Want my 13 year old son to have this; how to convince the family

[mondk]

Hello. I'm an overweight mom and nurse myself and am getting banded in either Dec. or Jan. however, my insurance is paying so I'm not getting my band by Dr. Ortiz, however, my 13 y.o. son isn't even 5 feet tall yet and weighs 200 lbs. currently. I'm so scared for him as he eats constantly and fails at every diet we've tried on him. We sent him to a very expensive weight loss camp last summer, but he only lost 13 lbs. and has doubled it right back on at this time. He will literally eat until he vomits; he says he is hungry all the time. My family does not support our Lap Band decisions...their advice is to get out and exercise. He is mowing several yards this summer with a push mower, but I don't think that is adequate for the amount of weight he needs to lose. I have made him a Dr's appt. here where we live for bloodwork and cardiac studies...I'm hoping that if he does have a high cholesterol level or anything else abnormal, that will help me show my family that this is necessary.

Does anyone else here have any other advice for me that I can plead our case to our family? Thanks in advance!

Blessings, Michelle

[Lindsay]

I'm the outcome of the over concerned parent.

I was an over weight child.

And it wasn't until I was almost 25 that a severe eating disorder raised it's nasty head, the outcome of a very struggled childhood.

I have absolutely no idea about your situation, but I was taught at a very young age that I was 'bigger' than I was 'supposed' to be;

I too, was sent to a 'camp' for girls 'like me'. (aka the fat ones)

At that age, I didn't understand why my mom would say things like, 'Do you really need that extra bite?!'.

I still hear this over and over in my head, now at the age of 32.

Your son is far too young to understand the real effects of his eating.

And of course, the frustrating & concern you have as a loving parent, and his mom. I know your love for him is unconditional, but it's extremely difficult for children to understand this. They don't have the psychological comprehension of it yet.

At 13, IMHO, you should be concentrating on teaching your child what healthy is.

Not how he's defined by the number on a scale.

He hasn't even reached puberty yet.

I would never ever recommend the band for someone this young.

But that's only from my experiences, dealing which quite a very similar situation to yours.

At 13 years old, DIET shouldn't even be a word in your household.

He is also not purchasing the food in your household.

It sounds like it's far beyond physical for him, but a psychological barrier that should be dealt with accordingly.

Maybe is does 'feel' hungry all the time - this could be a very obvious symptom, under the correct medical care & attention.

I wish you all he luck - I can't imagine how difficult it is, having a child that doesn't fit societies norms, esp when there's obviously something far more to it.

[skinnyagain]

---wow---tough call...I agree with Lindsay...I would start with something else than just jumping to the band. If he is gorging himself until he vomits, just because he would have the band he would try to cont to eat the same way with the band...which would open up more problems like band slippage, perforated stomach...putting his life at stake...Even at 38 I have had to really think hard about the choices I have to make r/t the band...at 13 I don't know if he is mature enough to handle these life altering decisions...

If this was me, I would start with the basics...Nutritionist, counseling..( does he eat to comfort, does he eat to shut out the pain, does he eat because he is bored?...) Sounds like he has a eating disorder...before I would put the band on this child I would want to make sure his mental health is wnl...( YES I AM A NURSE ALSO)...

placing the band on this child at this point in his life in my opinion would not be the best thing...I think if his underlying reasons for the over eating was addressed and counseled and he learned to make changes...then that would be a time to reconsider the band.

Wish you the best of luck...Those of us that were born to cargive have this drive to want to help everyone, and when that person is our own flesh and blood a drive in us goes into over turbo drive...My husband calls it "mama bear syndrome", try to step back and use your critical thinking skills and reassess..( I hate that term)...

