Self image

[GirlBarb]

Why does being thin make me feel more powerful and yet make me feel vulnerable too? I almost feel like a fake in a thin body when I start getting closer to goal weight. This is crazy because I love clothes, and they look better without the body rolls, but I get told that I look sexy, and then I freak out and EAT.

Insane, is it time for therapy or can anyone help me accept this and carry on? Therapy is so expensive and time consuming. Did I mention that I am an Engineer and want to do everything the easy way...there is no easy way to loose weight and keep it off, the band is a tool not an answer, it's part of a solution that is so complicated. But with the right mind set, I can do it and it is easier with the right additude, but then comes the remarks on how I look physically.

Also and this is big for me, when I am totally there for ME, I am not there for others and I know that my relationships will suffer. I miss the other relationships and find it hard to balance between giving to myself and giving to others, and I get lonely after a while and miss others when I have been immersed in myself.

I don't think that men or husbands want a wife that doesn't think about them as much. That is what makes them feel loved and cared for. It is hard to be torn between wanting them to be happy and putting so much thought and energy into staying on goal (changing old habbits) because it is ALOT of work physically but more so mentally.

I love my husband and do not want a fourth divorce. I know the pattern from the past.

See my album and the changes that weight makes on me.

[MyNewLife]

Why does being thin make me feel more powerful and yet make me feel vulnerable too? I almost feel like a fake in a thin body when I start getting closer to goal weight. This is crazy because I love clothes, and they look better without the body rolls, but I get told that I look sexy, and then I freak out and EAT.

Insane, is it time for therapy or can anyone help me accept this and carry on? Therapy is so expensive and time consuming. Did I mention that I am an Engineer and want to do everything the easy way...there is no easy way to loose weight and keep it off, the band is a tool not an answer, it's part of a solution that is so complicated. But with the right mind set, I can do it and it is easier with the right additude, but then comes the remarks on how I look physically.

Also and this is big for me, when I am totally there for ME, I am not there for others and I know that my relationships will suffer. I miss the other relationships and find it hard to balance between giving to myself and giving to others, and I get lonely after a while and miss others when I have been immersed in myself.

I don't think that men or husbands want a wife that doesn't think about them as much. That is what makes them feel loved and cared for. It is hard to be torn between wanting them to be happy and putting so much thought and energy into staying on goal (changing old habbits) because it is ALOT of work physically but more so mentally.

I love my husband and do not want a fourth divorce. I know the pattern from the past.

See my album and the changes that weight makes on me.

HI !

I wanted to reply and say I think alot of us struggle with Self Image. For me I dont take compliments well at all. I have ALways been the big girl and still see myself that way. I dont feel different and for whatever reason I thought I would. Just thought skinny people felt skinny, I still feel the same as I did 76 pounds heavier. I have begun to love myself, Im not sure that I have ever loved myself but I think when all of these layers get pilled back, I will FULLY Love myself and be able to accept anything that is thrown at me. Lisa posted a comment something to the fact that nothing is impossible for her now, she is truely living her life!!!.....Wow did this really make me step back and really look at myself. I have came a LONG way and I should really be proud of myself and you should too. I have never been a person to be there for ME, always for everyone else. I think you have to find a balance. I have two teenage boys at home and a WONDERFUL husband that is my world! He is the one who actually started "Date night" in our marriage. IT IS WONDERFUL and Romantic and it works!!!! Marriage is W.O.R.K, nothing easy about it and for me I have to wake up every day and tell myself how lucky I am.....I have been a very miserable person for a VERY long time which has made my relationship not only with my husband but with everyone very hard. I had to change the person I was and Learn to LOVE ME....when I did this I also allowed my Husband in to love me. He had told me in the past, just let me love you and I never understood what he was saying, and it was because I did not love myself, so how was I going to let anyone else love me.....I think we really have to dig deep and find the root of our problems. I still am working on mine and have a long ways to go but I am getting there. As far as your husband and your marriage, you might have to set him down and ask for his patients and support through this...I came to a conclusion that I was SO SO SO tired of letting food, and my weight determine who I was. Take control of your situation, take control of the food and dont let the food control you....This journey is not easy, I will be the first to admit that I thought it was going to be but I was so very wrong.

Good Luck to you!

Carrie

[GirlBarb]

Carrie you are an Angel !!!

You really hit me with emotion. And I don't feel that much.

I thought about this very thing this morning when I woke up and before reading you heartfelt post.

I DON'T FEEL THE GOOD STUFF. I feel the hurt, pain, rejection, anger etc.... But rarely do I feel the LOVE of myself. I really need to work on that again, it is forien to me and because I was damaged as a child and not exposed to LOVE feelings it is work to bring that into my life now.

BUT you have opened my eyes to what is really going on with me and I can't thank you enough. What you have taken the time to write is exactly what I needed to read and you are an angel speaking to me!

I need to remember to LOVE myself FIRST. When I do that, everything is posible,

Huge hugs to you Angle Carrie, you have left an impact on me and I thank you again and again.

[MyNewLife]

I am so glad that I could help, sometimes it takes me hearing things from other people to really look and think about it. There are so many wonderful people and we all are going to the same thing, that is what is so COOL about it, very hard to talk to my friends that dont have a clue how hard it is and what we go through on a daily basis.....THIS IS SO NOT THE EASY WAY OUT.....

Stay plugged in to this forum and you will do great!!!

Carrie

[robbynnoel]

((((((((((((((((((((((Girl Barb))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs to you. I can relate. I too have the tendoncy to stop following program if I'm getting unwanted attention. I can't make sense of it. I'm glad you posted this. It has helped me understand I'm not the only one who feels this way.

xo

[MyNewLife]

Robbyn,

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your new Pic!!!!!

[Smiley]

Do you have some really close friends that you could share with as opposed to counseling?

I have been down a road that is pretty parallel to yours. Part of the reason I had my TT was because I just looked like a smaller version of the old me will all the rolls and bulges in the same place. In fact, the smaller me was probably worse than the bigger me because it just kind of hung there. I have had a man in TX that I would have loved to marry at most any point over the past 14 years, but after my trip back to TX in October I finally decided that I had to step outside of my box (actually I kind of fell out of it). I have been out with 2 guys in the past month and the most recent one said things to me that I have never had anyone say to me in my life. Although I was kind of shocked at his boldness considering I had just met him at the library a few hours earlier I willed myself to take it in stride. I told him that I appreciated his compliment, but I did not allow it to woo me to the point that I was not able to keep my head on straight. Yet at the same time I soaked it in as what I hope to be the first of many more compliments to come, just not from him.

Since you are married I am not going to suggest that you set up a profile on a dating site, but I am going to suggest that when a man compliments you or turns his head to look at you, accept it and continue on. Consider this one of those NSV's because it truely is. For most of us previous looks from men had nothing to do with the Wow factor, but rather the look of fear because if she falls there is no way I can help her up or get out of the way in time. I have some really good friends that would never take advantage of me, even though this is a fear I have lived with since my childhood as well. I just have to make a conscious decision every day to remove the detrimental thoughts that creep into my mind and tell me that someone might be a bad person. That doesn't mean that I let my guard down completely, but I have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I have rambled on long enough, but I encourage you to do something so that you can see yourself in a new light.

[nothereanymore]

I'm a sexy grandma and so are you! Just sit back and enjoy it! (Its OK)!