the psychology of the band

[benjigirl]

hey there.

I know many of you are seasoned bandsters- so I'm hoping for some help/hope

I had no idea how much of an emotional/habitual/comfort eater I was until I got banded. This has really hit me hard since the op, as now I just don't know what to do with myself, and I feel loss and sometimes even anger that I can't eat like I used to. How ungrateful of me!

It doesn't help that I am yet to have my first fill so have stalled in my weight loss for the last month.

I am wandering around the house feeling grumpy and I also have an (irrational?) fear that I will never lose weight like you all. that the band will not work for me - I know all the 'rules' and am careful not to cheat the band, but-still can't believe I will ever, ever be thin.

Sorry to be a sad-sack, I probably just need a good slap!! Anyone else have these issues ? How did you overcome?

[dawns]

HI benjigirl,

Not sure when you were banded but I can tell you from the time you stop losing really fast (right after surgery up to about the 6th week mark), to the point when you finally hit your sweet spot can be a real test of will. This is the time for you to start to find ways to deal with the head hunger and the issues that come about when we realize we can't or shouldn't eat like we used to.

It becomes very easy to try and compare yourself with the other people that post on this board and other boards and get caught up in what can feel like a "competition" (for lack of a better word) of how fast to lose weight. Then your mind starts to play games with you because it always looks like someone is doing better than you. Everyone loses at a different pace. If you read far enough back you will start seeing that most people go through a pattern of losing then plateau then losing again. It's not a competition, it is really an adjustment to your new and better life Try not to get caught up in "that person lost that amount in this amount of time", but focus on how great you feel physically and how you will continue to feel great as you continue to lose weight. And be proud of yourself that you have taken this step to make you a healthier you!

And just as a side note, you probably won't get much restriction with your first couple of fills, some people do, but most people don't, everyone is different. It can take a while to get to your sweet spot. So take this time to learn other things to do with your hands and keep your mind busy when you feel like you need to eat and you are not hungry. It took me almost 9 months to figure out that my band is my friend and I purchased it to help me get to my goal of a healthier life and lifestyle. We still fight, but most times the band wins and puts me back in my place!

Good luck with your journey. It will all play out okay in the end, just trust in yourself :-h

[MyNewLife]

Benjigirl,

This is an emotional rollercoster for alot of us. For me, it is me wanting the weight off NOW,( acutally the day I was banded I thought I was going to be instantly skinny...lol), hoever this is so not the case. I am 32 years old and have been heavy all of my life. I made the decision to get banded for ME. I put myself first for once in my life. It has been truly the best decision I have ever made and I still have a long way to go. I started my preop at my heaviest 262, I am 5'6. I lost 17lbs on preop and was banded around 246lbs. The 14th of this month will be 9 months and I am 3 pounds shy of 70lbs lost.

When I first was banded the weight was coming off pretty good. When I started back on "food" is when I started slowing down. It took me FOREVER to get out of the 220s, then it took me FOREVER to get to 210's then it took me FOREVER to get under 200lbs and OMGoshhh I did not think that that WOULD EVER come, but you know what it DID. The funny thing was it was all in my mind. I thought I was doing HORRIBLE until I went for my fourth fill and my Doc looked back on my chart and told me how great I was doing. I average about 6 lbs a month., which is very healthy. I was so discourage because I wanted it gone NOW, not even realizing how well I was acutally doing. The band is not easy. I have to work so hard with it and it is a day to day battle with myself. I have to choose daily what I am going to eat and what I am NOT going to LET myself eat. That is my battle. I try to keep only high protien foods in he house and keep the NO NO foods out. If they are in my house, I will eat them, I know this so I keep them out. Dont get me wrong, I am not saying I dont ever eat NO NO foods because I do. Yesterday was HORRIBLE for me, I had ice cream and a snowcone, both LOADED with sugar. So today I am eating only good high protien foods for me. I started out a size 18-20 and now I am in a 12. What helped me through the doubts about never being able to loose, honestly was this forum and looking back at so many people on here and the pics. There are so many on this board, Lisa, Karen, MommaMichele, Kim, Blazn, Pammie, Shelby, Sabrina, Dennis, Dana, Jazzy, I am leaving SO many out, EVERYONE on this board is doing SO well and are all so AMAZing. There pics and their stories are amazing and this is what helps me EVERYDAY! Keep up the faith, you will do GREAT, you can do this, take it day by day. Read and look at the pictures. Take pics and measurements of your self monthly and go back and look at them. Sometimes it is so hard for us to see ourselves and how far we have came!

