Skeptical girlfriend

[trulytangledgrl]

I am just needing to vent right now, and to possibly get some support and advice from all of you veteran bandsters. My girlfriend is very skeptical of this whole banding thing, and especially since I am going to TJ to get it done. When I mentioned to her that I wanted to do it, she didn't say much, then like 5 days later when I told her my final decision, she was like 'well, I support whatever you want to do, but I don't agree with it. I think you can lose weight by dieting and exercising alone, I don't think you need something this extreme - and I don't think TJ is the BEST place to go. Its dirty there, and I have researched this extensively.' Just going on and on about how horrible TJ is and how do you know this isn't a scam, and what if something happens when you get back - who is responsible? You will have to pay for all the hospital/Dr. fees once you are back here... and I explained to her that if something happens once I return, if it was not my fault and if it was the fault of something they did, then they fix it without any charge to me. I also explained to her about this forum, and that NO ONE has had a bad experience - well, I think I have read maybe one or two stories like the girl who they left at the airport or something lol. Anyhow, I explained that I have read nothing but EXCELLENT stories, and that everyone was so pleased with Dr. O and his staff, and that everyone on here said that TJ is really nice.

I also brought up to her the fact that just because its Mexico, doesn't make it any different from having surgery in the USA. I told her that in fact, the USA is NUMBER 37 (right above lithuania) for healthcare... and also brought up the point that if you are travelling to another country, and you need to go to a hospital, they will treat you FOR FREE. Without asking for a dime... they don't care what insurance you have cause they are not money hoarders like some americans (like all health insurance co's and hospitals). I had a lot of good counter arguments and she was just like 'I'm done talking about this' ... I am sick of her talking to me like I am stupid - like I haven't researched this. HELP! What to do what to do?

Thanks everyone!

[fat2nrml]

I am just needing to vent right now, and to possibly get some support and advice from all of you veteran bandsters. My girlfriend is very skeptical of this whole banding thing, and especially since I am going to TJ to get it done. When I mentioned to her that I wanted to do it, she didn't say much, then like 5 days later when I told her my final decision, she was like 'well, I support whatever you want to do, but I don't agree with it. I think you can lose weight by dieting and exercising alone, I don't think you need something this extreme - and I don't think TJ is the BEST place to go. Its dirty there, and I have researched this extensively.' Just going on and on about how horrible TJ is and how do you know this isn't a scam, and what if something happens when you get back - who is responsible? You will have to pay for all the hospital/Dr. fees once you are back here... and I explained to her that if something happens once I return, if it was not my fault and if it was the fault of something they did, then they fix it without any charge to me. I also explained to her about this forum, and that NO ONE has had a bad experience - well, I think I have read maybe one or two stories like the girl who they left at the airport or something lol. Anyhow, I explained that I have read nothing but EXCELLENT stories, and that everyone was so pleased with Dr. O and his staff, and that everyone on here said that TJ is really nice.

I also brought up to her the fact that just because its Mexico, doesn't make it any different from having surgery in the USA. I told her that in fact, the USA is NUMBER 37 (right above lithuania) for healthcare... and also brought up the point that if you are travelling to another country, and you need to go to a hospital, they will treat you FOR FREE. Without asking for a dime... they don't care what insurance you have cause they are not money hoarders like some americans (like all health insurance co's and hospitals). I had a lot of good counter arguments and she was just like 'I'm done talking about this' ... I am sick of her talking to me like I am stupid - like I haven't researched this. HELP! What to do what to do?

Thanks everyone!

I totally understand where you're comming from!! I only told one friend that I was being banded and that it was going to be done in Mexico by Dr. O. I didn't want to hear all the negativity! Is your friend going with you? If not, you should invite her along and she'll see for herself what the OCC is all about!! Like I said before, there are Hospitals here in the States that would be shamed if they saw how clean and well run the OCC is!! If it's at all possible, have her go with you! I guarantee she will be amazed!! There won't be anymore talk of "dirty Mexico" or "scams" or anything!! The pictures on the OCC web site are actual photo's, it IS the OCC!! The Lucerna is also spotless [i used to work as a maid in a hotel] and it's very clean and the staff is awesome.... Don't let your friend get you down, you're making the right decision for YOU! :lb4: :lb9:

[snowbird]

What to do what to do?

Thanks everyone!

Stop trying to convince her, nod your head and smile.

Seriously, we can't get everyone to agree with us, and it isn't necessary to do so. While it would be nice to have her support, you don't need it. Just let your results speak to her in a couple of months.

