2nd Fill

[bogiesmom]

1/16/2010:

Today I received my second fill at the OCC since getting my first on 12.17.09 (surgery was 11.13.09). I have an 11cc Realize band by J&J and the first fill was for 3cc and my second fill was for 3cc as well for a total of 6cc.

Dr. Acosta did my fill today at the OCC. I told Dr. Acosta that I was disappointed that I did not have restriction yet since I rarely am ever "full" after a meal and that I literally stop myself from eating any more food even though I could keep going. He asked me if I could eat as much as before I had the surgery and I answered that question like I always have (including on this forum): "I COULD but I will NOT." In other words for the last 60 days I have been running on free will (according to Dr. Acosta this has been by choice since I won't utilize the band but I tend to disagree, knowing my own body signals better than anyone else and paying close attention to them. He asked me what my meals were like and I went through a list of what I eat and he said that the reason I have not been experiencing restriction is because I have not been using the band.. What he means is I have not been eating solid foods like I should. I told him that I simply gravitate towards foods like Oatmeal, Cottage Cheese, yogurt, and the mother of all foods SOUP and he said that is my problem since most of this goes straight down and that is why I do not feel "full" or experiencing restriction. He reiterated over and over again that he wanted me to "test" the band and this is something I do not feel totally comfortable doing. By testing the band he wants me to eat "solids" until I get full. Well, that is like telling a horse it can have as many apples and carrots as need to be satisfied and is it not an old adage that a horse will eat itself to death if given the chance? I cannot allow myself to test this band to the extent where I am having 5 tuna sandwiches instead of 1 for lunch. I do not trust it, I do not love it and I must be in control at all times. Yes, these are issues I need to work on outside of the OCC but for me it would feel like a tremendous step backwards if I "tested" the band and it failed me and that failure came in the form of seeing a gain on the digital scale. My self esteem frankly could not handle that (case in point detailed below). I agreed to lay off the semi-solid, mushy foods for my 3 meals a day. But frankly that is all I can commit to at this time.

Plus testing the band by playing the game of how much can I eat is not worth gaining what I have lost back.)

First ah-ha moment: Dr. Acosta then asked me what my definition of "full" was. I am so glad he asked this. This is a question no one has ever asked me including myself and I needed to say it out loud and define it in words. I told him that full for me is being able to walk away from a meal totally satisfied and maintaining that satisfaction for an extended period of time, specifically 3 - 4 hours before eating again. He agreed that was also his definition of "full."

On to the fill: - As I was drinking the barium he asked me to tell him if at any point I felt like it was difficult to drink and I told him no after I gulped it all down. He then had me drink some more barium and again I gulped it down with no issues whatsoever. Even though at no point did I ever feel as though swallowing the barium was an issue and that I could have drank a gallon more Dr. Acosta stopped the fill at 3cc. Weird...why would he stop it if I could have swallowed more barium on top of what I already drank? I know I could have had a 4cc fill and I would have not been overfilled but he is the learned Doctor and I am not so I just reluctantly trusted him when he said I was at my threshold and kept my trap shut. My friend of 20 years came with me to the fill and he told us we should both go get some lunch at that point. My friend who lives in San Diego, fluent in Spanish and has relatives who lives in TJ also came with me to the OCC for my first fill and so mentioned to Dr. Acosta, "Oh, she needs 3 days of liquids right?" and he gave us a big fat "NOPE." He said no more liquids for me going forward he wanted us to go have a lunch packed with solids and he wanted me to see how much I could eat (crazy, but he's the doctor right?) Carla and I walked over to Costco and she ordered the pizza (doctor said he suggested I order the pizza but I refused) and I ordered the turkey wrap (it is huge too). Well guess what, I ate ALL of it and I was still NOT FULL. I know, I wasn’t surprised either. What I was feeling at the point was disgust, guilt and disappointment but DEFINATELY NOT SURPISE or SHOCK.

