Telling family about surgery.

[AngieB]

I talked to my family today about my upcoming surgery. I was not looking forward to it. My Aunt passed away in December 08 after complications with weight loss surgery. So you could say my family was shaken up over it. Many of them had thought about surgery and after her passing, decided against it. I understand how they feel and don't blame them one bit. That being said, I was concerned about how my parents would take the news. I even considered not telling them at all until they come to visit in May.

My parents and I are very close, we talk all the time and not telling them, seemed dishonest to me. I was honestly suprised at thier reactions. My mom did cry a bit, she asked alot of questions and over all was very supportive. I am glad I choose to tell them!

For the most part, I have only told my plans to "my people" those close to me. I need to have my support group in place. Otherwise, I have not told anyone else.

Have you all had good support of your family and friends? Did you tell people or keep it to yourself? Just curious.

Angie :-h

[Lindsay]

i told my mom, but that's only because she paid for it.

what i didn't tell her, is that i went to mexico to get it done, to save $9,000.

she would NOT have supported the decision to get it done out of the country.

i told my best friend. she was scared to DEATH for me.

my boyfriend, who i live with, went with me to get it done ... so of course, he knew, but he didn't tell any of his friends or family.

it's too personal to tell people.

but i haven't told anyone else.

i knew they'd worry about nothing.

and at the point prior to surgery, i needed support -- not negative reactions & people telling me i didn't need it.

[AngieB]

i told my mom, but that's only because she paid for it.

what i didn't tell her, is that i went to mexico to get it done, to save $9,000.

she would NOT have supported the decision to get it done out of the country.

i told my best friend. she was scared to DEATH for me.

my boyfriend, who i live with, went with me to get it done ... so of course, he knew, but he didn't tell any of his friends or family.

it's too personal to tell people.

but i haven't told anyone else.

i knew they'd worry about nothing.

and at the point prior to surgery, i needed support -- not negative reactions & people telling me i didn't need it.

I have told 8 people, 4 being family, 3 friends. 4 of which asked questions and showed a high level of concern. I was able to anwser thier quesions, and must have set them at ease because they all are positive and supportive. Yay! I don't plan on announcing from the roof tops I am a lap band patient, however I don't feel ashamed of it.

I am going by myself. I hope this is not a ignorant move. From all I have read, I will be able to care for myself with out help. My husband and son will stay home for practical purposes. In your opinion, is going solo a good idea?

[AngieB]

i told my mom, but that's only because she paid for it.

what i didn't tell her, is that i went to mexico to get it done, to save $9,000.

she would NOT have supported the decision to get it done out of the country.

i told my best friend. she was scared to DEATH for me.

my boyfriend, who i live with, went with me to get it done ... so of course, he knew, but he didn't tell any of his friends or family.

it's too personal to tell people.

but i haven't told anyone else.

i knew they'd worry about nothing.

and at the point prior to surgery, i needed support -- not negative reactions & people telling me i didn't need it.

Oh and Lindsay, I forgot to mention. I told each of them, I didn't need negative energy around me, I need support and positive people to surround me. I don't know for sure, but so far all of them have jumped on the support band wagon, excuse the pun. LOL Which is SO AWESOME!

[AshleyMarie]

I have told 8 people, 4 being family, 3 friends. 4 of which asked questions and showed a high level of concern. I was able to anwser thier quesions, and must have set them at ease because they all are positive and supportive. Yay! I don't plan on announcing from the roof tops I am a lap band patient, however I don't feel ashamed of it.

I am going by myself. I hope this is not a ignorant move. From all I have read, I will be able to care for myself with out help. My husband and son will stay home for practical purposes. In your opinion, is going solo a good idea?

I went with my mom because I was nervous of going alone. Honestly, if you use the shuttle service they pick you up at the airport or the border and drive you to your hotel. By the way, they drove very well and not like a lot of other drivers down there. He will drop you off at your hotel and they will pick you up in the morning to go to the hospital. You really don't have to go anywhere alone if you don't want to. They will bring you back to the border or airport when needed. My mom and I were together the entire time and I felt very comfortable. I wouldn't recommend going shopping on your own though. I didn't do it, but I wouldn't suggest it. Overall, you are only alone at night when sleeping in your hotel and during the day when recovering.

