Should I tell coworkers about my upcoming surgery??

[thesuse]

Hi all,

I've started posting recently, but haven't really introduced myself. I'm Susan, I live in NYC with my boyfriend and work in advertising. I've struggled with my weight since I was a kid. Like many of you, I've been a bit of a yoyo dieter, although the thinnest I've ever been as an adult is about 180 pounds - size 14/16, and I always gain the weight back.

I'm so excited that I'll be banded very soon - 6/24! I've been inspired by so many of you - and learned so much about what to expect from all of you! >

So here is what I'm hoping you all can help me decide. So far I've only told my boss and two close friends at work about getting a lapband - and I asked them to keep it quiet. I'm debating as to whether or not to tell my other key team members at work - or my client - before I start my time off, or if I should just be vague about it.

My first thought was not to - I just dread having tons of people asking me about it - or scrutinizing what I'm eating . My concern with keeping quiet is that, as I lose weight I'll get lots of questions anyway, in which case it might be better to just be straight about it from the beginning... but my worst nightmare is that I won't lose much weight - or lose very slowly - and then I'll have a whole company of people looking at me and wondering to themselves why I'm still fat - even after getting WLS! Although I'm committed to following the rules and taking care of my band, so this may be a silly thing to worry about.

I'd love to hear how all of you have dealt with this - and your experiences (good and bad) with WLS and work.

Willi333 told a good story about intrusive colleagues - I don't want to have those conversations at work either!

Thanks all!

[Maytee]

Well, I own a salon and spa and I told my staff. I had 2 give me a hard time about it, but it didn't bother me. My thought about what people say is, they are concerned for you but they haven't lived in your body and going through this process is not done without a lot of research and deep thought.

Most people will be supportive. Feel good about what ever decision you make, their input won't really matter in the long run. For me it has been the most healthy decision of my life and I would do it again and again.

Good Luck!

Maytee

[Allcdngirl]

Hi Susan.. I'm Anita, and I live in Vancouver BC. Welcome to the Forum, and congratulations on making the decision to be banded. At first, I wasn't going to tell anybody, for the exact reasons you mentioned. If I don't lose weight fast enough, they'll wonder why. If they see me eating pizza or cake, they'll wonder, yah.. she'll never lose weight that way. Well was I surprised when I started to tell my family and friends. They were soooooooo supportive. I did not tell anybody at work or even my mom, until I got back. I for sure thought that my mom would watch me like a hawk, and make those comments that I said above. Boy was I wrong. She cried when I told her. She told me she was reallly worried about my health and knowing that diabetes runs in my family, she was very concerned for me. I see my mom every week, and each and every time, she tells me I'm doing a great job, and she's so proud of me! She grins from ear to ear.. I have only told 3 people at work. I had actually planned on telling alot more of them at our staff barbeque last night, but nobody commented on my weight loss. Funny eh.. I've lost 23 lbs and nobody said a word. I work in a satellite office by myself, so I only see some of my co-workers every couple of weeks or so. Now.. I have no intention of telling them. Next time we all get together will be in December, and I'm sure I'll have a few questions then to answer, and I will be so proud to tell them everything they want to know. Just take your time, think it through, and you'll make the right decision. I do have to say though, that if I worked in an office with co-workers, I probably would not tell them unless I had to. The negative comments would be sure to fly around then.

[lynzz]

Welcome Susan,

I am Lynn from Southern California.

Well, I kept the whole thing to myself aside from hubby, friend that went with me and mother-in-law (banded 1 week before me).

I initially did not tell anyone for the same reasons as you and the fact that my family and close friends would never have approved of me going to TJ to have the surgery. I just really didn't want to have to try to convince anyone that it was a safe and sane thing to do.

I am usually a private person at work, and would not feel comfortable telling more than few close friends there anyway, that is if I was telling anyone. My office has so much drama, I would be just another story at the watercooler.

This route has its drawbacks of course, in my case everyone thinks I am pregnant ...hehehe . I had a PB'ing episode last week (big dinner for niece’s graduation) and had a hard time keeping anything down afterwards. This, along with my "strange" eating habits, quitting smoking, giving up Diet Coke (which has always been my signature drink) and refraining from my usual Friday night margarita has led them all to this conclusion. I have yet to convince them that I am not.

Both ways have their pros and cons-- It's a good thing that I don't get hounded about my how much weight I have lost, but also don't have the support system of friends and family that I can use sometimes....

[thesuse]

Thank you ladies!!

You've confirmed my thinking - that I shouldn't share too widely for now.

If I worked at a smaller company I think I would, but at my place with over 100 people, I know if I'm open with my immediate team it will still quickly spread to the whole agency, and that would make me feel uncomfortable.

I feel lucky that I have plenty of support outside of work - my family and friends have been very supportive - and I'm getting banded with my sister! So we've been talking every day about it - and will continue to do so afterwards too. Also, my dad is coming with us for support.

Thanks for helping me figure this out!! Congratulations on all the success you all have had - I look forward to getting to know you all better.

>

Off to spend time with my awesome dad. Hope all have a Happy Father's Day!!

[Kittycat]

I told very few people myself, only the people closest to me and who I could count on for support without scrutinization. I told them upfront, that it was a personal decision, I am telling you because I trust you to support me through the good and bad. I don't need a hawk watching over me, but if I ask for that, I know they'll be there. My sons are actually the worst for that, they watch everything I eat and say, should you be having that? Not so much now that I am banded, because I am on the strictest of diets. Sometimes you need that, sometimes you don't.