Second ah-ha moment: I told Carla I wanted to walk around Costco to experience the Mexican version first hand. She just rolled her eyes and went with it. While in the deli I started foaming at the mouth over these mini frosted cinnamon rolls and the light went on. I promptly told Carla I should have mentioned to Dr. Acosta that my second definition of "full" also include the fact that after any given meal I play this little head game with myself whereby I ask myself "If someone put a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting (or slice of cheese cake) in front of you right now could you eat it on a scale of 1 - 10? If my answer is 6 - 10 then I am NOT full or satisfied to the level I need to be. There have been meals (3 I can think of off the top of my head) where I was finished and I would have refused the cake right in front of me but for the most part my answer has been in the 10-6 range and walking through Costco deli after eating a large lunch made me keenly aware of that.

My Theory On A Physical Reaction To Barium: My first fill was the first time in my life where I exposed my body to barium consumption and coincidently went home with a head cold for a week. The tingling sensation on the tonsils is what I experienced after that fill and then I knew, "uh-oh here comes a cold." The tingling was followed by allergy symptoms that worsened into a full blown cold by the next morning. Anyway, I mentioned this to the doctor today and he said that was just coincidence and that barium was just a metal (but since when did ingesting a metal become normal and what rock was I under when it did?) yadah, yadah, yadah... Guess what folks?!? I did not have the tonsil tingling this time around BUT allergies kicked in FULL ON. I have been congested for the last 5 hours since leaving San Diego and the itchy eyes are bothering me too. It is bearable but uncomfortable.

Carla discovers a treasure in TJ: Carla is bugging me in the waiting room of the OCC saying, "since there are 3 people ahead of you let's walk across the street to the pharmacy for something to drink, I'm thirsty." Now mind you, I have been on my feet in 5 inch Carlos Santana stilettos all afternoon at this point and dodging traffic in them at this point was not my idea of a good time. I suggested she go get something on her own and I would wait for her. Being fluent and knowing her way around I knew she could handle it. Luckily she took the bait. When she came back she shows me this fantastic cold, bottled, flavored water she got for like a dollar called "Be Light." NO CALORIES, NO SUGAR AND IT IS 1.5 Liters in size!!! Same principle of pre-mixed Crystal Light and it tastes FANTASTIC!! 1.5 liters = basically you total daily water intake! Turns out they sell this stuff in a lot of convenient stores and pharmacies throughout TJ. Not to mention they had 12 packs of this stuff at COSTCO for $6.00 USD!!! (Smaller bottles at Costco (like 20 - 24 ounces). On our walk back across the border we got excited because we walked by a pharmacy that had this stuff stocked in more flavors and we bought 2 more bottles to take home

In conclusion:

1. I will devote myself to solid foods for my 3 meals and only choose cottage cheese or soup for snacks as opposed to meals.

2. I will not test the band since I am built like a horse

3. I will patiently wait 2 weeks for restriction to kick in before I pick up the phone and make my next fill appointment at the OCC for February 15th (President's Day & my next 3 day weekend).

4. I now can put "full" into words and know what that means for me.

5. I am going back to TJ for more Be Light and taking some home with me.

6. My body reacts negatively to barium - a warning? God, I hope not!

7. A side note: my parking prayer works again! "Mother God Full Of Grace Help Us Find A Parking Space" and like magic one opens up again. 9 times out of 10 is the guaranteed success rate for a Costco parking lot. One the street where I live this works every 6 out of ten times. Go figure.

Thanks for reading my long and detailed journal.

[Littleroo27]

I just want to remind you that "sneaking up" on your sweet spot is not a bad thing. Mom got her 2nd fill last week and is now at something like 8ccs... and she's been yacking up everything she eats ever since. I told her to call the clinic today and ask about getting a slight unfill, but I don't know if she has. Of course, she's also been eating things like thin crust pizza and toast. You know - everything that sticks in the band when you have restriction!

Me, I'm only at 3ccs right now and while I can eat a fair amount, it's still a fair sight better than when I had no restriction. I've been trying to work out a couple days a week, and I think I'm down 5 lbs since my re-fill.