[Mackenzie]

i had a very similar problem with my best friend. She thought it was ridiculous that I was going to MEXICO for surgery! There isnt much that I think you can say to change the way someone thinks about this. I thought it was too good to be true when I was going thru the steps to get to the OCC- i even had a few doubts, but now..i wouldnt change it for the world. Someone without a weight problem doesnt know that morbidly obese people can lose weight by diet and exercise..but 90% of them gain it all back PLUS some. Its more then just being hungry...its habits and emotions. My advice would be to just go! Dont bring it up anymore. And when you get home from the OCC with pictures of how clean it is and smaller scars then people who get banded in america- and NO other problems, she will know then that she was wrong. Or, turn her on to this forum...this is as real as it gets (regaurding lapbands and the OCC). Dont be discouraged-- GO!!!!! It will be worth it I PROMISE! Dr. Ortiz is amazing! > Good luck!

[utahmom]

Well, you can tell her that my husband is a family practice physician and he highly recommends OCC to his patients. He was very impressed with the care they take and give to their patients. They are very careful and will not operate if you have not followed their guidelines. Tell her to look up Dr Ortiz and she will find out how experienced he is. He is also the proctor for the company that manufactures the band. That means that he teaches other doctors how to do the procedure......all over the world.

[Kittycat]

So sorry to hear that your friend is having difficulty support your decision. I can understand her concern about having surgery for weight loss, my husband gave me the same argument about surgery being such a drastic measure for weight loss, but after I explained everything to him and told him how important it was to me...he's been very supportive. I hope your friend comes around. You need to make decisions for you..your health and quality of life. You will have all the support you will need right here on this forum..the ladies are fabulous. I haven't been banded yet either and after being on this forum for a month or so and researching Lap band surgery and post op, I know that I have made the right decision. I have had my first surgical consult and I am now waiting for my psych and nutritional assessment...surgery could be as soon as mid-June here in Canada.

I have heard amazing things about OCC and would have had no issues going there, but unforunately my husband does, so I booked it in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada. I trust the health care completely here in Ontario and to avoid marital discord while going through this challenge, I compromised. I get the band and he's supportive as long as I have it done close to home.

Good luck with your decision...do it for you!!

Cathy

[Wendy]

Only my son argued with me. I told him to research it all he wanted to himself but this is what I am going to do so he better get on board with it. I think the fact that I was so certain actually calmed his fears. He did research it for a couple of days and then joined in with everyone else and has been very supportive.

The best way to handle it for me was to be certain about my decision. It is hard to argue with,"I AM going to do this."

[momonamission]

I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO PROVIDE TWO YEARS WORTH OF INVESTIGATING INTO A TEN MIN. CONVERSATION. LAST YEAR I LET MY FAMILY TALK ME OUT OF IT. AND GUESS WHAT. I WEIGH 10 MORE POUNDS THIS YEAR THAN LAST. I DID A DIET FOR 6 MONTHS AND LOST 20 POUNDS AND TURNES AROUND AND GAINED IT BACK PLUS SOME IN WHAT SEEMED LIKE JUST A FEW WEEKS. THIS TIME I AM TRUSTING MYSELF AND DOING WHAT I THINK IS BEST FOR ME. BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR FRIEND. I KNOW IT IS TUFF BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE THAT DO THIS NEGITIVE STUFF ARE JUST TRYING TO HELP US. WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS SUPPORT. I HAVE ENJOYED THIS BOARD JUST FOR THAT REASON. I DO NOT TYPE ALOT ,BUT SOMETIMES IT IS JUST SEEING HOW EVERYONE IS THERE FOR EACH OTHER THAT GIVES ME THE SUPPORT I NEED TO NOT FEEL ALONE. MOMONAMISSION

[lynna]

I can honestly say that I received much better care at OCC than I have at any USA hospital! Most of our hospitals are understaffed and overloaded. I know we have some very advanced hospitals here I grew up near a level one trauma center; and I am thankful for it, but you are making an excellent decision. We are real people on this forum...I am a teacher in Florida. So, hold your head high and go for it!

[The Redhead]

Hey Truly..,

I was just wondering what your friendship was like before you brought up OCC. Maybe there are other reasons your friend doesn't want you to go to OCC and she is just using Tijuana as an excuse. I was just curious, does she have a weight problem as well? Is so, maybe she is jealous...?

If not, could be that she is afraid of you changing.

One time I was really good friends with another girl who was heavy, but not as large as me. I went to Weight Loss Clinics and lost almost 80 lbs in a VERY short time. We would talk on the phone daily but because we were both working full-time on alternate shifts/schedules, sometimes it would be a month or more before we'd see each other. The next time we got together I had lost a lot of weight and she was very critical of me. Even her mother (who was very obese) started saying horrible things about me. Funny though, the things they said about me not only were not true but they weren't even about my weight. I always felt that was what it was that ruined our friendship though.

