Changing your image vs. accepting it

[SteveD]

Just musing about this...I have ready many accounts of individuals who struggled to lose weight but then finally made peace with themselves and accepted themselves for who they are (Oprah is one example). Oprah lost a lot of weight, gained a lot back and finally reconciled that she is ok with who she is. I think this question is probably more applicable to those with lower BMI's (< 40).

I, myself, am living proof that exercise alone won't cut it. I blame no one but myself. I walk/jog 4.5 miles a day on my days off and as much as 9 miles when the scale depresses me. My ankles are sore. I've thrown my back out several times. I am happily married. Successful job. Maybe I just need to accept my image and everything will be ok?

Mentally, I don't think I will ever realize my true potential if I don't ever accept my self image. I hope that after the banding and weight loss, that the psychological issues with my image will be resolved.

I dieted at Lindora once, lost some weight but was cautioned by the nurses there that most overweight people will always see themselves as obese regardless of how much weight they lose. If the patients weight doesn't exactly match the insurance companies recommendations, depression and obsession with weight loss occurs.

I.e., 'Darn, I just gained 5 lbs?!', damn! I better walk it off!

I'm sure this sounds familiar to most.

I think my sub-conscious mind believes that exercise will allow me to eat anything, but in reality, it is more of a weight maintenance tool. Unfortunately, with bad weather and trips, daily exercise is not always available. As a result, I have slowly seen my weight increase (considering garage gym and gym memberships at this time btw).

Anyway, I am going forward with this on 2/19 and look forward to sharing my experiences with everyone here.

[CALF]

Just musing about this...I have ready many accounts of individuals who struggled to lose weight but then finally made peace with themselves and accepted themselves for who they are (Oprah is one example). Oprah lost a lot of weight, gained a lot back and finally reconciled that she is ok with who she is. I think this question is probably more applicable to those with lower BMI's (< 40).

I, myself, am living proof that exercise alone won't cut it. I blame no one but myself. I walk/jog 4.5 miles a day on my days off and as much as 9 miles when the scale depresses me. My ankles are sore. I've thrown my back out several times. I am happily married. Successful job. Maybe I just need to accept my image and everything will be ok?

Mentally, I don't think I will ever realize my true potential if I don't ever accept my self image. I hope that after the banding and weight loss, that the psychological issues with my image will be resolved.

I dieted at Lindora once, lost some weight but was cautioned by the nurses there that most overweight people will always see themselves as obese regardless of how much weight they lose. If the patients weight doesn't exactly match the insurance companies recommendations, depression and obsession with weight loss occurs.

I.e., 'Darn, I just gained 5 lbs?!', damn! I better walk it off!

I'm sure this sounds familiar to most.

I think my sub-conscious mind believes that exercise will allow me to eat anything, but in reality, it is more of a weight maintenance tool. Unfortunately, with bad weather and trips, daily exercise is not always available. As a result, I have slowly seen my weight increase (considering garage gym and gym memberships at this time btw).

Anyway, I am going forward with this on 2/19 and look forward to sharing my experiences with everyone here.

Hi Steve..

You've addressed a lot of issues here and all I can say is that depression is the largest obstacle in the way of weight loss. Once a person embraces a healthier pattern of eating and exercise, the chemical and mental conditions that were keeping you down and holding you back will release and a new attitude is born.

You noted that you walk..well perhaps walking (or running) isn't a difficult enough form of exercise for your particular body type. Muscle memory and all of that. Perhaps you need to talk with a trainer or a kinesiologst to find the right aerobic and weight training program for you. Most of us lapbanders hit the gym anywhere from 3-7 times per week. It's a must -do if you expect results.

Regarding the comments the nurses made about obese people always seeing themselves as overweight. etc..Wow..that is certainly a bushel of negative energy! I'm sorry but I totally disagree with that comment...and I'm sure I'm not alone.

And I've heard a recent interview with the queen of pop T.V..and she admitted that she wished she was back down to her slimmer, healthier weight.

Because that's really what's important ..being healthier & more-comfortable-in-your-own-body.

Nobody wants to be diabetic, challenged with sleep apnea, unable to tie your own shoes comfortably? Unable to find stylish clothes that look great?

Fit & healthy is a much better option if you ask me!!

