What do you tell people?

[caro]

I would love to get some input on what you all told people about your weight loss.

I just don't know how I will handle it. I have feelings of shame that I didn't have enough will power to do this on my own but I feel I just can't live this way anymore! The only people that know right now are my immidiate family and they are VERY supportive but I cannot decide what to tell everyone else. I won't lie about it but don't know how or what to say. HELP!

I would appreciate some of your "coming clean" stories and the reactions you got. :lb12:

Thanks so much!

Caro

[Blazn]

I have been very open with most all of my family and friends about having lap band. Most of them even knew before I had it done. However, I did not tell my grandma. She sometimes gets things very confused and worries over nothing. So I figured why even bother. So she has asked me what I was doing to lose weight and I simply reply "I'm just cutting back. I am actually stopping when I am full." And that is the God honest truth....right?!?! Anyway, I completely understand if you don't want everyone to know that you have been banded. I am not shameful. Although I was not able to lose the weight on my own I was able to recognize & admit that and do something about it.

[armydad]

the important thing is you got help to lose the weight. i have not told anyone. it really is no ones business but yours. if you decide to tell keep your head up high. never feel shame eating disorders are a disease like many others. we are taking control to beat it.

[crazycoolbutterfly]

You know, i was just thinking about that the other night. At this point, only TWO people know - my husband and my best friend. For some reason, I agree with the comment from armydad, I really don't think it is anyone's business. I mean, I think that the only time I would consider telling someone is if they asked my on advice about being banded. Then I could honestly give them my opinion and go from there. And, Blazn got it down right, I have to say we can honestly say that we are losing weight by limiting the amount of food we eat and by eating healthier making wise choices on food and drinks.

I mean I'm sure we all have our moments, with a high calorie or sugar food, but who doesn't? And I also recognize the fact that even though I can eat a piece of that chocolate cake, I will eat a tiny piece (compared to pastlife) and not feel so bad because it's not like I eat it every week or something. I believe we have to reward ourselves while we progress with new clothes, massages, flowers, or anything you think that you would like to have or do.

I guess it's like plastic/cosmetic surgery not everyone admits to it, but would gladly recommend their doctor!

[MamaMichelle]

The only person that knows about my banding is my husband and of course all my lapband buddies here on the forum! I have seen a few friends since losing weight and they have all asked me how I have done it and I just say eating less and working out (which as Blazn said is totally true) I don't want to have to deal with all the questions or concerns (however well meaning they may be) it's just not something I want to share with people...

[trulytangledgrl]

I plan on keeping my weight loss surgery to myself, honestly. Well, with exception to telling my girlfriend, which I posted about on the forum here. After that experience, I don't plan on telling anyone else because I can see that people are going to have negative reactions and I don't want to deal with it. Plus, like many people here have said, its NO ONE'S business! I am grown, I am paying for this on MY OWN, and I know what is best for me - and if people have a problem with my decisions then that is just tough. I am most likely not telling anyone else, especially my family. I know that sounds kind of bad, but my family is very skeptical of things, and most of them are VERY opinionated and not very open minded. Don't get me wrong, they all want me to be happy, but its just the way that many of them grew up (old school, if you will)... I am keeping this to myself, and when people ask, I will simply say 'I am just not eating as much and I am exercising a little'

[Kittycat]

I would love to get some input on what you all told people about your weight loss.

I just don't know how I will handle it. I have feelings of shame that I didn't have enough will power to do this on my own but I feel I just can't live this way anymore! The only people that know right now are my immidiate family and they are VERY supportive but I cannot decide what to tell everyone else. I won't lie about it but don't know how or what to say. HELP!

I would appreciate some of your "coming clean" stories and the reactions you got. :lb12:

Thanks so much!

Caro

I am in the beginning stages of getting banded, I have had my first surgical consult and I am currently waiting for my psych and nutitional assessement. I took the afternoon off to go the appointment last week...and the girls at work were already asking questions. We have a very close knit group at work and I would feel totally comfortable telling certain people about my plans to have surgery, but I am concerned about others. I have confided in two of my co-workers/friends and of course my husband and best friend, but that's it. I have sworn them to secrecy.

