Guest CaraMBA09 Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 I love concerts (always have), for those of you who know the Gipsy Kings (they were at Chateau St Michelle tonight), I took my husband. I just flew back in from my business trip today, got home early, got kids organized, met my husband up I-5 so he would not have to go south and met him. The second we got there, he began to pick me apart..."well, if it is NOT the black shorts and BLACK t-shirt, it is the black shorts and WHITE t-shirt, WHY can't you just celebrate who you are NOW??" (AND ROLLS HIS EYES AT IMPENDING BANDING - as if THAT is going to work). Picked fights with me throughout concert...(I am LIVID)...then marched behind me on the way to the car...got in...we get up to where King County Sheriffs are directing traffic and he jumps out and marches into a local bar (60 miles away from home). I watched him for nearly 2 BLOCKS walk towards it and made the decision to KEEP ON TRUCKIN'...I have 3 kids at home.... I made the decision after how crappy he wanted me to feel....that it was BEST to leave his sorry ass there. which I did. I think he has had an affair in the past and I just found out that this person just got recently divorced. I am guessing at a lot of things, but I am hurt and very angry and have made the decision that if he does not come home tonight I will be filing divorce papers on Monday. I called my girlfriend in Louisiana and she is fit! to be tied!...I am just so numb about how I should feel...yet I am SO mad. I left his suit outside on his truck...I hope it rains. I will get my banding NO MATTER WHAT! 2+ WEEKS LEFT TO BANDING>...DONT SCREW WITH THE SKINNY GIRLS IP (InPotential!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mona-camille Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 WOW! Not sure what to say except, I sure hope it all works out for the best. You do have your hands full and I do applaud you for having the guts to leave him there and keep driving. Good for you, he DID deserve it. Sure am curious to know what happens today. Just be careful and be safe and do what your heart tells you to do. You will have lots of support from me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mona-camille Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 WOW! Not sure what to say except, I sure hope it all works out for the best. You do have your hands full and I do applaud you for having the guts to leave him there and keep driving. Good for you, he DID deserve it. Sure am curious to know what happens today. Just be careful and be safe and do what your heart tells you to do. You will have lots of support from me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erin2796 Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 WOW! I'm sure that leaving him behind was not an easy thing to do but from his attitude it does sound like it may have been the best thing to do. Stay stong and follow your instincts and heart. It is important that you do what is best for you and especially your kids. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieburns Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 Oh honey I am so sorry for your pain. It took real guts to just keep driving. This could have been an excerpt from a chapter of my previous marriage. Yes I said previous. Verbal abuse is real, but then again I only know what you have written. Good for you for coming here to vent as well. This forum is invaluable for so many. I am glad we are here for you. Please know I care. Also I hope that you are able to get through these next days by staying true to yourself. Yes men can be very mean at times with constant negative talk(so can women so don't say I am prejudice all of ya). But when you are the target it stinks. Don't make a rash decision you will regret, or perhaps just a threat that you don't intend to follow through on. It sounds like there is much more to this than just what happened at the concert tonight. You need to dig deep girl and evaluate your marriage and your lives together before you choose a path which may or may not be the best for you and your family. Hugs to you sweetie. Please stay with us on this one and post when you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 Oh my, I am sure you are in pain right now. I am sorry that things are not working out as you planned. If you truly feel that he is having an affair and not being true to you, it might be one of the reasons he picks fights the minute he sees you, so he can justify leaving you or you leaving him. I wish you all the best and hope you do what you need to do for you! You need support that is unconditional when you embark on this life style change. Good Luck to you and please keep in touch on how you are doing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fat2nrml Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 Wow, that's a tuff one.... I do sincerely wish you all the best. I don't know you, but you sound like a strong person. You're going to do what's best for you regardless of hubby's situation. Bravo!! My prayers are with you and your family, Darlene Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mistyband Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 You go girl!! Don't let someone else dictate your life or how you should be!! If he can'g except your decisions about your own body, well to hell with him! It sounds to me like he is miserable with himself and wants to keep you down with him....He can't except the fact that you are a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you are going to better your health and your overall image! God will give you the strength to do what you have to do!