The sadness and depression will pass...

Just allow the beauty of the opportunity you have in front of you to move you forward into the next phase of a healthier life.

The lap band isn't a magic cure but it will be an important tool in your kit if you honor and respect it. And the correct caloric burning exercises will shift your metabolism and you will lose weight.

Good luck and I wish you well on your journey. Please stay in touch after your surgery and let us know how you're doing. We've all been there before.

[B2010]

Hi Steve..

You've addressed a lot of issues here and all I can say is that depression is the largest obstacle in the way of weight loss. Once a person embraces a healthier pattern of eating and exercise, the chemical and mental conditions that were keeping you down and holding you back will release and a new attitude is born.

You noted that you walk..well perhaps walking (or running) isn't a difficult enough form of exercise for your particular body type. Muscle memory and all of that. Perhaps you need to talk with a trainer or a kinesiologst to find the right aerobic and weight training program for you. Most of us lapbanders hit the gym anywhere from 3-7 times per week. It's a must -do if you expect results.

Regarding the comments the nurses made about obese people always seeing themselves as overweight. etc..Wow..that is certainly a bushel of negative energy! I'm sorry but I totally disagree with that comment...and I'm sure I'm not alone.

And I've heard a recent interview with the queen of pop T.V..and she admitted that she wished she was back down to her slimmer, healthier weight.

Because that's really what's important ..being healthier & more-comfortable-in-your-own-body.

Nobody wants to be diabetic, challenged with sleep apnea, unable to tie your own shoes comfortably? Unable to find stylish clothes that look great?

Fit & healthy is a much better option if you ask me!!

The sadness and depression will pass...

Just allow the beauty of the opportunity you have in front of you to move you forward into the next phase of a healthier life.

The lap band isn't a magic cure but it will be an important tool in your kit if you honor and respect it. And the correct caloric burning exercises will shift your metabolism and you will lose weight.

Good luck and I wish you well on your journey. Please stay in touch after your surgery and let us know how you're doing. We've all been there before.

steve, I can more than relate to your post and having been on both sides of the weight issue at some points in my life I can say for myself I think it has less to do with how much I actually weight and more to do with the lack of hope that I feel as time goes on. I'm similar to you - I have obsessed with working out, eating low calorie to literally see the scale go up. I can literally eat low cal, walk/even got up to running at some point and still nothing budged on the scale.

It's just the "hope" factor that you know no matter how hard you try you will struggle with each 1/4 of a pound that you lose and it's such an uphill battle that I've always just reverted to my previous way of life.

I'm sure with Oprah "accepting" her weight. I probably could too if I had the luxuries that she does. She has beautifully tailored clothes, hair and makeup done beautifully everyday, a stylist, and other wonderful perks and benefits to increase her "feelings" about herself that many of us regular people just can't afford. It always feel better no matter what weight we are at to wear a nice suit that fits our body well and in turn I'm sure it changes the way we view ourselves.

You can see this with brides - even plus size brides feel beautiful on their wedding days and probably feel an added sense of confidence knowing that even though they are large they still CAN be beautiful.

for me deciding on lap band had to do with giving myself hope. I can force myself to exercise, try to restrict my diet, but I need the added tool to be able to have mind over matter when it comes to my weight. I want to know it's something I'll be able to live with and I know it will be there to get me over the humps of issues that have caused me weight loss failure in the past.

[MyNewLife]

Steve!

You did address issues that we do have with ourselves. I decided to do this for me AND my family. I have dieted ALL of my teenage and adult like, yoyo dieting which can be very harmful. I am 33 years old and the only regret that I have in getting the band a year and 3 months ago is that I did not do it 10 years ago! I have currently lost 83 pounds. I will be honest, I have NEVER been a thin person so this is the first time that I can EVER honstly remember wearing a size 10 in jeans. I honestly thought I would "feel" in my mind skinny, I dont know why but I did. I still "feel" in my mind the same as I did 83 pounds ago. I know that I am smaller and that I have lost weight and yes I can see it, but I just see smaller version of the overweight me, does that make since? I dont take compliments well, expecially fromthe ones that I am closet too, I guess I think they are just being nice, so very weird. Im grateful but I just need to learn to accept in a better way. My husband has always told me that I was beautiful and loves me just the same. I would really like to become more of the "sexy" wife and not be so dang insecure and just let loose but I still find myself hiding. I think that we all would love to change something about ourselves and I think for myself if I would just accept what I have that I would be more confident with myself, hmm not sure. I think I will ALWAYS have the "fluffy girl" mind and always struggle with these issues. Maybe in time these issues will change.

