The Beginning of a long road

[Annicki]

Hello, this is my first post in preparation for my first Dr appointment to discuss becoming a 'Bandit'.

I've read all I can read, searched the net, monitored bloggs and talked to a few ppl who are already Bandits.

I have to admit that facing the reality that I cannot do this without help is difficult. I have tried and failed to maintain a stable healthy weight on my own for years. 'Up and down, up and down, each 'down' took me further and further into a state of depression. I no longer undress in front of my husband, most nights I prefer to sleep in the spare room for fear that he may see parts of me exposed. We haven't had intimate relations for over a year, and I pull away when he tries to put his arms around me. I feel very very lonely and incredibly sad most of the time. I'm scared I will lose him one way or another and that includes by completing the self full-filling prophecy myself.

So, I have come to a decision. No more will I accept that I cannot take control of this situation (even if it means I ask for help). No more will I feel ashamed and disgusted of and with myself. I am the master of my own destiny and just as a captain needs a crew, I likewise need you.

I am in the deepest admiration of all of you, you who have succeeded, you who are succeeding,you who are still trying and you who have at least tried. How brave you all are to take on this journey, to ride the waves and clash with the titans. This is a mega-journey, one I hope you will let me take part in.

I hope I have the courage and determination you have all shown.

[MyNewLife]

I would like to say WOW what a post!!!! I think you have just taken the first step of bandland!!!! That is truely AMAZING that you can be that honest with yourself. You are already facing what alot of us are still trying to figure out including myself! I will say I am a little over a year out and it is still a struggle with myself. I STILL am VERY VERY insecure with my body and still do hide myself alot. My Hubby gets understands and is SO supportive and tells me all the time..I AM YOUR HUSBAND...lol....This Journey has been a DAILY battle for myself anyway. I will be straight up honest and say that I thought it was going to be easy and I was SO very wrong. It truely is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. It consumes me daily. I have tried to not let this happen and live my life but its hard. I constantly think about my weight and what I am going to eat next time it is time to eat. Its hard not think about it but It is the BEST thing I have ever done for MYSELF!. I am a much more happier person, HEALTHIER person, fit person now. I have not only changed my lifestyle but my Husband and kids have changed theirs as well. It has been GREAT for my entire family!!!! My hubby and I challenge each other and SUPPORT each other with everything we do now, we CARE about ourselves now, thats sounds really funny but very sadly true!

[vickiruss]

Good for you! It was the best thing I have ever done. I would do it again in a heart beat! It will be a long road and not without trials. As Dr Ortiz told me and I am sure every person he has banded, "the band is a tool not a cure." If you use it correctly it will work with you if you misuse it, it will be your worse enemy. If that makes sense. I wish you the best. Don't shut your husband out. Let him in, into your world and thoughts. I am sure this is just as frustrating to him. If he is reaching out for you he must still see the true you not the outside. Sounds like he loves you and wants to be with you and chances are if he wants to be with you he wants to be there for you just as much. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would you love him less? He may be afraid of loosing you if he is trying to reach out and is getting rejected, especially if he is unaware of why. Sorry gone from suggesting to medling. I don't know you or your husband. I was severely obese when my husband and I met and married granted over the last 7yrs I have gained about 50# so I don't have the complex issues, he saw me fat and has actually grown with me to a ripe weight himself.

Again I wish you the best. Use this sight as much as you can it got me through some really rough times, I have learned a truck load!

[MyNewLife]

VERY WELL SAID VICKI!!!

[Annicki]

I would like to say WOW what a post!!!! I think you have just taken the first step of bandland!!!! That is truely AMAZING that you can be that honest with yourself. You are already facing what alot of us are still trying to figure out including myself! I will say I am a little over a year out and it is still a struggle with myself. I STILL am VERY VERY insecure with my body and still do hide myself alot. My Hubby gets understands and is SO supportive and tells me all the time..I AM YOUR HUSBAND...lol....This Journey has been a DAILY battle for myself anyway. I will be straight up honest and say that I thought it was going to be easy and I was SO very wrong. It truely is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. It consumes me daily. I have tried to not let this happen and live my life but its hard. I constantly think about my weight and what I am going to eat next time it is time to eat. Its hard not think about it but It is the BEST thing I have ever done for MYSELF!. I am a much more happier person, HEALTHIER person, fit person now. I have not only changed my lifestyle but my Husband and kids have changed theirs as well. It has been GREAT for my entire family!!!! My hubby and I challenge each other and SUPPORT each other with everything we do now, we CARE about ourselves now, thats sounds really funny but very sadly true!

Thank you Carrie, I hear what you are saying and hope that one day I can inspire others in the same way. I looked at your photos and they are nothing less than inspirational. You are and were a beautiful woman throughout the process. I am so pleased for you and you most certainly deserve it after all your hard work. I know it is not so much about how others see you as how you see yourself. I know all this stuff intellectually, but emotionally I'm somewhat ragged, torn and tired. My energy is now coming from a sense of hope, for the first time in a very long time that things can change and stay that way. As I get older, it gets harder and harder. I know this isn't news to all of you, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can't get any worse. So let the fight begin!

