I messed up

[BSN]

LONG story short...

I wanted a band, talked to my husband, he said no. I waited for him to go out of town and ran off to get it anyway.

That was two weeks ago. I haven't quit vomiting since. He's going to figure out something is wrong.

I make no apologies for getting it done, I do feel horrible for the way I did it.

Does anyone else have a bizarre story?? Or, am I the only one?

[tuesdaythecat]

My concern is that you are vomiting. That doesn't seem normal, after my surgery I felt great asside from the air getting worked out of my system (shoulder pain). I would highly recommend seeing a doctor if you are not able to keep any clear fluids down. Don't let what could be a good experience go bad. As far as keeping it from you husband, I don't know how you could drop that kind of cash for the surgery and hide it from him???

[BSN]

My concern is that you are vomiting. That doesn't seem normal, after my surgery I felt great asside from the air getting worked out of my system (shoulder pain). I would highly recommend seeing a doctor if you are not able to keep any clear fluids down. Don't let what could be a good experience go bad. As far as keeping it from you husband, I don't know how you could drop that kind of cash for the surgery and hide it from him???

I did go to my doc and he can't find anything wrong. He thinks I am so stressed over how I did this that the stress is closing my band. As for money, I handle the money in the house. He won't even miss it.

[Teri]

I did go to my doc and he can't find anything wrong. He thinks I am so stressed over how I did this that the stress is closing my band. As for money, I handle the money in the house. He won't even miss it.

Ditto on the money thing with me. As for you not being able to hold down liquids: Not sure where you had the surgery, but while at OCC getting our fills, just Sat. a lady from Idaho, who had surgery the day after us, had to have 2 surgerys. (Her trip ended up being 5 days) The Doc put in the regular band, and she couldnt hold down anything. She then went back for another surgery 2 days later and the Doc took out the reg. band and put in the VG band which is bigger. There was something the matter with her esophagus being smaller. She hasnt posted here because she thought most people would read into it being more then what it really was (her words). She was glad Dr. O, was doing her surgery because he recognized the proplem with her. When she was getting her 1st fill, and they injected 4 cc she immediatly knew she couldnt handle it because of the restriction she felt. I guess she is more sensitive to feeling the restriction. I'm sharing this with you because of your similar situations of not being able to keep even liquids down after surgery. I am by no way implying your situation is the same. I truly hope it gets better for you!

[BSN]

Ditto on the money thing with me. As for you not being able to hold down liquids: Not sure where you had the surgery, but while at OCC getting our fills, just Sat. a lady from Idaho, who had surgery the day after us, had to have 2 surgerys. (Her trip ended up being 5 days) The Doc put in the regular band, and she couldnt hold down anything. She then went back for another surgery 2 days later and the Doc took out the reg. band and put in the VG band which is bigger. There was something the matter with her esophagus being smaller. She hasnt posted here because she thought most people would read into it being more then what it really was (her words). She was glad Dr. O, was doing her surgery because he recognized the proplem with her. When she was getting her 1st fill, and they injected 4 cc she immediatly knew she couldnt handle it because of the restriction she felt. I guess she is more sensitive to feeling the restriction. I'm sharing this with you because of your similar situations of not being able to keep even liquids down after surgery. I am by no way implying your situation is the same. I truly hope it gets better for you!

I asked about the size of the band. I agree with my doc that it is the correct size. A day after the procedure he did a barium swallow to ensure band placement and I saw it myself, it was wide open. No restriction. He said that if he put in a bigger band then I would never get the restriction I need at a later time.

I'm fine as long as I'm not at home. When I come home I can't keep anything down. I believe my doc, everything he said makes sense and my stomach proves it. I just don't know how to fix this.

One thing your friend and I share is being overly sensitive to the band. My doc explained that we all feel new things when the band is placed but some feel more than others. That may be another of my problems. I am acutely aware of what is going on with it all the time. I can tell you if it is open or not without food. I try water and I'm right 100% of the time. This is not a good thing, if I was oblivious to what it was doing it would be a lot easier. I know what it is doing, I stress over it, and that causes more inflammation and then it closes. Some people just don't do well with such an item in their body. I'm hoping I am not one of them. BTW, my band has zero cc's in it.

Another possibility is that it is gallbladder. I did have gallbladder symptoms before the surgery but I never realized it could be that issue, I just never put the symptoms together because they were not severe, just mild. The surgery could have aggrivated an existing problem and that might be the issue.