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 Where do they get the idea that once they're married, they are free to be their worst possible selves? You're better off without him. He's picking a fight to make you be the bad guy for causing the break up. It's manipulation and it's mean. Again, you're better off without him. Sorry he's choosing to be an ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaGreen Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 Oh dear! Stay strong. This is for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CaraMBA09 Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 I love concerts (always have), for those of you who know the Gipsy Kings (they were at Chateau St Michelle tonight), I took my husband. I just flew back in from my business trip today, got home early, got kids organized, met my husband up I-5 so he would not have to go south and met him. The second we got there, he began to pick me apart..."well, if it is NOT the black shorts and BLACK t-shirt, it is the black shorts and WHITE t-shirt, WHY can't you just celebrate who you are NOW??" (AND ROLLS HIS EYES AT IMPENDING BANDING - as if THAT is going to work). Picked fights with me throughout concert...(I am LIVID)...then marched behind me on the way to the car...got in...we get up to where King County Sheriffs are directing traffic and he jumps out and marches into a local bar (60 miles away from home). I watched him for nearly 2 BLOCKS walk towards it and made the decision to KEEP ON TRUCKIN'...I have 3 kids at home....I made the decision after how crappy he wanted me to feel....that it was BEST to leave his sorry ass there. which I did. I think he has had an affair in the past and I just found out that this person just got recently divorced. I am guessing at a lot of things, but I am hurt and very angry and have made the decision that if he does not come home tonight I will be filing divorce papers on Monday. I called my girlfriend in Louisiana and she is fit! to be tied!...I am just so numb about how I should feel...yet I am SO mad. I left his suit outside on his truck...I hope it rains. I will get my banding NO MATTER WHAT! 2+ WEEKS LEFT TO BANDING>...DONT SCREW WITH THE SKINNY GIRLS IP (InPotential!) well...the knucklehead apparently found a bus to take him to southcenter (where his car was) and he then came home (about 1 am). He then said that "YOU left me there...blah, blah..." I had to remind him that HE is the one who got out of the truck after picking at me for HOURS. Needless to say, we have not spoken at all today...no apology from him - which I am sure he expects me to say "gosh...sorry for leaving your sorry ass there!" This marriage has been work from day one! This next year is going to be a year of change on ALL situations...my weight, my job, my marriage, etc. I am embracing the changes for the next year! and truly cannot wait. thanks to all who have read and supported me! 3 weeks and counting! ~C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nothereanymore Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 He's being an ass, and don't get me wrong - I know they can be big asses. You are getting ready to make some big changes in your life - you have found a new outlet and friends (us) and most likely spending more time with us and talking about the new you that is coming on pretty soon here. I think its scaring the shit out of him. And when this happens with guys they can act bad since they don't know how to act at times. I don’t know your relationship, I know you have 3 kids (I do too but mine are 18 and over now) and I don’t know if before it was good or bad in the past. If its always been bad and he’s just a total ass and its not good for the kids - I’d look to make some changes more than my weight – if you two use to have something good together and with your changes you are making to yourself – you two together might be able to save this and work it out. Anyone who’s been married for over 10 years most likely has had ups and downs, after 28 years I’ve had plenty – but I know he’s a good guy (an ass sometimes and was an extra ass when I started to loose the weight) and he’s fine now since his confidence is up and so is mine. Its hard, but stay strong and don’t let this detour you, but also be aware how this is going to make others feel. You’re on a journey and you will really find out who your true friends are, who the saboteurs are and who loves you unconditionally. The changes that are coming are both mental as well as physical. Its OK to be hurt but now chin up and let the journey begin! My best to you and my thoughts are with you! Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CaraMBA09 Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 He's being an ass, and don't get me wrong - I know they can be big asses. You are getting ready to make some big changes in your life - you have found a new outlet and friends (us) and most likely spending more time with us and talking about the new you that is coming on pretty soon here. I think its scaring the shit out of him. And when this happens with guys they can act bad since they don't know how to act at times.I don’t know your relationship, I know you have 3 kids (I do too but mine are 18 and over now) and I don’t know if before it was good or bad in the past. If its always been bad and he’s just a total ass and its not good for the kids - I’d look to make some changes more than my weight – if you two use to have something good together and with your changes you are making to yourself – you two together might be able to save this and work it out. Anyone who’s been married for over 10 years most likely has had ups and downs, after 28 years I’ve had plenty – but I know he’s a good guy (an ass sometimes and was an extra ass when I started to loose the weight) and he’s fine now since his confidence is up and so is mine. Its hard, but stay strong and don’t let this detour you, but also be aware how this is going