You might just be over-thinking your band... I mean for me, unless I'm in the toilet yacking up what I just ate, I'd try eating a chocolate cupcake, I don't care how much I just ate! That's why I need the band in the first place :-D

Beth

1/16/2010:

Today I received my second fill at the OCC since getting my first on 12.17.09 (surgery was 11.13.09). I have an 11cc Realize band by J&J and the first fill was for 3cc and my second fill was for 3cc as well for a total of 6cc.

Dr. Acosta did my fill today at the OCC. I told Dr. Acosta that I was disappointed that I did not have restriction yet since I rarely am ever "full" after a meal and that I literally stop myself from eating any more food even though I could keep going. He asked me if I could eat as much as before I had the surgery and I answered that question like I always have (including on this forum): "I COULD but I will NOT." In other words for the last 60 days I have been running on free will (according to Dr. Acosta this has been by choice since I won't utilize the band but I tend to disagree, knowing my own body signals better than anyone else and paying close attention to them. He asked me what my meals were like and I went through a list of what I eat and he said that the reason I have not been experiencing restriction is because I have not been using the band.. What he means is I have not been eating solid foods like I should. I told him that I simply gravitate towards foods like Oatmeal, Cottage Cheese, yogurt, and the mother of all foods SOUP and he said that is my problem since most of this goes straight down and that is why I do not feel "full" or experiencing restriction. He reiterated over and over again that he wanted me to "test" the band and this is something I do not feel totally comfortable doing. By testing the band he wants me to eat "solids" until I get full. Well, that is like telling a horse it can have as many apples and carrots as need to be satisfied and is it not an old adage that a horse will eat itself to death if given the chance? I cannot allow myself to test this band to the extent where I am having 5 tuna sandwiches instead of 1 for lunch. I do not trust it, I do not love it and I must be in control at all times. Yes, these are issues I need to work on outside of the OCC but for me it would feel like a tremendous step backwards if I "tested" the band and it failed me and that failure came in the form of seeing a gain on the digital scale. My self esteem frankly could not handle that (case in point detailed below). I agreed to lay off the semi-solid, mushy foods for my 3 meals a day. But frankly that is all I can commit to at this time.

Plus testing the band by playing the game of how much can I eat is not worth gaining what I have lost back.)

First ah-ha moment: Dr. Acosta then asked me what my definition of "full" was. I am so glad he asked this. This is a question no one has ever asked me including myself and I needed to say it out loud and define it in words. I told him that full for me is being able to walk away from a meal totally satisfied and maintaining that satisfaction for an extended period of time, specifically 3 - 4 hours before eating again. He agreed that was also his definition of "full."

On to the fill: - As I was drinking the barium he asked me to tell him if at any point I felt like it was difficult to drink and I told him no after I gulped it all down. He then had me drink some more barium and again I gulped it down with no issues whatsoever. Even though at no point did I ever feel as though swallowing the barium was an issue and that I could have drank a gallon more Dr. Acosta stopped the fill at 3cc. Weird...why would he stop it if I could have swallowed more barium on top of what I already drank? I know I could have had a 4cc fill and I would have not been overfilled but he is the learned Doctor and I am not so I just reluctantly trusted him when he said I was at my threshold and kept my trap shut. My friend of 20 years came with me to the fill and he told us we should both go get some lunch at that point. My friend who lives in San Diego, fluent in Spanish and has relatives who lives in TJ also came with me to the OCC for my first fill and so mentioned to Dr. Acosta, "Oh, she needs 3 days of liquids right?" and he gave us a big fat "NOPE." He said no more liquids for me going forward he wanted us to go have a lunch packed with solids and he wanted me to see how much I could eat (crazy, but he's the doctor right?) Carla and I walked over to Costco and she ordered the pizza (doctor said he suggested I order the pizza but I refused) and I ordered the turkey wrap (it is huge too). Well guess what, I ate ALL of it and I was still NOT FULL. I know, I wasn’t surprised either. What I was feeling at the point was disgust, guilt and disappointment but DEFINATELY NOT SURPISE or SHOCK.

