losing friends, due to being banded!

[CJen]

I have always considered myself very fortunate. I have great friends, and a happy marriage! Being overweight always drug me down. I confided in some

friends about getting the Lap Band. They were all for it, so supportive! Well ever since I got banded I feel as though I have lost them. I have only been banded

for 17 days, and they barely talk to me, One of my friends didn't even call me after surgery, her and I have been friends for 11 years, we were there for

eachother for everything.. I have heard about people losing their friends after being banded, but I never thought this would happen to me. It's

making me very depressed! Why do so called friends have to ruin my happiness? Has anyone else dealt with this? I am just confused, and kinda regretting my

band. I love the weight loss, but I miss my friends, and my life before!

Thanks for reading this!

[sonogirl]

I have always considered myself very fortunate. I have great friends, and a happy marriage! Being overweight always drug me down. I confided in some

friends about getting the Lap Band. They were all for it, so supportive! Well ever since I got banded I feel as though I have lost them. I have only been banded

for 17 days, and they barely talk to me, One of my friends didn't even call me after surgery, her and I have been friends for 11 years, we were there for

eachother for everything.. I have heard about people losing their friends after being banded, but I never thought this would happen to me. It's

making me very depressed! Why do so called friends have to ruin my happiness? Has anyone else dealt with this? I am just confused, and kinda regretting my

band. I love the weight loss, but I miss my friends, and my life before!

Thanks for reading this!

I have had a few similar problems. Some of my overweight friends assume that all we did together was eat, and since I am not pigging out anymore they don't even call. My brother, who is also heavy, was very against the surgery from the start. He calls and talks only about all the things I can't have and how much that really sucks. The other night he even brought over brownies! I see this as jealousy, and just ignore it. I think it is good to find out who your real friends are, and surround yourself with people who support your new healthier lifestyle!

[Lindsay]

I have had a few similar problems. Some of my overweight friends assume that all we did together was eat, and since I am not pigging out anymore they don't even call.

It's so interesting you bring this up.

When I was training, and dieting, i lost ALL of my 'old' friends.

I could no longer go out drinking & eating after work.

My social life completely changed, as did my priorities.

Instead of hanging out after work, going to the nearest hangout i was out at 5pm and heading to the gym.

I got tired of explaining why i couldn't order off the menu, or why I was only drinking a diet coke.

And it was far more simple to just say 'sorry, I'm training' ... 'sorry, i'm dieting, it's really difficult for me to sit and watch you eat french fries'...

And honestly, most of the time, when i was honest, they'd respond with, 'wow! i wish i had your self control!!' .. or "okay! i completely understand'

with time, i grew farther and farther from those 'friends'.

However, at the same time, I quickly developed NEW friendships - with people I played squash with, and the people at the gym i'd see every single day after work.

I had something in common with those people - they kept me focused and motivated.

And they where passionate about being healthy - just like me.

It sounds horrible, but maybe it's time to find friends with like-minded priorities.

Just sayin'

[nothereanymore]

Some of my friends had problems, and they were like yours, long term and good friends that had been with me threw thick and thin... There was no way I was going to lose them. Remember, its hard for them, you're on this incredible journey and focused on you - you're making changes that will affect you for life and they can see them – and most likely feel like they are missing out. If they are really good friends you may have to take some extra time to make sure that they realize that even as you change on the outside, you’re still the same on the inside and still need them and spend some extra time to make sure they are confidant that you still care about them, even if you get thin and they stay the same.

Take care, many of us have to deal with this, and a lot depends on how you handle the situation and some times no matter what you do, some friends cannot handle it and you'll come to some kind of understanding.

Best,

Lisa

[Jacklynrae]

Wow, I am so sorry. This is the toughest time in the band journey and its sad that you are in this situation. I chose for this reason to only tell my husband and my parents about my band. However, after losing almost 50 pounds I too have lost old friends. Because I am not going to the bar and not going to restaurants every night and instead fill my time with working out or focusing more on productive behaviors like school, I am not invited as many places and they don't seem to want to hang out. While yes it does hurt my feelings at some point and they did tell me I looked great last time I saw them, it is hard to handle. It sucks! But you are not alone in this at all, I'm sorry you are going through this so soon though, keep hanging in there!

