I have a question for those banded

[pelesfury]

How did you all tell your friends and loved ones you were getting banded? My husband and I haven't told anyone yet. I have all skinny friends (lucky me, right? ) and I don't even know where to begin. I have never expressed any weight concerns with any of them except my best friend who I have no problem telling. I'm just worried about people looking down on me for it or arguing points that they havent researched (that's what I did for the last YEAR, research!)

I just scheduled surgery for June 17th, so I need to tell people soon. Any suggestions?

Oh, btw, hello. I'm new, my name is April.

[tootsie_lou]

Hey April!

Congratulations on scheduling your surgery! My teenage daughter and I both have the band and basically only my husband and son know, as well as my mother and a good friend. I didn't want to worry about justifying the procedure not only for myself (as some folks have negative opinions regarding weight loss surgery), but also our decision to have our 13 yr old (at the time) daughter getting it as well. We/I just didn't feel the need to tell everyone about it. Just the same as I wouldn't exactly need to know that someone had a hysterectomy or other personal procedure. It is up to you, certainly. Many here have openly shared with everyone they know and they have great support because of it. Whatever you do, know that you have many friends here on this forum.

[AngieB]

I used a email that a friend has sent to his family and customized it for my own. (Plagiarized )

In the email it gave some general information about the lab band procedure, the facility, the Dr.s ect. With links to certain internet pages. It gave them enough information to gain knowledge, but not over kill. Since you have done your research, you know that the person having the it done doesn't need to share all that info. That would be over kill.

What this did was it allowed them to read and understand what the deal was. Once they checked it out they seemed to feel more at ease.

I told my core people. The ones who care about me. Not nosey gossips. I made sure to tell them how I felt and how important this was to me. I asked for there support and let them know that I wanted positive people around me.

Since I have been back. I have shared with the "others." I did not want the stress of anyone worrying themselves sick that I was going to die or trying to convience me what a grave mistake I was making. After the fact, they can't stress me out and I don't stress them out.

Not everyone I told was supportive, my brother and sister in law sorta freaked out. ( I lost an Aunt to weight loss surgery this past December, so it was a emotional topic.)

That being said, I would be happy to share the email I sent to my family and close friends if you want to see it.

What is important is you don't stress yourself over this. There are several people who do not know I have had surgery. I am not hiding it from anyone, just haven't gone telling everyone yet.

I am sending you good vibes!

Angie

[lisalisapsl]

Hey Girl.. Congrats on your decision!! I say why tell anyone.. ??? Very few people know about mine.. what is wrong with keeping it to yourself. There is nothng to defend, no arguements, a lot of skinnys don't understand what it is like being in our position..... Mexico..???? Holy cow,, I told my Brother and his wife that is it.. My parents don't even know. I had such a great experience with OCC that I was never afraid. Everyone is so respectfull and kind. Even sitting in the lobby at the Lucerna I noticed how wonderful a gracious everyone is to one another. I love it down there, I often go for a fill by myself. I just say this incase you would encounter concerns about TJ. WHICH YOU WILL from others. Just because you decided to get healthy doesn't mean it is anyones business how... It's ok either way you owe no one any explainations!! XO Lisa =)

[Dolittle]

How did you all tell your friends and loved ones you were getting banded? My husband and I haven't told anyone yet. I have all skinny friends (lucky me, right? ) and I don't even know where to begin. I have never expressed any weight concerns with any of them except my best friend who I have no problem telling. I'm just worried about people looking down on me for it or arguing points that they havent researched (that's what I did for the last YEAR, research!)

I just scheduled surgery for June 17th, so I need to tell people soon. Any suggestions?

Oh, btw, hello. I'm new, my name is April.