Were hear for you

Kim

[EcMjawad1]

As an adult who was overweight as a result of anger --my life was similar to Lindsay's -- this is a tuff one. But, I am also a mom of an overweight daughter --I tried to do all the right things based on my life --good food choices, never use the "diet" word, or make comments like "if only you were thin"--all those things just made me angry with my mother and rebel...my daughter even played high school and college soccer and was still overweight...Now, if at say age 16 the lapband had been an option after all I tried if my daughter had been committed to a life chane at that age I would have gone for it---we waited and she had it done at age 22 in January. I have seen stories of children on this forum who have had the band, but I agree that for me it would be the final choice after all other avenues had been tried..this is a tuff one because you don't want to make him feel bad about himself or angry with you but at the same time I understand your worry...I would take some of the other advice here, but also talk to Dr. Ortiz and ask him for advice or his thoughts..he is a very caring and approachable doctor. For my daughter proper eating and exercise didn't make a difference and once she hit puberty it just got worse, but in order to live with the band the person banded has to be committed, understand the changes, and agree to the totally new lifestyle. Otherwise as mentioned he may just make it worse for himself.

[Dolittle]

Hello. I'm an overweight mom and nurse myself and am getting banded in either Dec. or Jan. however, my insurance is paying so I'm not getting my band by Dr. Ortiz, however, my 13 y.o. son isn't even 5 feet tall yet and weighs 200 lbs. currently. I'm so scared for him as he eats constantly and fails at every diet we've tried on him. We sent him to a very expensive weight loss camp last summer, but he only lost 13 lbs. and has doubled it right back on at this time. He will literally eat until he vomits; he says he is hungry all the time. My family does not support our Lap Band decisions...their advice is to get out and exercise. He is mowing several yards this summer with a push mower, but I don't think that is adequate for the amount of weight he needs to lose. I have made him a Dr's appt. here where we live for bloodwork and cardiac studies...I'm hoping that if he does have a high cholesterol level or anything else abnormal, that will help me show my family that this is necessary.

Does anyone else here have any other advice for me that I can plead our case to our family? Thanks in advance!

Blessings, Michelle

I'm a 56 year old male, knowing what I know today and how the band has been God sent, I would have choose the band at his age in a heart beat. In the USA, the FDA has rules that state anyone under the age of 18 can't have any form of Weight Loss Surgery (WLS). I think this will change over time. There are several WLS studies going on now where several University Hospital programs are performing WLS on teenagers. You could try to get your child into one of these programs, but it's almost impossible to get into one, the waiting list is over full. Many parents make the decision and go across the border. The OCC has a lot of experiance with teenagers. We have had several post their experiances here at the forum. One of our most famous is a young girl named Cassie. She's been on Oprah, and she was very open and talked about her lap band experiance. You can type in her name in the search box and a lot of her posts should be available. I know Tootsie and her teenage daughter were both banded on the same day and they have posted their experiances too. Also you could call Lori, one of the OCC surgery coordinators and she could give you more information concerning this.

[CanadianBandster]

Being banded for a year and a half I have to say that as it is stated over and over again that the band is only a tool. I know that at 13 even though I was over weight and would have loved to have something make me "normal" I would not have been successful with the band at that age. It is really hard work and I dont think that someone who is 13 would understand the consequences of not following the rules of the band.

[LoriBecky]

this is a great interview with one of our patients with NBC news! I would start by getting them to watch this. I'm also happy to answer questions and get you in touch with some of our teen patients and their parents! Just call me at 1-866-376-7849 ext. 81http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local-beat/Teen-Weight-Loss-Going-Under-the-Knife-Better-than-Diet-and-Exercise-83993172.html

[tootsie_lou]

My daughter was 13 years old when she got the Lap-band and has had nothing but success with it. She has lost over 50 pounds and is at her goal weight. She will be sixteen this week. I will say that I could cry (and do) when I think of how well Dr Ortiz and his staff took care of her. Dr Ortiz personally talked to her by telephone for 45 minutes when we were in the decision-making stage--discussing the principle of the band, how she would have to change her eating habits, etc. As Dolittle stated a while ago--"If only" this would have been an option for so many of us back at age 13. Would I do it again for her? IN A HEARTBEAT!!

[skinnyagain]

I only worry about this young man having problems if he gets the band and cont to eat the same way he has been... All I am saying, as a mom and a nurse myself, is to make sure there isn't other underlying issues, which there usually is with a eating disorder...I think everyone on this site has battled weight, eating, etc, etc...i battled anorexia as a teenager and then bulemia until I was banded...(can't vomit with the band)...The band has cured my bulemia...So get this young man some help first then consider the band... He is over eating for a reason...

I appreciate everyone on this site...take care

Kim