I messed up

[Mel]

Hi all-

I just read all the posts here.....BSN how are you doing? Did you get the band removed or did Dr. Ortiz fix it? I too have decided to do this surgery without telling anyone. I am a single parent and very close to my parents, but this has been a very difficult decision and a deeply personal one. When I decided to do it, it was like admitting that I had a major problem that I could not fix. I am a "fix it" person and that distresses me. Yes, I have lost my 100 lbs before, only to gain it back.....you know the yo yo. I chose to make this a permanent decision and something that will keep me under control for the rest of my life. I am scared...I go for surgery tomorrow. I fly to Southern California for school every six weeks, so I just extended my trip to include the surgery, telling all that I had to take an extra class. I feel horrible about lying, but also afraid of someone trying to talk me out of this decision, or making me feel ashamed of this decision. I want to be proud of what I have chosen for myself. I hope it goes well.....because as everyone else on this board, we have have invested a lot of time, hopes, and money into this decision.

I will let you know how the surgery goes!!

Melissa

[BSN]

Wow, I've never heard of a mini-slip. Thanks so much for posting about it! I agree that you should do the barium swallow before having it removed. I mean, how much of a PITA would it be if you went through all of this and got it removed if there is a chance it can be fixed and work properly!

I used the wrong term, it is called a partial slip. I've since learned a great deal about partial slips. There is some amount of disagreement on how they are diagnosed but the treatment is typically to stay in full liquids for a few weeks and see what happens. I almost do that on a regular basis anyway so I am trying that, just full liquids. Hopefully that will resolve it. If it doesn't then I had planned to have it removed.

Had a verrrrry long talk with my husband for the first time. I mean we really talked. He's totally cool with everything. I think he realized that first of all, he should have realized my personality and telling me I *can't* do something is not wise. Discussion and disagreement are fine but flat out telling me what I can or cannot do is not a workable plan. Also, he wasn't listening to me and didn't take into consideration how serious this issue (weight) is for me. We both made mistakes here and we discussed that in detail.

He said he knew about the surgery since the first time he came home after my surgery but I really don't believe that. I think he has known for a long time but not *quite* as long as he claims.

Although I had planned on having the band removed if full liquids didn't do the trick my hubby disagrees. At least this time he didn't tell me I CAN'T have it removed! LOL But he does disagree with my decision so I agreed to have the test and we'll take it from there. I kinda sorta owe him that much.

[BSN]

BSN,

Well I'm glad for you that that cat is almost out of the bag. I knew he'd figure it out. You girls don't give us enuff credit about noticing the small changes. Sure we might not notice of you got the 1/2 inches cut off your hair or whatever..

And why DON'T you guys notice this stuff?? A half inch is a lot! LOL

about the barfin... I'm glad you talked to Dr. Ortiz... if there is ANYONE around that knows the band... its him. The fact that he wanted to hear your story before he would do anything tells me he believes in what he does. Because this is an elective operation, some Dr's will take your "personal reasons" as enuff to take the band out. Dr. Ortiz is gonna want a little more. I'm sure he could take your money and take it out and never ask why, but he's got a little more character than that. If you are a BSN as yer name states... you know what i'm talking about.

Yes, I do have to give him a great deal of credit for that. He basically suggested doing the test and regardless of what it shows if I want him to remove it he will. But he went on to suggest that I should at least know why I am having it removed.

[BSN]

Hi all-

I just read all the posts here.....BSN how are you doing? Did you get the band removed or did Dr. Ortiz fix it? I too have decided to do this surgery without telling anyone. I am a single parent and very close to my parents, but this has been a very difficult decision and a deeply personal one. When I decided to do it, it was like admitting that I had a major problem that I could not fix. I am a "fix it" person and that distresses me. Yes, I have lost my 100 lbs before, only to gain it back.....you know the yo yo. I chose to make this a permanent decision and something that will keep me under control for the rest of my life. I am scared...I go for surgery tomorrow. I fly to Southern California for school every six weeks, so I just extended my trip to include the surgery, telling all that I had to take an extra class. I feel horrible about lying, but also afraid of someone trying to talk me out of this decision, or making me feel ashamed of this decision. I want to be proud of what I have chosen for myself. I hope it goes well.....because as everyone else on this board, we have have invested a lot of time, hopes, and money into this decision.

I will let you know how the surgery goes!!

Melissa

Melissa...

Are you home yet? If not, you should be home soon!

Keep in mind something about the band. The band is hard, it is very hard. As I have written before being on a low fat/no flavor diet over a long period of time is something most of us can't do but being banded is something most of us can do. They are both hard but being banded is the kind of hard most can do.