[CanadianBandster]

I have one friend I lost due to this - because of snotty comments she made. Oh well - guess she wasnt a true friend. Really frustrating. BUT I have made way more friends since I go out and do more things - like swimming!

[AngelaAnn]

I lost a friend (probably my "best" friend if I really wanted to admit it) of 11+ years after being banded because she didn't "approve" of me having the procedure and since then, I've tried contacting her numerous times, but she doesn't return my calls so, my New Year's resolution was to just give up-- and if we re-connect in the future, then so be it. Good luck...I know this is hard because I truly didn't think it would happen to me.

[BandDiva]

I am totally SHOCKED! I can not believe people would be so SHALLOW! It tells A LOT about their character if they are not going to be your friend because they don't approve of something you chose to MEDICALLY improve your life! Not to mention the emotional happiness etc. we all feel from finally kicking the Fat.

Everyone in my circle has been so supportive, at the same time before surgery I got with them told them & basically said I AM doing it and I don't give a crap what you think. (that is still my attitude) If you want to support me great, if you don't keep your trap shut. They have all been wonderful!

I am so sorry that any of you have lost special people in your lives, but I believe like Lindsay said that more people will come into your lives. These people will accept you where you ARE!! ((BIG HUGS))

[CJen]

Thank you to everyone that replied to this.

I feel somewhat better hearing your stories. I realize that people will come and go, and those that stay are my true friends...

Thanks again!

[SoCalKid]

Simply said....Good, get rid of them!

[nazish]

it is shocking

but I think if they cant be happy with your decision

it is Ok .... you dont need freinds like them

we should have freinds who are happy when we are happy

and sad when we are sad.... you consider ythem as your true friends...

excuse my french... but to hell with them..

you start your new life with happyness and new friends ...

Good Luck to u !!!!!

[SlimColaGirl]

I have always considered myself very fortunate. I have great friends, and a happy marriage! Being overweight always drug me down. I confided in some

friends about getting the Lap Band. They were all for it, so supportive! Well ever since I got banded I feel as though I have lost them. I have only been banded

for 17 days, and they barely talk to me, One of my friends didn't even call me after surgery, her and I have been friends for 11 years, we were there for

eachother for everything.. I have heard about people losing their friends after being banded, but I never thought this would happen to me. It's

making me very depressed! Why do so called friends have to ruin my happiness? Has anyone else dealt with this? I am just confused, and kinda regretting my

band. I love the weight loss, but I miss my friends, and my life before!

Thanks for reading this!

Sorry to hear that you're regretting your band. Your friends are ruining your happiness for one (or more) of these 3 reasons... worry, jealousy, or disapproval. It all comes down to those.

I told no one but my husband to avoid this. People can surprise you, and I don't need any surprises until I'm at or close to my goal weight. :-) But since you're less than 3 weeks out, give

your friends a bit more time to come around. Also, you're gonna have to put more effort in if you want to keep some of them.

[jhawkchick75]

You know, it is experiences like getting the band that really show you who your friends are. I only told certain people, but it's those people that I know will be supportive. I have a couple more that I will tell down the road and it's not b/c I think they won't be supportive eventually, but they will doubt it until they see my results and it's more out of concern for me, not jealousy or anything.

For me, i've lost several friends lately but it's been my choice. They are actually friends that don't know about the band. As i've progressed during this, it's made me re-evaluate a lot of things in my life and one of those are which friends are toxic and which ones make me a better person and bring value to my life. And as i'm starting to notice, I have some in my life where the friendship is very one sided and they are only in it when there is something that benefits them. So I have purposely decided that along with the weight, i'm removing all the other baggage in my life too! If they contact me I won't ignore them, but i'm no longer going out of my way to make room in my life for them.

Promise you - whomever are your true friends will shine through in this experience! You will have opportunities as well to make some great new ones. It will all work out in the end I promise!