Second ah-ha moment: I told Carla I wanted to walk around Costco to experience the Mexican version first hand. She just rolled her eyes and went with it. While in the deli I started foaming at the mouth over these mini frosted cinnamon rolls and the light went on. I promptly told Carla I should have mentioned to Dr. Acosta that my second definition of "full" also include the fact that after any given meal I play this little head game with myself whereby I ask myself "If someone put a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting (or slice of cheese cake) in front of you right now could you eat it on a scale of 1 - 10? If my answer is 6 - 10 then I am NOT full or satisfied to the level I need to be. There have been meals (3 I can think of off the top of my head) where I was finished and I would have refused the cake right in front of me but for the most part my answer has been in the 10-6 range and walking through Costco deli after eating a large lunch made me keenly aware of that.

My Theory On A Physical Reaction To Barium: My first fill was the first time in my life where I exposed my body to barium consumption and coincidently went home with a head cold for a week. The tingling sensation on the tonsils is what I experienced after that fill and then I knew, "uh-oh here comes a cold." The tingling was followed by allergy symptoms that worsened into a full blown cold by the next morning. Anyway, I mentioned this to the doctor today and he said that was just coincidence and that barium was just a metal (but since when did ingesting a metal become normal and what rock was I under when it did?) yadah, yadah, yadah... Guess what folks?!? I did not have the tonsil tingling this time around BUT allergies kicked in FULL ON. I have been congested for the last 5 hours since leaving San Diego and the itchy eyes are bothering me too. It is bearable but uncomfortable.

Carla discovers a treasure in TJ: Carla is bugging me in the waiting room of the OCC saying, "since there are 3 people ahead of you let's walk across the street to the pharmacy for something to drink, I'm thirsty." Now mind you, I have been on my feet in 5 inch Carlos Santana stilettos all afternoon at this point and dodging traffic in them at this point was not my idea of a good time. I suggested she go get something on her own and I would wait for her. Being fluent and knowing her way around I knew she could handle it. Luckily she took the bait. When she came back she shows me this fantastic cold, bottled, flavored water she got for like a dollar called "Be Light." NO CALORIES, NO SUGAR AND IT IS 1.5 Liters in size!!! Same principle of pre-mixed Crystal Light and it tastes FANTASTIC!! 1.5 liters = basically you total daily water intake! Turns out they sell this stuff in a lot of convenient stores and pharmacies throughout TJ. Not to mention they had 12 packs of this stuff at COSTCO for $6.00 USD!!! (Smaller bottles at Costco (like 20 - 24 ounces). On our walk back across the border we got excited because we walked by a pharmacy that had this stuff stocked in more flavors and we bought 2 more bottles to take home

In conclusion:

1. I will devote myself to solid foods for my 3 meals and only choose cottage cheese or soup for snacks as opposed to meals.

2. I will not test the band since I am built like a horse

3. I will patiently wait 2 weeks for restriction to kick in before I pick up the phone and make my next fill appointment at the OCC for February 15th (President's Day & my next 3 day weekend).

4. I now can put "full" into words and know what that means for me.

5. I am going back to TJ for more Be Light and taking some home with me.

6. My body reacts negatively to barium - a warning? God, I hope not!

7. A side note: my parking prayer works again! "Mother God Full Of Grace Help Us Find A Parking Space" and like magic one opens up again. 9 times out of 10 is the guaranteed success rate for a Costco parking lot. One the street where I live this works every 6 out of ten times. Go figure.

Thanks for reading my long and detailed journal.

[bogiesmom]

I just want to remind you that "sneaking up" on your sweet spot is not a bad thing. Mom got her 2nd fill last week and is now at something like 8ccs... and she's been yacking up everything she eats ever since. I told her to call the clinic today and ask about getting a slight unfill, but I don't know if she has. Of course, she's also been eating things like thin crust pizza and toast. You know - everything that sticks in the band when you have restriction!

