curious about spouses

[okiecowb]

New to this forum and curious about other banders if they rec'd positive support from their spouses? I'm 42 yo male, obese all my adult life but alot the last 10-12 years. Wife is one who can eat more than I and weighs the same since we've been married 16 yrs. She thinks I'm weak and and don't seem to understand at all.

We seem to have a stale marriage, we go nowhere anymore, no social life etc.

Has anyone experienced this problem and did the lapband procedure and weight loss make improvements to relationships?? I've tried to explain to my wife the health improvements would far more outweigh the negative. CONFUSED-HELP

[Shell]

My band and weight loss has definately helped imporve my marriage. My husband has benefited from this 100%

I am more outgoing, happier, I feel sexy for the first time in years. It has done wonders for my self esteem which trickles down i nevery aspect of my life.

My husband is like your wife, eats anything he wants and does not gain an ounce.

He has been so supportive through all of this, he has been there for me every step of the way. I'm a very lucky woman but like you my marriage was stale, no social life, NOW it's a whole new world for both of us and we are enjoying it as best we can. Not to mention my 3 boys have gotten their mother back and the are reaping the benefits as well.

[Montana]

My situation was much the same as yours. I'm 51 and have been married for 33 years. My husband simply eats to survive and couldn't care less what it is. A bowl of popcorn for dinner is just as satisfying to him as a large well cooked meal. As a result, he has never had a weight problem and if he does gain a couple of pounds, he simply doesn't eat a couple of meals and it's gone. As a result of this, he too does not understand my situation. Many hurtful, nasty things have been said. To date, I've lost 45 pounds. I can't say it's made much difference in my life, but then it's a drop in the bucket compared to what I have to lose. (I was 124 when we got married and presurgery I was 285). It might make a difference to him when I get back down, but the real questions are, How will I feel? Am I going to be able to put the nasty things said behind me? Am I going to be able to say, "Oh, it's ok that I wasn't acceptable then, but I am now that I measure up to your standards"?

I had the banding for ME. What was broken, stale, or destroyed prior to the banding will be up to each person to examine and fix themselves. As I was told one time, "Saying hurtful things damages a heart much the same way as a nail damages a fine piece of wood. You can pull the nail back out, but there will always be a scar left where it was". The band isn't a miracle...but it will give you a place to start if you want to make one happen. Good Luck.