Alana Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I posted this on my blog, but I'm so mad, I had to share it with you all. I hope none of you every have to deal with a person life this, but if you do, feel free to take my response and use it as your own. Today I had a confrontation with one of THOSE people. The type of person that truly believes weight loss surgery is an easy way out and that I should have just ate less and exercised more. It was a co-worker of mine, someone I don't care for very much, and unfortunately she found out about my surgery. Apparently, she thought it was her duty to tell me that I had wasted my money, that I should have just been more disciplined in my choices and that I should have tried harder. This is what I wish I could have said to her: EXCUSE ME????? Who are you to tell me that my decision is wrong? Who are you to tell me that I didn't try hard enough? Were you there the nights I cried myself to sleep because I had been called fat that day? Were you there every time I attempted a new diet and failed? How dare you tell me to try harder. That is what I've been doing for the last 8 years - trying to get a grip on my weight and my life. That is what I was doing when I decided to have this surgery. Who are you to tell me what to do with my money? If I want to take $8,000 and have a surgery that could save my life, that's what I'm gonna do. Hell, if I wanted to take that $8,000 and set it on fire, THAT'S MY BUSINESS. Who are you to think that your opinion belongs anywhere in my life? I'm sorry that you're so unhappy with your own life that you have to criticize the lives of others. And when I told you in a fairly polite tone that how I spend my money is my business, how dare you tell me not to get an attitude. Get a life, lady, and stay out of mine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim2BSlim Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Preach it sista! I wish you would have told her that. Some people have no clue..they really don't! I bet you can't wait for her to apologize when you get to goal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will T Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Alana, point to your butt. Say "Kiss it now while it's big. Soon it will be smaller than yours." Then be proud of your commitment. It takes STRENGTH to make an $8K commitment that is for a lifetime, not just until the next fad pops up. I'm proud of you for not decking her right then and there, and even MORE proud of you for your commitment!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElaineC Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Kudos to you for your professional manner. I don't think I could have been that gracious. And that would have come back to bite me in my (now shrinking) butt. I think you response only has one major flaw...It is what you WISHED you said. I would have SAID it. You showed much more restraint than I would have. Her response was totally inappropriate. Yours was correct although what you wished you said would have felt immediately more satisfying. Hopefully she will shut up and just watch you shrink. And that will be the best revenge of all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clynn Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Well obviously SHE doesn't have a problem with food, therefore YOU don't have a problem either, you're just not trying hard enough. Duh! Seriously though, the high and mighty do make our lives interesting don't they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisem Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Alana, You did good, girl! Some people just do not know when to keep their trap shut! The sweetest revenge will be her watching your shrinking body over the next few months. Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diva Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 People like that drive me crazy. That's one reason why I decided to keep my band a secret. I'm not ashamed, I'm not embarrassed, it's simply not anybody's business and I don't need to be bothered with unsolicited opinions aimed at sabotaging my efforts. Someday, I may choose to tell somebody out side of this forum if it's helpful to them but that'll be my choice. Only my husband - who's under threat of castration should he ever squeal - and a friend who is a bandster herself know. I honestly don't care if some people think it's an easy way out - it isn't, although I was hoping it would be! But yes, I paid for a personal inner food police with my band. And IF there was an easy way out I WOULD gladly pay for it without hesitation. I do enough in my life the hard way, so what if I pay for help? Money comes and goes. If I want to spend money on a lapband, jewelry, give it to charity or gamble it away in Vegas, it's my business. People with their unsolicited opinions - such as your co-worker - can suck it. She probably doesn't give a hoot anyway about your journey and hopes that you won't succeed. But her jab at you gave her a false sense of superiority. You go and do your thing. Next time she says something be ready for her. Or simply don't waste your breath. Good luck and best wishes on YOUR weightloss journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Hi Alana, You are absolutely right and why couldn't you say what you wished you could have? What did you say to her? Anyone that I have told, I have been totally upfront in telling them how it works and if they think this is the easy way out, ask me what my pre-op diet consisted of...ask me how it felt to be on liquids for a month after surgery, ask me about sitting infront a plate of my favourite food and only able to eat 3-5 bites of it and stop. I've been on every diet in the book...and it was alot easier than this is. It's not about taking the easy way out, it's about taking the permanent way to good health. I applaud you for your words!!! Next time, say them, you have every right to!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeBe Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Next time, ask her is she mows her own lawn... or cuts and colors her own hair... or changes the oil in her car. Because, damn it - I bet if she just tried harder she could! And think of all the money she's wasting by not doing it all herself. Tsk, tsk. LOL! Sometimes, we have don't have the desire nor the will to do it all ourselves - sometimes we just need a little bit of help. And that's alright. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erin2796 Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Oh my gosh Alana! My sister in law is like that too. She is a plus sized girl too and is having some success on Weight Watchers which I tried and failed. When I told her I was having lap band surgery she was like... whatever that's the easy way I'm going to tough it out and do it the hard way. It's funny how people think this is the easy way. I struggle everyday with making the correct food choices, do I want chili fries or a chicken salad? I could easily go for the chili fries but I CHOOSE to eat the chicken salad. This is a lifestyle change and not a diet and that makes it even harder to work towards. The funny thing is I just found out from my niece that her mom, my sister in law that criticized me, looked into the surgery also and her insurance wouldn't cover it so I've come to the conclusion that she is just jealous that I had the surgery and she didn't! Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about your choice! We all know that we made the right decision and that we WILL achieve our goals! Erin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mona-camille Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think you should write that down on paper and hand it to her now. And add, that maybe she ought to use that wonderful discipline she is talking about to keep her mouth shut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alana Posted July 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I WISH I could have said it to her, but she is a co-worker. She's also in a higher position than I am. If I said those things to her (even if it wasn't at work), she could complain about me or file an HR complaint or at the very least, gossip about me confronting her. I wish she wasn't a co-worker cause then I wouldn't have held back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alana Posted July 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Next time, ask her is she mows her own lawn... or cuts and colors her own hair... or changes the oil in her car.Because, damn it - I bet if she just tried harder she could! And think of all the money she's wasting by not doing it all herself. Tsk, tsk. LOL! haha, I love that! I will definitely keep that in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I WISH I could have said it to her, but she is a co-worker. She's also in a higher position than I am. If I said those things to her (even if it wasn't at work), she could complain about me or file an HR complaint or at the very least, gossip about me confronting her. I wish she wasn't a co-worker cause then I wouldn't have held back! So what did you say to her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alana Posted July 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 So what did you say to her? That how I spend my money is my business and that the LapBand was working well for me. I made a point to get out of the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 That how I spend my money is my business and that the LapBand was working well for me. I made a point to get out of the conversation. Good for you! I guess, like the others have said...losing weight and looking great will be your best revenge!! You go girl!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jena Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 First she tells you what you did was unnecessary and then she tells you not to get an attitude? What GALL! Here's my "what I wish you said", "Don't get an attitude? I don't have an attitude, it's just that you're a stupid be-otch and it's a shame that there is no operation to cure that. Maybe if you just try harder to change you will." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erin2796 Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 I love that one Jena!!! That would have been funny! Like Ron White says... "you can't fix stupid!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooklynIrish59 Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Alana, I don't know what kind of company you work for, but my Healthcare company has strict HIPAA policies including its employees.... meaning if someone were to find out that I had lapband surgery and either told others or even discussed it with me without my approval, they are in violation of our company policy. That conversation your co-worker had with you borders on harrassment. It's obvious she isn't someone you feel remotely close enough to be a confidant. You took the high road and remained professional. You do realize you probably have enough to report her to H.R. What are the chances she is going to keep this to herself? You may hesitate saying anything to anyone in H.R., because then you have to make them aware, but I would nip this in the bud right now. Geez, it didn't even happen to me and I'm worked up over it. Must be my Irish temper! Revenge is sweet....you are a beautiful woman now and no doubt once you reach your goal, you will dazzle and I hope you can be that fly on the wall when she has to eat her words. Misery does NOT love company and that miserable person is probably just jealous. This is exactly one of the reason my band is my little secret.... Best of luck next time she approaches you, but think about talking to someone in H.R. Barb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 First she tells you what you did was unnecessary and then she tells you not to get an attitude? What GALL! Here's my "what I wish you said", "Don't get an attitude? I don't have an attitude, it's just that you're a stupid be-otch and it's a shame that there is no operation to cure that. Maybe if you just try harder to change you will." Oh Jena, you make me laugh...how are you? Haven't seen you around in awhile....good to see you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vix Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Alana...I think that you had remarkable restraint in keeping your thoughts to yourself and you should be proud of how professional you were/are. I had several women in my office where I used to work who were just like that. And, if they didn't say it to your face, they said it behind your back. People like that are SUCH pains in the butt! I agree with everything you said to her and I can tell you that I wouldn't have been as professional as you and would have said it to her. I don't deal very well with people who like to mind other peoples business... But, I think you did very well with how you handled it! I did like a lot of the other answers too.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2fat4me Posted July 29, 2008 Report Share Posted July 29, 2008 MAN, some people are so ugly when they open their mouth. YOU have so much more class than she does. Keep it up girl! Don't lose your cool with her, she is definitly not worth it. Reneej Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Bee Posted July 29, 2008 Report Share Posted July 29, 2008 I agree with Barb... this borders on harassment. Find out your company policy on this and be forearmed next time she says something, and she will. Or, you could say, "Thank you for your opinion. I will add it to my ignore list." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaK2231 Posted July 29, 2008 Report Share Posted July 29, 2008 Whooo Hooo, Good job, It stinks that you even had to have that conversation. I'm proud that you stood up for yourself!! Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormy Posted July 29, 2008 Report Share Posted July 29, 2008 I have told almost everyone at my office what I am up to, they all think I am crazy and they have no problem telling me so. But when I tell them so be it and that I am going and that is it. They all say ok if that is what you want to do. If I end up taking time off from work, watch them starting complaining. ( I am going to do my best not to do that. But so far, I think everyone has been supportive. I would have a hard time not telling someone off who is like that. :-? You did good, better than I would have. If I find that I am making a mistake later on, I hope that my coworkers will support me through the tough times. It is a shame that there are people out there like that, I know I work with a few, they can kiss my BIG #$%. They will all feel stupid when I am in a size 8, ok I will settle for 10, HA! Dont even give someone like that your time. You are too good for that. That last post about HR, I believe they may be right, this is a confidential issue and she better keep her mouth shut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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