Me, I'm only at 3ccs right now and while I can eat a fair amount, it's still a fair sight better than when I had no restriction. I've been trying to work out a couple days a week, and I think I'm down 5 lbs since my re-fill.

You might just be over-thinking your band... I mean for me, unless I'm in the toilet yacking up what I just ate, I'd try eating a chocolate cupcake, I don't care how much I just ate! That's why I need the band in the first place :-D

Beth

Thanks Beth,

I am not sure if I am over thinking the band? That is something to chew on. I do know I am a bit of an analytical control freak so there could be something to that. Not much restiction as of yet. I had a slice of cinnamon swirl bread for breakfast and that went down fine. For lunch I had a Smart Ones Fettacini Alfredo with a cup of basmati rice and 1/4 cup lentils poured over the rice and I could have kept eating since I did not have any soft stops but I stopped myself anyway since that would have been too many calories for me. For dinner I am going to have a tuna melt panini with 1 ounce of Popchips. The only thing that causes major restriction issues are hamburgers, thus I never want to look at another hamburger for as long as I live. Other than that I have had very little restiction. I am eating slowly just waiting for a soft stop to hit. Mine are gurgles that come up my esophogus and back pains combines with chest pains.

I agree that slowly finding my sweet spot is ideal, however, I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea that the reason I have not experienced restriction up to this point is because I have not used (is'nt there a fine line between use and abuse?) the band. I just think that I have not had restriction do to not finding my sweet spot, that simple. I know I will get there soon enough I just hate the fact that Dr. Acosta acted like I should already have restriction and it is my fault that I do not. No, pardon me I need another fill.

That is too bad about your mom. I have not had any issues with bread yet but I do stay away from 90 percent of most breads anyway. I think 8cc's might be a bit too much for me but then again who knows.

[Lindsay]

I've had 6 very small fills, since my surgery.

I don't get my fills done in Tijuana, but as another clinic here in Toronto.

My fill clinics' theory was baby steps .... they don't use barium.

And only NOW, am I feeling real restriction.

I've been able to eat pizza, for example, up until today - I'm now at 3.2 in a 4cc band.

But everyone is so different. That's something I've realized after reading post after post, looking for comparisons.

[Littleroo27]

Mom continues to yack up. I'm gonna call the clinic and tell on her if she doesn't call them tomorrow!!!

While it's true that you may need another fill, it also sounds like you're eating so carefully to begin with that you may never hit that hard stop, thus it feels like your band isn't working. I know, I know, that's what the doctor told you too, and it may be 50/50. One, you were eating soft foods that go through much faster. But two, you may also need more of a fill, since you were able to eat an entire wrap, including the bread bits.

This may go against everything in your controlling, diet centered mind, but why don't you pick one day (a fun weekend day?) and chose for that 24 hours not to measure your food. Eat only really solid things (sandwiches, chicken breast, vegetables, etc), and wait until the BAND tells you to stop, or until you really feel full. Write down what you ate and how much you were able to eat before you felt that urge to stop. This could give the fill doctor a really clear idea of how lose you really are.

I look forward to my next fill. While it's been a joy to eat pizza for the first time in 2+ years (thin crust, chicken, mushrooms & spinach), I'm willing to give it up for the restriction. However, even with just 3ccs and very little restriction, I've noticed that I'm almost never really hungry anymore. That ravenous orange monster from the WW commercials lived with me 24/7 while I had an empty band, and now he only creeps up once or twice a day. Such an improvement.

I've also been being a big girl and working out! Not constantly, and not for long enough to call it a "routine" but usually my attempts at exercise last 3 days. Then I hurt so much that I never do it again. But using my Wii and all the exercise games that you can buy, I've had fun (gasp) working out! I do think I overdid it a bit tonight. I did 30 minutes of cardio, which was fine, except my right knee is telling me that I need a chiropractor to put it back in place properly, lol. Stupid joints. Yay heat patch and a comfy bed!