[Lindsay]

I am going by myself. I hope this is not a ignorant move. From all I have read, I will be able to care for myself with out help. My husband and son will stay home for practical purposes. In your opinion, is going solo a good idea?

Great decision

I kinda wish I had gone without my boyfriend.

He did a lot of waiting, and every time I fell asleep in the hotel, i felt guilty for for ditching him!

He actually went GOLFING on the day after my surgery, so I could have some sleepy time.

It was also difficult, as i was fidgety the day after, and didn't sleep well. I was up a lot, walking around to help with the gas pains.

I didn't NEED my boyfriend there. I think he got bored of watching me sleep, to be honest!

And by the time we left, he was just frustrated at listening to me complain about the long flight home.

You'll be perfectly fine. They (the clinic & hotel) will take very good care of you.

[AngieB]

Great decision

I kinda wish I had gone without my boyfriend.

He did a lot of waiting, and every time I fell asleep in the hotel, i felt guilty for for ditching him!

He actually went GOLFING on the day after my surgery, so I could have some sleepy time.

It was also difficult, as i was fidgety the day after, and didn't sleep well. I was up a lot, walking around to help with the gas pains.

I didn't NEED my boyfriend there. I think he got bored of watching me sleep, to be honest!

And by the time we left, he was just frustrated at listening to me complain about the long flight home.

You'll be perfectly fine. They (the clinic & hotel) will take very good care of you.

Glad to hear it! When my hubby and I discussed it, I was thinking of him waiting around for me caring for our son who is a toddler. Daniel is on the GO. GO. GO! I invisioned him in the waiting room with him. Not to mention I wanted a few days that I wouldn't be picking him up. (This will be the 1st time I am away from my son since his birth.) He is a good little traveler, but with any child in the airport it's work. Anyway, thanks for sharing your expierence, it helps me feel like this is indeed the best decision.

I start my pre-op diet on Monday! I picked up the diet shakes. I bought 2 differnt kinds. One similar to slimfast, the other is a Lean Muscle shake. Are you familiar with it? I am not sure it's a "diet" shaker per say, but it had like 20 grams of protien and 160 cals. I thought it would be worth a try. I need to loose 15 lbs. I have plenty of time to do it in, so that makes me feel good. Any tips would be appreciated. I picked up FF jello and salad mix, need to get chromium and salad spritzer.

[nursemom]

Have only told my husband as he went with me....it is very personal to me and I come from a family of skinny body obsessed sisters and a mother. One of my sisters is a personal trainer and professional boxer so you can imagine the flack I would get about taking the "easy way" out. (although we all know it isn't the easy way out) Some people tell and have great results.

[Lindsay]

I start my pre-op diet on Monday! I picked up the diet shakes. I bought 2 differnt kinds. One similar to slimfast, the other is a Lean Muscle shake. Are you familiar with it? I am not sure it's a "diet" shaker per say, but it had like 20 grams of protien and 160 cals. I thought it would be worth a try. I need to loose 15 lbs. I have plenty of time to do it in, so that makes me feel good. Any tips would be appreciated. I picked up FF jello and salad mix, need to get chromium and salad spritzer.

ah, you have lots of time!

i lost my 15lbs in 7 days. I only did the pre-op diet for only 7 days!

I didn't do the shakes, as I'm familiar with the grams in real food, so i went that route.

I also don't believe in chromium, as long term studies have shown no improvement in weight/fat loss. It's a waste of money, IMO.

I didn't use the salad spritzer, b/c of the artificial ingredients they contain. I just used salt an vinegar on my salads, and ate eggs (it's just what i felt like at the time!) for protein. But sub's other protein sources when I felt like I wanted it.

I'm not a fan of pre-made food (ie slimfast, artificial salad dressing) so i went with the whole-food option. I also don't find protein shakes filling, and they upset my stomach, so I stayed away from.

[jhawkchick75]

I think you will be fine on your own. I agree I wouldn't go venturing out of the hotel on your own, but there will be other folks there having surgery the same day as you so you will make buddies. It was nice having my mom there, but I think I would have been fine alone too.