A lot of people know I was banded and there's some that don't. If I had to do that part over again,, I wouldn't tell anyone. I took alot of grief from family members and others about going to Mexico and getting the band. I was very successfull with the band and then family members tried to pressure other family members into getting the band. It was one of those " see how well he did with the band,, why don't you get banded" It stirred up a lot of crap and in fighting among the family. LOL. I almost thought it could have been a Jerry Springer show topic. LOL. I took crap from people about the Mexico thing too. People just have misconceptions about Mexico, heard that was a terrible place to go to for medical care. Truth is,, there's good and bad surgeons all over the world. If you do your homework, you can pick the good ones. I had such good results with the band that 6 months after I had been banded, my wife came out of the blue and wanted to be banded too. No one knows shes banded except me and its worked out real well. The surgery is so easy, no one will be able to tell you had anything done. They might notice your not eating like you used to, but Lori, the OCC coordinator taught me this trick, when your around people and your having dinner,, eat slowly and eat till you want to stop,, but push your food around the plate a lot, it makes it look like your eating more than you really are. Also,, just tell people your going out of town for a little short vacation get away. When you get back no one will be able to tell you had surgery. But,, do what you want to do,, My opinion is that my life would have been a lot easier if I would have kept it to myself.

PS, don't ever feel embarrased that your banded, you should feel proud that you have made a smart decision to take control of your weight problem.

[Smiley]

I only told people that I knew would be supportive. After people started noticing and asked me about it, if I felt comfortable telling them I did, and if I worked with them I swore them to absolute secrecy before I told. If I didn't feel comfortable and didn't trust them, I just told them that I was eating less and exercising more, which was definitely true.

More than anything, I just wanted to make sure that this weight loss attempt was going to work. In the end, it really is no one's business, unless you choose to make it their business.

[AngelaAnn]

I'll tell anyone or everyone, and most people are curious, especially those who are "larger" like myself and want to know details. I'm happy to give it to them--one person is actually looking into banding. My family has an open door policy when it comes to information so, I'm probably one of those annoying people who holds nothing sacred and will talk about anything. It's just the way I was brought up. You'll probably see that you'll tell those that you know won't negatively judge you and will be supportive. The couple of naysayers I've had--I just tell them that it's my body and this is the way that I choose to get the weight off. I ate my feelings--good or bad so, for me, I needed the band to help with my out of control binge eating. I KNOW that I would be well on my way to 300 lbs. if I had not had the surgery and if I do have a bad food day, I might not lose that week, but I sure don't gain!

Good Luck!!

[PAMMIE]

I TOLD ONLY FAMILY MEMBERS AND MAYBE A FRIEND OR TWO UNTIL IT WAS DONE OVER WITH AND WEIGHT STARTED TO COME OFF. I'M GLAD I WAITED. EVEN AFTER I TOLD A FEW MORE FRIEND I FELT I WAS BEING WATCHED. WITH COMMENTS LIKE IT'S NOT COMING OFF REAL FAST IS IT, LIKE IT WAS JUST GOING TO MELT OFF AFTER SURGERY LOL

[jhawkchick75]

I only told people that I knew would be supportive. After people started noticing and asked me about it, if I felt comfortable telling them I did, and if I worked with them I swore them to absolute secrecy before I told. If I didn't feel comfortable and didn't trust them, I just told them that I was eating less and exercising more, which was definitely true.

More than anything, I just wanted to make sure that this weight loss attempt was going to work. In the end, it really is no one's business, unless you choose to make it their business.

Exactly what I did! I told those friends and family that I knew would be supportive as well as a couple of co-workers out of necessity, but again knew they would support me. As I lose, there are more that I tell when the time is right, but again only those that I think will be supportive. Some need to see the progress before they will support it - sad, but true. I've had several friends that have asked if they can tell someone for one reason or the other and I have no problem with that - i'm not ashamed of what I did and have nothing to hide. But I also don't need the negativity to bring down my excitement. So those "kind of friends" that would judge I don't bother telling. If they find out eventually I really don't care, but i'm not going to take the time to tell them.

My dad was resistant, but I knew he would be. He got into it about it beforehand, but my mom talked to him and now not only is he supportive, but he fronted me the money and i'm paying him back.

I say use your gut and just tell those that you think will be supportive. Then, as you feel comfortable you can tell others. Besides a few small blips I've had great responses from those I told. Some close friends did have a lot of questions, but that was just out of concern for me and once I told them all about it they were OK.

Good luck!

[JazzyJude]

This is such a personal, individual preference and you will really know who you should tell if you don't want a lot of people to know. You just have to go with the flow of things.