Night night world : )

[bogiesmom]

Mom continues to yack up. I'm gonna call the clinic and tell on her if she doesn't call them tomorrow!!!

While it's true that you may need another fill, it also sounds like you're eating so carefully to begin with that you may never hit that hard stop, thus it feels like your band isn't working. I know, I know, that's what the doctor told you too, and it may be 50/50. One, you were eating soft foods that go through much faster. But two, you may also need more of a fill, since you were able to eat an entire wrap, including the bread bits.

This may go against everything in your controlling, diet centered mind, but why don't you pick one day (a fun weekend day?) and chose for that 24 hours not to measure your food. Eat only really solid things (sandwiches, chicken breast, vegetables, etc), and wait until the BAND tells you to stop, or until you really feel full. Write down what you ate and how much you were able to eat before you felt that urge to stop. This could give the fill doctor a really clear idea of how lose you really are.

I look forward to my next fill. While it's been a joy to eat pizza for the first time in 2+ years (thin crust, chicken, mushrooms & spinach), I'm willing to give it up for the restriction. However, even with just 3ccs and very little restriction, I've noticed that I'm almost never really hungry anymore. That ravenous orange monster from the WW commercials lived with me 24/7 while I had an empty band, and now he only creeps up once or twice a day. Such an improvement.

I've also been being a big girl and working out! Not constantly, and not for long enough to call it a "routine" but usually my attempts at exercise last 3 days. Then I hurt so much that I never do it again. But using my Wii and all the exercise games that you can buy, I've had fun (gasp) working out! I do think I overdid it a bit tonight. I did 30 minutes of cardio, which was fine, except my right knee is telling me that I need a chiropractor to put it back in place properly, lol. Stupid joints. Yay heat patch and a comfy bed!

Night night world : )

Thanks Beth,

I needed that! I agree, it is probably 50/50. I like your ideal of journaling the foods that work the band. I REALLY need to do that! So far I have found 2 incidents that involved a hamburger (I never want to look at another hamburger for as long as I live) and pasta salad (the cold spiral kind). As far as taking a day to have fun...I just can't bare the guilt and depression that would follow afterwards. I would beat myself up about it and that is the psychological stuff I have to work on. This was an issue that came up when I first joined WW actually. My leader basically told me that I needed to seak professional help. What happens is I can not live with myself if I eat something that tastes sinfully good but is low in calories. For example the Hostess Mini Cakes that are 100 calories a pack. The Weight Watchers side of my brains says go for it...it is only 100 calories and the other side of my brain says oh no...this tastes way too sinful and you should NOT be eating this! Then I end up fighting with myself. The resolution that I have come to is "One Meal At A Time" since I obviously can't do one day at a time. If I have 1 pack of mini cakes a week I am okay or if I have 1 sugar free frozen yogurt once a month I am okay but a whole day of indulgence would just kill me emotionally. It has gotten to the point where I just can't buy it like I used to becuase they act like triger foods. I bought a bunch of Slim Fast Snack Bars last month (like 8 boxes) that taste like real candy bars and I have eaten like 4 per week to the point that I am having fights with myself over those now. They are 120 calories each but I swear they taste like 500 calories each and I just can't take it any more. I am thinking of just leaving out by the dumpster so the homeless guys can have them. Oddly enough this left brain/right brain stuff only happens with foods that are sweet and rich. I guess it is because that is the only type of food that I could justify eating every day (sort of like dessert being a fourth meal or an afternoon snack on the go).

Thanks again Beth, Starting tomorrow I am journaling my restiction when I actually get it with the foods that I get it with. I think this is going to be key with my next fill. You are an angel for suggesting this!

BTW...EVERYONE on this forum it seems is talking about this Wii Fitness thing and how "fun" it is. I do not have the money for it right now but maybe I will pick one up with my tax return. You guys are making me very envious