Good Luck to you!

Carrie

[benjigirl]

Dawns and Carrie

Thank you so much. I will print out your replies and put them in my personal book I made to keep me motivated.

You spent time and energy on writing to me and I'm very grateful- I feel much much better.

Love

benjigirl

[jhawkchick75]

I completely agree! Keep in mind that everyone has struggles and plateaus. I haven't lost in almost two months but i'm not letting it get to me. I look at how much I have lost and think about where I would be if I hadn't gotten this done. I now actually like salad and God help me like to run! Never ever in my life did I think I would eat salad and not eat fast food! I swear the folks at the fast food places around here knew me and probably had my order memorized. I still have plenty of times when I don't eat perfect and that is gonna happen. If it were that easy none of us would need the band!

Every day is a struggle and every day I just try to make the best decisions I can and take it from meal to meal. Multiple fills have sure helped, but of course as I get closer to goal (probably have 15-20 lbs to go) it's gonna be that much harder to loose those last lbs. So I enjoy the little things like how great I feel after I work out and how I feel like i've really accomplished something! Or how I can now run around the yard with my niece and hopefully she won't remember when she was younger when i just laid on the couch all day and was too tired to play with her.

Can't agree more also with the folks that say you cannot compare yourself to others! Everyone is so different, holds their weight different, has different body fat percentages, etc...I used to do that when I went to weight watchers and it got me nowhere but pissed off and unmotivated.

Keep your chin up and you will get there in time!

[LisaLaw]

I found myself trolling the kitchen like a shark. 80% of my issue was mental. When I came to terms with that, the weight and heaviness of both the physical and emotional lifted and the lbs began coming off.

The road will not be easy at times, but you can do this!

I have dropped 45 lbs in 7 months...not great compared to some people, but we are all different...I would not have been able to do this without this band. On Saturday I was able to wear this adorable skirt I bought in 2004 and never wore it because I began packing on the lbs. It is a size 10.

There are times I still troll the kitchen, but now I reach for band friendly foods if I need a quick snack (blend up a quick protein smoothie, slice some tomatoes with olive oil and balsamic)...sky is the limit. I no longer choose the 'unfriendly' band foods because I have learned it makes my life hell.

This is a journey/marathon, you are in it for the long haul...it is not a sprint.

xoxo

[ValleyGirl]

As for people losing weight faster, the grass always looks greener on the other side! To put things in perspective, I think I have lost fairly quickly because I have been having serious marriage problems for months. We've actually talked about the "D" word but are trying desperately to work things out despite fighting almost every single day. This causes me so much stress and heart-ache and when I am stressed, I can not eat. I would trade a good marriage for slower weight loss any day. Things aren't always as they appear. I try to remember that when I do the comparing thing- something I struggle with too, but for different reasons.

Sabrina:)

[Red]

As for people losing weight faster, the grass always looks greener on the other side! To put things in perspective, I think I have lost fairly quickly because I have been having serious marriage problems for months. We've actually talked about the "D" word but are trying desperately to work things out despite fighting almost every single day. This causes me so much stress and heart-ache and when I am stressed, I can not eat. I would trade a good marriage for slower weight loss any day. Things aren't always as they appear. I try to remember that when I do the comparing thing- something I struggle with too, but for different reasons.

Sabrina:)

Oh Sabrina...I am so sorry to hear that. From what I have seen in your postings, you are a strong woman and your head is on straight! I wish you all the best. You are a real inspiration to me.

Red

[Red]

hey there.

I know many of you are seasoned bandsters- so I'm hoping for some help/hope

I had no idea how much of an emotional/habitual/comfort eater I was until I got banded. This has really hit me hard since the op, as now I just don't know what to do with myself, and I feel loss and sometimes even anger that I can't eat like I used to. How ungrateful of me!

It doesn't help that I am yet to have my first fill so have stalled in my weight loss for the last month.

I am wandering around the house feeling grumpy and I also have an (irrational?) fear that I will never lose weight like you all. that the band will not work for me - I know all the 'rules' and am careful not to cheat the band, but-still can't believe I will ever, ever be thin.