I've gotten IV fluids x2 now and I'm approaching a 3rd. I have to figure out how to work with the band or I might just opt for gastric bypass however I do NOT want that. I just don't know what to do at this point.

[PAMMIE]

STRESS DOES PLAY A BIG PART ON MY BAND

I'M PRETTY TIGHT, NOT OVERLY BUT ON OCCASION, YOU KNOW. ANYWAY, I KNOW ALCOHOL HAS CALORIES BUT I TELL YOU, I HAVE NOT ANY PROBLEMS EATING SLOWLY, KEEPING ANYTHING DOWN AFTER I HAVE A DRINKIE DRINK OR GLASS OF WINE BEFORE DINNER.

RELAXING IS A HUGE KEY FOR ME, I'M A HYPER TYPE PERSON

GOOD LUCK, AND KEEP HEALTHY!!!

[BSN]

STRESS DOES PLAY A BIG PART ON MY BAND

I'M PRETTY TIGHT, NOT OVERLY BUT ON OCCASION, YOU KNOW. ANYWAY, I KNOW ALCOHOL HAS CALORIES BUT I TELL YOU, I HAVE NOT ANY PROBLEMS EATING SLOWLY, KEEPING ANYTHING DOWN AFTER I HAVE A DRINKIE DRINK OR GLASS OF WINE BEFORE DINNER.

RELAXING IS A HUGE KEY FOR ME, I'M A HYPER TYPE PERSON

GOOD LUCK, AND KEEP HEALTHY!!!

Maybe I'll try that. Today has been a really bad day, not sure I could keep wine down but ... tomorrow is a new day. I'll try it.

Thanks

[CalKev]

BSN, You may need to see a general MD or your Doc and get and anti-anxiety drug for a month or so until you are feeling better and through most of the healing process.

Short term they can help with anxiety but cannot be used with alcohol. Just check it out with your Doctor. Best Wishes - Kevin

[julie66t]

Ditto on the money thing with me. As for you not being able to hold down liquids: Not sure where you had the surgery, but while at OCC getting our fills, just Sat. a lady from Idaho, who had surgery the day after us, had to have 2 surgerys. (Her trip ended up being 5 days) The Doc put in the regular band, and she couldnt hold down anything. She then went back for another surgery 2 days later and the Doc took out the reg. band and put in the VG band which is bigger. There was something the matter with her esophagus being smaller. She hasnt posted here because she thought most people would read into it being more then what it really was (her words). She was glad Dr. O, was doing her surgery because he recognized the proplem with her. When she was getting her 1st fill, and they injected 4 cc she immediatly knew she couldnt handle it because of the restriction she felt. I guess she is more sensitive to feeling the restriction. I'm sharing this with you because of your similar situations of not being able to keep even liquids down after surgery. I am by no way implying your situation is the same. I truly hope it gets better for you!

If the person from Idaho reads this, please reply. I'm from Idaho also and would be interested in talking to you. Thanks, Julie

[nita57]

If the person from Idaho reads this, please reply. I'm from Idaho also and would be interested in talking to you. Thanks, Julie

Hi Julie,

Don't know what person you are referring to but I am from Boise, would be happy to talk with you. Please send me a personal message or an email to nita57@yahoo.com. Talk to ya soon. Nita

[BSN]

BSN, You may need to see a general MD or your Doc and get and anti-anxiety drug for a month or so until you are feeling better and through most of the healing process.

Short term they can help with anxiety but cannot be used with alcohol. Just check it out with your Doctor. Best Wishes - Kevin

I just got back from my GP (vs. the surgeon) and he gave me Phenergan for nausea. I really don't want to take drugs for anxiety. I want to try and treat nausea first and if that doesn't work then maybe the next step... heh... whatever that step may be.

I've even considered having the band removed but then I look at the scale and regardless of why there is weight loss, I'm down 30 lbs in 22 days. I don't want to stop.

[dog lover]

Messed up.

I am loving the fact that you did it anyway. You are a rebel girl after my own heart. I need to know why are you vomiting all the time? I have vomited twice since and both were self inflicted because my chest hurt so bad from eating to fast. But you should be dropping the weight if you cant keep anything down. What does your doctor say?

LONG story short...

I wanted a band, talked to my husband, he said no. I waited for him to go out of town and ran off to get it anyway.