While I would never suggest someone not tell their spouse about surgery not telling other family members is totally acceptable. You don't tell your parents about your sex life, why would you tell them about a personal medical decision?

With that said, I think you'll find that eventually you will want to tell them. I was dead set on not telling people before surgery but now I have told a few people. Just remember the "telling" rule of thumb. Once you tell someone about surgery you can never take it back. Yet, you can always decide to tell someone about this at a later time.

Good luck to you! I'm anxious to hear how you are doing.

[Kim927]

BSN, I'm sure I speak for most of us that have followed your story here when I say that I'm glad that you and your husband are finally talking about your surgery. I'm sure it makes it much easier for you and I hope he's giving you all the support you deserve! Is the liquid diet suppose to correct the partial slip? I just hope that with Dr. Ortiz's help, you're able to get to the point where your band will work for you. I would hate to see you have gone through all this and then have to have it removed, but it you feel that's what you need in the long run, then that's what you should do. Is having it replaced and starting the process over an option? Regardless, I'll be wishing you success and health!

Kim

[PAMMIE]

I'VE BEEN READING THIS THREAD NOW FOR MONTHS AND IT'S AMAZING TO ME HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE “ASK” THEIR PARTNERS FOR PERMISSION TO DO SOMETHING TO “THEIR” OWN BODY. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I EVEN THINK ABOUT USING THE “L” WORD IN MY HOME, ~~LET~~ IT

[FurEllie]

I'VE BEEN READING THIS THREAD NOW FOR MONTHS AND IT'S AMAZING TO ME HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE

[BSN]

I think a lot of it has to do with communal funds, not what you are or aren't doing with your body. I'm not married, but if I was, I know I'd at least talk about an $9K+ expenditure.

I did, he said no. I earned half that money too so I did what I did. It wasn't the money that was an issue, it was the surgery.

[BSN]

I'VE BEEN READING THIS THREAD NOW FOR MONTHS AND IT'S AMAZING TO ME HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE

[Sandflea]

I don't think as many people are "asking for permission" from a spouse vs. merely discussing it. When I talked to my husband I wasn't asking permission, I was opening this up for discussion and he was very clear, NO! Well, that didn't work. He too, did not understand that it was not permission I was looking for. But again, it was not the money that was the issue. He just didn't understand why I can't do this on my own and to have unnecessary surgery, he didn't get it.

He gets it now and he's fine with it. So he says. LOL

My husband knew I wanted the surgery but never said much. The only concern he had was the money part. I scheduled it and then told him. At first he was ok, then a few days later started asking questions. He had some concerns, valid but I have assured him I know what I am doing. I too have always been the rebel doing what I want, when I want. It probably stems from growing up in a house where my mother had to ask permission for everything. Not me! My life, my body, my money, my choice. Period. I have been really open about the surgery. Everyone at work knows. They knew something was up when my eating habits changes so drastically and I was grumpy. Unlike alcoholics, or other disorders, I can't hide mine. It's there for all to see so why hide. BSN I hope you are feeling better. Hang in there. Are you taking any electrolyte supplements to get your labs back in order? You are basically dehydrated. I wish the best for you.

Sandy

Banding date 4/20/07

[PAMMIE]

he was very clear, NO!

WELL THEN I'M GLAD YOU DID WHAT YOU DID. IT WASN'T ABOUT HIM, IT WAS ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

THERE WOULD BE NO NEED IN A RELATIONSHIP TO SAY NO TO ONES PARTNER AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED....... EVER!!! DO THE HUBBY AND I DISCUSS? YES. BUT WE LEAVE IT UP TO EACH OTHER WHAT WE WANT AND DON'T WANT. I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO AND EXPECT, GET, THE SAME IN RETURN.

[BSN]

WELL THEN I'M GLAD YOU DID WHAT YOU DID. IT WASN'T ABOUT HIM, IT WAS ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

THERE WOULD BE NO NEED IN A RELATIONSHIP TO SAY NO TO ONES PARTNER AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED....... EVER!!! DO THE HUBBY AND I DISCUSS? YES. BUT WE LEAVE IT UP TO EACH OTHER WHAT WE WANT AND DON'T WANT. I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO AND EXPECT, GET, THE SAME IN RETURN.

He knows that now. As he explains it, it was more of a reaction than a response. Things kinda grew from there and got out of hand.

He shouldn't have said no, and I shouldn't have lied after I had it done. We are kinda sorta even in a weird sort of way. HA!