Just something to consider....

[Chad]

There's really nothing to worry about. The clinic is extremely nice, very clean and Dr. Ortiz is an excellent surgeon. You will be very well taken care of. There are a lot of very ethnocentric people in the US that will just never accept the possibility that you can get as good of health care in Tijuana (or better) as you can in the US. Those are the type of people that my wife and I just try to avoid talking about the lap band with. Most of them will never accept it no matter what you say.

At the same time, just like any other city, Tijuana certainly has some bad areas as well so don't fool yourself. Especially since it's a "border town". I had already been there quite a few times before my wife went to have Dr. Ortiz put in her band so I knew what to expect. You will most likely see a little graffiti, maybe a run down building or two when you first cross over the border on your way to the clinic, but it really isn't any different then most other cities. Honestly, I've see more homeless people, bums and "scary" things when I've gone to both San Francisco and New York then I have in Tijuana.

[Jessi]

To be honest, it shows that she cares. She's just worried about you and doesn't want anything to happen. I would be comforted a bit by that. My mom had a cow when I told her where it was. TJ is not the most cleanest place and there are horror stories about surgeries there... just not from Dr. Ortiz's office. I asked the doctor's office for some reference and the best one I got was the Yorks in Florida. I asked them if they wouldn't mind talking to my mom.... well she called and it went from "Are you out of your freaking mind?" to "You have my blessings, it sounds wonderful!" So maybe your girlfriend needs to talk to someone who's been there and gone through it. This board is awesome, but sometimes it helps when you actually talks to someone. Just know she cares for you and just wants you safe and sound. :-)

[mona-camille]

My family felt the same way. So, I told them I cancelled it, and went without them knowing. I just didn't need their negativity while I was there. I came home with pictures and movies and glowing reports and they were happy and decided I made the right decision after all.

Whoever said Tijuana is dirty hasn't been there in a while. I didn't see a single thing that I would have called dirty. The OC center is immaculate and so is the hotel. I saw many people sweeping the streets and gutters. I have never in my life been treated as well as I was in Mexico. The people are warm and very caring, and if I could have all my medical procedures done there, I would. They are so far ahead of us in the states.

I could e-mail you some small movies of my trip if you want. Not sure it would help, since it sounds like your friend already has her mind made up, but you never know.

[crazycoolbutterfly]

:lb14: First of all, if she is a "friend" she would understand and try to get your perspective and your enthusiasm about choosing the lapband for a better quality of living your life. Otherwise, she is jealous or uneducated or worse ignorant. So I would just drop the conversations with her regarding it and move on with your business. NO one needs negativity before, during or after your decisions. It is your body, your life, your decision. I'm the type of person that doesn't tell anyone my business or future plans. The only person I can tell is my husband because he is always open-minded, compassionate, and will try to understand my decisions. When he doesn't agree, I sometimes feel hurt, but we agree to disagree and move on - and most of the time I go ahead with my decision, and he doesn't say "i told you so".

There are alot of people out there that for whatever reason don't want people to succeed. They want them to fail for some reason. Those are the naysayers, the can't wait to say "i told you so", the ones that probably don't get to do what they when they want because of fear of change. Let those people go. You will be happier, you won't to have to prove your case to anyone, and you'll be better off.

Your welcome to read my experience on this link: April 10, 2008 -newly banded...

:lb4: Good luck and take care...stop stressing and forgive those who do not know any better.

[trulytangledgrl]

Thank you ALL SO MUCH for your advice, encouragement and support. I knew that posting my concerns on here would make me feel so much better! I think that I am just going to tell my girlfriend 'I understand your concerns, but I am doing this for ME, and whether or not you agree with it, I AM going through with it.'

My girlfriend is super skinny - she is 5'3" and weight 90 lbs... I won't get too much into her history, but I think that its quite obvious that she has her share of issues with food, but just the opposite of mine (if you all get my drift here). She truly has no idea what I go through on a daily basis. I have my demons (indulging in food for every single solitary reason there is), and she has hers (depriving herself of food for every reason). She doesn't get it that, yes, I can exercise and diet and lose weight, but I have some severe medical problems that make it 10 times more difficult (PCOS, hypothyroidism) and lead me to only get discouraged and then quit. I have an addiction to food, and it doesn't matter how much I try to exercise and diet - its not going to help me with the true problem that is causing me to stay fat. Bottom line.

