not answer his phone Because Mom, Sister and I had surgery as a group and were returning back as a group we were to have free hotel accommodations and free fills on this first trip back as a group discount sort of thing as arranged by Carolyn upon scheduling of the surgery. I'd confirmed this on scheduling the fill. We finally arrived at the Lucerna and the girl at the desk asked for payment. Luckily I caught Mrs. Ortiz who was there! After serval confusing moments it was finally all worked out. Dr. Ortiz and his medical team are wonderful but his TJ staff that deals with the public are severely lacking in communication skills and efficency. I prefer to have my fills done at the radiology group near my home town anyway. The xray equipment is modern and I can exactly what is going on and I get a better fill experience without a 3 hour flight and being subjected to that nightmare of crossing the border via non-english speaking transport. Chelley

Rose - You bring up a very good point .. reaching the right level of restriction is expensive. My fills are $350 each, but I get to watch it all under x-ray at that is very important to me. I estimate that with the surgery, airfare, travel expense and fills I've been out around $12,000. Still that is much cheaper than just the surgical fee here in the USA. Still, as a single working gal paying my own way through this life that is a large chunk of change to owe! I financed it all on credit card. All I know for sure about the restriction is that partial restriction was more miserable than anything I've endured so far with this banding process. You think you have restriction because you can't eat as much as you did before... but it is not enough restriction to loose weight, just enough to barf when you test the fickleness of the band. I really thought I'd be able to eat as I did before just in smaller portions.... that was a load of bull. I mentally beat myself up daily for lack of will-power, for having failed yet again, for feeling like a fool for broadcasting my band decision to just about every medical professional I work with. I couldn't eat like I did before but I was gainning weight. I even turned back to dieting and exercise ..... bashing myself for failing DAILY. I was firing off e-mails to Dr. Ortiz not understanding how I could be eating Lean Cuisine size portions and not loose weight and went through the OMG I'm too tight business when in truth ........ I just wasn't restricted enough. I'm not one to give up easily. I could see the success my sister was having. What a stroke of luck it was for her to have received proper restriction on our first fill! I could see the success of a co-worker. Both my sister and my co-worker have lost 70-80lbs! So I started comparing what I was doing to what they were doing. And when I found the common thread between them was eating SPOONFULS (forget that 1/3 of what you could before crap.... notice on another posting that Lori Becky revoked Dr. Miranda's recommendation and nothing else has been posted????) SPOONFULS people.... I started interviewing people off lapbandtalk who had success with the band .... SPOONFULS per meal. None exercise other than the activities of daily living, everyone's hair fell out from about month 3 - month 6 post op then it started growing back lush and thick ... and everyone of them stated a similar theme: eating is not a pleasurable event but is a necessity that must be endured. So, armed with that knowledge, I had my band evaluated. The pouch was not dialated and the band was in pefect position. I had some restriction but not enough to loose weight. Knowing at this point, I literally nothing to loose (hehe.. no pun intended) I requested another fill. I'm currently at 6.2cc in my 10cc VG band and I'm down to spoonfuls of food per meal. I've gone from 214 to 206 in 2 weeks and that was with a little cheating ... I couldn't stay out of the Halloween basket. Isn't it a kick in the head to realize junk food still goes down just great and the nutritious stuff sticks in your throat like a lead brick? Anyway... those are my jaded insights today into my love/hate relationship with this band. Chelley

I weigh daily... can't help it.. probably won't ever change. Just like I stuck my finger 4 times a day for a blood sugar record to keep it under control, I weigh every day to manage my weight. It is probably a little obsessive, but it's a great motivator when the scale is going down. Chelley