Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

[kibble]

I am sliming or throwing up about every 30 seconds while I'm posting this. I got banded June 9, 2008 and I haven't ever felt like this! This week has been a struggle. I lost 20 lbs in my post op liquid phase and then nothing else. I got my first fill. Still nothing. Felt no restriction...etc. I had my 2nd fill 2 weeks ago and I can really tell the difference. Good restriction.

My struggle is that since I'm restricted I'm expecting the weight to melt off. My calories never go above 1200 and sometimes they are way too low...like 700. I'm not ever really that hungry. But since I love food, I often eat when I'm not hungry. Anyone relate to that? :-) I've been jumping on the scales twice a day and they just aren't moving. Some days I wonder why I paid all this money!

Nights are the worse. I am a snacker. Tonight, I tried to avoid it. I finally gave in and raided the pantry. I grabbed graham crackers of all things. I spread a little pb on it and wolfed it down. Now I'm throwing up or sliming. It isn't pretty.

I was stupid. I thought getting the band would "cure" me. I thought the weight would melt off and I wouldn't even have to try very hard. I wouldn't be able to eat more than a few spoonfuls at a time so the weight would have to come off. I thought it wouldn't matter what I ate since I couldn't eat much anyway. The reality for me is....I still have to learn to conquer the head hunger and food addiction. I have to learn how to cope with stress without food. I have to stay off that scale and not become obsessed with it.

I hate hearing the magic words "The band is just a tool". Now I know why I hate it. I was hoping the tool would do the work. It just isn't going to happen that way.

I went to my family doc last week and told him about the band. He informed me that he has lots of patients with the band and it just doesn't seem to be as successful as they all had hoped. He said gastric bypass was the one sure way to get it off. My shoulders just slumped. This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard. I had dreams of size 8's. I dreamed of shopping in regular misses sizes. I dreamed of fitting into an airplane seat without squishing the person beside me! Now I'm wondering if I will make it. This just sucks for me right now! (

[Will T]

You ARE getting immediate results, just not in the way you want it.

I was you - the midnight snacks, all of it. Nothing was better than a few graham crackers, peanut butter and some cold milk after hours. In just 4.5 months, I never do that any more. The more I was filled, the less I snacked, whether it was from pb'ing or just being so full I wanted nothing else.

Re-learning to eat properly is something I had to face as well. I liked large bites, and chewing, and leaving every plate on the table clean. Not any more. If I eat a large bite, I visit the restroom and pb. Right now I have learned that a chicken nugget is WONDERFUL if I cut it in half and eat slowly. I cover it in wonderful flavored sauces for variety, but a half-nugget is just enough to keep me from pb'ing. And, I'm starting to get used to it.

I'm even getting accustomed to asking for a to-go box when I order, and immediately fill it up half-way. I put it in an empty place at the table, and go with the meal on the plate. Many times I add more to the to-go container.

Consider this a positive experience for you. Your body has accepted your change (the band) and is helping you to accomodate it. The scales will respond on THEIR schedule, as your body does. I had to accept that. It took me 40 years to build this creature I'm in, I can give it a few months to change into something wonderful.

As my old football coach would say, quoting HIS football coach, "Pain is a great teacher."

[momonamission]

I too know how you feel. I did alot of reserach on the band so I knew the weight would not flly off. I also went to local meetings at two different hospitals. They both said the same thing. You will lose it faster with bypass but lapband does the same thing without alot of the risks, just slower. They only want you to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week. If you only lose 1 pound a week in 52 weeks you will have lost 52 pounds and 2 years would be 104 pounds. That is hugh progess. That is how I have to look at it. I wanted to have a some what normal life and eat a piece of my childs birthday cake if I wanted. With gastric bypass you can not do that because you would have the dumping syndrome. I know it seems slow and sometimes others move faster. Just keep your chin up. Your local hospital might do a support meetings like mine do. It is a great place to go to get motivated. Just do not compare yourself to bypass patients. Try documenting everything you eat. Make sure you are getting in enough calories and not too much. Drink your water(my big problem), and try to increase your activity. Maybe instead of weighing everyday you could try only weighing 1 day a week because you know how we go up and down all the time. I hope this helps.

[Kittycat]

I couldn't have written my story better than you did.

I was banded June 10th...and go through exactly the same thing. Had a major PBing episode last week at work and was afraid to eat for days, but I am back to it again.

I am a chronic snacker especially a night and when I'm home alone, I am trying really hard though.

I want this weight loss so bad and I wish my brain would listen to me before I grab a snack!!

Good luck, you'll do fine, we're here for support!!

[kibble]

Thank you all so much for your support. This is just plain hard...I don't care how you do it. I feel a little more motivated today. I certainly don't want to go through an episode like I did last night. YUCK! I still feel nauseated this morning from that 30 minute slime party.

Thanks again!

Kim

[Kimmy in MD]

Kim,

I can relate to many of the things you wrote. Especially the "wolfing" down part. I am a fast eater, always have been, but the band forces you to eat slower. I PB alot, but rarely slim.

After about 3 months into this, the head hunger and the urge to snack in the evening are returning. Maybe you need to find a way to handle those feelings with food/snacks that are not empty calories. I have found this great snack by Atkins, the Endulge line "Peantu Caramel Cluster Bar" it has peanuts, nougat, 4 grams of protein and 4 grams of fiber. I find it really satisfies the urge to snack.

I also have started keeping a jar of crunchy peanut butter at my desk for when I want something. Peanut butter is loaded with protein and I find the crunchy lets me chew and satisfies that urge more than creamy peanut butter does.

Finally, can you get the snacks out of the house? The snacks like graham cracker, crackers, cookies etc...stock in yogurt, sherbert, sugar free jello and sugar free pudding, that smart food popcorn by the bag and fruit. You know keep things available that aren't so harmful or aren't so empty in nutritional value?

Just some thoughts.

[Kim2BSlim]

I think we can all relate to your story!

I have found that no matter what my fill restriction is, the band only works for me when I sit down and eat a healthy meal. I can still eat chips and cookies until the cows come home. LOL However, if I eat a real meal I only have to eat a few bites and I am full. I guess the junk foods go straight through the band.

I am a carbaholic and I admit it. I also get snacky at night so I will usually have an Oats n Honey Granola Bar or a cup of popcorn. Both may have lots of carbs, but at least I am not eating cookies and ice cream, know what I'm saying? It's all about food choices at this point. We have to learn how to eat low fat snacks and healthy meals. It took me awhile to adjust to this new way of eating, but I rarely crave junk food anymore unless I am PMSing and when I am I have been known to splurge a little on chocolate.

Also, if you haven't started exercising yet you should try it. Not only does it make me feel wonderful, but it also allows for me to have a snack when I want it without feeling guilty about it.

[julieburns]

You are not alone. Yes I have my struggles too. I do battle every single day with my head and food addiction. I am a tough learner. I have stopped Pbing though as my restriction is gone again. Now that really sucks. I could have written your exact words kibble so don't feel like you are the only one who is struggling. Yes the old "we didn't gain all this overnight" phrase comes to mind. I like Dawn's math though, now that sounds good. I am in it for the long haul as I am sure you are too so just consider this another page in a chapter you will entitle something like"misery loves company" or "why am I unable to change overnight?". This will not be the final chapter though as that one is called "I've reached my goal" or "Skinny is me!". Glad today is a new day for all of us and we are here to see it together!

:lb4: