stormy Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 There I was in the middle of Safeway, my son laying on the ground throwing a complete tantrum. I remember thinking when I saw kids like that, my kids will never be that way. Well think again. My son is autistic and yes he is like that. All I wanted to do was make a stop on the way home to get my medication. It is hot outside and unfortuately, this set him off. I am not happy about sweating either but there everyone was looking at me. I was so embarrassed. I was just thinking, how can I get outta here. He is so heavy and I am so big, that when I attempted to carry him out of the store kicking and screaming, I could hardly breath. I had to stop two times to catch my breath. Finally I found a shopping cart to put him in so I could get him outside. I came home and cried my eyes out. How can I think about leaving him for 4 days? Does this woman who is going to be watching him have any idea what she is up for? He is going to freak out? I feel horrible about it. But there is a part of me that needs to get the freaking away from him. Dont misunderstand me. I love my son. But I am fat and misrible. I can't play with him, I can hardly keep up with him. He is a runner. I am scarred to death he will get away from me and then when he does this. How stupid I feel, people are looking at me. What a terrible mother, they must be thinking. What is wrong with that child? Why can't he be normal? Now we are home and in for the evening and I sit here and take a look at this situation. This surgery is not just about me, it is about him too. I need to be the mom that can swoop him up and carry his little butt out of the store. I am so uncomfortable in my own body it is horrible. I have to get stronger, because he is getting bigger. How scarry is that? and I have to get over what people think of me and my son. He can't help it, he is my baby, stop looking at me, dont feel sorry for me, just walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doinitagann Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 There I was in the middle of Safeway, my son laying on the ground throwing a complete tantrum. I remember thinking when I saw kids like that, my kids will never be that way. Well think again. My son is autistic and yes he is like that. All I wanted to do was make a stop on the way home to get my medication. It is hot outside and unfortuately, this set him off. I am not happy about sweating either but there everyone was looking at me. I was so embarrassed. I was just thinking, how can I get outta here. He is so heavy and I am so big, that when I attempted to carry him out of the store kicking and screaming, I could hardly breath. I had to stop two times to catch my breath. Finally I found a shopping cart to put him in so I could get him outside. I came home and cried my eyes out. How can I think about leaving him for 4 days? Does this woman who is going to be watching him have any idea what she is up for? He is going to freak out? I feel horrible about it. But there is a part of me that needs to get the freaking away from him. Dont misunderstand me. I love my son. But I am fat and misrible. I can't play with him, I can hardly keep up with him. He is a runner. I am scarred to death he will get away from me and then when he does this. How stupid I feel, people are looking at me. What a terrible mother, they must be thinking. What is wrong with that child? Why can't he be normal? Now we are home and in for the evening and I sit here and take a look at this situation. This surgery is not just about me, it is about him too. I need to be the mom that can swoop him up and carry his little butt out of the store. I am so uncomfortable in my own body it is horrible. I have to get stronger, because he is getting bigger. How scarry is that? and I have to get over what people think of me and my son. He can't help it, he is my baby, stop looking at me, dont feel sorry for me, just walk away. You are a strong mother!!! You are trying hard to do what is right for him. 4 days away from him will be a lifetime with him. As far as what people think, I had the same situation happen to me at a grocery store. 5 years ago but this time it happened at my husbands place of employment. Someone mentioned to my husband there was a freak child in the store and the next second I called my husband on the cell phone, begging for help. He was in a meeting and could not come, but I had to leave my full shopping cart in the middle of the isle and leave with my son kicking and screaming. I got home and cired like a baby. ( my son fell asleep on the way home, lucky for him) My point is, It happens to all of us. It helps to be in shape to handle all of these things. You are doing something for yourself and for him. I wish you the best!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cckcsharp Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 I feel for you. My kids are not autistic, but they have all certainly had there moments in the store too. And I hate how people stare. And yes, I think that being over weight contributes to the staring and makes me feel worse. People can be so judgemental and it's difficult at times to deal with. What's worse is that I believe that two of the things that people are MOST judgemental about, is over weight people and parenting/kids. So I am sure that was a very diffucult experience for you. I am sure that it will be hard to leave him, but you are right. You are doing this for him too. I have never left my four kids with anyone over night and barely allow anyone to babysit during day light hours. It's hard to leave the little ones, but I too, recognize all that my kids are missing out on because of my obesity. I will be coming back ready to be a better mom to them. It will be hard, but it will also pass really quickly. I am feelin for you right now, because I have come home and cried before due to my childrens behavior out in public too. Those are some of the harder days to be a parent. Best wishes. Jessica Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy40 Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 I teach the autistic. I understand. If a hug was a flower and I could send it, you'd have a garden. If people stare at you, so what. You do what you need to do. Those people do not matter. Your son matters. Your new life when you lose the weight will matter. Other people's opinion do not matter. we love you c. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormy Posted August 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Thank you everyone. I only wish I could make him understand that everything is ok. What a terrible thing for a child to have to deal with. I wish autism would go away!! I hate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Bee Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Thank you everyone. I only wish I could make him understand that everything is ok. What a terrible thing for a child to have to deal with. I wish autism would go away!! I hate it I know you are upset because he was unhappy.. good mommy.. He will be MORE unhappy if you die earlier because of weight related health issues. With regards to being embarassed? Who gives a flip! You are never going to see any of those people again, so who cares? Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Hi Stormy, I can't even imagine how difficult it must be handling an austic child, my youngest son is very high strung and has a wicked temper and at times I get winded trying to deal with it all, I even thought I was having a heart attack on one occasion, he got me so flustered. You are a great Mom and you'll be an even better Mom once you get healthy and happy!! Hugs for you!!! > > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allcdngirl Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Hi Stormy... I can really relate to what happened to you, as my now soon to be 13 yr old son has ADHD and suffers from anxiety as well. He was diagnosed when he was 7. It's been trying... I know. I'm actually surprised he's still alive, and I'm not in jail. Because believe you me... I was ready to kill him on several occasions. Especially when he was screaming so loud in his bedroom that the neighbours did think I was killing him! I'm a single mom and have been for 10 yrs. I used to go away for a girls weekend quite regularly, as we both needed the break from each other. And a week in Mexico with the girls was almost an annual event. I needed something to look forward to. My sister never agreed, but hey.. she didn't have to live with him. You know what... he'll do just fine when you're gone and you'll do just fine as well. Cherish every moment while you're gone, and after you're banded, take the time to learn alot from others. Come on the forum for the support you will need and the relaxation it will hopefully bring you. I love coming on the forum. Takes my mind off other things. Bring alot of information on the band with you when you go, relax by the pool, read it, so that when you get home, you'll know what to expect. The less stressed you are, the better both of you will be for it. And think of how happy you will be when you are banded and are feeling so much better. It's a win-win situation for both of you. In the meantime,,, hang-in there. > > > In the meantime, if you like beer, drink lots,, cause you're gonna miss it when you can't have it!! Anita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nothereanymore Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Anita..... I just love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieburns Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 In the meantime, if you like beer, drink lots,, cause you're gonna miss it when you can't have it!! Anita :drinks: , so true!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormy Posted August 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 I love beer!!! thanks so much for your support. The one thing I want to do when I am there is relax. I can never relax, he makes me so nervous. I know having surgery is scarry, but I hope that I can just take some time out for Me for a change.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieburns Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 I am sure you are always "on" for your sons sake. Won't it be nice to be "off", literally. Nothing to be nervous about as far as your surgery and trip goes. You are a special mom to care for your son as he needs it. I can't even imagine how hard this is. Yes this is a gift for not just you but your family too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dontondan Posted August 17, 2008 Report Share Posted August 17, 2008 Stormy, I can sympathize with you totally. I have 1-3 foster kids in my home at one time and they are all "special needs" kiddos and can be a challenge at the best of times. Just remember the better health that will come with your weight loss and you will have more energy to deal with the tough times. I take in the kids that no one else wants to deal with and it is not pretty.....most of them come from horrible home situations or parents that have "given up" or just don't give a damn. I applaud you for your actions and removing your son from the situation and to hell with those that don't have a clue what it is like to have a kid that has this type of problems and just stop and stare... The confidence that you will gain alone will make a huge difference in your personal life and handling this type of situation. You also need time for yourself, so take the time you need and do what you need to do, we all need a break sometimes. Hugs to you, Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now