to make others feel. You’re on a journey and you will really find out who your true friends are, who the saboteurs are and who loves you unconditionally. The changes that are coming are both mental as well as physical. Its OK to be hurt but now chin up and let the journey begin! My best to you and my thoughts are with you! Lisa Thanks Lisa, you are awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 Lisa is absolutely bang on...men can be asses and cry babies and selfish. I have been married for 19 years, with my hubby 22 years and we have had our ups and downs for sure, but I am a strong personality and he's not. He knows that if I want something, it's going to happen, like my lapband surgery. He knew better not to talk me out of it, because once I made up my mind to do it, it's getting done. Be strong for yourself and your kids, you have a huge life event coming up and being happier and healthier will certainly benefit you and your kids. Take care! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ackovach Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 I am sorry this happened. I just want you to know that I here too. Just stay strong and on track with your diet. This is for you!!! I am an emotional eater. Most of the time I get emotional because of the mean stuff that comes out of my husbands mouth. He says he is just venting and I take things too literally. I just can not allow him to tear me down now. It is a battle that I plan to win. He has gotten so much worse since the lapband discussions started. He is 20% ass/80% supportive. I really let the 20% get to me. I think he wonders what will happen to our marriage after I get skinny. Well, if he keeps up the demeaning talk, he is gonna be on the street.... So much change for us to deal with....... Too bad the folks closest to us sometime have to be jerks. Hugs, Amy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CaraMBA09 Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 I am sorry this happened. I just want you to know that I here too. Just stay strong and on track with your diet. This is for you!!! I am an emotional eater. Most of the time I get emotional because of the mean stuff that comes out of my husbands mouth. He says he is just venting and I take things too literally. I just can not allow him to tear me down now. It is a battle that I plan to win. He has gotten so much worse since the lapband discussions started. He is 20% ass/80% supportive. I really let the 20% get to me. I think he wonders what will happen to our marriage after I get skinny. Well, if he keeps up the demeaning talk, he is gonna be on the street....So much change for us to deal with....... Too bad the folks closest to us sometime have to be jerks. Hugs, Amy You ladies are amazing and always have the right thing to say. Thanks Ramona, Phoenix, Cat, Amy, Lisa, Julie.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieburns Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 How are you doing honey? Is the house still silent? How's your eating? Hang in there and don't apologize for his being the creep. Glad you checked in here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CaraMBA09 Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 How are you doing honey? Is the house still silent? How's your eating? Hang in there and don't apologize for his being the creep. Glad you checked in here. I am very full...lets just put it that way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doinitagann Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 I am sorry this happened. I just want you to know that I here too. Just stay strong and on track with your diet. This is for you!!! I am an emotional eater. Most of the time I get emotional because of the mean stuff that comes out of my husbands mouth. He says he is just venting and I take things too literally. I just can not allow him to tear me down now. It is a battle that I plan to win. He has gotten so much worse since the lapband discussions started. He is 20% ass/80% supportive. I really let the 20% get to me. I think he wonders what will happen to our marriage after I get skinny. Well, if he keeps up the demeaning talk, he is gonna be on the street....So much change for us to deal with....... Too bad the folks closest to us sometime have to be jerks. Hugs, Amy a BIG AMEN TO THAT!! I thought it was just my husband that was the ASS. Guess not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nothereanymore Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 OK, if you're very full it looks like you turned to food for support. Its OK, however its also a lesson learned. Its not going to change anything, fix anything and its not going to help you. Try to focus now and get back on track, the worst thing that can happen is you continue on this path. You are getting your band - you are on your way to a new you - don't let anything stop you!! Take a moment, imagine yourself in a tight pair of sexy jeans, you have a really cute form fitting top on that’s tucked in with a skinny belt. You have on comfy high heals, your hair is in a new style and your makeup is killer. You look at your husband, he looks at you and you say “You could have blown it and lost me, aren’t you glad you didn’t”?? So deep breath, no more food that isn’t on your pre op diet and kick some butte’ to get into those sexy jeans! (Let me tell you it feels great)! And you’re going to be in them sooner than you know if you just “DROP THE FOOD AND GET IT AWAY FROM YOUR MOUTH”!! Take care and stick with it! Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ackovach Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Hi, How are you doing now? Everything settle down? Thinking of you, Amy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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