Sorry to be a sad-sack, I probably just need a good slap!! Anyone else have these issues ? How did you overcome?

benjigirl,

I hope you can see from these postings that your emotions are the same felt by many that have the band. I am in that place of not having a fill yet and I don't have any restriction. I'm hungry. I think about cheese burgers and fries daily. I play head games with myself and think "well, I don't really have any restriction yet, so I can probably eat a few bites of cheese burger without it getting stuck" but then I remind myself that I paid this money for this band because I was miserable being fat. So I won the argument, but I do have it daily. So you aren't alone! It is a battle but one we will ultimately win. I'm confident about that! Hang in there!

Red

[robbynnoel]

hey there.

I know many of you are seasoned bandsters- so I'm hoping for some help/hope

I had no idea how much of an emotional/habitual/comfort eater I was until I got banded. This has really hit me hard since the op, as now I just don't know what to do with myself, and I feel loss and sometimes even anger that I can't eat like I used to. How ungrateful of me!

It doesn't help that I am yet to have my first fill so have stalled in my weight loss for the last month.

I am wandering around the house feeling grumpy and I also have an (irrational?) fear that I will never lose weight like you all. that the band will not work for me - I know all the 'rules' and am careful not to cheat the band, but-still can't believe I will ever, ever be thin.

Sorry to be a sad-sack, I probably just need a good slap!! Anyone else have these issues ? How did you overcome?

(((((((((((((((Benjigirl))))))))))))))

I can so relate. More than I care to admit. Sending big hugs to you. After reading your post, I know now that if I would have come to the boards when I started the relapse rather than running and hiding under my rock in shame I would have pulled it together fast.

You are not a sad-sack. Not in the least. You've motivated me and shown me the importance of this board and you are also very brave to know you need help and to ask for it.

I'm very proud of you. I believe in you and we will get though this.

xo

[LisaLaw]

As for people losing weight faster, the grass always looks greener on the other side! To put things in perspective, I think I have lost fairly quickly because I have been having serious marriage problems for months. We've actually talked about the "D" word but are trying desperately to work things out despite fighting almost every single day. This causes me so much stress and heart-ache and when I am stressed, I can not eat. I would trade a good marriage for slower weight loss any day. Things aren't always as they appear. I try to remember that when I do the comparing thing- something I struggle with too, but for different reasons.

Sabrina:)

gosh sabrina...by no means did I say that to make jabs...I am so sorry if you took it that way

I have to remind myself that I cannot compare myself to others OR their life experience - that is the rotten thing about email or blogs, sometimes the message comes across weird.

I am OKAY...yes..OKAY even now with sitting at this rotten plateau for 5 months at 180 lbs, because I know eventually my body is going to say "gosh...is this what you want me to do?"

I have been taking my vitamin D and my HCG and have lost 1.5 inches around my waist in 4 weeks. So that is good for me!

I am so very sorry for your troubles. I know this has been a struggle at times with him since the beginning. of course if you are stressed, your band is going to slam shut. my thoughts are with you at this rough time.

xoxo

C

[ValleyGirl]

Oh Lisa, I wasn't offended by your post at all, I just wanted to provide perspective so you knew that all situations are unique for reasons that might not seem apparent at first glance. I often find myself doing this with friends and family....so and so's husband treats her so well, so and so has such a great life/ house/car/job etc etc etc. Now I just try to be grateful for all the good things in my life....and despite the rocky realtionship, I DO have so much to be grateful for. Please don't feel bad. In fact, I hope my post made you feel better in some way. That was my only intention.

Sabrina:)

[dawns]

Dawns and Carrie

Thank you so much. I will print out your replies and put them in my personal book I made to keep me motivated.

You spent time and energy on writing to me and I'm very grateful- I feel much much better.

Love

benjigirl

You are very welcome! Take care.

dawn

[benjigirl]

Thank you all so much for your inspirational replies!

I had my first fill today (didn't hurt at all! A little sting and then it was over! amazing I was so worried over nothing and now I am looking forward to the reality of the journey- getting good quality nutrition and looking after my band so that it looks after me!

That way I can see it all working- and I no longer have expectations of pace- thanks so much you guys- there's heaps of love on this forum.

God Bless!