Relationships

[Smiley]

Anyone met a "significant other" after being banded? If so, at what point did you tell them about the band and how did they take it?

[jhawkchick75]

Anyone met a "significant other" after being banded? If so, at what point did you tell them about the band and how did they take it?

Wow, you were reading my mind today! I have been thinking about the same thing! I didn't post because just by observation it seems that just about everyone on the board is taken. But if there are folks that went through this i'd also be curious. I've dated, but nobody worth a 2nd date so I didn't have to worry about it!

[nothereanymore]

I'm in one and haven't said a damn thing. I'm normally very open about being banded and pretty much broadcast it to anyone who will listen. But I'm getting to the point were I'm almost tired of talking about it and don't want it to be such the focus of my life. Also its pretty difficult to see that I've lost over 140 pounds by looking at me.

I do need to say something, we know some of the same people and someone is going to tell him at some point - just have to get up the nerve.

And yes we have..... ummmm... like I said you wouldn't know it by looking at me.... except for my port. It pops out a bit - need to get it fixed. He thought it was this one condition and I just kept quite...

I am really not looking forward to that conversation. I'll let you know how it goes when it happens.

[btradio]

Curious what "one condition" he thought it was?! :-)

I have not been very open with those around me about my surgery. I have told about 5 people. I figure that if they need to know I will tell them (and likely will eventually tell everyone) but for right now, I would just prefer to keep it to myself. This is time that I am using to focus on me and I don't need to deal with other people and their issues at the same time. Its not that I don't think they would be supportive, I just don't feel like taking that risk. I guess if they start noticing I will let them in on things.

[AUTigerATL]

Has anyone ended up getting a divorce aftet being banded?

[nothereanymore]

It looks like a hernia, my neice has one that sticks out - she's very into palates.

And yes, I have gotten a divorce after being banded - there a few of us who have. Changing your lifestyle can be very difficult for those you love. Believe it or not, some don't like the look of the new you. My ex husband, and we are still best friends is dating a bigger girl. Its interesting.

[Smiley]

Wow, you were reading my mind today! I have been thinking about the same thing! I didn't postd because just by observation it seems that just about everyone on the board is taken. But if there are folks that went through this i'd also be curious. I've dated, but nobody worth a 2nd date so I didn't have to worry about it!

What can I say, great minds think alike. I went out with a guy a couple of months ago and because I had just had a fill the day before I was still in the 24 hours where I have to eat full liquids. He wanted Chinese, I suggested a place where I could get soup. I did not order a drink, but he ordered one for me. I felt like I kind of had to tell him since he knew I liked Chinese and he caught the look on my face when he ordered the drink for me, which by this point I am sure I had a slightly weird label on my forhead. In the future I will just order water and sip on it before the meal arrives.

The good new is, I told my friends I could take him or leave him. I didn't care for some of his comments and I'm not sure he was really over his wife's death enough to be dating because he talked about her at least 50% of the time. However, I just can't help but wonder if my "confession" was a factor or not.

[Smiley]

Curious what "one condition" he thought it was?! :-)

I have not been very open with those around me about my surgery. I have told about 5 people. I figure that if they need to know I will tell them (and likely will eventually tell everyone) but for right now, I would just prefer to keep it to myself. This is time that I am using to focus on me and I don't need to deal with other people and their issues at the same time. Its not that I don't think they would be supportive, I just don't feel like taking that risk. I guess if they start noticing I will let them in on things.

I was like you in the beginning in that I didn't tell too many people. Over the past 2.25 years I have opened up to a lot more people, but there are still those who are just too nosey for my liking so I never give them the information they are digging for. When people would ask me before I was ready to tell I would simply say that I was eating less and exercising more, which was correct, I just happened to leave out the band part. I think I was concerned that this would not work for me just like everything else I had tried and I didn't want to set myself up to receive pity from others if it did not work. More than likely it would not have turned out that way, but in my head it might have. When I did tell people I let them know that I didn't talk about it too much and that since it was my story to tell that I preferred they allow me to do it in my own time. Besides my mother who always find a good excuse as to why she had to answer someones question, I have only had one person blab.

[Zoey2]

I met my boyfriend about five months post op in March 2009, though we started off as friends and didn't really get serious until this year. I told him as soon as I met him that I had a lapband but mostly because I had been so sick and was living on liquids (way too tight of a second fill.) He's seen me at my worst through the complications I've had and I really don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without him, so I am definitely glad that I told him right up front.

Some of the stuff really freaks him out (like sliming and pb'ing and accidentally touching my port, moreso that because it hurts me) and I think, even after a year and a half, he still hasn't quite wrapped his head around what the band does and does not do, but he's always been very supportive (and tolerant of the neurotic tendencies that come with having been a 300lbs+ recluse.)

I actively date and was in a pretty serious relationship up until recently. I always hold off telling, but it is hard because I have a very hard time eating many things and usually a date involves lunch or dinner, etc. So, therefore, I end up telling some that I have had the surgery. I don't think that it has had any ill effects on my relationships at all.

One time recently though I didn't tell the guy and we went (for a second date) to a very nice restaurant that had fabulous food and I had to go puke twice! It was very embarrassing and I don't know what he was thinking. I guess we will always have these experiences.

[B2010]

Well I ended my relationship with my boyfriend (for the last 6 years) after my lapband surgery. I'm not sure why but, being fat I think is part of the reason I stayed in the relationship to begin with. we're still kind of on a rocky break up road but for the most part I'm happy with my decision to end it.

The good thing is that this time during our break up I couldn't eat myself to oblivion and gain a ton of weight.

[DaGreen]

First guy I have dated was my great friend during the surgery. He needed to lose weight also and went so far as doing the pre-op diet with me and the recovery. He even made me soup and brought it to work for me.

I just went out on a date with another guy, first one since guy above. It just slipped out. The date was on his boat and he saw the scar. First date he finds out I was a has been fatty. We had date #3 today, so it wasn't a total turn off for him

Has anyone ended up getting a divorce aftet being banded?

Going through one right now! H is an avid cyclist. I couldn't live up to his fitness levels and I tried. I went so far to do triathlons for spring, summer and fall seasons and still didn't lose any weight. By this point I am learning the mental and verbal abuse over my weight wasn't worth it. He spent big $$$ on a bicycle and I went for my lapband. I am in a much better state of mind and am loving myself. I was comfortable in the marriage and just kept on getting heavier and heavier.