That was two weeks ago. I haven't quit vomiting since. He's going to figure out something is wrong.

I make no apologies for getting it done, I do feel horrible for the way I did it.

Does anyone else have a bizarre story?? Or, am I the only one?

[BSN]

Messed up.

I am loving the fact that you did it anyway. You are a rebel girl after my own heart. I need to know why are you vomiting all the time? I have vomited twice since and both were self inflicted because my chest hurt so bad from eating to fast. But you should be dropping the weight if you cant keep anything down. What does your doctor say?

That isn't the first time someone has referred to my personality type as a rebel. ;o)

My doc said it is due to stress. He said that stress can cause inflammation and inflammation can cause the band to close. The up side to this <grin> is that I have lost 30 pounds in 24 days. The down side... he hasn't even noticed! Grrrrrrr I don't want him to notice but by goodness he BETTER notice.

How's that for logic? BTW, I still haven't told him. However, my self therapy is that I told a gal I used to work for. She's a doll, I absolutely adore her and always have. I just have all the respect in the world for this woman. We went to lunch today and I told her absolutely everything so having a person in real time to tell what I did and discuss it has actually made a huge difference even though it was just today.

We discussed my not telling him what I did and she totally gets it. Her husband is quite similar to mine in attitude about bariatric surgery. You know, that attitude of "Just DIET!" If I COULD just DIET I *would*!! She totally understands my position. She hasn't figured out how to approach her hubby about this either.

I am sooooo sold on this even with my "issues," I still love it. When I'm barfing I refer to my band as "The Evil One" but when I weigh myself I thank my lucky stars I did what I did. As I wrote before, I make no apologies for having it done but I do wish I would have handled it just a bit differently.

[newbander]

how did you go about doing the three weeks of liquids in front of your husband? if you ate at all during this time there could be a chance that the band slipped. if i were you i would go get an x ray to see the position of the band.

[Littleroo27]

I must admit to being a little worried for you. I'm sure that the vomiting is stress related. Heck, you'd probably be nauseous even without the band had it been something else this big that you were keeping from him. The best way to get rid of the nausea? Tell him.

Of course, I don't know your husband and I don't know the conversation you had with him regarding the band, but still - at some point he is bound to notice that you have new scars on your body and have lost tons of weight. Men are (generally) oblivious, but not blind.

I kinda took a different rout. I'm single, but my parents are very important to me, even if we live many states apart now. When I told them I was thinking about the surgery I never asked them if it was okay to do it. I just said "hey, just wanted you to know that I'm considering thing." Even though you are married, he really can't tell you what you can and can't do, and he sure as heck can't tell you NOT to get it done, even if he doesn't approve. But I'm not sure that going behind his back is the best way to go about it.

I will be interested to hear what happens what he does start to notice the changes. Didn't he figure out that you were on a liquid diet pre-op and post-op? Or did you just tell him you were doing slim-fast?

[BSN]

how did you go about doing the three weeks of liquids in front of your husband? if you ate at all during this time there could be a chance that the band slipped. if i were you i would go get an x ray to see the position of the band.

He's only home every other weekend. First weekend I told him I had food poisoning, 2nd weekend I told him I had a stomach virus.

This weekend I have a project I am working on in Nogales, Mexico. Actually, that one is true! However I won't be in Nogales, I'll be in Mexicali taking a friend there so she can check out everything and I'll get my band checked.

I'm telling you, I just keep getting in deeper and deeper. That window of opportunity to tell him... it's looooong gone.

[BSN]

I must admit to being a little worried for you. I'm sure that the vomiting is stress related. Heck, you'd probably be nauseous even without the band had it been something else this big that you were keeping from him. The best way to get rid of the nausea? Tell him.

Of course, I don't know your husband and I don't know the conversation you had with him regarding the band, but still - at some point he is bound to notice that you have new scars on your body and have lost tons of weight. Men are (generally) oblivious, but not blind.

I kinda took a different rout. I'm single, but my parents are very important to me, even if we live many states apart now. When I told them I was thinking about the surgery I never asked them if it was okay to do it. I just said "hey, just wanted you to know that I'm considering thing." Even though you are married, he really can't tell you what you can and can't do, and he sure as heck can't tell you NOT to get it done, even if he doesn't approve. But I'm not sure that going behind his back is the best way to go about it.