[Annicki]

Good for you! It was the best thing I have ever done. I would do it again in a heart beat! It will be a long road and not without trials. As Dr Ortiz told me and I am sure every person he has banded, "the band is a tool not a cure." If you use it correctly it will work with you if you misuse it, it will be your worse enemy. If that makes sense. I wish you the best. Don't shut your husband out. Let him in, into your world and thoughts. I am sure this is just as frustrating to him. If he is reaching out for you he must still see the true you not the outside. Sounds like he loves you and wants to be with you and chances are if he wants to be with you he wants to be there for you just as much. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would you love him less? He may be afraid of loosing you if he is trying to reach out and is getting rejected, especially if he is unaware of why. Sorry gone from suggesting to medling. I don't know you or your husband. I was severely obese when my husband and I met and married granted over the last 7yrs I have gained about 50# so I don't have the complex issues, he saw me fat and has actually grown with me to a ripe weight himself.

Again I wish you the best. Use this sight as much as you can it got me through some really rough times, I have learned a truck load!

Hi Vicki,

Thank you so much for your post, I don't know why but it bought me to tears. It has been a while since anyone has been so kind. You sound like a wise woman. Your photo history was 'AMAZING!!!'. I will head you advise in time but right now I feel the need to protect myself from everyone. I experienced many great losses in my life over the past five years including;death, betrayal, loss, grief, change, more loss, more grief, more death and more change (I'll never make a good novelist). Too much in a short period of time. My husband loves me I know but does he desire me? I don't think so. Am I projecting? Probably, I dare not take a chance right now. I hope that I can leave myself open to more hurt and disappointment when I feel better about myself. That is where it all starts and stops Vicki. Becoming a Bandit is one huge step forward for me and I feel that my hands will be held tenderly and guided by ppl like you and Carrie. Thank you. Hugs

[Annicki]

I'm sorry about the confusing doubling of posts folks, I'm still trying to work this out...thus, 'newby'.

[Bobo]

I would like to say WOW what a post!!!! I think you have just taken the first step of bandland!!!! That is truely AMAZING that you can be that honest with yourself. You are already facing what alot of us are still trying to figure out including myself! I will say I am a little over a year out and it is still a struggle with myself. I STILL am VERY VERY insecure with my body and still do hide myself alot. My Hubby gets understands and is SO supportive and tells me all the time..I AM YOUR HUSBAND...lol....This Journey has been a DAILY battle for myself anyway. I will be straight up honest and say that I thought it was going to be easy and I was SO very wrong. It truely is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. It consumes me daily. I have tried to not let this happen and live my life but its hard. I constantly think about my weight and what I am going to eat next time it is time to eat. Its hard not think about it but It is the BEST thing I have ever done for MYSELF!. I am a much more happier person, HEALTHIER person, fit person now. I have not only changed my lifestyle but my Husband and kids have changed theirs as well. It has been GREAT for my entire family!!!! My hubby and I challenge each other and SUPPORT each other with everything we do now, we CARE about ourselves now, thats sounds really funny but very sadly true!

Hi Val, I'm new also and not even sure if this is going to post it the correct place! I'm getting banded on February 13th, in about 3 weeks. Your post went straight to my heart and I can't wait to make some changes also.

[macleay]

Your post really touched me. I'm sorry you feel so bad and can relate to the depression being overweight can cause.

I've fought my weight most of my life and by the time I started considering the lapband, I felt I was out of control. My weight consumed my thoughts, it was my first thought in the morning (usually guilt because I'd gorged the day before) and throughout the day: when I got dressed, showered, could barely tie my shoes, was going to require a seat belt extension on an airplane if I gained any more, looking at pictures of myself...the list goes on and on and everyone on this site can relate, I'm sure.

I'm so glad you've made this decision. I'm almost as new as you--I was just banded January 7th. For me, this was a last ditch effort after being miserable with my weight for years. I'd always thought of it as giving up, as in giving up on diets, in a bad way. Now I think of it as NOT giving up--I'm doing the ultimate to accomplish my goal, and I know it's not going to be easy.

Are you going to be going to the OCC and Dr. Ortiz? If so, they make the process very easy and you won't have to wait long if you don't have to. Please keep posting and you will get tons of support here.

Best of luck to you on your new journey.

[Annicki]

Thanks for the kind words of support Jill. Unfortunately I live in Australia and my Dr options are fairly limited. I hope they know which end is up....giggle.

[macleay]

Thanks for the kind words of support Jill. Unfortunately I live in Australia and my Dr options are fairly limited. I hope they know which end is up....giggle.

I'm so sorry to hear the options for doctors are limited in Australia. Are there not many doctors who will do the surgery, or is it an insurance issue? For me, it was an insurance issue and I had to go out of the country to be able to afford it. Luckily, I'm a short plane ride to Mexico. I sure hope there are some options that will make this possible for you.

[Zoey2]

Wow, what a post. It brought tears to my eyes as well. Very well written. You have come to the right place for support from many in "the know" regarding all this lapband stuff. I also agree that you have taken a huge step in the right direction that will benefit you in many ways. This could be the tool to a whole new life for you!!! Embrace this and hang on for the ride. I believe that you will love that you have made this decision and will only think "why did I wait"? Like others have posted, there will be ups and downs and it won't always be easy, but definitely worth it. I agree that you shouldn't push your husband out. Hopefully he is in love with you, the inner beauty of you as well as your outer beauty. Hopefully he will be your biggest fan throughout this journey -- he should be!!

Good luck and keep us posted. We are all here for each other and that is awesome. We can all share in this journey together as it isn't always easy without the help of other lapbanders.