I think this will be a great decision for you. You seemed to have given a true shot and sometimes we all just need help. This is FAR from an easy Road! It has been one of the HARDEST things that I have ever went through. You will get so frustrated and so angry with the scales but everyone told me to just keep on keeping on and trust me, it does work. If you work with this tool, it will work!!! I think once you get this weight off, your body will physically be able to workout and exercise will be easier for you to do! I will say I am at my most healthiest points in my life than I have ever been. I exercise, I eat healthy, I am happier, which in turn has made my marriage and my family life alot better. You really have to learn to love yourself, I was always wanting someone else (my husband) to make me happy. That took me a long time to figure out, If I dont love myself, how can I let someone else in to love me?

Good Luck to you!

Carrie

[SteveD]

Steve!

You did address issues that we do have with ourselves. I decided to do this for me AND my family. I have dieted ALL of my teenage and adult like, yoyo dieting which can be very harmful. I am 33 years old and the only regret that I have in getting the band a year and 3 months ago is that I did not do it 10 years ago! I have currently lost 83 pounds. I will be honest, I have NEVER been a thin person so this is the first time that I can EVER honstly remember wearing a size 10 in jeans. I honestly thought I would "feel" in my mind skinny, I dont know why but I did. I still "feel" in my mind the same as I did 83 pounds ago. I know that I am smaller and that I have lost weight and yes I can see it, but I just see smaller version of the overweight me, does that make since? I dont take compliments well, expecially fromthe ones that I am closet too, I guess I think they are just being nice, so very weird. Im grateful but I just need to learn to accept in a better way. My husband has always told me that I was beautiful and loves me just the same. I would really like to become more of the "sexy" wife and not be so dang insecure and just let loose but I still find myself hiding. I think that we all would love to change something about ourselves and I think for myself if I would just accept what I have that I would be more confident with myself, hmm not sure. I think I will ALWAYS have the "fluffy girl" mind and always struggle with these issues. Maybe in time these issues will change.

I think this will be a great decision for you. You seemed to have given a true shot and sometimes we all just need help. This is FAR from an easy Road! It has been one of the HARDEST things that I have ever went through. You will get so frustrated and so angry with the scales but everyone told me to just keep on keeping on and trust me, it does work. If you work with this tool, it will work!!! I think once you get this weight off, your body will physically be able to workout and exercise will be easier for you to do! I will say I am at my most healthiest points in my life than I have ever been. I exercise, I eat healthy, I am happier, which in turn has made my marriage and my family life alot better. You really have to learn to love yourself, I was always wanting someone else (my husband) to make me happy. That took me a long time to figure out, If I dont love myself, how can I let someone else in to love me?

Good Luck to you!

Carrie

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I too am doing this for the hope it will give me to live a more positive life. Thanks again.

[Zoey2]

I will keep my reply short, but I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have never been considered obese, but overweight -- yes! I have lost a fair amount of weight 50 lbs. approx twice in my life. The first time I did, I got really skinny. I am 5 ft. 11 inches tall and I was in a size 6 pants which is pretty small for a large frame, tall person. I never felt really skinny. I guess same as another poster saw myself skinnier, felt better and all, but maybe in the back of my head still was this overweight person. At that time I thought the reason I felt heavy still, even though I knew I wasn't was that I was pretty big boobed. So I had breast reduction surgery, went from a DD to a C cup and that didn't make a difference. So I guess it is learning to love ourselves and get it into our heads that we are beautiful people no matter what size.

I was out in a bar/dance club a few weeks ago and this shed some light for me. There was a pretty attractive African American woman with her man. She was very overweight, I would guess that she was about 300 lbs. and maybe 5 ft. 3 or 4, something like that. You could tell that she and her boyfriend/husband were very comfortable with who she was and she loved herself. This was one of the sexiest women I have ever seen. She was just standing there moving and dancing and couldn't have looked sexier. I think that says a lot about who she is as a person and how she feels about herself. It was eye-opening to me. Never before did I think that I would find anything sexy in a woman of this size, but she very much so was!!! Interesting.