I would chose to tell the people who will support you no matter what.

Best of luck! Cathy

[thesuse]

Thanks Kittycat!

That's great advice - I think I'll use that language to speak to those I haven't told yet.

[jena]

Well, I told anyone who would listen! But that's just me.

I'm Jena and I live in Atlanta and I also work in advertising in a hybrid sense. We work with advertising dept.s within large corps and directly with agencies.

The company I work for is small, about 40 people in the office. I work on the engineering side and there is only one other woman, the rest are men. On the advertising side it's about half and half.

The response surprised me. Most everyone had heard of the other type of weight loss surgery but didn't know about the lap band. So I ended up explaining over and over again how it is different and what it is and how it works.

Hey, we're engineers. All the guys are interested in is how the darn things work. So I get questions like, can I fee it?, what does it feel like?, when will I get my first fill?, what can I eat?, what will it be like after my fill?, how they put in the saline, etc. etc.

I have always worked with men. Every now and then an occasional woman, but overwhelming men. I think there must be a big difference than working with women. I probably wouldn't have said anything if it was women .

Jena

[Dontondan]

I have told everyone around me and use the band as teaching tool! I like to educate people that are ignorant and spread the word about the lapband and how it has changed my life. I have recieved nothing but total support from everyone, which is surprising. It depends a lot on your circle of friends and family I guess, but I am a very open person and have nothing to hide. I am proud of my band and what it has done for me so far and will shout it from the rooftops!

[bandgroupie]

At first I didn't want to tell my coworkers but also knew that I didn't want to lie to them about the reason I was taking off work. I also knew that my eating behavioirs would change drastically and they would notice. I didn't feel it would be something that I could keep hidden for the duration of my knowing them and, therefore, I would be technically a liar!! OH NO!

I did tell everyone and they are supportive except one person. She's a food pusher. She asks me to go to lunch with her every day, asks if I want some of her Oreos or some of her chocolate Otis Spunkmeyer muffin .. GRRRRRR. "Want to go to Wendy's with me?" NO! "Okay then, do you want me to bring you back a frosty?" HELLLLL NO!!!

I have to sick my boss on her - and he tells her to stop. She doesn't listen very well.

But, I did let them know as well as all my family and my close friends.

Even the UPS and FedEx drivers know ..... so does the lady working the desk at the hotel I stayed at in Paris, TN My mom told her!!! Hahahahahha

I hope to be a walking advertisement of how successful the lap band is - so better not hide it, right?

[C1BandedBabe]

Hi Susan welcome aboard!

I am Trina, I have not been banded yet but will be on the 27th of June.. I have made my mind up that I am not telling anyone about it at my job. Only close friends and family (my boss happens to be one of my best friends though lol). The same as you guys I don't want to have to hear what everyone has to say about it. SO, to keep from going through that I am not saying anything. If people ask me how are you losing all that weight of course I am going to tell the truth "I just watch what I eat and try to exercise!" That is the truth... just not the whole truth! lol

Good luck Susan!

[Jann]

I only told two people, my hubby and my best buddy. I'm not prepared to have to "answer to anyone" at this early stage and human nature is what it is. A million questions and a spotlight on me. No thanks!

My best buddy is completely supportive and in fact just offered to pay for his sister-in-law's surgery at OCC as she's about 250, five feet. I told him she could give me a shout any time and I'll tell her my experiences and directed her to the forum.

Hubby is vacillating and all over the place with this. One minute he's extremely supportive cooking broth, next minute he's taunting me with food. I think the end result is a big scary place for him right now and it's causing him some insecurity. Too much change too fast! He's about 200 pounds overweight but refuses to consider lap band. It used to be that we enabled each other to order delivery and eat poorly now I'm early stages of "born again banded" and he's out there on his own without his co-food-consipator.

I can only assume that he's wondering how it will affect our relationship when I get to goal weight but I don't know that to be a fact. The reality is other than the physical changes I will undergo I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's my soulmate and I'm in for the long haul. I figure this is a time game and it will settle itself out. I have noticed he's eating a bit healthier and he seems more conscious that he needs to change but it's baby steps. It helps that there's no "crap" food in the house, hehe. I keep telling him, protein protein protein not carbs carbs carbs!

I wasn't prepared to go to the buffet luncheon for his dad today and I begged off. He wasn't pleased but I explained that at this stage I didn't want to have to go explain broth versus buffet, etc. He asked if I was planning on telling his family and my response was simple. "Not right now, maybe in six months" He said, "You can hide it forever". Actually, I'm not hiding anything. I'm adjusting. There's a difference and I'm not qualifying anything to anyone. Maybe I'm being too hardcore and self protective but I have to do what I have to do to continue on this path without reservation. It's my journey, not anyone else's but mine and my hubby's at this point in time in my opinion.

[thesuse]

It's so great hearing everyone's perspective on this!

Nice to get some previews for things I may have to deal with. I can easily imagine that I won't be able to resist telling everyone who will listen about it once my weight loss is noticeable, but for now I do think I'll keep it on the down low.

Jann - I hope your hubby gets used to the new you soon. I can imagine it's a big adjustment for him and I'm sure he's trying his best to be there for you and accept the loss of his food buddy. I hope in the end your changes will have a good effect on him too.

Thanks again for all the feedback and suggestions!!

> >

[Jann]

Hehe -- thanks -- he will. Like I said, it's a time game. It's all very new.