Told a friend...

[ghbandster]

I remember reading on the board some of the reations people got when they told their friends they were getting the lap band. I don't know why but I was surprised when the same thing happened to me. The first thing out of her mouth was "have you tried just eating healthier." It was like I told her I was going to do something wrong. I'm sure that's not how she meant it but it's just the way it came out. I'm thinking out side of family I may keep this on a need to know basis.

[Clynn]

I've head a few friends give me the same reaction . . . of course all of them were rail thin. With some patience and explanation they've all come around though and now understand where I'm coming from. Just understand that people see the world based on their own experiences and some people have never had to deal with a serious weight problem and to them the idea of "just eat less" seems perfectly valid. To me it is analogous to telling alcoholics to "just stop drinking," or telling meth addicts to "just stop using." Our bodies get wired in a way to tell us that we really really need something in order to survive and willpower alone is not enough to go against it.

Life would be so much simpler if we could just say stop doing bad things and problem solved but unfortunately we see time and time again that humans don't work that way.

[VickyR]

Yes, I have also stopped telling people of my plans because only folks who have had the band really are supportive, with rare exceptions. I was actually surprised at the amount of negativity. Fear? Jealousy? True concern? Avoidance of change?

Hubby says he is worried about safety and wants to make sure I have a recent will (!) made up before I go. People at work give the "have you tried: Jeny Craig/Weight Watchers/ insert your favorite plan or medication here/ etc. etc.?" Read "weight loss and family issues" in another thread if you want to see my daughter's views on the idea. Sigh.

I think Clynn is exactly correct about people judging by their own experience, and I also think a there is great variation in how people view any kind of surgery. Some really find this a horrifying notion, and others are much more blase about it.

I was thinking yesterday that I will be giving up some things WHEN I become thin: one gift I have received from being overweight is that I am less judgemental of others' appearances: especially other overweight people. I have seen ( as we all have) people get overlooked or underestimated because they are overweight....So, I guess there can be a good side to judging based on our personal life experiences! I hope the gifts stay after I look different. I hope all my overweight friends/family don't see me as one of THEM afterwards. That would be weird.

[lavaughnjs]

Greetings All,

I had that reaction to one of my friends that had liposuction. Now that she is all thin and everything now she tells me I need to just exercise and eat right, AS IF... So, after that I chose to not tell anyone else, not even my husband. I had mentioned it before to him and he had the same reaction. So I figured I do not have time to explain to them anything that I want in my life, and this is one. Stay strong and never let anyone make you feel that they know what is best for you. Good Luck to you and your weight loss journey.

I remember reading on the board some of the reations people got when they told their friends they were getting the lap band. I don't know why but I was surprised when the same thing happened to me. The first thing out of her mouth was "have you tried just eating healthier." It was like I told her I was going to do something wrong. I'm sure that's not how she meant it but it's just the way it came out. I'm thinking out side of family I may keep this on a need to know basis.

[Clynn]

One thing I think that should be mentioned here is how important it is to get people around you who know and will support you through all this. The journey is loads easier when you have people you love and care about cheering you on. Yesterday my boss, who has a reputation for being a bit of a hard-ass, high-fived me over my weight loss. I spent the afternoon cheerful over what I'd accomplished whereas before I'd spent the morning bummed because I'm not loosing as fast as I think I should be right now.

I'm not saying shout it from the rooftops but I am saying that if your friends or family really do care about you and respect you, they can be made to understand why you feel this is important and necessary. It may take some work but it really is worth having as many allies as you can.

[snowbird]

My sister-in-law and her daughter gave me the "Weight Watchers" talk a couple of weeks ago. Then my sister-in-law launched into this story which began, "I bought some cookies last week and tried one today, and it was really good." I told her that sentence was so totally alien to me in so many ways I couldn't begin to count. You had cookies a WEEK before trying them? Then you had ONE? What are you, sick???

Her daughter then mentioned that she was on Weight Watchers and she really needed to go home because she had been so busy she hadn't been able to eat enough of her points in the last couple of days. ?????????

In other words, people who do not have this problem can't speak our language and don't understand. I asked my sister-in-law if she bought a dozen doughnuts, how many would she eat before she got home, and she just looked at me strangely. It seemed like a logical question to me!

[FurEllie]

I only told my friends who have weight problems Which isn't very many, lol. Most of my family knows and my regular doctor and that's about it.

[ghbandster]

One thing I think that should be mentioned here is how important it is to get people around you who know and will support you through all this. The journey is loads easier when you have people you love and care about cheering you on. Yesterday my boss, who has a reputation for being a bit of a hard-ass, high-fived me over my weight loss. I spent the afternoon cheerful over what I'd accomplished whereas before I'd spent the morning bummed because I'm not loosing as fast as I think I should be right now.

I'm not saying shout it from the rooftops but I am saying that if your friends or family really do care about you and respect you, they can be made to understand why you feel this is important and necessary. It may take some work but it really is worth having as many allies as you can.

I told my family and they are supportive. Two of my brothers had the bypass operation to lose weight. I didn't want to go that rout they said they would be with me all the way.

[QueenOfChunk]

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I need some advice. My mom found out through a source that was sworn to secrecy. Needless to say I am no longer friends with the person. She has hurt me in more ways than one. It wasn't fun explaining to my mom about why I did it and why I didn't tell her but much to my surprise... I was more upset than she was about the whole thing and at the end of me telling her everything, she looked at me and said 'Don't ever think you can't tell me something.' It's all good.

I just worry about my sister finding out now. Not through my mom but through the small-town grapevine. My sister struggles big time with her weight but she could never afford surgery or probably wouldn't even do it anyway. Her life is total opposite of mine and I don't think she would take it well. And she has a big mouth husband besides. The everyone would know for sure. So my mom asked me the other day, when are you gonna tell your sister. I said NEVER! She said I should.