Good luck on your venture. It will change your life and it is a tool to turn your entire life around and be a better, healthier person.

Keep us posted.

[nothereanymore]

I’ll tell you why I wouldn’t except myself – at almost 300 pounds I was going to end up hurting, (already had a couple of knee surgeries due to my weight) or killing myself from obesity.

It’s very damaging to the body, and people can learn to live with it – but they need to understand that if they do, they may end up dying from it. It’s costing us millions and by some accounts billions in increasing medical costs, much of the diseases we are seeing and treating are preventative. From heart disease, cancer, diabetes and so many more common killers of us are caused by obesity. We need to take ownership of our own health and I personally believe we should be accountable for the additional cost if we take risks that could jeopardize our health. I know that sounds bad coming from a formerly morbidly obese person – but that’s one of the reasons I focused so hard on losing, I strongly believe I am in control of my health and didn’t want others to pay for it or my family to suffer because of me.

The more I know, the more I see obesity as a very ugly disease; it rarely looks pretty to me these days. It’s a killer and never acceptable, we should fight it just like we would fight cancer or any other disease.

[B2010]

" I know that I am smaller and that I have lost weight and yes I can see it, but I just see smaller version of the overweight me, does that make since? Good Luck to you!

Carrie

Carrie-

This comment really touched me Carrie. It reminds me of a time in my life when I had lost more than 50 lbs and had gotten down to a size smaller than I had ever been before. I went clothes shopping at the Gap to buy a pair of jeans. upon trying jeans on and seeing that I had gotten into a size 4 - I went up to the counter asking the sales clerk if the jeans in the Gap run large because there was no way I was a size 4. the guy looked at me like I was crazy.....I realized that I was talking to him from the 200 lb me and not the 130lb me that this guy was looking at.....he never knew me when i was fat -

I call this "fat head" when I'm fat in my head and not fat in my body. The first step to overcoming this battle is really mental. I wish I had the will power I had back then because I remember literally talking to myself everytime i would have a "fat head" moment - when my inner voice would tell me - people are looking at you, at how big your butt is, how you don't deserve to eat this, how you're ugly....all the things the fat head says to you to keep you from really seeing you for who you are now.

you've accomplished a great deal - Your husband of course loves you no matter what - my fiance tells me the same thing. But until you and I both start dealing with the battle in our minds we're never gonna get over the battle of the fat head - so we gotta make this a conscious effort to get our minds where they should be.

[Kristi]

Good Morning,

So as I have followed this the last couple of days, I figured I would put my two cents in.

It is very hard to wrap my mind around the weight-loss. I, like Carrie, still see smaller versions of the big girl I was. Even at a size 4, I get a glimpse of the new me and as soon as the glimpse is done, there is that smaller fluffy version. It can be very frustrating to deal with at times. I can also look at pictures and see the new me, but I will take a look in the mirror and it doesn't feel real at times.

I have been getting used to it, slowly. I guess my biggest fear is that I will end up back where I was. I have been learning to accept the changes that have taken place. My best friend says I am having a hard time accepting it because I lost it way faster than I ever expected to. Even my Doctor, has been shocked with it all. I never really had any expectations with my band. I just figured if I followed what the Docs told me with the band, maybe this time the struggle with weight-loss would not be as bad.

Through all this, with help from my husband, family, friends, and my friends here, I have come pretty far. I have learned to not only like myself, but to really love me again. I may not always see the new me all the time, but it is getting better everyday.

I am happy with that. As the saying goes, Baby Steps.

Kristi

[bogiesmom]

I think this question is probably more applicable to those with lower BMI's (< 40).

I, myself, am living proof that exercise alone won't cut it. I blame no one but myself. I walk/jog 4.5 miles a day on my days off and as much as 9 miles when the scale depresses me. My ankles are sore. I've thrown my back out several times. I am happily married. Successful job. Maybe I just need to accept my image and everything will be ok?

Mentally, I don't think I will ever realize my true potential if I don't ever accept my self image. I hope that after the banding and weight loss, that the psychological issues with my image will be resolved.