As far as telling folks, I specifically only told people that I thought would be encouraging about it. I did have a couple friends that were concerned and had a lot of questions, but were supportive and still are. My dad was against it which I knew he would be, but after a chat with my mom he got on board. I told some folks at work about it out of necessity since I would need help once I got back and they were all great about it. I've told a few others since, but that was planned that way. I knew they would be against it until they saw the progress so I purposely told them later when they asked me what I was doing to lose weight. As I move along i'll probably tell most folks b/c I am not ashamed of it and if they have issues with it I really don't care! I am so very happy with my decision and don't regret it one bit so like you said, you only want to be surrounded by positivity and just make that clear to them. Nobody is gonna stop me from being healthier and happier!

Best of luck on pre-op! According to my scale I lost all my weight but when I got on the scale at OCC theirs was different and said I didn't, but that caused no problems and I got the surgery anyway. I did the Atkins shakes as well as EAS and still do them both when needed.

Good luck!!!

[AngieB]

I think you will be fine on your own. I agree I wouldn't go venturing out of the hotel on your own, but there will be other folks there having surgery the same day as you so you will make buddies. It was nice having my mom there, but I think I would have been fine alone too.

As far as telling folks, I specifically only told people that I thought would be encouraging about it. I did have a couple friends that were concerned and had a lot of questions, but were supportive and still are. My dad was against it which I knew he would be, but after a chat with my mom he got on board. I told some folks at work about it out of necessity since I would need help once I got back and they were all great about it. I've told a few others since, but that was planned that way. I knew they would be against it until they saw the progress so I purposely told them later when they asked me what I was doing to lose weight. As I move along i'll probably tell most folks b/c I am not ashamed of it and if they have issues with it I really don't care! I am so very happy with my decision and don't regret it one bit so like you said, you only want to be surrounded by positivity and just make that clear to them. Nobody is gonna stop me from being healthier and happier!

Best of luck on pre-op! According to my scale I lost all my weight but when I got on the scale at OCC theirs was different and said I didn't, but that caused no problems and I got the surgery anyway. I did the Atkins shakes as well as EAS and still do them both when needed.

Good luck!!!

My mom called me this morning, and told me she was coming with me! Haa haa I love how a mothers instinked will kick in no matter how old the child. (I am 33) So I booked her flight this morning! I feel like I would be fine either way, but it will be nice to have a familiar face after surgery! I am a blessed person!

[beautyqueen]

Hi Angie,

Yours was the first post I read when I registered on the board. I have debated long and hard about getting lap band and have decided to pursue it. I am going to the information session on April 14th.

My MIL passed away from complications due to gastric bypass. For that reason I know my husband, family, and friends will have very strong feelings about it. I'm not even telling my husband right now until I go through all the prelim stuff, assuming I get approved. My weight has been an issue my entire life and I want to be free of this. I'm not afraid to work hard, I was a runner and I desperately want to get back to that level of fitness. I know I can use it as the tool it's supposed to be but I don't think Ill be able to convince my husband that I can't lose all this weight (again) alone and keep it off.

May I ask, did your aunt also have lap band or was it gastric bypass?

Many thanks for a reply

[jhawkchick75]

My mom called me this morning, and told me she was coming with me! Haa haa I love how a mothers instinked will kick in no matter how old the child. (I am 33) So I booked her flight this morning! I feel like I would be fine either way, but it will be nice to have a familiar face after surgery! I am a blessed person!

Too funny! You would have been OK, but it will be nice for you to have her with you. It's nice to have them help with stuff. That's great!

[AngieB]

Hi Angie,

Yours was the first post I read when I registered on the board. I have debated long and hard about getting lap band and have decided to pursue it. I am going to the information session on April 14th.

My MIL passed away from complications due to gastric bypass. For that reason I know my husband, family, and friends will have very strong feelings about it. I'm not even telling my husband right now until I go through all the prelim stuff, assuming I get approved. My weight has been an issue my entire life and I want to be free of this. I'm not afraid to work hard, I was a runner and I desperately want to get back to that level of fitness. I know I can use it as the tool it's supposed to be but I don't think Ill be able to convince my husband that I can't lose all this weight (again) alone and keep it off.

May I ask, did your aunt also have lap band or was it gastric bypass?

Many thanks for a reply

Hi Beatuyqueen, and welcome to this forum! I have been kicking around weight loss surgery for 6 years. Long time, I know. Yes, my Aunt had GB. She wanted to get the lap band, but her Dr. would not approve the procedure for her. She passed away on the 3rd day after having the GB done. It is still a very shocking subject.