My concern is if I tell people, I will forever have people looking over my shoulder critizing what I am eating or not eating and I don't want or need that. Very few people have done the research to find out about lap band and will have their opinions, some negative. I feel like I am deceiving the people closest to me and would like to tell them, but part of me is saying that it's not beneficial to me to do so. So I can I understand why you feel torn, I do too. My mother doesn't even know. I know she would be my biggest supporter. I guess I am not ready to share this right now.

You don't have to tell anyone and that's your choice. There are many reasons you can state for the change in your eating habits and weight loss and the other girls have come up with great ones and true ones. The bottom line is ...this is your decision...you life...and it's no one elses business.

Good luck with your journey....and remember your biggest supporters are right here!!

Take care Cathy

[Fatcat]

Caro,

You don't have to tell a soul. Most people, out of ignorance, not meanness, just don't understand - so why go into it. Simply, I'm not so hungry, I'm dieting, etc etc - that is what you can say when asked why you are not eating -

Let them envy your resolve - because it does take that - being banded doesn't force us to lose weight - it only helps.

Helen =D> >

[mona-camille]

I neded up telling several people before I realized I shouldn't have. I can't stand that people who know are going to be watching me. For those who don't know, I will simply say that I am eating less.

[mom12]

I am only telling my husband. My teenage children will probably end up knowing but otherwise I am used to this. I have gotten used to not even telling people I am on a diet because they will just watch and say ask if I am allowed to eat this or that. If you ever notices skinny people have no problem saying no to food and they don't ever feel the need to explain why they are not eating I will just say I am being careful of what I eat and I am exercising if they ask what I am doing to lose all of the weight.

[bandgroupie]

When I finalized my surgery date, I had plans on not telling anyone except my husband, my parents, and my children. Then as I started my preop diet, my eating behaviors changed so dramatically that it did not go unnoticed. For instance, a girl who usually arrived at work carrying a diet coke in her hand, one who went out to lunch every day with her buddies, and one who had a sweet tooth, now was drinking a slimfast shake for breakfast and eating in (lean cuisine) for lunch???? The lunch invitations and my attempt to say no thank you gracefully, just made everything difficult.

I also was going to be off work for three days and I didn't feel comfortable about lying as to the reason I needed the time off. Although, I did NOT want to tell my office administrator because well, I don't feel close to her in any way.

I figured once I started to lose weight, I would want them to know how I was doing this. I at no point yet have felt ashamed about my choice to have lap band surgery. I will say, however, that I was worried about telling people that I was going out of the country to have it done.

So I told my family, my employer and staff at work, and my closest friends. I had even planned a girls night out to tell a large group of my girlfriends together. They are my friends, and were so very happy for me. They would ask me where I was having the surgery and I'd say, well I'd rather not say. So they guessed Candada? Mexico? I told them that I'd rather not say so they don't freak out about it. Then one said, come on Dawnie, tell us, we won't say anything about where. So I told them Tijuana and her response was: YOU'RE KIDDING!!!??!??!!? haahahh just goes to show ya friends don't hold back their thoughts very well!

Anyway, once I have progress, I don't care who knows. I'll be on a billboard, I'll be on a video, I'll stand on the highest mountain and thank the lap band and Drs. Ortiz and Martinez in MEXICO and myself for working so hard to lose weight!

Obviously I have a weight problem. That's not a secret.

Obviously I have tried to diet over the years yet to only gain more weight back. That's not a secret.

And I'm just way too open about my life. That's not a secret either.

I would love to get some input on what you all told people about your weight loss.

I just don't know how I will handle it. I have feelings of shame that I didn't have enough will power to do this on my own but I feel I just can't live this way anymore! The only people that know right now are my immidiate family and they are VERY supportive but I cannot decide what to tell everyone else. I won't lie about it but don't know how or what to say. HELP!

