STRESS--HELP

[doinitagann]

I just got off the phone with my mom. She was crying because my little brother just got his 2nd DUI in 2 months. Oh,what do you do? This is his 3rd DUI to date and he is 27. He has no job and no money but a girlfriend who adores him and enables him. She leaves him cash when she goes to work and can't stand to leave him set in jail. She is bailing him out and missing out on visiting her out of town sister. He does not think he has a problem but we all know he does. He refuses treatment and the court ordered treatment is an outpatient once a week counselling.

With all this stress, guess what I want to do? thats right-Eat. well I need to go but once again this is stuff that I cannot tell my husband because he has no idea what an addiction is. He just believes my brother is a loser and every time he messes my husband laughs and says "what a loser" I love my brother very much. He is a sweet guy and makes some of the stupidest choices. What do you do?

[nothereanymore]

He’s not a loser and he's not just making stupid choices, he maybe someone like many of us – he has an addition problem and its a disease. Mine was food so it made me fat, his sounds like its alcohol. The hard part is, ours isn’t against the law when driving, we can eat and drive, we can be obese – but we don’t kill people if we go out and overeat then drive, when he drinks and drives he’s taking a very good chance that he could kill himself and others.

Just like we all needed help to live healthy and happier lives, its sounds like he does as well. I wish it was as easy as getting him a lap band, but with alcohol, and my brother is an alcoholic as well – its much more difficult. As a family we’ve had interventions, and have gotten him in treatment – he’s doing well right now, but its hard you never know.

He's very young, I'd personally get my family together to make some decisions on how to help him. The truth is, he has to help himself - you can stress all you want but if he doesn't own it its a waste of time. But you need to come to a unified decision on how you are going to handle this as a family.

Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa

[Kittycat]

Lisa is right, alcoholism is an addiction, as food is.

Three DUIs is very serious and it will be court's decision as to what they will do to him or for him. He needs in-house addiction therapy to finally beat this disease, anything else is not going to work at this stage.

If you and your family have any influence at all on the court's decision, it should be in-house therapy instead of jail. I feel for you. I worked in the court system for over 10 years and saw real family heartbreak.

I wish you and your family well.

[fruty77]

I just got off the phone with my mom. She was crying because my little brother just got his 2nd DUI in 2 months. Oh,what do you do? This is his 3rd DUI to date and he is 27. He has no job and no money but a girlfriend who adores him and enables him. She leaves him cash when she goes to work and can't stand to leave him set in jail. She is bailing him out and missing out on visiting her out of town sister. He does not think he has a problem but we all know he does. He refuses treatment and the court ordered treatment is an outpatient once a week counselling.

With all this stress, guess what I want to do? thats right-Eat. well I need to go but once again this is stuff that I cannot tell my husband because he has no idea what an addiction is. He just believes my brother is a loser and every time he messes my husband laughs and says "what a loser" I love my brother very much. He is a sweet guy and makes some of the stupidest choices. What do you do?

Heidi,

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Stress, anxiety and frustration are a few of the major reasons why I tend to over eat or make extremely bad choices about what foods I put in my body. I know you are going through a lot right now, but try to focus on your immediate goal which is to lose your pre-op weight. You are doing this for YOU and you have all of us here that understand what you are going through when you say that you are having doubts. Maybe your husband will never understand what its like for you, but you are doing the right thing by reaching out to all of us that DO understand. Remember, one day at a time. We all have addictions whether they are food, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, drama.... but its up to you to decide when enough is enough. You are very vulnerable right now being on this diet and feeling like you are deprived and you are having emotions that are causing you to want to eat. My advice would be to take care of you first and then do what you can to help others around you. This "change" that we are making is not only about food, its about taking care of ourselves and avoiding situations that may cause us to "relapse". I hope that your brother will get the help that he needs and that his girlfriend will stop enabling him. Alcoholism is rampant in my family so I completely understand what you are dealing with. Hang in there and stay strong!

We've only got less then 2 weeks until the big day!

[stormy]

I know exactly what you are going through. That girlfriend really has some issues. but the last post was right, you need to take care of you. The hardest thing I have ever done was stay away from my family. They are toxic. Everytime I hear from them, it is some huge drama. I miss my mom, she lives in that drama. But I have to live my life for me and my son and husband. Right now the girlfriend is enabling his behavior but once the courts get into it, hopefully they can stop him before he kills someone or himself. My sister drinks and drives, I dont know why she has not earned herself a DUI yet, but it makes me angry that she does it and thinks nothing about it. I just pray for her and hope that she will figure out it is wrong before she hurts someone. Unfortunately, there is only so much we can do and that is take care of ourselves. Please, I am on the pre-op diet, I know it is hard. Stay with me on it. We can do this... Email me if you need help. Dont eat junk!! This is going to be a new beginning. Have faith... This is about you, a new and improved you, healthy and happy and slim and sexy. We can all do it, if we have eachother to support eachother. As I am here drinking my slim fast. I have to believe this or I will go crazy!!.

[momonamission]

It is a sad story we hear over and over again. My step dad was just like your brother. My Mom would leave and go back, she did this all the time for a period for over 10 years. She loved him which I think changed to resentment, later when she did leave and did not go back I think it turned to pity with saddness. When he was young and could have quit he did not. Later in life he had the shakes and was depended on the alcohol just to function. We could not do it for him and we had to seperate ourseves from him. I always had hope that he would beat it. He had a real good heart and just no will power to beat it. He died alone in his small camper trailer for that was all he could afford. He ran everyone away because of his drinking. He did however ask God to come into his heart thank goodness to a preacher that would visit him and talk to him. Terry (that's his name) would curse you out so fast it would make your head spin while he was drinking and when sober he would do the greatest things. My point is .....It has to be his decision. He may choose to keep drinking or when he sees himself alone and rock bottom he may choose to change. Terry my step dad is now in Heaven where I know he does not deal with alcoholism anymore. This is such a hardship on any family. Best wishes.

[doinitagann]

You all are so wonderful!!!!!! Thank you for the support, it helps so much. You are all so right. Amazingly, having looked at his addictions, makes me understand my own. It has made me stronger to stick with this. I have done well so far on the preop and hope to continue. Don't know what I would do without all of you though. Thanks again >