I will be interested to hear what happens what he does start to notice the changes. Didn't he figure out that you were on a liquid diet pre-op and post-op? Or did you just tell him you were doing slim-fast?

You are correct, men do tend to be oblivious to things. I have already lost a full clothing size, my eating has changed, my clothes don't fit, I have Atkins stuff laying all over the house and he hasn't noticed anything. If I can stretch that out another clothing size and month, I'll have it made. Then I can say that I had surgery TWO months ago and he didn't notice?? We'll kinda be even by that point.

Oh geez, that's so horrible.

It's not a matter of his making all the decisions, it is a matter that I have never lied to him before and now it is one lie after another to keep up with the previous lies. I just don't do that, never have.

The original conversation went something like this....

Me: I want a band, I did my research. I want your objective opinion. (More detailed, of course)

Him: NO! There, there is your objective opinion.

Me: I also want to do it in Mexico.

You can guess the rest. I just decided I wasn't going to fight and bicker about it. It was probably the biggest fight we have ever had. I wanted to end the battle so I did. Then when he went out of town again I went to Mexico and had the surgery.

Oh, I didn't do the liquid pre-op diet. I made the decision and six days later had it done. My BMI didn't require the diet. It was preferred I do it but not required.

[Donna34]

I can certainly understand your frustration with your hubby. It took 6 months of BEGGING, and PLEADING with my hubby to finally convince him that I really NEEDED this surgery. He finally agreed to it, probably just to shut me up! But OH well!

I'm hoping to be banded sometime this month. I can't hardly wait!

Donna

[Autumn_22]

Oh! I'm glad I'm not the only one lying to my loved ones. I haven't told ANYBODY that I'm getting this surgery, with the exception of a friend at work to suggested it to me. My boyfriend will more likely than not be angry when he finds out. He'll consider it weak that I couldn't control myself and that I needed a band to do it for me. He just doesn't have the same issues with food or weight. Anyways, it's my body and I'm comfortable with my decision. My only question is, How did you keep it a secret when your scars were in plain veiw??? I can just see a perfectly romantic night going to hell because he lifts of my shirt and SURPRISE!!! I've had surgery! Yeah, can't wait for that one! Any ideas? Not being, uh, romantic, isn't an option.

Thanks everyone!

Autumn_22

Surgery Date: Jan 25th

[nita57]

I'm sorry but I have to speak my mind on this. It seems to me that it is somehow a very disfunctional relationship that allows people to lie about things of such great importance. I can't even imagine having a spouse who wouldn't support me in a decision that might save my life. The extended family, I can understand, but not the spouse. I guess it just bothers me that anyone would feel the need to sneak away and have surgery. Perhaps it is the relationship which needs to be examined. I'm sorry but I have been wanting to say this for a while. I don't mean to sound nasty but this is something I know other people in here have been thinking as well. I wish you both the only the best. Nita

[Autumn_22]

I'm not offended Nita. My boyfriend and I are over two years into our relationship and still working the quirks out. I'm not saying it's the best relationship but it's certainly isn't the worst. Most importantly, there is a lot of room for growth and improvement and we are both working on that. As far as being very disfunctional, I don't think so. Every relationship has it's secrets. Whether it's those shopping trips after work that the hubby never knows about or massages and spa treatments.....I don't know. I know this is a very different topic but it's not like I could hide it forever. I just wouldn't want to have him say really negative things before I go. I'm already nervous and feel horrible that I have to have surgery because I'm fat. My boyfriend isn't the most sensitive on that subject. My mind is already made up. It's my body and I think this will be a good tool for me. I'm sure we will have some uncomfortable conversations when I return, but for me in this situation I think it's better to have the conversations after the fact.

I'm glad you had the nerve to speak your mind Nita, and in a nice tone. I guess it's fair to wrap this up by saying, to each his own. We can never fully understand someone else's situation.

Autumn_22

[BSN]

I can certainly understand your frustration with your hubby. It took 6 months of BEGGING, and PLEADING with my hubby to finally convince him that I really NEEDED this surgery. He finally agreed to it, probably just to shut me up! But OH well!

I'm hoping to be banded sometime this month. I can't hardly wait!

Donna

Congrats on being banded! It's not a mistake, you are doing the right thing.

Keep in mind, getting banded is NOT the easy way out. Being banded is hard, very hard. But it is the "kind" of hard I can do. I can't pass up a bacon cheeseburger or basically, stick to any diet for a long time but I can do the band. When I want to cheat with something band unfriendly, the band isn't going to cave and let me sneak a burger. It stays quite strong even when I'm not. It takes away many of your choices. That is what we need.