I am still on liquids and need to get my band issues resolved but I am still unsure what I want to do. Weight loss is fantastic, I might keep it until goal. Not sure yet.

[PAMMIE]

MAKE THE APPOINTMENT WITH THE DR ORTIZ GET THE ISSUES RESOLVED AND GET THE BAND WORKING FOR YOU

[Karina]

Hi BSN,

I too was following your story with great interest as I was having the frequent sliming/PBing episodes. It was REALLY embarrassing at times.

When I read your posts, I wondered if I too might have a "partial slip," and Dr. Ortiz told me to come in for another fluoroscopy and barium swallow. Now, everything is MUCH better, and I didn't even have to go back to TJ to see Dr. Ortiz.

This is what I have learned through trial and error.

I know that my band is really finicky in the morning and I have to test it out first very gingerly. Also, I know to try not to eat meals with my kids (8 year-old twins) if at all possible. The stress of monitoring their eating and playing waitress to them is just too stressful for me. I do best if I eat by myself.

I also learned not to eat on the run, or when I'm in a hurry to leave. If I'm tense, the band gets too tight. Also, after a really bad PBing episode, it may take quite a few hours to really calm down, and for the stomach irritation to subside. For me, it is back to liquids for the meal that wouldn't go down, then the next meal is usually OK.

I also learned that if I take an afternoon nap (I just got over the flu), then the first meal after waking up is just like the morning....BEWARE!

I've also discovered that either coffee or Advil shrink the stomach tissues and they both open up the band. It is kind of like emergency medicine, but I rarely resort to either one of them any more.

Anyhow, I too thought at various times that I wanted the band off for the same reasons you did. Now I feel completely differently since I learned not to eat when tense.

I hope you have a good outcome too! Keep us posted.

Karina

[BSN]

I took a friend to Mexico to my original surgeon 7 weeks ago for her own band, last Saturday we went back for her first fill. My surgeon and I had a long talk and he is willing to do whatever it takes to (hopefully) fix this problem.

He offered to do it right then and there but anything regarding fills makes me barf non stop. I don't even eat or drink anything, within an hour of a tiny fill I can't keep saliva down. I didn't want to do the tests on Saturday because I was with two friends and we had plans for Sat evening in Mexico and I didn't want to mess up our plans.

So, I have an appt for noon tomorrow. He's going to close my band and have me drink barium and see what everything looks like under fluoro. I'm not clear on why it makes a difference to close my band completely for this but regardless, that's the plan. Then he's going to take all of it out except for a verrrry small fill. Then, two hours after that look under fluoro again.

My big issue with my surgeon is that he insists my vomiting is causing swelling. I insist it is the other way around, the swelling is causing vomiting. When I get a fill within 1 hour I am barfing non stop. It's saliva. My stoma swells shut. So tomorrow I'm going to prove it to him. He said if that is the case it may just be stomach spasms.

So I'm leaving either tonight or in the morning, my appt is at noon. If this can't be fixed that I am going to follow through with my original plans to have Dr. Ortiz remove the band completely.

[BSN]

HA! I just read my own post. That was a disjointed post that hardly makes sense.

If you start from the last paragraph and read up it almost makes more sense! Heh... Sorry about that.

[PAMMIE]

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW

[BSN]

Update.

Lots has happened since my last post here.

First of all, I found out what my problem is. When people eat their stomach churns and works hard to break down food so it can pass through the GI system. My stomach works REALLY hard at this task. IOW, when I eat my stomach goes into overdrive and bottom line, my stoma closes. So I am now taking drugs to prevent stomach spasms. It is working sometimes. I still can't eat fruits and veggies yet I can eat dried fruits and veggies. The dried veggies I eat taste just like potato chips so I feel like I'm cheating but the scale tells me different. I was banded in December, I have lost 70 lbs, I have 32 to go. I can't eat meat but that's okay with me, I was a vegetarian for many years and am more than happy to go back to that lifestyle.

Talked to hubby about plastic surgery. Any guesses as to what he said? He said NO!

Asked hubby to move out about a month ago, we need time apart.

I am not done losing weight so I can't do a tummy tuck yet but I can have breast implants and a breast lift. I have an appt for this soon. I am still undecided about plastic surgeons but I am going for two consultations. One in the US with a friend and one in Mexico.