I myself, wanted to lose the weight and letting others know gave me the accountability of 'eating' my words to lose the weight. At first, I did what Smiley did, told only those who I knew would be supportive to me and afterwards, those who saw I was losing the weight, I would tell them about the band surgery.

After people saw the difference in me, I didn't care who knew or to tell! I would tell anyone and everyone who was curious about the band surgery...just like Angela. The ones who were curious, really asked questions and to date, 8 had the surgery.

I was brought up that you live your life the way you want and share what you want to share. Like Angela, our family and friends are very open to discuss all facts, life, and interests. This is my life and if they don't want to hear it, then it's their lost. Surprisingly, I've more friends now then I've had before and now they are in awe of how I am making a difference in my life. Those who are interested, who genuinely care, are my friends.

It's all how you want to present yourself April...and like Doo says, NEVER be embarrased about yourself. You've just made a huge decision to be banded. EMBRACE this moment for you are going for an amazing ride of your life! Keep us posted on your weight loss! Good luck and we will all be here for you!!

All the best to you...Jazzy!!

[Mammaof2wins]

Hi April and WELCOME!!

This is how I handled the "TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL DILEMA" ....after I had researched the band completely and my hubby was on board, I decided I was going to have the surgery. At that point I was ready to answer any questions thrown my way so I had my Mom and Dad come over to my house so I could tell them about the surgery. I thought they were going to flip and be totally against it. To my HUGE SURPRISE my Dad was extremely excited for me and my Mom insisted on going with me to Mexico (which she did and I was soooo glad to have her with me!!!). After I told them of my decision I asked them if they had any questions that I could answer for them. I did this to make them feel more at ease and also to show them I had done my research, was well informed and was ready to move forward. I have one sister and one brother. I did call both of them not knowing what the response would be and told them the same as I had my parents as well as answered any questions. They were both suportive as they have seen me struggle with my weight all my life. My brother even offered to lend me the money if needed!!! I had already planed the money out but it was a nice offer I must say. Beyond my immediate family I have told very few people. I only told people who I know will be happy and not judge me. I didn't need that.

So my advice is trust your own judgement on who to tell and not to tell. If you don't feel like you should tell people then you probably shouldn't. If you want to share then share away (it is nice to have a small support system). Remember this is your journey make it as HAPPY AND THE BEST IT CAN BE. Best of luck!!

Celia

[LisaLaw]

How did you all tell your friends and loved ones you were getting banded? My husband and I haven't told anyone yet. I have all skinny friends (lucky me, right? ) and I don't even know where to begin. I have never expressed any weight concerns with any of them except my best friend who I have no problem telling. I'm just worried about people looking down on me for it or arguing points that they havent researched (that's what I did for the last YEAR, research!)

I just scheduled surgery for June 17th, so I need to tell people soon. Any suggestions?

Oh, btw, hello. I'm new, my name is April.

congrats! you are on one of the best journeys of your life!

Personally, only my aunt and my husband knew in the beginning. I did tell a good friend at work (male) who I knew would go to his grave with it, but to be honest with you, when I did tell another "skinny" friend, she looked at me like I had just flown off mars and popped out aliens. Then instead of acting excited for me, she put me through this pysch 'quiz' as if I had lost my mind. I left the conversation feeling very dejected and then I felt not only did she use it as a reason to talk about me, but she has never stopped sizing me up (really irritating!). I have stopped telling anyone because most people consider Mexico this 3rd world country where everyone is running around with leprosy (not really, but you get the idea).

good luck and just realize that MOST people do NOT get it and will be (or act)ignorant about it.

last thing...but like everyone else, I have also told complete strangers now who are BIG/HUGE in my attempt to 'save' them (as crazy as it sounds). People like us who are large, never thought we would ever have the chance to be thin again (or thin EVER!) I want people to feel HOPE!

[nicolek]

Hi

I am a teller! Anyone and everyone strangers at the airport ,custom officer people in stores and I even offer to show them my scars.LOL

I'm proud to say I've lost 90lbs and this is what helped me.

Everyone is different though.