[BSN]

Oh! I'm glad I'm not the only one lying to my loved ones. I haven't told ANYBODY that I'm getting this surgery, with the exception of a friend at work to suggested it to me. My boyfriend will more likely than not be angry when he finds out. He'll consider it weak that I couldn't control myself and that I needed a band to do it for me. He just doesn't have the same issues with food or weight. Anyways, it's my body and I'm comfortable with my decision. My only question is, How did you keep it a secret when your scars were in plain veiw??? I can just see a perfectly romantic night going to hell because he lifts of my shirt and SURPRISE!!! I've had surgery! Yeah, can't wait for that one! Any ideas? Not being, uh, romantic, isn't an option.

Thanks everyone!

Autumn_22

Surgery Date: Jan 25th

I don't think deciding not to share every bloody thing with people is the same as dishonest. While I *did* lie to my husband there is a difference between that and not telling the rest of the family. I mean, think about it. If you don't share details of issues between you and your boyfriend to your mother, does that mean you were dishonest or you merely kept it to yourself?

With my husband I did lie, time and time again. First time in 19 years I have been dishonest with him. But, that's my choice. He'll deal with it or he won't when he finds out. That is his problem.

As for your b/f thinking you are taking the easy way out I have to disagree. Quite frankly, he's an idiot if he thinks that. It's like taking a Tylenol for a toothache. Is that taking the easy way out? Has he ever taken Tylenol? Why? Shouldn't he just suck it up and deal with the toothache?

As I wrote above, the band is NOT the easy way out. It isn't a miracle cure. You still have your part to do. I know quite a few thin people that could never survive the band. The band is hard but it is a kind of hard you can do vs. a kind of hard you cannot do. You are forced to change your eating habits. The first month you go from day to day, moment to moment - wondering if you just made a huge mistake. One day you are thrilled, the next day you might wonder what the heck you just did. But suddenly you feel like your body is a huge Chocolate bar outside melting in the sun and suddenly you find yourself becoming stronger.

Easy way out? Hardly. Appropriate for folks like you and I? Absolutely.

[BSN]

I'm sorry but I have to speak my mind on this. It seems to me that it is somehow a very disfunctional relationship that allows people to lie about things of such great importance. I can't even imagine having a spouse who wouldn't support me in a decision that might save my life. The extended family, I can understand, but not the spouse. I guess it just bothers me that anyone would feel the need to sneak away and have surgery. Perhaps it is the relationship which needs to be examined. I'm sorry but I have been wanting to say this for a while. I don't mean to sound nasty but this is something I know other people in here have been thinking as well. I wish you both the only the best. Nita

Nita,

I actually read this last night and all kinds of thoughts flooding my wee brain. Part of me wanted to ignore you and the other part of me wants to confront you. Hopefully I can find a middle ground here.

While you are certainly free to speak your mind and I would never dream of stopping you even if I could, isn't this supposed to be a place of support? I had to come here, use a different name, a short version of registration info and I did this because I wanted to tell SOMEONE what I have done. And what do I get from you? Telling me about disfunctional relationships and how wonderful yours is because you don't need to do what I did.

Considering you don't know me, my husband, our situation, what is going on right now... that's a bit of a leap for you to make such comments on a SUPPORT board. Do I expect you to agree with me? Of course not. But to write such a post is something I would never do. I hope nobody ever does it to you.

Perhaps you need to look at this from a different POV. Some people are simply desperate enough to do what needs to be done and let the chips fall where they will. Until you have SOME clue as to why he didn't want me to have the surgery perhaps you might consider how you word your opinions. For goodness sakes, at least get the details before jumping to hasty judgements.

Okay, you wanted to say it and now you did. Feel better?

Cheers.

[Guest blueskies7890]

Keep in mind, getting banded is NOT the easy way out. Being banded is hard, very hard. But it is the "kind" of hard I can do. I can't pass up a bacon cheeseburger or basically, stick to any diet for a long time but I can do the band. When I want to cheat with something band unfriendly, the band isn't going to cave and let me sneak a burger. It stays quite strong even when I'm not. It takes away many of your choices. That is what we need.

Wow! I believe this too but couldn't put it in words. Thanks for summing it up quite nicely!

Robin