Disappointed and a little bit angry still

[Paula Bee]

Wow.. I got my first fill of 1.1cm on May 6th, and I have no restriction at all. I have lost ONE pound since then, and it goes up and down like normal weight. My appetite is also growing, and I am never feeling full anymore.

It has been so stressful here at my mom's, as we pack up her house of 30 years, discarding or giving away most of the stuff in the house for her to move into a 360 sq foot appt. She is cantankerous and fights me at every turn.. I am just stressing totally out. Last night I ate 2 pieces of pizza and a cinnapie from Papa Johns, and later my brother brought us those damn 800 calorie ice creams from Jack in the Box. Gotta tell you.. NO RESTRICTION AT ALL! I have been pretty good other than that, drawing on my WW experience, but I didn't get banded to have to do WW forever.

I am still angry that I spent all that money flying to TJ, only to get such a little fill that it was a waste of the flight money. I am disappointed in my lack of results and envious as I see each of you losing weight when I am just sitting on the same weight for weeks. Gotta tell you, my gung-ho, eager to be supportive husband is now looking at the whole thing like it is going to be a failer like all the other things I have tried, only many times more expensive.

I am going back to TJ on the 10th, with an appointment with Dr. Romero before lunch. My husband has told me to spend one extra day in TJ so that if they are reluctant to give a bigger fill, I can reassure them that I will be in town if there is a problem. Also, if the fill is too small, I can go back in for a little more fill.

In the meantime, I am away from my husband for 6 weeks, the longest parting in 30 years, to disassemble 30 years of my mom's life; getting her to shred all the documents she has been saving compulsively for that whole time. I get tireder and tireder as the crunch gets more and more mentally difficult. I am not sleeping well, and we have two weeks to get everything done and her moved. Gotta tell you, I leave for TJ 4 days before they actually move her out, and I feel both guilty about leaving and relieved about reading.

I AM RAVENOUS... I wish I had a fill..

[Jessi]

Paula,

I am sorry to hear about your frustration and I know that Dr. Ortiz's office will be more than glad to meet with you. I've only gotten banded last week but I was constantly reminded that this is a tool not a miracle. They did also say that if you eat too much that it can cause your band to expand. Maybe with all this stress it just messed with your inside. I know when I'm stressing, I turn to food right away.... I'll eat even if I'm full... but if we do that, it'll make our tool not work. We are all here for you if you need to vent. Instead of reaching for food next time, just get on line and start typing up a storm. Maybe let your family know you need some support and to not bring unhealthy food around just until you get past this funk. I know my hubby has been eating his junky loving food at work but eating like a good boy around me to help me not jump into my old habits. Just please know we are all here for you and hope you can turn to us. Please let us know how your appointment goes with the doctor.

[BeBe]

Wish I could give you a hug Paula!!

Just keep in mind that everyone is different... and don't beat yourself up over it. You have eaten a certain way for so many years, and it's so hard to unlearn habits - especially in times of stress.

I've had a LOT of stress lately (both financial and familial), and I avoided stepping on the scale all of last week. In fact, I was so stressed, my period was a week late - which has NEVER happened to me in my life. I was in the Dr.'s office demanding a pregnancy test, just in case! (Negative, of course)

So just be calm. It hasn't been THAT long yet - so it's not a failure.

I haven't even gotten my FIRST fill yet, so you're that much ahead of me, and we were banded the same day.

You will only fail if you let yourself. Get back into a positive frame of mind. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

[fat2nrml]

I can understand what you're going through, I stopped losing weight weeks ago [banded 3-25.] I had my first fill on Thurs. and I'm still on liquids. I hope that it jump starts my weight loss! When I had my fill, Laurie [i met her at the OCC, we were banded the same day] watched my fill. He had me drink the barium and it went right through. He gave me 1.8cc and I drank again and it chugged through slower. Laurie drank her first sip of barium and it chugged through, it didn't go straight through like mine did. He put 1.5cc in her band and she drank again and in went through slower. Everyone is different and will need different fill levels. I made sure that I drank ALOT of water the day of my fill, kept myself hydrated.

Don't get discouraged, you have alot on your plate right now [no pun intended.] I wish you all the best with your Mom and try to relax and work with your band. We're not all going to lose fast and I've accepted that. We'll get there though!! >

Take care of YOURSELF, and keep us updated! :lb18: Darlene

[brittania]

I am in the same boat that you are, I had my first fill of 1.5cc and it doesn't even feel like I have a band. I haven't lost any weight since surgery. I thin the need to be more aggressive with the first fill. it cost way too much money for no results, and you have to do it all over again in less than a month. I am trying to find a fill Dr. closer to home. Keep the faith, just remember this time next year you will look fabulous!