I understand where you are at, and I am so sorry you are alone in the process right now. I thought long and hard about telling my family. In the end, I have to do what is best for me. I do not plan on telling my cousins about it until much much later. It's to hard on them and they have already lost so much.

Much like you, I am not a stranger to hard work, 5 years ago, I lost 100lbs. Strickly diet and excersise. My life and life style are so much different now, I have a husband and a infant/toddler now and am not able to donate or pay as much attention to myself as I once did. It takes a lot ot work and determination, which I still have, but now my resources are spread thin. I am using this lap band as a tool. A stop tool for me to re-train myself how to eat, and more importantly stop eating once I am full.

I want you to know, you are not alone in your journey to weight loss. I am here for you and will be happy to share your journey! Blessings to you, and I hope when you go to get more information, all your questions and concerns will be answered; and you get the information you need to make a decision!

Let's keep in touch!

Angie

[nazish]

only told 3 people

mom sister husband

not even my dad or my dearst friends......

I am loving my band so far

[BandDiva]

I lost my aunt too. My Dads sister had gastric bypass and died in the hospital days later from toxic shock. SOO SOO sad. I miss her all the time & wish they would have had lapband back then. She died in 1998.

[AngieB]

I lost my aunt too. My Dads sister had gastric bypass and died in the hospital days later from toxic shock. SOO SOO sad. I miss her all the time & wish they would have had lapband back then. She died in 1998.

Dana, I recently was reading a blog entry you posted for another person. When I read about your Aunts passing it made me feel very sad. I wish we did not share similar experiences. My heart breaks even now typing this message.

On my quest for information, I realized the statistics and was so shocked to find out how much of a Russia Roulette situation it is. For a while I was angry about what happened. Her Dr. really pushed for her to have GB. She wanted the Lap-Band and was told by her Dr. that he would not recommend that. It was GB or nothing for her. I know why she made the choice, she was desperate. So desperate she was willing to try those odds. Unfortunatly she joined them. I do not understand why things happen as they do, but I do know there is a reason for everything.

My mom and brother took the news the worst of all the family and friends I told. I was suprised, I thought my dad would have the hardest time dealing with my decision, as it was his sister who passed away. He really was supportive and knew the differences between the two procedures. I think one of the reasons my mom decided she was going with me was she was afraid, afraid something might happen to me. I am sure many factors went in to her decision to come with me, but I do know she was not going to let me do this by myself. We all make decisions for a number of reasons. My husband would love to be with me, but for practical reasons that involve our daily life, he will be staying here.

At anyrate, I am glad I found Dr. Ortiz and this forum. I have counted it as a blessing. I do wish my Aunt would have found Dr. Ortiz as well. My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for our loss. Let our success in this journey be one to make ourselves and family proud.

Angie

[JazzyJude]

Dana and Angie...my heart goes out to both of you as you are doing your weight loss journey with the lapband...and what a coincidence both of your Aunts had GB surgery. Just know they are smiling down at you right now with your choice with the band and you WILL succeed in reaching your final goal weight. In a small way, your Aunt is with you, cheering you on, and help you with your wise choices along the way...

Chin up, keep smiling and go forward to live long and enjoy what life has to offer you. Know that we are thinking of you...(HUGS!)..Jazzy!!

[Rhondasue]

Angie,

I have been following this thread with interest as i was one of those that chose to tell NO ONE. I do not recommend it to anyone!. There are so many times that you just need to talk things out and I know i am not doing as well as I could probably have been doing had I had the guts and trust to tell my family.

My brother is a gasteroenterologist and when I inquired about the surgerywith him a couple of years ago he really did not have anything good to say in his experience with all the disaster patients he was having to deal with post operatively. He is associated with the Northwest surgical site in Olympia,Washington and I guess they are just recently getting really good results with their surgeries.......he would have had a heart attack if I told him i was going to Mexico....in the end I think i chose the very best place......with the most skilled surgeons.

I feel very alone sometimes with all of this......i have one lapband friend in the area and that is good, but really not enough. Telling family now somehow seems weird......i am still struggling with this and am just trying to do my best.....alone. I am very grateful for the forum and all the info here. Lots of great people and very caring.

Rhonda