julieburns Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hey Vix: I'm so proud of you for writing your letter. In the few days ahead before you give it to him you can tweek it if you need to or just read and reread it to help confirm to yourself how serious this matter is to you. I am one of the blessed ones whose husband was supportive, for the most part from day 1. He balked a little at first but when he saw I was serious he go on board. Your husband will too. Be patient with him especially at first because it will take him some time to come around. You have had many weeks or however long you have researched this to be comfortable with the idea. He too will need some time to adjust to this way of life for the both of you!! Hugs to you. I can't wait to read your post. Remember don't get angry or really even respond to his negativity just be positive and assured and confident that you've made this great decision for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blazn Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Hi Paula,I wrote my letter last night and it is 4 single spaced typed pages. I will give it to him on Friday. The good news though for me is that I have my surgery scheduled already and was able to put the dates in the letter. So we'll see how it goes. I feel positive, scared yes, but trying to keep positive. My trip to the OCC is in only 2 weeks, so I have a lot to do to keep me busy until then. Thanks so much for asking...it means a lot. I will let everyone know as soon as I give him my letter. Hope you are having a wonderful week! Vix, I am proud of you. Yes, I do think it is good that you were able to put in dates. I pray that your husband will receive your letter with an open heart and mind and will be supportive of your decision, in the name of Jesus! Please keep us posted!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisem Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Vix, I hope and pray your hubby supports you in this, and wanted you to know that even if he is against it once you've given him the letter, we'll still be here to support you. I couldn't get through this journey without this forum! I've asked many questions on here and have always received such wonderful insights from the members. I do believe I'm addicted to reading every post each day and am so thankful to have this as my question/answer session! Good luck to you, and keep us posted. Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 I thought about this a long time...only write a long letter if your husband is a reader. Letters, like e-mail are too riddled with other peoples' perceptions/emotions. If he's not a reader, you're going to have to suck it up and talk to him....but first decide what it is that you'e after. Right now you're looking for permisson. You don't need it. You want him on your team. That's support. That's what you should ask for. One of the most clear requests you can make is "I want your support. This is what I want to do. Can you to help me figure out how to make this happen?" You put together the requirements, learn whether insurance will cover it, and if so, how much. If he can't support surgery in Mexico -- and some people just can't get past that -- then make a list of other good doctors and where you'll get fills. Is your husband generally supportive? If you wanted to take a class on something, is he generally cool with that? If your DH said "I want to do the IronMan in Hawaii" or you'd probably plan together how to manage finances, schedules, space to make that happen. If he's a marathon runner, he spends $1000s in shoes and running clothes, entry fees, socks, what have you every year. They're his tools for success. Nobody runs marathons in sweat pants or flip flops. He understands tools, he understands goals. He may have trouble understanding that you'll reach your goals with different methods and tools. What you're really asking for is for him to support you anyway, because the goal is the same, even if your methods are not his. --and what Denise said below...we're here supporting each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Good Luck Vix, I hope everything goes well for you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Painter Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Just one suggestion, my husband in the past has always gone out of his way to sabotage my efforts to lose weight. I believe his worry was that I would lose the weight and leave him. Let's face it, it happens alot. Personally I believe that alot of the time it is a case where an already unhappy relationship is there and when the party that loses weight feels better about themselves they leave because of an increase in confidence not because they fell out of love when they lost weight but because they finally had the strength to do something about their unhappiness. I finally explained to my husband that my health was in danger and that I wanted to grow old with him rather than die early and leave him alone. That reassured him and he went with me to Mexico which for him was amazing. Try to reassure him that you love him and he is important to you and I bet he will calm down. You are in my prayers kiddo and I hope it all gets worked out before you go so you don't have that added stress. Just remember we are all here for you. Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Bee Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 From the penny-pinching husband of a lap-band recipient: The lap-band is one of the cheapest things that you could go through. Years and years of diet programs are much more expensive than one lap-band. Congratulate your wife for saving you a fortune and saving her own life. Pay for the whole thing and be thrilled that you are saving so much money. David, husband of Paula. P.S. Go to Tijuana with her; it is a blast! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSuzanna Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Awwwwwww, that is so sweet, what a dude! Sounds like a keeper to me Paula! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vix Posted July 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Boy, I tell ya...you guys are all like angels to me! I absolutely, POSITIVELY could not have done any of this without you! I don't even think I would have had the nerve to learn about it, much less do it. Julie: I said in the letter that I would be happy to talk to him and answer any of his questions, but that I absolutely would NOT argue with him. So hopefully it will work out ok. I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Blazn: Thank you so much for your prayers. It means a lot to me and I know will help. Denise: I agree with you about this forum (as I said above). I think that I am finding myself becoming addicted to this forum as well. It could be worse huh? Phoenix: Very good points in your message. Fortunately, my husband won't find a long letter hard at all to take in. He is generally supportive...I guess it's just my guilt in using money for myself and feeling selfish about it, even though it will help us both in the long run. Kittycat: Thanks so much! I really appreciate your thoughts. Painter: I used your logic in my letter. My husband is 12 years younger than me and I told him how much I want to be there with him as we both age. Hopefully he will agree... David: Excellent point! I think I will add that part to my letter as I "touch it up" the next few days. Thanks so SO much everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mona-camille Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Boy, I tell ya...you guys are all like angels to me! I absolutely, POSITIVELY could not have done any of this without you! I don't even think I would have had the nerve to learn about it, much less do it.Julie: I said in the letter that I would be happy to talk to him and answer any of his questions, but that I absolutely would NOT argue with him. So hopefully it will work out ok. I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Blazn: Thank you so much for your prayers. It means a lot to me and I know will help. Denise: I agree with you about this forum (as I said above). I think that I am finding myself becoming addicted to this forum as well. It could be worse huh? Phoenix: Very good points in your message. Fortunately, my husband won't find a long letter hard at all to take in. He is generally supportive...I guess it's just my guilt in using money for myself and feeling selfish about it, even though it will help us both in the long run. Kittycat: Thanks so much! I really appreciate your thoughts. Painter: I used your logic in my letter. My husband is 12 years younger than me and I told him how much I want to be there with him as we both age. Hopefully he will agree... David: Excellent point! I think I will add that part to my letter as I "touch it up" the next few days. Thanks so SO much everyone! Been thinking about you all day. It's friday, did you do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dontondan Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Vix, I think that you have a good support system here....you will need all the support you need. I too have a penny pinching husband, but mine wants me to be happy and healthy more....I thank God every day for this. It is a change that is life altering and maybe he is also insecure to have you look better than he does and be happy. My thoughts and prayers will be with you during this tough time, stay strong. Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Vix, thinking of you today...hope all is going well and you and your husband can see how wonderful this life changing event can be for both of you!! When you are ready, please let us know how things went. Take care! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisem Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 We are all wondering and hoping things went well for you today. Just so you know we are all thinking about you and hoping your hubby is on board to support you. Fingers crossed.... Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazycoolbutterfly Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 Hi Vix, I'm catching this topic tonight and hope you are doing alright. I noticed that today was the big day and wishing you the best. I agree with most everyone who has posted, you are asking for his support, NOT his permission. I hope he is able to give that to you. Sometimes blessings are disguised. GOOD luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blazn Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 With thoughts and prayers, my heart is with you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizzoupoodle Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 Hi Vix, It's your fellow Kansas Citier, Sylvia! I have you in my thoughts and prayers! Hope it all went well with your husband. We are here for you:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Bee Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 Praying for you today.. hope yesterday went as well as it could possibly have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberLam Posted August 3, 2008 Report Share Posted August 3, 2008 Michelle, remember if he (your significant other) doesn't support you on your procedure, we are all here for you.When you become the bombshell you want to be, and ALL the men are lining up to talk to you, I'll bet he changes his tune. AmberLam posted this on May 23 (under the thread entitled 'priceless') Cost of Lap Band weight loss surgery: $8,000 Round trip air fare to San Diego to have Lap Band surgery: $500 Monthly follow-up visits for my local Fill Center USA doctor: $85 Seeing the look on my EX-fiance's (the one who dumped me 5 days before the wedding, when I was at my highest weight and after being together over 6 years!) face after loosing 105+ pounds........ PRICELESS (my compliments to AmberLam once more for giving us this wonderful Kodak moment) Thank you Will!! You are so kind Vix- Thinking of you. Hope you are doing ok. Amber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaGreen Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 I just posted something similar as my first post. I hope everything is well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WormButterfly Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 Hello Vix, I am a newbie here at the moment, but already feel the warmth here. I think the decision you have made is one from the brain for its your health and life and not yur husbands. Also you have considered his feelings so the decision also comes from your heart. Thinking about what your going through seems unimaginably difficult, however do what you need to do for you life. If your hubby isnt interested in your health then something feels a bit odd, he should be supportive especially as i think he knows how much this weight matter affects you. Love xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulytangledgrl Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 Vix - I have not yet had a chance to reply to your original message, but I just wanted to say that I think you are VERY brave for doing this! It takes a lot of strength and courage to do something this HUGE all on your own and not knowing for sure that you will have the support of your significant other. I was in a similar situation - my partner told me that if I just 'limited my intake and exercised more' that I would be fine. She said that she supported my decision but that she, under no circumstances, would accompany me to the OCC. So, I said 'fine, I will do it by myself' and I did. She told me all along what a mistake I was making and that it was a horrible idea to go to Mexico, especially Tijuana, blah blah blah. I ignored her. I just said positive things in response to her negativity... I always had solid facts in my mind to rebutt her negativity. She eventually shut up and just stopped even trying to deter me from having the surgery. Now I have her full support because she sees that I am so much happier (even though I am almost 3 months out without a fill and STRUGGLING big time - - on that note, please know that the band does not STOP you from eating too much. Like some of the other bandsters have pointed out, it is a tool to assist you, but it will not completely stop you from eating stuff you shouldn't. You do need to prepare yourself for that, and prepare yourself to do 95% of the work on your own). In any case, I just wanted to say that you are so strong and brave for doing this, and that you will NOT be disappointed. I know that I am not. I am struggling now with my eating cause I have NO restriction at all and am ravenous... but have a fill scheduled for about 1.5 weeks from now (YAY! ). Despite my recent horrible eating habits, I have not gained but maybe 3 lbs back whereas in the past I would have gained like 10! lol! SO, trust me when I say that this is the best investment that you can make for yourself and that Dr. Ortiz is THE BEST there is out there. You will be in capable caring hands without a doubt! Good luck and keep us updated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vix Posted August 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2008 I wanted to again come on and thank everyone who supported me though this little drama. I honestly thought it was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, and it is all ok now. In fact, my husband is talking to me and planning what I can eat afterwards and discussing things with me that we've never talked about before. This morning, he ran in the Susan G. Komen breast cancer race and of course I waddled along with him. He told me that maybe next year I can walk in the race and that if I did, he would walk along beside me. This really made me happy and I have to say again that I never would have been able to come to the decision to do this for myself if it hadn't been for all of you. Every one of us have our own struggles, and I only hope that I can be there for someone to support them the way you guys have been for me. I barely know any of you, but I appreciate you all so much and am looking forward to getting to know you all in the future. You are the absolute BEST! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blazn Posted August 10, 2008 Report Share Posted August 10, 2008 I wanted to again come on and thank everyone who supported me though this little drama. I honestly thought it was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, and it is all ok now. In fact, my husband is talking to me and planning what I can eat afterwards and discussing things with me that we've never talked about before.This morning, he ran in the Susan G. Komen breast cancer race and of course I waddled along with him. He told me that maybe next year I can walk in the race and that if I did, he would walk along beside me. This really made me happy and I have to say again that I never would have been able to come to the decision to do this for myself if it hadn't been for all of you. Every one of us have our own struggles, and I only hope that I can be there for someone to support them the way you guys have been for me. I barely know any of you, but I appreciate you all so much and am looking forward to getting to know you all in the future. You are the absolute BEST! Vix, I am soooo happy for you!! I am thrilled your husband has decided to support you in your decision! Good luck and thanks for your posts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dontondan Posted August 10, 2008 Report Share Posted August 10, 2008 Vix, I got teary eyed when I read that your hubby has come around finally.....glad to see he is on the "bandwagon" and will be there to support you finally. Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Bee Posted August 10, 2008 Report Share Posted August 10, 2008 I am so thrilled for your news. Hooray for standing up for yourself and hooray for him for finally supporting you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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