[jena]

Paula, I'm so glad you poured your heart out to us. You are always such a huge support to everyone on the board, now it's our turn to support you through this.

I'm a little over 3 weeks out from my banding. Initially I lost about 8 pounds really fast and after that, nothing. I've been going up and down the same 3 pounds ever since. I'm hanging in there though.

I'm seeing a therapist to help me get through the food issues and I'll share with you what we did for this week. With her help, I made a list of things to do this week (regarding food.) The thing she guided me through is to make the goals attainable to make sure I don't sabotage myself be setting impossible goals.

So here are some of my goals: eat slowly, chew my food well, put fork down between bites, stop eating during the meal to check on my hunger level, plan meals - don't eat impulsivly - when I cook, fix my plate then put the leftovers away before I eat my meal..

Finally, an affirmation, "I deserve to enjoy my food. I deserve to eat enough to be comfortable, not to eat so much that I feel uncomfortable."

Maybe you can set some goals for yourself like eating slowly and chewing well. Even if you eat a Big Mac, eat it slowly and chew it well. =D>

Jena

Hugs to you my friend. > >

[tlag]

I am so sorry to hear about all your stress with your mom and the fact of not losing weight. I know stress is so tough on you and everybody. I lost my dad 6 days before I got my band, so I understand how stressful it must be. I didn't have to move him and get rid of stuff, but I am the main survivor as my mom and sister have also passed on, so it put alot on my shoulders. I got thru it and I know you will get through your stressful time too. I was banded on 4-3-08. I got my first fill on 5-21-08. Since surgery I have only lost 12 pounds, so I feel th frustration also. I got 1.5 cc, and I too have no restriction. The doctor here in my state will only do .5 or 1 cc fill at a time. I am trying to figure out how to afford going back to TJ for my fill and I do not trust the doctors here. The flight tickets with summer being here are CRAZY!!

I will keep my fingers crossed for you that all goes well. I wish you the best of luck with your mom and your fill. NEVER feel like a failure, because you are not. You took the first step to get the band and are trying, so give yourself some credit and be proud of yourself!!

Best of Luck

[utahmom]

Hey Paula,

Been there, done that!!!!

Went through the mill with both my parents. Then after my Dad passed, I had to deal with my Mom and the onset of Alzheimers. When I packed up her life, I found jewelery and money stuffed in sheets and between towels. She also had about 25 rolls of Reynolds wrap and 30 bars of soap, etc, etc, etc. It was a very stressful time for me , so I comiserate with you.

I was banded on March 20th, and had my first fill on May 1. I have lost 2 pounds since my fill!!!!

I have lost many inches and clothes fit much differently, many are way too big. I got so upset about the lack of weight loss that I finally sat down and reread Dr. O's book. I realized I was doing several things wrong and am trying to change life long eating habits. We all have our bad habits and that is how we got this way....it will not change for a while, so don,t be so hard on yourself. When you go back for that fill, think about those bad habits and how you can override them. this band is not a cure, but just a tool......I too am still learning this lesson. I'm not sure what restriction really is. If I can get something down, I can usually eat a large portion of it. But other times, I take three bites(maybe too big or not chewed enough) and then I get stuck and PB. My husband says I am a slow learner. Whatever, we are all in for the long haul......keep the faith, we will get there!!!!!

Arlene

[snowbird]

Paula,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. My 95 year old mom is failing; she is in an assisted living home and gets weaker day by day, but still realizes what is happening to her. She asked me the other day, "am I going to get better, or is this just a part of being 95?" I didn't know what to say to her. I guess it is what we have to deal with at this stage of our lives. utahmom, my mother was ALWAYS like that, even when she was in her 50's. She had an entire cupboard devoted to little aluminum pot pie tins. I kept asking her exactly how many anyone needed and when she would know she had enough. Now she still brings her half-eaten meals back from the dining room and stashes them all over her apartment, so I have a scavenger hunt for leftovers every evening when I go visit her.

Did they give you a reason for such a slight fill? I thought OCC usually does about 1.6-1.8 for the first fill. I had 1.7, and knew I could use another within 3 weeks. I didn't consider it a waste of a trip, because I was glad they could take a look at things through fluoroscopy and reassure me that everything looked fine.

