Food addiction

[stormy]

Last night hubby and I went to dinner, it was my sons birthday. We had a very nice dinner. At the end of the meal she came by and asked us if we wanted pie for desert, I told her no. He said his dinner came with pie, I told him, he dont need it. He got mad. He said he wanted the pie. I was stunned that he could get mad over a piece of pie. I explained to him that he has about 30 days to lose 14 pounds. He said so, I explained that we need to work together on this. That it is time to make good decisions so we can lose the weight. He said whatever and we left the restraurant. I was completely amazed that he could be so upset over a piece of pie. When we got home I asked him if he really wanted this band. He says he does. But I question if he has the full concept of what is going on here. He eats so much, there is not a moment that he is not sticking something in his mouth. I am concerned about him. I believe what they said on Oprah yesterday, you do have to get to the bottom of what made you fat and I think I have found it. I have become codependant to his eating. If that makes sense. He told me that he is afraid I will lose the weight and leave him. Well to be honest, that could happen because I am no longer willing to live this way. He comes home and gets on the computer for 4 hours and then goes to bed. That is no way to live. I know he wants to lose the weight, I just think he is overwhelmed by it. All I can do is be supportive, but I will not let him take me down, this is too important. I hope that does not make me a bad person. But if I need to leave to be healthy, than that is how it has to be.

[nothereanymore]

This is a hard one. I love my husband so much, and we've been together since 78, I just can’t imagine leaving him for weight or anything. In my opinion, loosing his weight is his battle, he needs to buy into it, loosing your weight is yours. You can support each other on this journey, but you need to own your own success or failures. If my husband succeeded or failed, I’d still be with him. And he couldn't stop me from my success, but my success wouldn’t stop me from loving him. That’s a given.

I know that my husband was very worried about me loosing weight and they all think we might leave them. Its a normal guy thing (Guys out there don't listen for a minute) they are just nutty some times and more afraid of things than we are and do silly little boy things to combat things that scare them!! (At least mine does) But my goal was to build his confidence while building my own. I knew once I made the decision to change and loose the weight that it was going to happen, I told him - he'd do little things to sabotage without realizing it. I talk to him about it, and let him know how much this benefited him. I think with men the more we threaten, the more they pull away and fight and do the opposite of what we want them to do. (Don’t get me wrong, I can be feisty, and some of these conversations got downright hot, but all ended with how they benefit him).

Good luck, I hope the best for you, but in my opinion you need to let him get to his own bottom of what got him fat! (Sorry if that comes out wrong) And focus on what got you there, then just support each others journeys. If he doesn’t want to take one – that’s OK, just work to have him support you. When he sees the positive changes you making he’ll most likely jump on board, you know how men hate to miss a good thing!

Best,

Lisa

[Painter]

That is really a hard thing to deal with. I would guess that your hubby was just embarrassed. Deep down he probably knows you are right and was somewhat relieved that he didn't eat the pie. Just tell him that you love him and are trying to help. It's hard to argue with that.

Cheryl

[vix]

Hi Stormy,

I read your message and feel so bad for both you and your husband. I almost think it would be harder to be going through something like this WITH my husband doing it too. The thing is that everyone reacts differently to situations and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to lose the preop weight and prepare while your husband seems to not be feeling it the same way. We are all different, and your husband will somehow find a way to deal with the surgery....he has to. It might not be the way that you think he should, but he will either sink or swim. I think that right now he's terrified of the surgery and was probably really embarassed that he asked for the pie and probably also because you pointed out that he shouldn't eat it. Then he was probably embarassed that he got mad about it. It's an emotional time for both of you right now. I know because I'm going through it too. I hope that things will settle down for you once you have the surgery, but unfortunately it sounds like things will be getting harder for all of us before they get better. If you need to chat about anything, feel free to let me know since I'm right around the same place you are. I wish both you and your husband the best...