The tummy tuck will comes two months after I reach goal, I'm banking on two months to goal and two months after that I can have surgery. My big goal is this, I discovered the band existed 11/6/06. Surgery was 12/6/06. I had band surgery in December, I want to lose 102 lbs and have plastic surgery before my year is up. I want plastic surgery on or before 11/5/07. Then ALL my goals will be met. However, if the truth be known my *real* goal is to work out problems with hubby by August as our 20 year anniversary is then. I think we can do it, time will tell. But I will have plastic surgery. He is a doc and his primary concern is unnecessary surgery. He doesn't see the value in cutting into healthy tissue for no medical reason. I understand his stance, however I think he does not understand mine.

Now that I have time to myself and no hubby to worry about my volunteer time has increased. I'm back to volunteering in Nogales, Mexico... something I really love doing. I'm considering joining a program for those interested in understanding the Mexican culture. For $2K you live with a typical Mexican family for six weeks. While they do understand English they refuse to speak in English. I would live with the family and take four Spanish lessons daily. It sounds beyond FANTASTIC to me! Something I really couldn't do as a regular married person. After having surgery in Mexico and seeing the HUGE difference I just can't get enough of the Mexican medical culture. I am verrry impressed with their views and ways of doing things. If I can be half as good as a Mexican nurse, I am happy. Anyone who has already had surgery in Mexico knows full well what I am describing.

Hubby moved to the same apartment complex he was living in when we met. A very nice place, we are basically starting over.

I have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make. I'll take the thoughts and opinions of anyone who cares to offer them. Life is a funny thing, it really makes us ponder our choices at times. It makes us come to decisions we never in a million years thought we would be up against. But I also realize that only good things can come from much soul searching.

You guys have been beyond fantastic throughout all this. I can never thank you enough. I don't want to bore people with details, but if anyone is interested I will post updates.

Thanks to Michele for giving me the courage to continue with my updates.

Cheers!

[Teri]

Update.

Lots has happened since my last post here.

First of all, I found out what my problem is. When people eat their stomach churns and works hard to break down food so it can pass through the GI system. My stomach works REALLY hard at this task. IOW, when I eat my stomach goes into overdrive and bottom line, my stoma closes. So I am now taking drugs to prevent stomach spasms. It is working sometimes. I still can't eat fruits and veggies yet I can eat dried fruits and veggies. The dried veggies I eat taste just like potato chips so I feel like I'm cheating but the scale tells me different. I was banded in December, I have lost 70 lbs, I have 32 to go. I can't eat meat but that's okay with me, I was a vegetarian for many years and am more than happy to go back to that lifestyle.

Talked to hubby about plastic surgery. Any guesses as to what he said? He said NO!

Asked hubby to move out about a month ago, we need time apart.

I am not done losing weight so I can't do a tummy tuck yet but I can have breast implants and a breast lift. I have an appt for this soon. I am still undecided about plastic surgeons but I am going for two consultations. One in the US with a friend and one in Mexico.

The tummy tuck will comes two months after I reach goal, I'm banking on two months to goal and two months after that I can have surgery. My big goal is this, I discovered the band existed 11/6/06. Surgery was 12/6/06. I had band surgery in December, I want to lose 102 lbs and have plastic surgery before my year is up. I want plastic surgery on or before 11/5/07. Then ALL my goals will be met. However, if the truth be known my *real* goal is to work out problems with hubby by August as our 20 year anniversary is then. I think we can do it, time will tell. But I will have plastic surgery. He is a doc and his primary concern is unnecessary surgery. He doesn't see the value in cutting into healthy tissue for no medical reason. I understand his stance, however I think he does not understand mine.

Now that I have time to myself and no hubby to worry about my volunteer time has increased. I'm back to volunteering in Nogales, Mexico... something I really love doing. I'm considering joining a program for those interested in understanding the Mexican culture. For $2K you live with a typical Mexican family for six weeks. While they do understand English they refuse to speak in English. I would live with the family and take four Spanish lessons daily. It sounds beyond FANTASTIC to me! Something I really couldn't do as a regular married person. After having surgery in Mexico and seeing the HUGE difference I just can't get enough of the Mexican medical culture. I am verrry impressed with their views and ways of doing things. If I can be half as good as a Mexican nurse, I am happy. Anyone who has already had surgery in Mexico knows full well what I am describing.

Hubby moved to the same apartment complex he was living in when we met. A very nice place, we are basically starting over.

I have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make. I'll take the thoughts and opinions of anyone who cares to offer them. Life is a funny thing, it really makes us ponder our choices at times. It makes us come to decisions we never in a million years thought we would be up against. But I also realize that only good things can come from much soul searching.

You guys have been beyond fantastic throughout all this. I can never thank you enough. I don't want to bore people with details, but if anyone is interested I will post updates.