[Smiley]

last thing...but like everyone else, I have also told complete strangers now who are BIG/HUGE in my attempt to 'save' them (as crazy as it sounds). People like us who are large, never thought we would ever have the chance to be thin again (or thin EVER!) I want people to feel HOPE!

I have absolutely no problem telling strangers because once I walk away I will never see them again.

I do totally understand your attempt to "save" them. I see large people eating large platefuls of food in restaurants or struggling to walk down the street and I just think, sweetheart, your life doesn't have to be like that. It isn't that I am judging them, I just know about a tool that could help them if they wanted to change their life.

[AngieB]

I have absolutely no problem telling strangers because once I walk away I will never see them again.

I do totally understand your attempt to "save" them. I see large people eating large platefuls of food in restaurants or struggling to walk down the street and I just think, sweetheart, your life doesn't have to be like that. It isn't that I am judging them, I just know about a tool that could help them if they wanted to change their life.

JazzyJude, Smiley, and LisaLaw - I am a newly banded person. Since being banded and sharing with those who ask. I know of 2 people who are having this surgery done, simply because they found out there was a way to win the battle from me. How awesome is that!! I am not ashamed or embarrassed of what I am doing, I feel proud and comfortable with this life change. I don't mind being a living testimony. I love fat people, I am one! Sorry if that sounds horrible to say, but the point is I see the person in every fat person. I'd love it if my father would have this surgery. If I was wealthy I would pay for him to have it if he would. I pray for a win fall so that may be possible. He has several health issues and this would be so good for him.

What is that saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

[wild6]

I'll tell anyone or everyone, and most people are curious, especially those who are "larger" like myself and want to know details. I'm happy to give it to them--one person is actually looking into banding. My family has an open door policy when it comes to information so, I'm probably one of those annoying people who holds nothing sacred and will talk about anything. It's just the way I was brought up. You'll probably see that you'll tell those that you know won't negatively judge you and will be supportive. The couple of naysayers I've had--I just tell them that it's my body and this is the way that I choose to get the weight off. I ate my feelings--good or bad so, for me, I needed the band to help with my out of control binge eating. I KNOW that I would be well on my way to 300 lbs. if I had not had the surgery and if I do have a bad food day, I might not lose that week, but I sure don't gain!

Good Luck!!

I feel the exact same way that you do. I am not ashamed of what I did and I will tell anyone that asks me about it. I made this decision and I am the only person that has to live with it. I do not judge people for what they do and if I am judged for this...they are obviously NOT a friend of mine. I am happy and so is my family!! That is just my two cents!!

[CompletelyRevised]

I don't have very supportive people around me, so that was a HUGE factor in my decision. I even told people I was "thinking" about getting the procedure done (I had already done it, and I wanted to know their reactions). IT WAS HORRIBLE, got talked down on for even thinking of doing something so "drastic", everyone said just exercise and eat right blah blah. That was even after I tried explaining the details.

My hubby and sister are the ONLY people that know. I'm not ashamed and I do not regret getting banded, not for a second. It's a personal decision that each person has to make. I don't want to be judged and I prefer not to deal w/ the questions, so it's a secret I can always change my mind later, but once I decide to tell people, I can't take it back! So maybe in the future I'll tell people, maybe I won't.

Most people (family around me) just see it as the "easy way out" because they don't understand or want to understand the details, they just want to judge. Like I said that's the people I know though, well most of my family and hubby's family lol. Family is the toughest cause they do know you best. I have a few friends that I know would be supportive and totally non judgmental, but for now I choose not to talk:)

[AngelaAnn]

Hi

I am a teller! Anyone and everyone strangers at the airport ,custom officer people in stores and I even offer to show them my scars.LOL

I'm proud to say I've lost 90lbs and this is what helped me.

Everyone is different though.

LMFAO! I totally will show anyone my scars too! I personally like them and wear them like a badge.

[LadyT]

How did you all tell your friends and loved ones you were getting banded? My husband and I haven't told anyone yet. I have all skinny friends (lucky me, right? ) and I don't even know where to begin. I have never expressed any weight concerns with any of them except my best friend who I have no problem telling. I'm just worried about people looking down on me for it or arguing points that they havent researched (that's what I did for the last YEAR, research!)