I would appreciate some of your "coming clean" stories and the reactions you got. :lb12:

Thanks so much!

Caro

[Paula Bee]

My whole immediate family knows, including my brothers and sister (whom Mom told.. argggg,) but I didn't tell them until after the surgery. Interestingly enough, my 3 children were ALL for it with no reservations about TJ. They said going out of the country is becoming the thing to do for elective surgeries because of the cost. India is filthy, but nobody says negative things about people going to India for boob jobs and tummy tucks.

My husband, on the other hand, has told practically everyone in his office. He works for Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Florida, which will not cover ANY kind of bariatric surger of any kind for any reason. He sat through all the meetings with Dr. Miranda, Dr. Ortiz, etc., not to mention the dozens of postings from here, and he has fielded questions from about 6 women in the office. He gave everyone the clinic's website and the forum website, and told them to call me for questions. I know that without insurance, that is the only way they will be able to afford the surgery.

Anyone else... well, it is nobody's business. I just tell them thank you and the same thing posted above.. smaller portions and better choices.

[Dontondan]

I have a totally different view on things I guess. I have told everyone who will listen! I have gotten nothing but support and well wishes from everyone. I use this as my chance to educate people on options that are out there. Most people are very curious and I use this as an opportunity to be an ambassador for Lapband! I have so many people that expect me to lose it very fast and they are learning that it takes time and effort even though I have a new "tool". It is a great conversation starter and I love to educate those that are ignorant of this sort of stuff. I want to be healthy and happy and people sense that and I have not had any problems with people judging me or looking at me strange. You should see the reaction of people when I tell them they can "feel" my port if they like!!! Most people notice my weight loss, but don't say anything because they want to be sensitive to my feelings, but I am proud of every single pound down and will shout it to the world. I have found that luncheon dates will consult me first to see if the menu is okay as they want me to suceed and want me to be able to stick to my diet program. I must have really good friends and family....they are all very supportive.

[calicat]

This is interesting. I told everyone and never thought was that I was embarrassed by it, or ashamed of it. It was the indirect reactions I've heard since - that have basically been asked to my husband - not me! Anyways, I agree with Dawn - it's no secret I'm overweight. And I'm proud of my decision - I have no problem telling people what I did or why I did it.

What's interesting is - I joined WW last year, and had been to about 4 meetings at different times on different days trying to find a group I felt comfortable with. At one of my meetings, was a girl I play Bunko with. We're not BFF, but we said hello and I was hoping to sit by her. Well, she didn't stay. She pays her money each week to go to the meeting, and instead of staying, she weighed in at the start, and left with a buddy to go to the casino to have drinks that night. And the weird thing is - she hasn't lost any weight in a very long time - and I know the reason why!!! She was distant at the next Bunko night too - almost like she was embarassed I knew about her secret. She whines to everyone all the time about the struggle to lose weight, but then doesn't take advantage of the opportunity she gave herself to actually do it. I would be more ashamed to pay WW weekly and never lose a pound, then to pay $8k and finally get the results I'm looking for. I'm proud of my decision - I think it shows great strength and commitment to say - I'm worth it!!!

[utahmom]

I began this journey by telling not a soul (except hubby and children). I even went so far as to swear them to secrecy. However, I changed my mind and ended up telling everyone. People had been commenting on how good I looked and I just blabbed. I got nothing but great responses and tons of support. Actually friends are now asking me about the procedure and facility so they can give the information to some of their other friends and relatives who need the surgery. I feel as I made the right decision for me.

[brittania]

Well for me I just told my Family (Mom, Dad, Sister, and Brother). My mom on the other hand told all of her friends. Personally I didn't want any one to know at least for now. I wanted to lose a lot of weight before I had to tell any one. I live in a very small town and word travels fast and my mom has already gotten a few calls asking if I had surgery. But for people that don't know I am going to tell them I have been watching a show on TLC called I Can Make You Thin, it makes you do exactly what we have to do (take small bites, chew at least 20 times, and stop when you are full). So whan people ask just tell them that you are trying something you saw on tv.

