One Week to go, had to cancel

[Will T]

you girls keep talking about sex drive as if its a BAD thing.... is this something that happens to female bandsters?? Zip the band goes on... zip the... oh never mind.

[Phoenix]

My husband chose to be sideline supportive.

As in: I want you to be thin.

And also as in: I'm not going to participate. I'm not going to engage. It's your problem. And I'm just going to sort of root for you when it's convenient.

I'm becoming famous in my own little part of the ocean for saying "No one can get you in to heaven. And you can't get anyone else thru the pearly gates."

It's your body. You're in the driver's seat. You want partnership, you want support. Phenomenal if your husband does his part. If you don't get it?

Well...we're back to "No one can get you into heaven." Do what is right for you. No apologies, no excuses. Your body, your choice.

[denisem]

Phoenix,

I just LOVE the way you speak your mind. You say what we all would like to say, only better! Thank you for your honesty and keeping me on track. I really just need to focus on the "me" part of this journey and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about it.

I appreciate your candidness.

Denise

[DaGreen]

Will, you are a crack up! My issues with sex? "EEEWWW, why does he even WANT to touch me? I am so gross"

Phoenix, THANK YOU for that. My husband sat back and did that for years, now that I am going ahead with the surgery, he is interested in helping me out, HIS WAY

My current status is:

I am "allowing" my husband one last chance to put his best foot forward and letting him think that he can "fix me". As someone said earlier, it has to be his idea. So basically, I am humoring him. I have all my books out (see book review), not hiding it at all, I've even cooked him some meals out of the cookbooks. I have also read to him a lot of your posts in this forum. He is opening up more and more to the idea.

I am continuing to follow the program for I asked to be banded for my 40th birthday, which is in January. I always get what I want :-? In the mean time, Bob Green, aka Husband, has me working out daily using my Garmin Heart Rate Monitor that the workouts get logged to the computer weekly. He asked of me 8 hours a week to be in my target heart rate zone. I am also following a 1200-1500 calorie per day program. I see this all a precursor to what I will have to be doing once I am banded anyways. Bob, aka husband, is also eating smaller portions and about the same caloric intake as me

This gives both of us an opportunity to work together on a life style change before the actual surgery happens. It gives me a chance to work with my psychologist on this as well.

THANK YOU ALL for your kindness and support. And I thought HE gave tough love, some of you were pretty cut and dry and I think the world of you for that! <' />

[Will T]

Will, you are a crack up! My issues with sex? "EEEWWW, why does he even WANT to touch me? I am so gross"

Donna, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. He obviously sees incredible beauty, both inner and outer, in you. As the others have said, and I echo, it is the person within YOU that you do this for... for your inner peace, for your life-long desire, whatever... this is a YOU-journey. And this is NOT a selfish whim, by any means, this is an opportunity for us to be victorious over a foe which has kicked us pretty good over the years.

Your husband is very lucky to have someone like you, who has great insight and considerable thoughtfulness. You will succeed.

[harmonyherb]

Thanks for the support!

Karenlynn, I am going to follow the plan as if I was banded, thanks for the tips!

Kim, I am so effing mad and sad. No kids are involved. I do have high risks of ovarian and breast cancer. I've tried to tell him all this and he knows all this. He is an athlete and doesn't understand. Nothing I said made sense to him. His answer? "We BOTH will go to a nutritionist and do this together." Ugh, he rides his bike about 200 miles a week, he NEEDS the food and calories. I am just beside myself. The good news, it will take me a short time to get the rest of the money on my own.

Cara, I truly believe he thinks it's "being in control of yourself". You are absolutely right, it's just going to be more money spent on more diets and more injuries to myself trying to get in the exercise.

Doingitagain, thanks! I think you and I both found this site at the same time. STAND YOUR GROUND, don't let your husband do the same to you. Keep posting details about your steps, I am going to need them in the future!

You all know I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE AGAINST HIM, it's just a matter of time and the thing is, I think he KNOWS I am going to win. I think he is just in shock.

Hii Donna,

From a guys perspective I have a different approach, I am just thinking out load. MY lap band was done last Wednesday so I am a novice to this forum. I wonder how secure your husband is. Is it possible that if you loose the weight and turn into a georgeous, sexy, highy attractive women that gets looks from other men that he might be jealouse. Not being a pyschologist, this was a thought that entered my mind at I read your message. How secure is your mariage, your relationship? He is the athlete, women no doublt look at him which gives him an ego kick, I do not think he would like his wife to do the same thing from a woman's perspective. Just something to think about. Some men can feel overly possessive even with a spouse they love very much. And they could become jealous with your successul weight loss and some of the independance that comes with feeling great about your self. My wife says when I lose my 115 pounds and get looks from other women, she will bust out with pride and happiness for me.

Good luck and hopefully he will grow up and understand that haveing a healthly spouse is worth everythingl

Thinking of you,

Harmony Herb

[Kittycat]

Hii Donna,

From a guys perspective I have a different approach, I am just thinking out load. MY lap band was done last Wednesday so I am a novice to this forum. I wonder how secure your husband is. Is it possible that if you loose the weight and turn into a georgeous, sexy, highy attractive women that gets looks from other men that he might be jealouse. Not being a pyschologist, this was a thought that entered my mind at I read your message. How secure is your mariage, your relationship? He is the athlete, women no doublt look at him which gives him an ego kick, I do not think he would like his wife to do the same thing from a woman's perspective. Just something to think about. Some men can feel overly possessive even with a spouse they love very much. And they could become jealous with your successul weight loss and some of the independance that comes with feeling great about your self. My wife says when I lose my 115 pounds and get looks from other women, she will bust out with pride and happiness for me.

Good luck and hopefully he will grow up and understand that haveing a healthly spouse is worth everythingl

Thinking of you,

Harmony Herb

Harmony Herb, you are so right, when I was researching WLS surgery they said that the biggest casualty to the weight loss is failed marriage due to jealously of the other spouse. They tend to start puttng down the spouse who has lost the weight to play with their self-esteem and to keep them close to home.

Luckily my husband is not one of those, he loved me thin, he loves me heavy and will love me thin again. He's not a thin person himself, needs to lose about 75 lbs...I told him that we need to shrink together, we'll see if that happens.

[DaGreen]

Will, I thought it was a guy just being a guy always wanting/needing sex not beauty within the eye of the beholder

Harmony Herb and Kittycat,

EXCELLENT insight. However, I'd like to think that isn't the case. We both have been true and confident within ourselves, no jealousy issues ever and we have been married 15 years and together 20. My husband has chased me around the house regardless what size I am, which I know I should feel extremely flattered, but with body image issues that I have, how can one truly feel sexy?

Seriously, this is just a miner set back. I think he thought I was being to hasty in making the decision. I know with much discussion in the next couple of weeks, I will be banded in late Sept or Oct.

[CottonwoodAZ]

I Too had the same situation in April of 2007 and I have given it my all. I get up (still) at 5 am before my 6 kids and go to the gym. Tried changing my eating habits and that worked for about 3 months but continued to work out. My husband was most worried about how we were paying for the surgery. He has watched me work very hard for almost a year and a half. He is now very supportive and finding the OCC saved us half which also made him feel a little better. Just keep your head up and do your best. Keep saving and pour out your heart to him. PS I did lose 6 Lbs and am much firmer so thats good news.