Lap band guilt!

[CJen]

When I decided to be banded I felt that the only people that neded know were my family, and one friend whom I trust with the world. I felt ashamed that I had allowed myself to get to the point of needing to be banded at the age of 27. Well I have lost over 60 lbs, and I have people telling me how great I look, and what did I do? I never thank them, I feel like a hypocrite, like I cheated! I just say' oh I am dieting, and exercise'. Don't get me wrong I love my band, but I hate my lies I have created. I know that some people suspect, as they have asked my Mom, she then says what I have told her to say. I just feel like I have created this mess that I will never be able to get out of, as I have lied to all my friends. The worst part is when they ask me for help, or we work out together, and they don't lose, and get sad because of it. I don't know, guess I will just have to live with this big fat elephant in the room, as I still selfishly don't want to reveal that I have been banded.

[Red]

Hi CJen,

I get banded in 3 weeks. I have told only my husband and 2 friends who battle weight like me. I will tell my family, but only after the surgery because I know they will be concerned about it being done in Mexico. There is a stigma, unfortunately. I have done my research and am confident with my decision so I don't want to get bombarded with questions from them until afterward.

I understand that a lot of people don't seem to have this sense of having to keep lapband or bypass surgery a secret. That's a personal decision and you shouldn't feel guilty if you don't want others to know. But for me, I think it is such a wonderful technology and I plan to tell anyone who asks me when they see me losing weight because I know many of them will want to learn from my experience and will possibly want to have it done as well. I will be able to help answer their questions, just as people do on this forum, and that will be a wonderful thing.

There is no shame in getting lapband surgery. It takes committment and hard work and it takes a strong person to make the decision to do it. Be proud of that and hold your head up. Think of the band as another tool, just like nutritous food, the gym or whatever else. You aren't embarrassed to tell people about those things, so why be emarrassed about the band? I congratulate you on your weight loss and you keep up the good work! =D>

PS..I weighed 180 in the 8th grade, so getting the band at 27 is no big deal!

[coppercorrie]

I know what you are going through and I really feel you shouldn't carry this burden any longer. I also felt that my surgery should be private and found when I came clean with my coworkers (after lying to them for many months) they were fine with it. I have many overweight female friends and colleagues, some are curious about the surgery, others were quick to say they'd stick to the old fashioned method, but none made me feel bad about my choice. If you are worried about the opinion of close friends, just explain that you were afraid that they would judge you and that is why you kept it from them. I'd be willing to bet they will understand - especially if they are true friends.

When it comes to your health, any long term solution is not a cop out. I too sometimes feel that I took the easy way out but there are plenty of people who would not consider the lifestyle changes required by a lap band to be "easy" . My husband, who is a super athlete type said he could never, ever go through what I do with my band. I remind him that he has never been overweight and doesn't understand the lengths I have gone to in my life to be at an acceptable weight. He never made me feel bad about my weight but he sure gave me a hard time about my health over the years and you know what, you can be trim and still be in poor health. Continuing to work out with friends who are trying to loose weight the "Old Fashioned" way is a great way to show soliderity because you will always remember what it was like to be heavy.

If you have had successful weight loss wear it proudly. You did a good thing for your health and you'd be surprised how many people will be truly interested to hear about your experience.

Corrie

[LosinItInQ8]

I'm 27 too and just got banded on Sunday. I got a lot of responses about how I'm still young and all I need to do is get off my a**, and how I'm copping out or taking the easy way out. For a second I considered not getting the band because I didn't want people to think badly about me. But then I realized that I'm not doing it for them. I'm doing it for me. Once I started talking about it in a this-is-how-it-is-and-I'm-happy kinda attitude all of those nay sayers shut up and told me congratulations. They aren't mad at me. They don't think bad about me (that I know of). They've congratulated me and they can't wait to see my next blog about how I'm doing. I even have a very miserable, depressed friend who gave up on happiness thinking that she may want a band. So by being honest I have given someone hope. It may be the same for you. You've lost a lot of weight. You obviously know people who also want to lose weight. Why not share the love and be a band advocate so maybe they can get healthier too? If you had lasik eye surgery to improve your sight would you be ashamed and keep it a secret? Probably not. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You did what you needed to do so that you aren't going into your 30's with hypertension, diabetes, and shopping at Lane Bryant. Congratulations, I'm so proud of you!! And like the other members have said, if these people are your friends they will not think badly about you.

[Kristi]

CJen,

I had my surgery 6 weeks ago and absolutely love it. Most of my family has been super supportive.

They are all really excited for me especially knowing all the medical issues I have had;

My mother wants to get banded as well. She has been heavy nearly the last 20 years and with her medical issues, she really needs to lose the weight.

She likes to tell everyone and I mean everyone that I have been banded.

I finally had to tell her that if I want them to know I will tell them, but let me be the one.

Most the people I have told, all have questions about the surgery because they have been considering it for themselves.

So I tell them my story, and they are so intrigued...

The only issue I have had is with my sister. She is almost 3 years older than I am. She has always been thin and has never known what

it is like to weigh more than 150 unless pregnant.