Is there somewhere near your home for another fill? It sounds like you could really use it. I got my second fill 3 months after surgery, and I've never needed another, so maybe second time will be the charm for you too!

[Dontondan]

Paula

> > > Hugs to you, hang in there and keep an eye on the prize!

[PAMMIE]

Wow.. I got my first fill of 1.1cm on May 6th, and I have no restriction at all. I have lost ONE pound since then, and it goes up and down like normal weight. My appetite is also growing, and I am never feeling full anymore.

It has been so stressful here at my mom's, as we pack up her house of 30 years, discarding or giving away most of the stuff in the house for her to move into a 360 sq foot appt. She is cantankerous and fights me at every turn.. I am just stressing totally out. Last night I ate 2 pieces of pizza and a cinnapie from Papa Johns, and later my brother brought us those damn 800 calorie ice creams from Jack in the Box. Gotta tell you.. NO RESTRICTION AT ALL! I have been pretty good other than that, drawing on my WW experience, but I didn't get banded to have to do WW forever.

I am still angry that I spent all that money flying to TJ, only to get such a little fill that it was a waste of the flight money. I am disappointed in my lack of results and envious as I see each of you losing weight when I am just sitting on the same weight for weeks. Gotta tell you, my gung-ho, eager to be supportive husband is now looking at the whole thing like it is going to be a failer like all the other things I have tried, only many times more expensive.

I am going back to TJ on the 10th, with an appointment with Dr. Romero before lunch. My husband has told me to spend one extra day in TJ so that if they are reluctant to give a bigger fill, I can reassure them that I will be in town if there is a problem. Also, if the fill is too small, I can go back in for a little more fill.

In the meantime, I am away from my husband for 6 weeks, the longest parting in 30 years, to disassemble 30 years of my mom's life; getting her to shred all the documents she has been saving compulsively for that whole time. I get tireder and tireder as the crunch gets more and more mentally difficult. I am not sleeping well, and we have two weeks to get everything done and her moved. Gotta tell you, I leave for TJ 4 days before they actually move her out, and I feel both guilty about leaving and relieved about reading.

I AM RAVENOUS... I wish I had a fill..

A GOOD READ:

While the LAP-BAND® System is an effective treatment for morbid obesity, the pounds do not come off by themselves. The LAP-BAND® System is an aid to support you in achieving lasting results by limiting food intake, reducing appetite and slowing digestion. However, your motivation and commitment to adopt a new lifestyle are extremely important for long-term weight loss. New eating habits must be adhered to for the rest of your life. Exercise is an equally important component of a changed lifestyle.

YOU HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE. MOST LIKELY YOUR NOT GOING TO FIND YOUR SWEET SPOT AFTER YOUR FIRST FILL. IT TAKES SEVERAL FILLS AND EVERY FILLS GOING TO COST MONEY, PERIOD. IT'S WHAT WE ALL SIGNED UP FOR WHEN WE MADE THE DECISION TO GET BANDED. I WOULDN'T LOOK AT IT AS A WASTE OF MONEY BUT A STARTING POINT, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. YOU HAVE TO START WITH BETTER EATING HABITS, PIZZA AND ICE CREAM AREN'T GOING TO DO IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ON WEIGHT WATCHERS FOREVER BUT YOU HAVE TO LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF CALORIE INTAKE UNTIL YOU FIND YOUR SWEET SPOT OR YOU WON'T LOSE A POUND.

[2fat4me]

I think while we are in the considering stage of being banded, we don't stop to think about after we are banded. I don't even think I was aware of a "sweet spot". My first fill was 1.8 cc. what restriction I had for the first 5 days has long gone. The only restriction I can vouch for is if I don't chew my food up enough and /or eat too fast.

I too want another fill, it will be 3 weeks since my first fill. You can't help but wonder about the time, effort and money we have all spent.

So don't feel quilty about what you have to do about leaving to get your fill, remember, you and I and all of us are a work in progress.

lots of love to you, having older parents is hard sometimes.

reneej

[bandgroupie]

Paula...... we love you.

[Paula Bee]

First of all, thank you to all of you for your encouragement and support. It was very uplifting and meant a lot to me, as today I had a major anxiety attack over this situation at Mom's and went to bed with a xanax. It was nice to wake up and read your responses.

I certainly know that the band is just a tool to help us lose weight. I started following the eating instructions from the book about 3 weeks before I called to make an appointment for the surgery. I have been using a salad plate instead of a dinner plate, no snacks, no water with meals. I have, on occasion, even weighted my food.

I have been very careful about my food while at Mom's; cooking for both of us. I have tried to have some meals that are mindless to prepare, including protein bars and lean cuisine. Overall, I have done just fine. However, there have been about 3 days when exhaustion, stress, anger, grief.. all the emotions of loss.. have beaten me. Fortunately for me, there has been no binging behaviors. I have asked my brother NOT to bring that ice cream over here, but he does anyway, sticks them in the freezer, and in a weak moment, when I am emotionally stripped, I just toss judgement aside and do the seemingly soothing thing. Of course, it is soothing only until it is over with and then I feel guilty over eating it. Pizza, we never have it.. but this time, because all the nieces were over, it was there.... I will be glad to get home where it is peaceful and I have control over my life.

I don't look at the banding as a waste of money.. I think it is the best thing I ever did for myself, but I do feel like the $600 I spent on plane ticket and first fill were a waste. I was unhappy and complained about it while it was happening, but it didn't do any good.

I have found a fill place about 4 hours drive from my house, but with gas what it is, and the fact that we would have to stay overnight in a hotel, and because it will be the first fill at a fill center, i will have the huge deposit, so it would be more expensive than hopping on a plane and flying to TJ for the fill. <shrugs>

Jena, one of your suggestions struck a chord with me. I see a therapist, too, (have for 3 years,) only I have been gone from home for a month now, and haven't seen him. I am going to go back to eating at the table while I am here. The table is covered with stuff we are trying to pack, etc. so it has been easier just to eat on the sofa, but I am going back to the table where I can easily put my fork down between bites. For the time being, I am also going to measure my food, to make sure I haven't gotten sloppy, even though I feel like I haven't been.

I also haven't been walking because my knee hurts too much and it is 95 outside. I have to go back to taking my pain pill before I walk so I will have no excuse.

I love the idea of putting my leftovers away before I sit down to eat.

You have each encouraged me and given me the boost that I need to keep strong until I get home. I love my mom to death, or I wouldn't leave my husband for 6 weeks, but I cannot wait to get home. I leave here on Tuesday, June 10, get my fill that day, stay until Thursday the 12th, and fly home to my sweet man.

I will remember:

1. I am a work in progress. (thanks, Renee) :paint2:

2. I will keep my eye on the prize. (thanks, Dontondan)

3. Maybe the 2nd time will be a charm. (thanks, Snowbird) :yes:

4. I am in it for the long haul, and will keep the faith. (thanks, Arlene) :good3:

5. "I deserve to enjoy my food. I deserve to eat enough to be comfortable, not to eat so much that I feel uncomfortable." (thanks, Jena)

6. NEVER feel like a failure, because I am not; give myself some credit and be proud of myself!! (thanks, tlag) =D>

7. Keep the faith, just remember this time next year I will look fabulous! (thanks, Brittania)

8. "We'll get there, though!!" (thanks, Darlene)

9. (I wish I could give you a hug, too, BeBe.) "You will only fail if you let yourself. Get back into a positive frame of mind. YOU CAN DO IT!!!" >

10. "I can do all things through Christ, Jesus, who strengthens me." (thanks, God)

You are all dear to me.

“Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.”

[Paula Bee]

Paula...... we love you.

Thank you.. It is reciprocated

[WAgal]

Oh Paula! (I hug you tight) I totally know about stressing. I have been feeling some similar frustration here about my mom when she came for a visit and also extended family (long story). Please know that the band will work for you once you reach that sweet spot everyone is talking about. The whole fill thing works a little different for everyone. Just be assertive and abreast on information that concerns your band.

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/

There's a lot of information here on the forum regarding the fill process. Jann (that is the spelling of her name) posted something about the "5 day pouch test" read about that, it really helped me and I did a modified version of it. It really does work. I was trying to determine if I had stretched my pouch but it talks about how if you've been feeling tight and get that uncomfortable feeling that you will choose to pick up and eat the "slider foods". That's code word for food that just passes right through your band.

The band was made to restrict food from going down too fast so you would get the satisfied feeling. It will only work though with the foods that the band restricts well like protein (chicken, beef etc.) Followed by your veges and fruit then carbs. And of course the order we bandsters are suppose to eat it, first protein, 2nd veges/fruit, 3rd carbs. No snacking in between meals. It has been a real eye opener for me to read the informaton there so please check it out.

If you have read some of my posts I was having a hard time eating breakfast. I started doing the protein shakes 'cause I was trying not to skip meals. It helped keep me feel full so I didn't have to give it another thought. I know we're not suppose to do that but for now it's working. We did go out to eat for breakfast a few times and I was able to eat then there were times that I couldn't. Go figure?