[Allcdngirl]

Wow..... it's amazing to read all these "stories" and how so many of them relate to me. ie... Mom telling everybody... been overweight since grade 5 or 6... and especially the one that's so true.. people who know you are dieting, will ALWAYS watch what you eat, and comment on it. How embarrassing is that! I am being banded on May 15th. I only made this decision about 2 weeks ago, and it's the quickest decision I've made in my life. I have told 3 people. 2 are best friends and very supportive, and one is a friend that had her surgery here in Canada one year ago. I will be telling my sister tomorrow evening, only because I know that if I don't tell her, she'll kill me! (We are like best friends as well) She also may want to go with me, which is why I'm telling her. She's one of those that would say.. you went all by yourself.. why didn't you tell me.. I would have went with you. I have decided not to tell my mom, for the reason stated above, and not to tell any of my co-workers, for the last reason given about. Staff barbeque June 22nd... you KNOW they'll be watching you! I told my 2 boys last night, that starting at the beginning of May I will be starting a really strict diet and eating very little to try to shrink my stomach. My oldest said.. is it healthy? (He's 15) I said.. yes.. I will be taking vitamins, and getting lots of protein, so it will be healthy. They are both excited for me. I think the answer to "What do you tell people" has to be based on "How do you think they will react" and "How they will be around you if they saw you put a small piece of cake in your mouth". If you think they'll only have negative comments, then use your better judgement, and don't tell them.

[Jacklynrae]

It is so interesting to read about so many points of views and stories. I can see why many of you would wish to tell all the people to gain support and help through your journey and I totally identify with those of you have kept yours only to yourself and close family and friends. I have kept mine band to my hubby and parents and couldn't be happier they are all very supportive. Since I am so young I feel most people don't understand or don't feel they even need to know that much about me. It is awkward to keep something so exciting from people I have known for years, but I think it was a very good decision and don't regret it for a second. All of you have your reasons and I respect every single one of those. For those of you who have told I find your courage exciting and I can't wait to hear how all of your friends and family react on your journey.

[2fat4me]

Wow, what a mixed bag we are on this.

I am one of the "ashamed" ones. My husband is the only one at this point who knows. I really haven't lost that much and I haven't had my first fill yet either, but I guess I am just not ready to discuss this, but with all of you. Also , we own an Herb Store and everyone thinks you have a cure for everything and because we use a lot of supplements and such we should be super human and have no problems. Yes, it's obvious I am overweight. I suppose when I start showing more of a weight loss, I will speak more about it. I am not hiding it, but I am not shouting from the roof tops either. I just don't want people to judge me for making this decision. I would hope they would be happy with me. This is also an encouragement for me to do even better. My 3 teenagers don't even know, nor do my parents. There have been a lot of times I would like to say something about it and still I might. A friend of mine is going to Gulf Shores with me next week, so I may tell her about it. I know she will be supportive. It's just a long ride to have such a big secret! We'll see.

[caro]

Man! You guys are GREAT! I really appreciate all the information…it’s so interesting to see the different feelings on this topic. >

I still don’t know what I’ll do. Like I said, my husband, three grown daughters and their husbands know and are very supportive; just like so many of your families they were all concerned about the “Mexico thing” but are pretty well over that. My dad has shared with some of the rest of the family so that they could pray for a safe and affective outcome and although I did not endorse it, that’s okay with me. (They all live far away and he meant well.)

It felt so right, making the decision to ‘band’…I would have had it done that afternoon if I could have. Sure I wish I could have done it on my own but I just haven't! I just had my 50th birthday and have been overweight all of my adult life. Obesity runs on both sides of my family and I guess I’ve just realized that if I haven’t done it after 35 years, it’s not going to happen without some help! I’m just grateful that we have this avenue of help!

Looking forward to May 14th and my life after that! I’ll be feelin’ great in 2008!!!