Ramona - I would love to see some videos from your trip... just for me, really, not so much to convince her. Thank you! I will send you a message with my email address.

redhead - Well, as you've read above, she definitely isn't as heavy as me. I am like 100 lbs more. SO, that being said, maybe she is afraid for me to change. Great point you bring up. She is used to me being the big fluffy chick lol! Oh well, she will have to get used to it and understand that just because I might get un-fluffy, that doesn't change who I am.

crazycool - Thank you for the link to your blog. I will have her take a look. Like I said above, I am not going to try and convince her anymore, but maybe it will help her to read someone's experience and get her off my back. If it doesn't, and she keeps sending negative vibes, I will politely tell her that if she can't be supportive, then I don't want to discuss this with her anymore.

Thank you all so much. You have been so helpful! I am so glad I found this forum!

[bandgroupie]

Have your friend accompany you on your trip to Tijuana - that'll change her mind

I am just needing to vent right now, and to possibly get some support and advice from all of you veteran bandsters. My girlfriend is very skeptical of this whole banding thing, and especially since I am going to TJ to get it done. When I mentioned to her that I wanted to do it, she didn't say much, then like 5 days later when I told her my final decision, she was like 'well, I support whatever you want to do, but I don't agree with it. I think you can lose weight by dieting and exercising alone, I don't think you need something this extreme - and I don't think TJ is the BEST place to go. Its dirty there, and I have researched this extensively.' Just going on and on about how horrible TJ is and how do you know this isn't a scam, and what if something happens when you get back - who is responsible? You will have to pay for all the hospital/Dr. fees once you are back here... and I explained to her that if something happens once I return, if it was not my fault and if it was the fault of something they did, then they fix it without any charge to me. I also explained to her about this forum, and that NO ONE has had a bad experience - well, I think I have read maybe one or two stories like the girl who they left at the airport or something lol. Anyhow, I explained that I have read nothing but EXCELLENT stories, and that everyone was so pleased with Dr. O and his staff, and that everyone on here said that TJ is really nice.

I also brought up to her the fact that just because its Mexico, doesn't make it any different from having surgery in the USA. I told her that in fact, the USA is NUMBER 37 (right above lithuania) for healthcare... and also brought up the point that if you are travelling to another country, and you need to go to a hospital, they will treat you FOR FREE. Without asking for a dime... they don't care what insurance you have cause they are not money hoarders like some americans (like all health insurance co's and hospitals). I had a lot of good counter arguments and she was just like 'I'm done talking about this' ... I am sick of her talking to me like I am stupid - like I haven't researched this. HELP! What to do what to do?

Thanks everyone!

[Paula Bee]

You know, you could invite her to come with you. It would reassure her and give you another support person.

Just a thought.

[calicat]

I had the same reaction from my husband! However, after about 4-5 days, and asking me different questions about it every day, he realized - I have done the diet and exercise things. He's been with me for 6 years and seen me get up at 5:30pm to go to the gym, train for two Danskin triathalons only to gain 2 pounds, etc. So, he realized that the lap band is an extreme measure, but a successful one. I, and a couple other girls on here, have PCOS. This makes it extremely difficult to lose even a pound.

So once he accepted the lapband surgery, then we argued about where to go. It was a short arguement - I don't have enough "wrong" with me in the US to have my insurance pay for it. So I was going to take out money off our line of credit on our house. We did it to buy a new car - I thought I was worth more than a car! So like I said our arguement was short - I could have it done here in town locally for $17k - and that wasn't all the fees. The surgeon has done about 500 surgeries. Or I could fly to Dr. Ortiz who's done 5000 surgeries for $8k. Dr. Ortiz is the proctor for the company - he's probably trained the majority of the US surgeons I was considering going to.

There is a bit of a stigma TJ has, and I can see why. But you're not going to TJ to visit TJ...you're going to have one of the best lapband surgeries, give you the gift of life. That's how I looked at it. Once I was confident in my decision, my husband joined my side and was happy I was doing it. He had the stigma to overcome as well when he began to tell his friends what I was doing. TJ is kind of the big shocker. In fact, I begged them to let me have the surgery in Cancun - even though it cost more, just to avoid future conversations I felt I would have to defend my decision on. But once Francisco dropped me off at the Lucerna hotel, and then the clinic the next day - I had no reservations, no fears, and was sooooo GLAD I made this decision. You'll see once you go thru your experience.

It's okay for your friend to have doubts - she probably cares for you and is worried about you. But encourage her to do the research you have to ease HER fears, because they are her fears. You're making the right decision to go with Dr. Ortiz - he and his staff are well trained, wonderful, and the facilities are great. Good luck with you decision. >