I just scheduled surgery for June 17th, so I need to tell people soon. Any suggestions?

Oh, btw, hello. I'm new, my name is April.

The only one that knows about me being banded are my mother, close friend, and brother who are my support system. I still have not told my husband, who has been skinny all of his life and simply do not understand and agree to the procedure for encouraging a happier and healthier lifestyle. These are things that he has never had to worry about, well correction the weight issue is something he has never had to worry about because he has always been skinny. I do not play to tell him until after the surgery -- I know you probably ask "how are you going to manage that", well my husband has pretty much neglected me completely. He does not come home until late and has his own agenda, so he will never notice. Although this may seem sad, it has given me an opportunity to find me and work on a new me for me. I can't wait to begin the process.

I decided not to tell anyone at work because I wanted to avoid their high expectations of me and close observation of what I eat, how I act, and when I am losing weight.

Good luck on June 17th!!!!

[stormy]

I tell everyone. I am proud I took charge of my life. but it is a very personal choice. I have a big mouth. HA!

[nursemom]

Hi April,

Well, I guess I will put my two cents in. I have not told ANYONE except my husband. Not my kids, my mom or sisters or coworkers or anyone. ........ For me, it is a very very personal decision and I don't think anyone is entitled to know. HOWEVER, having said that - It does make me feel bad when people ask my HOW I have lost weight and I have to say something like "portion control" or whatever. OYE! I also come from a family of skinny people. I was always the "smart" one. My sister is a professional boxer and personal trainer in NYC and my other sister is naturally skinny. and then there's me.... ha ha - Anyway, good luck with your decision. It is a hard one.

[pelesfury]

Wow, the response here is overwhelming! I feel so shocked right now, hahaha. I just wasn't expecting all this support, you guys are amazing!

Lady T- Good luck to you. I hope you do discover yourself and find happiness.

I did end up telling my mom last night. We took her out to dinner for mothers day and we are going on Vacation for 10 days soon and then it will only be a few weeks before my surgery so I decided to let the cat out of the bag last night. I was blown out of my chair by her reaction. She was so happy and relieved it was unbelievable! She said that her and my dad (who passed away about 1.5yrs ago) were always worried about me and my heart. I am so glad her reaction is so supportive.

My husband, who is a 6ft5 beanpole is very supportive, he is looking forward to having a wife interested in doing all the outdoor things we used to do and more. And he wants me happy and healthy.

I think I am just worried about telling people, then it not working and feeling like a huge failure. I think I will take everyone's advise and keep people on a need to know basis. Then afterward, who knows, maybe I will tell the world!

I do plan to tell my sister and my 3 closest friends. Work is the tricky thing because everyone seems to orbit food around there! Mornings and lunches are all about who's going to get donuts, who's bringing chips and salsa for lunch, so I think I may tell my boss who is kind of a close friend (he is ALWAYS dieting too, but he just likes to look a little muscly, lol) and I know if I had his backup it would help to avoid sticky situations.

I live in the Phoenix area and my surgeon is Dr Terry Simpson. He and his staff are super nice!

Thanks again everyone, I look forward to sharing this journey with all of you.

[tootsie_lou]

Hey April!

Glad it went so well when you told your mom. No one loves you like your mom can. So happy for you--enjoy your vacation. (Are you doing the pre-op diet on your vacation? Girl, you are brave!! )

[pelesfury]

Hey April!

Glad it went so well when you told your mom. No one loves you like your mom can. So happy for you--enjoy your vacation. (Are you doing the pre-op diet on your vacation? Girl, you are brave!! )

No, no pre-surg diet news as of yet, the nutritionist just said they want me to lose 10lbs before surgery and I'm already there. I dont know why they havent got me on pre-surg diet though, but they are going to be calling me Monday for some other stuff and I do plan to ask some more questions that I have written down.

Were going sailing in the British Virgin Islands. Me and my hubby say its kind of my Farewell Party for my fat, hahahaha.

[BlondieChic]

I was banded on March 30 2009. I told only a couple of friends but my husband took the whole crew he works with. LOL!