DO you guys worry that someone who doesn't know will find out and be hurt or mad? It's more than just her. My Best Friend doesn't know either. I kinda want to just get it out there and tell everyone... but then I don't want people to know my business!

[PAMMIE]

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I need some advice. My mom found out through a source that was sworn to secrecy. Needless to say I am no longer friends with the person. She has hurt me in more ways than one. It wasn't fun explaining to my mom about why I did it and why I didn't tell her but much to my surprise... I was more upset than she was about the whole thing and at the end of me telling her everything, she looked at me and said 'Don't ever think you can't tell me something.' It's all good.

I just worry about my sister finding out now. Not through my mom but through the small-town grapevine. My sister struggles big time with her weight but she could never afford surgery or probably wouldn't even do it anyway. Her life is total opposite of mine and I don't think she would take it well. And she has a big mouth husband besides. The everyone would know for sure. So my mom asked me the other day, when are you gonna tell your sister. I said NEVER! She said I should.

DO you guys worry that someone who doesn't know will find out and be hurt or mad? It's more than just her. My Best Friend doesn't know either. I kinda want to just get it out there and tell everyone... but then I don't want people to know my business!

I WENT TO LUNCH LAST WEEK WITH A FRIEND WHO GROW UP ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME AS A KID ALL THE WAY THRU HIGH SCHOOL. WE'D LOSE TOUCH ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO, JUST BUSY, AND MY MOM HAD RUN INTO HER. MOM GAVE HER MY NUMBER AND WE MADE PLANS FOR LUNCH WHICH WAS SOOO FUN!!! BUT, THE KICKER WAS, MY MOTHER TOOK IT UPON HERSELF TO TELL THIS OLD FRIEND OF MINE ABOUT "MY" SURGERY. DID MY MOTHER SAY ANYTHING TO ME ABOUT THIS? NOPE, MY FRIEND TOLD ME WHICH TOOK ME OFF GUARD. I WILL BE CALLING MY MOM AFTER I'VE COOLED DOWN SOME, GRRRRRRRRRR

WHY MY MOTHER THINKS THIS IS HER BUSINESS TO TELL PEOPLE IS SO FAR BEYOND ME

[Clynn]

WHY MY MOTHER THINKS THIS IS HER BUSINESS TO TELL PEOPLE IS SO FAR BEYOND ME

Perhaps she she is proud of you but does not realize or understand your desire for privacy in this matter. So of course when she meets an old friend she is eager to tell them about this wonderful thing that you did. Have you spoken to her about it?

[PAMMIE]

Perhaps she she is proud of you but does not realize or understand your desire for privacy in this matter. So of course when she meets an old friend she is eager to tell them about this wonderful thing that you did. Have you spoken to her about it?

NO, BUT I WILL BE!!! LOL

WHAT GOT ME WAS THERE WAS NO NEED TO EVEN TELL THIS GAL, LAST TIME SHE SAW ME MY WEIGHT WASN'T A PROBLEM

[snowbird]

My weight has ALWAYS been a problem. I am not keeping this surgery secret from anyone; I just don't see the need. I think people need to be educated about obesity and methods of dealing with it. I'm not standing on the street corner telling everyone about the joys of lap band, but if someone asks what I'm doing in the fall, I have no problem telling them about the surgery. I am not a terribly private person (my daughter will second that) and I feel no shame or embarassment about doing something about my weight. Obviously, I can't keep my obesity a secret, so why she I try to keep it a secret that I am finally willing to do something about it? If someone thinks less of me for it, I consider their disapproval an opportunity to confront their misconceptions and try to correct them.

[PAMMIE]

I have no problem telling them about the surgery.

IF ANYONE ASKED, I ALWAYS TELL ALSO

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION ALL THE TIME WITH THIS SURGERY OR THE TUMMY TUCK

[ghbandster]

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I need some advice. My mom found out through a source that was sworn to secrecy. Needless to say I am no longer friends with the person. She has hurt me in more ways than one. It wasn't fun explaining to my mom about why I did it and why I didn't tell her but much to my surprise... I was more upset than she was about the whole thing and at the end of me telling her everything, she looked at me and said 'Don't ever think you can't tell me something.' It's all good.

I just worry about my sister finding out now. Not through my mom but through the small-town grapevine. My sister struggles big time with her weight but she could never afford surgery or probably wouldn't even do it anyway. Her life is total opposite of mine and I don't think she would take it well. And she has a big mouth husband besides. The everyone would know for sure. So my mom asked me the other day, when are you gonna tell your sister. I said NEVER! She said I should.

DO you guys worry that someone who doesn't know will find out and be hurt or mad? It's more than just her. My Best Friend doesn't know either. I kinda want to just get it out there and tell everyone... but then I don't want people to know my business!

I've been away for a while but wanted to respond to your post. I think your sister should hear it from you. It will be better for her to hear it from you than a stranger. You never know, once she's educated with the lap band procedure she might consider it or at least she will know that there are other options out there for future references. You can't stop what people say and what they think. If it worked for you that is what matters. When I get my band, if someone ask I will tell them, if they have a problem with it, that's what it will be their problem. I have to do what is best for me, like you had to do what was best for you. Congrats on your banding, I hope to have mine soon.

[Kari]

I don't have a problem with anyone knowing I was banded. In fact, I will tell anyone who wants to know. I am 57 years old and proud of the fact that I am finally taking control of my life and doing something about my weight and the depression I have been living with the past few years. Being banded is a whole lot better than being dead (which is where I was headed)