I'm still learning my band. The cool thing is I do fluctuate plus or minus 2 lbs. but that's it. I'm not gaining at all which is fantastic to me. Keep your chin up (I'm hugging you again). I think that when we are faced with stressfull circumstance we are no longer thinking like bandsters and revert to old comforting habits. Tomorrow is another day. Make a plan to allow yourself some room for mistakes so you don't beat yourself up over it. But also make a plan to see progress and record stuff that will enable you to see that there's been positive changes. You can do this! We can do this together! You totally sound like you have no restriction so try to get a 2nd fill nearby, sorry about the TJ trip fill not working out. Mine worked for only 2 weeks and I felt like I could totally eat a lot again so I waited a few weeks and decided I would get a 2nd fill. Some people get a big amount of fill and have to return right away to get an unfill because they are not able to keep water down! That sounds awful too... so I don't know if when you did your fill in TJ they were thinking about that and therefore decided to keep the saline amount low, I really don't know? So long as there is not damage to your band this will work!

Do find another fill location near you so you don't have to fly to get to one. I hope you are having a better day today!

love and blessings,

Hanna (I'm hugging you again!)

[Paula Bee]

Oh Paula! (I hug you tight) I totally know about stressing. I have been feeling some similar frustration here about my mom when she came for a visit and also extended family (long story). Please know that the band will work for you once you reach that sweet spot everyone is talking about. The whole fill thing works a little different for everyone. Just be assertive and abreast on information that concerns your band.

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/

There's a lot of information here on the forum regarding the fill process. Jann (that is the spelling of her name) posted something about the "5 day pouch test" read about that, it really helped me and I did a modified version of it. It really does work. I was trying to determine if I had stretched my pouch but it talks about how if you've been feeling tight and get that uncomfortable feeling that you will choose to pick up and eat the "slider foods". That's code word for food that just passes right through your band.

The band was made to restrict food from going down too fast so you would get the satisfied feeling. It will only work though with the foods that the band restricts well like protein (chicken, beef etc.) Followed by your veges and fruit then carbs. And of course the order we bandsters are suppose to eat it, first protein, 2nd veges/fruit, 3rd carbs. No snacking in between meals. It has been a real eye opener for me to read the informaton there so please check it out.

If you have read some of my posts I was having a hard time eating breakfast. I started doing the protein shakes 'cause I was trying not to skip meals. It helped keep me feel full so I didn't have to give it another thought. I know we're not suppose to do that but for now it's working. We did go out to eat for breakfast a few times and I was able to eat then there were times that I couldn't. Go figure?

I'm still learning my band. The cool thing is I do fluctuate plus or minus 2 lbs. but that's it. I'm not gaining at all which is fantastic to me. Keep your chin up (I'm hugging you again). I think that when we are faced with stressfull circumstance we are no longer thinking like bandsters and revert to old comforting habits. Tomorrow is another day. Make a plan to allow yourself some room for mistakes so you don't beat yourself up over it. But also make a plan to see progress and record stuff that will enable you to see that there's been positive changes. You can do this! We can do this together! You totally sound like you have no restriction so try to get a 2nd fill nearby, sorry about the TJ trip fill not working out. Mine worked for only 2 weeks and I felt like I could totally eat a lot again so I waited a few weeks and decided I would get a 2nd fill. Some people get a big amount of fill and have to return right away to get an unfill because they are not able to keep water down! That sounds awful too... so I don't know if when you did your fill in TJ they were thinking about that and therefore decided to keep the saline amount low, I really don't know? So long as there is not damage to your band this will work!

Do find another fill location near you so you don't have to fly to get to one. I hope you are having a better day today!

love and blessings,

Hanna (I'm hugging you again!)

HUGSSSSSSS back at you.. thank you, I need them

[Maytee]

Paula,

I feel your pain. I loved your #10 goal. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Amen Sister!

Maytee =D>

[Paula Bee]

Paula,

I feel your pain. I loved your #10 goal. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Amen Sister!

Maytee =D>

That is my new motto.

[mom12]

Also my motto and I believe it 100%

[mail mom]

Wow it sound like your under a lot of stress keep your spirts up! I was banded the same day as you and you are doing really well compared to me I have only lost 23 pounds and have been sitting at the same weight forever it seems, like you I am so mad I spent all this money for what 23 pounds. I have yet to have my first fill but working on getting down there. Just try to keep your head high