We were talking about it right after and she wanted to know why... Why would I do that to myself? Why would I not try to exercise & eat healthy to get the weight off? the list can go on. and according to her, it is the easy way out.

She really upset me at the time since she has never had to deal with real weight gain. Heck, she hits a

size 8-10 and it is diet diet diet.

I told her that I was very happy with my decision to have the surgery and since she has never known what it is like to be big or heavy and

she doesn't have serious medical issues that make it next to impossible to lose weight without help, she wouldn't understand.

I explained the years of exercising I had done, and once losing my thyroid and gaining over 80 pounds all while eating healthy and exercising, it isn't that simple...

Being banded is definitely not the easy way to lose weight.

I agree with others, that you should be proud of your accomplishment. YOU have taken control of YOUR life. That is a huge accomplishment as well.

And when you are ready to tell people, then you will be ready.

I will be 37 in September and I tell everyone my biggest goal is that when I enter my 40s, I will be one HOT mama...

I have spent the majority of my mid 20s through mid 30s big.

My other goal is to be my husbands arm candy at his 20 year high school reunion next year and mine in 2011.

Take care of yourself, this is your time.

Hugs,

Kristi

[vickiruss]

I am just the opposite! I was so excited about the chance to have a normal life that I couldn't keep quiet about it. I have been heavy since first grade, and FAT since graduation. So the simple things like crossing my legs or resting my elbows on my knees or being able to leave my butt in the chair while I pick something up off the floor or tying my shoes with out feeling like my head is going to pop off makes me feel incredable! If I can help anyone make that same decision I will yell it from the mountain tops! So everyone that knows me knows I have the lap band!!!

[Smiley]

I finally had to tell her that if I want them to know I will tell them, but let me be the one.

Most the people I have told, all have questions about the surgery because they have been considering it for themselves.

So I tell them my story, and they are so intrigued...

Amen and Amen!

I also didn't tell many people prior to surgery because I just wanted to make sure this weight loss method was actually going to work. I was banded 16 months ago and have gradually over time started telling some people when they ask me what I have been doing. Most people I give the "exercising more and eating less" answer to, which is 100% correct. However, if someone asks that I believe can keep the information to themself and I don't mind them knowing, then I tell them. However, when I tell them I let them know that this is my story to tell and it is up to me, not them who I do and do not tell. To my knowledge only one person has said anything to someone else and she did it only because the person she told is one of her staff and they were telling her that they were looking into having the lap band. When this person asked me about it I hesitated telling her anything, but once again reminded her that it was my story to tell and no one else's.

The main people I tell are those who not only ask, but are also individual's whom I also feel could benefit from the procedure. A complete stranger however, is another story. I will tell a complete stranger about my lap band in a heart beat. Heck, I did so today to someone who was overhearing a conversation between one of my professor's and I. My professor told me that I was going to look 16 again, I told him absolutely not because I look much better at 36 than I ever did at 16 and that I never again want to look like I did at the age of 16.

Choosing to not reveal that you have been banded is not selfish at all. You know what you want and if you don't take care of yourself and what you want, no one else will. I was at the church I grew up in on Sunday. One person told me I looked great and asked me what I had been doing, so I told her. Another person was there who asked me back in August what I had been doing and again 4 weeks ago. I did not tell her and have no intntion of telling her because she is just being nosy and will tell everyone that will listen. So, being choosy is an okay thing. Weight loss or gain is a personal issue and you owe no one an answer as to what you have or have not been doing. They sure didn't ask what you had been doing to gain weight now did they?

I can only wish that I had had the opportunity to have had this surgery at 27, but I am very grateful that I was able to have it at 35. Congratulations on your decision to have the band and on your success with it to date!

[CJen]

Thank you to everyone for their replies, I truely appreciate them! I am relieved to know that some of you have kept this a secret, and some are so confident that they choose to help people with their knowledge.

Thanks again,

Jen

[roblynn]

When I noticed this post, I thought it said "Lap Band Quilt" I thought, great, make a quilt out of the clothes you have grown out of! LOL I was sure I had some like minded quilters to talk with! Need my glasses for sure!

[Red]

When I noticed this post, I thought it said "Lap Band Quilt" I thought, great, make a quilt out of the clothes you have grown out of! LOL I was sure I had some like minded quilters to talk with! Need my glasses for sure!

Ha Ha Roblynn! I thought that too! That is a good idea, take some sample pieces of old favorite clothes and make a quilt. My sister, who owns a quilt shop, made a quilt for a cousin of mine out of old t-shirts my cousin has had over the years, but didn't want to get rid of even though she never wore them anymore. It turned out sooooo cute!

[Trav]

Regardless of whatever condition or life decisions lead you to the point where you needed to get a lapband, know this You made a positive step in the right direction, and you have to accept that those actions and decisions are in the past. They're part of what made you who you are today. Rather than let that be a shame, let it be a positive motivator. We don't live in a world where we're all doing lots of physical labor in the 21st century, yet we still eat diets that lend themselves to those who work in a sweatshop. That's just a fact of life. Some people can cope, others can't...and there's no shame in making a positive decision to give yourself an extra tool to combat that need to eat.