Thanks to Michele for giving me the courage to continue with my updates.

Cheers!

BSN!!!!!

So glad you posted, and thanks to Michele for her encourgement. I had written a little, then lost it, so, I'll try again. Basically, so glad you are doing much better. The last time I had read your posts you were barfing constantly. I am so happy for you that the medicine you are taking is working even some of the time. Best of everything to you on your new adventures. It sounds like you are on another new and exciting journey. Congratulations on all your weight loss!! Wow, how awesome!!!!!!!! Does your husband love it?????? Does he say?? We need to thank you. For coming here and sharing. Good Luck to you on your marriage, I know it's not luck, but with whatever you decide, I hope you have a happy and peaceful life.

Teri

[KatieB]

BSN!!!!!

So glad you posted, and thanks to Michele for her encourgement. I had written a little, then lost it, so, I'll try again. Basically, so glad you are doing much better. The last time I had read your posts you were barfing constantly. I am so happy for you that the medicine you are taking is working even some of the time. Best of everything to you on your new adventures. It sounds like you are on another new and exciting journey. Congratulations on all your weight loss!! Wow, how awesome!!!!!!!! Does your husband love it?????? Does he say?? We need to thank you. For coming here and sharing. Good Luck to you on your marriage, I know it's not luck, but with whatever you decide, I hope you have a happy and peaceful life.

Teri

BSN, You are such a strong and courageous woman and your outlook on every aspect of your journey has been a treat to read and share with you. Thank you so very much for letting us all take a little peek into a very personal situation that you didnt have to share but chose to.Keep up the great work and congrats on all of your success, I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you again.

[PAMMIE]

BSN,

GLAD TO SEE YOUR BACK WITH US HERE. PLEASE KEEP US POSTED AND BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ON YOUR DECISION MAKING

[BSN]

BSN!!!!!

So glad you posted, and thanks to Michele for her encourgement. I had written a little, then lost it, so, I'll try again. Basically, so glad you are doing much better. The last time I had read your posts you were barfing constantly. I am so happy for you that the medicine you are taking is working even some of the time. Best of everything to you on your new adventures. It sounds like you are on another new and exciting journey. Congratulations on all your weight loss!! Wow, how awesome!!!!!!!! Does your husband love it?????? Does he say?? We need to thank you. For coming here and sharing. Good Luck to you on your marriage, I know it's not luck, but with whatever you decide, I hope you have a happy and peaceful life.

Teri

Thank you, Teri!

Not sure what the future holds for us but I think things will work out. Sometimes a wake up call is needed and I have a hunch this is one of those times. Part of it is cultural. He's from a verrrry different culture and treating me the way he was raised to treat women in unacceptable. While he's not really like that 99% of the time, during stressful times that part of his culture comes out.

We've always worked through that previously so I'm hopeful this will take care of things.

[BSN]

BSN, You are such a strong and courageous woman and your outlook on every aspect of your journey has been a treat to read and share with you. Thank you so very much for letting us all take a little peek into a very personal situation that you didnt have to share but chose to.Keep up the great work and congrats on all of your success, I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you again.

Katie...

This is such a touching post. I really don't have words to describe how I feel when I read this. All I can say is thank you. You are so sweet!

[JCGrove]

BSN, I sure hope good things will come your way. My wife told me that this laband idea wasn't going to work for me. I did WW lost alot of weight then she and I split up. eight years gone.

I started gaining the weight back made a command decision to have the lapband done told no more than two people. Went by myself to TJ.

At this point in time I feel it was the greatest choice I ever made.

I admire your courage and spirit and thought I would share a little of my story with you so that you would know you are not alone.

Take Care, JC

[BSN]

BSN, I sure hope good things will come your way. My wife told me that this laband idea wasn't going to work for me. I did WW lost alot of weight then she and I split up. eight years gone.

I started gaining the weight back made a command decision to have the lapband done told no more than two people. Went by myself to TJ.

At this point in time I feel it was the greatest choice I ever made.

I admire your courage and spirit and thought I would share a little of my story with you so that you would know you are not alone.

Take Care, JC

I don't really regret being banded, I'm glad I did it. It was my last shot at weight loss. If hubby doesn't see things my way then he doesn't. Our current battle is plastic surgery. I *will* have plastics done, no way around that. He can deal with it or not. His choice.

We have a date this weekend, maybe we can talk. Time will tell.

Thanks for sharing. I love fat folks and previously fat folks. They get it, the rest of the world does not.

Thx again.