I dieted at Lindora once, lost some weight but was cautioned by the nurses there that most overweight people will always see themselves as obese regardless of how much weight they lose. If the patients weight doesn't exactly match the insurance companies recommendations, depression and obsession with weight loss occurs.

Hi Steve,

I am not sure what you mean by the question is more applicable for people with a lower BMI of 40? I would think the opposite would be true. It seems to me that people with higher BMIs are more comfortable in their own skin.

I have always ahd a BMI lower than 40 and I my self-image has always been scewed. At 120 pounds I did not think I was thin or had a great body by any means. So I really doubt being banded and loosing the weight again is going to have an impact on my self image. My being AWARE of my thought process AND my own self image is going to allow me to change the script that repeats in my head. I am starting by working on this now by thinking positive thoughts when I look in the mirror each time. I mentally compliment myself on at least one of my features and try to find an aspect of my physical being that I am happy with.

BTW, as far as excercising in-doors goes. I bought an elliptical trainer from Norditrak 2 years ago and pay $31.50/mo in financing and am almost done paying it off. I got the warentee with it and it is in my living room facing the TV. I love it! It is the best thing in the world and the price beats a gym membership.

They now make a commercial grade one that you can buy for about $1100.00. Sweeet!

[BrownEyedGirl]

Here's an image that's hard to accept and the one that got me off my hiney and rethinking accepting being fat and rejecting the "sexy at any size" bunk.

I'm at the hospital with my dad and in the waiting room I can smell greasy food. I look over and there is this obese family, a mom, dad, and daughter (in her 30's), scarfing down McDonald's in a hospital waiting room. And I'm talking supersized meals with some kind of gooey thing for dessert. For some reason I was embarrassed for myself looking at them. But then I saw and overheard why they were there. Mom is in a wheelchair with the bottom of her leg bandaged up. I say the bottom of her leg because her foot had been amputated because of deabetes!!! And even that didn't stop them from eating like that. Now, maybe it was their last meal before starting pre-op and getting banded. I sure hope so.

Anyway, after seeing that desperate situation, I decided I needed to do something. I want to keep my limbs and am terrified of diabetes. Plus I want to look hot.

[bogiesmom]

Here's an image that's hard to accept and the one that got me off my hiney and rethinking accepting being fat and rejecting the "sexy at any size" bunk.

I'm at the hospital with my dad and in the waiting room I can smell greasy food. I look over and there is this obese family, a mom, dad, and daughter (in her 30's), scarfing down McDonald's in a hospital waiting room. And I'm talking supersized meals with some kind of gooey thing for dessert. For some reason I was embarrassed for myself looking at them. But then I saw and overheard why they were there. Mom is in a wheelchair with the bottom of her leg bandaged up. I say the bottom of her leg because her foot had been amputated because of deabetes!!! And even that didn't stop them from eating like that. Now, maybe it was their last meal before starting pre-op and getting banded. I sure hope so.

Anyway, after seeing that desperate situation, I decided I needed to do something. I want to keep my limbs and am terrified of diabetes. Plus I want to look hot.

I totally get what you are saying but it does not sound like they were trying to be sexy. To me "sexy at any size" means people who at least make an effort regarding their appearence and what goes into their bodies but at the same time are comfortable enough in their skin with high self esteem. Personally my self esteem sucks ass. I guess sexy at any size boils down to a state of mind. If you feel good about yourself the more likely you are to make an effort to eat healthy, excercise and look good. But this still does not take into account portion control, which for me anyway is ther reason I got banded.

[BrownEyedGirl]

I'm not saying they were trying to be sexy. I'm talking about the concept where we put feeling good about ourselves over our health and what's good for us. I'm sick of being fat and being in pain or uncomfortable because of it. I can tell myself how good I look and pooh pooh others for not accepting my fatness or I can get off my butt and do something so hopefully I can enjoy playing with my son, riding a bike, golfing and hopefully live a longer and healthier life. Or I can sit around scarfing down food that has little to no nutritional value because it tastes good and feels good while I'm doing it and then increase my risk of diabetes, heart disease, joint problems, etc. I know skinny people have these issues too but I know I'm increasing my chances by being this size.